There Were Days Between, Summer Flies And August Dies, The World Grows Dark And Mean (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Days Between")

Every morning for the past week, I have been waking up earlier than normal and, along with a few other people, attended Selichot. Selichot are penitential prayers, supplications and poetry invoking God as Judge, God as Merciful, and a God that remembers biblical ancestors. I usually sit in my spot, with a mug of coffee and follow as the Baal Tefillah begins the service. For the first five to ten minutes I am not quite awake, after all the coffee hasn’t quite kicked in. Then I am involved following along, listening to the tune, and reading the words. At some point each morning during Selichot, I have a moment, a moment where I begin asking all the existential questions. Where am I in my life? What exactly have I accomplished in my life? Am I the best possible me that I can be? The answers aren’t so positive nor uplifting and if I ended the process then, I would probably be diagnosed with Depression. But the process doesn’t end there. As I continue working my way through the Selichot liturgy, it concludes with reminders and reassurances. Maybe the existential answers to my existential questions are not particularly uplifting. However I know that I am not alone. The Selichot service concludes with a series of statements including the refrain: Hu Aneinu- He answers. That is re-assuring.  Maybe my supplications and prayers are not answered at that moment. However my moment of clarity leaves me with a stronger faith, a faith that eventually there will be an answer. I just need to stay engaged and involved and maybe the difficult question that leave me troubled will eventually be resolved and leave me comforted.

We are keenly aware that we are in a very special time of year. We are in the midst of a very spiritual time of year. We are in the midst of a ten day period from Rosh HaShanah until Yom Kippur knows as the Aseret Yamei T’shuvah – the Ten Days of Repentance. As the name suggests, this is the time of year in which we seek M’chila or forgiveness for any transgression we have committed. We seek forgiveness from God, and we seek forgiveness from family and friends. Mostly, it seems to me, that during these ten days we honestly look at ourselves and assume that we have hurt others instead of being shocked when we find out that we are capable of hurting another. The ability to engage in this process known as Shuvah, the process of returning to holiest aspect of our being, requires great clarity.   Sometimes clarity comes on a starry night. Sometimes clarity comes sipping coffee at sunrise. Sometimes clarity comes at childbirth. Sometimes clarity comes when you tuck your children into bed and wish them sweet dreams. Sometimes clarity occurs during on a beautiful autumn day. Sometimes, clarity comes amidst a hurricane as Hurricane Matthew batters the Florida Coast, and the south eastern U.S. coast. Sometimes clarity comes at the death of a loved one. Sometimes, clarity comes at one's impending death.

            In this week’s Parsha, Va’Yeileich, Moshe is now experiences for the last time a tremendous moment of clarity. However of all the moments of clarity including: the Burning Bush, the Revelation at Sinai, the Personal Revelation when he saw the back of God while defending B’nai Yisroel following the episode of the Golden Calf; it is the moment of death to which we can all relate. It is at the moment of impending death that Moshe has perfect clarity. He sees and understands the anguish that his children will experience as they drift towards and away from their Covenant with God. He sees all that his life has been and he recognizes that while his life will be no more, there will be closure. Ki Yadati Acharei Motie Ki Hashcheit Tashchitun v’Sartem Min HaDerech Asher Tziviti Etchem V’Karat Etchem Ha’Ra’Ah B’Acharit Hayamim Ki Ta’Asu et Ha’Rah B’Einei Adoshem L’Hachiso B’Ma’Asei Y’deichem – For I know that after my death you will surely act corruptly, and you will surely act corruptly, and you will stray from the path that I have commanded you, and evil will befall you at the end of days, if you do what is evil in the eyes of HaShem, to anger Him through your handiwork (Deut.31:29). We should note that closure does not necessarily mean that the content of the closure will be positive, however the process of closure is always positive. Our sages are adamant about the vital importance of closure. If a person engages in Tshuvah, a repentant return to God, and Vidui, confession even if the moment before death it is tantamount to a person who has returned to living a life of Mitzvot. In a moment of clarity, certainly such a moment exists at death, Moshe has the opportunity to make that moment holy, sanctified, an un-wasted moment.

            On this Shabbat Shuvah, this Shabbat of Return, let us be reminded and strengthened to accept moments of clarity. Let us be wise enough to deal with such moments of clarity in the most holy of endeavors. Let us be pro-active enough to take advantage of moments of clarity by moving towards our loved ones. Let us be spiritually aware enough and realize the absolute importance of moving towards God. Let us not wait until we become aware of an impending loss. Instead, during the Aseret Yamei T’shuva, we should be spiritually clear enough to see every moment as an opportunity to return to that which is holy.

Peace,

Rav Yitz