It’s
hard to believe but our family has already marked the Shloshim of my
grandfather’s death. Over the past few
weeks, I have spoken with my parents much more frequently than normal. Our conversations
have been about Grandpa, sharing experiences, and sharing our sense of loss. My
children have also spent these past few weeks asking about their great-
grandfather. Sharing these stories with my children or commiserating with my
parent usually causes me to smile as I think about my Grandfather. However it
is the quiet moments, when my wife and kids are asleep, and I see a picture of
my grandfather that I close my eyes and think of some of the things he has said
to me. As he grew older, as his family grew, as we made our way in life, I can
still the see the look on his face when we would all be together. He couldn’t
belief that he was the patriarch of this family, blessed with children,
grandchildren and great grandchildren. He often shared with me how he knew he
was blessed, he also wondered what he did right to deserve such feelings. As he
grew older and sensed his own deterioration, he shared this “spiritual
awareness” with me more and more. The last conversation I had with my
grandfather while he was still knew who I was, expressed his acknowledgment that
he was and led such a good life. As he
said goodbye to me, he complimented me on my family: my wife, three daughters
and son. He reminded me to take care of myself and “take good care of that
family of yours.” I joked and told him that they were his family too. He
laughed and said “that is why I am reminding you to take care of them.”
This week’s Parsha is the Parsha Nitzavim/VaYeilech.
According the Aggadah, this is the recounting of Moshe Rabeinu’s last day of
life. Unafraid of his imminent death, he gathers his family: Rosheichem, Shivteichem, Zikneichem,
v’Shotreichem, Kol Ish Yisroel, Topchem N’Sheichem V’Geircha Asher B’Kerev
Machanecha Meichotev Eitzecha Ad Sho’eiv Meimecha – The heads of your tribes, your elders, and your officers, all the men
of Yisroel; your children, your women, and the stranger who is in the midst of
our camp, from the woodchopper to the one who draws water (Deut. 29:9-10).
Moshe imparts his last vestiges of wisdom to his children, his people. Moshe
wants to make sure that everything is in order when he dies and Joshua takes
over. Moshe truly has been blessed. He has had the blessing of old age, and
here God has granted him the gift of saying goodbye in perhaps the most
wonderful fashion. God has commanded Moshe to say his goodbyes and impart the
final vestiges of wisdom.
We are taught that death is a part of life. Yet many of
us are afraid of death. Many of us believe that we should shield our children
from death, sadness and loss. However when we read Parsha Nitzavim, we learn
that while impending death is sad, death in the manner of Moshe’s can take on
an aura of holiness – of Kedusha. It is in holiness that we attain the highest
level of life, a life that is directly connected to God. When death comes like
this, from God, with an opportunity to say Goodbye- with an opportunity to
impart wisdom to one’s children, death is not mundane; death is not ordinary,
but rather holy and part of life, the final expression of holiness in a very
physical endeavor.
When we talk of strength, we unfortunately think of the
person who can carry the heaviest load. We think of the person who doesn’t cry,
who remains stoic, even if he/she is all torn up inside. At this time of year,
from Elul through Succot, when we recite the 27th Psalm and conclude
with the words Chazak v’Ya’Ameitz
Libecha, v’Kavei El Adoshem – Strengthen
yourself, and he will give you courage; and hope to HaShem! We now
understand what it means to strengthen oneself.
Moshe had that kind of strength. He was aware of the end of his life, he
prepared for it, he drew loved ones toward himself and told them his thoughts,
and his concerns. In a sense, this final action is the epitome of courage.
Now, I realize the significance of his
saying goodbye to me like that while he still had his cognitive faculties. I
have to believe that somewhere deep down, he understood what was happening to
him and what would eventually result. So before his condition worsened, before
his memory was so diminished; he needed to impart one more bit of wisdom, one
more bit of fatherly/grandfatherly advice, a few words that would give me a
sense of purpose even when I mourn for him. “Take care of your family”, not only for my
sake and their sake, but for his sake as well. It is the quiet moments when I think
of those words, and see my children and my wife asleep; I realize that I not
only have a responsibility to my wife and children, but I have a responsibility
to my grandfather as well. Through the tears, I smile to myself and know that I
have been blessed: blessed to have been his grandson, blessed with a wonderful
wife and four terrific children. As we observe the last Shabbat of 5774, we
should all take this time to appreciate the blessing of the past year.
Peace & Shanah Tova,
Rav Yitz
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