Some fathers are so consumed with their own definition of happiness; they assume their children have adopted the same definition of joy and happiness. For the father that makes such an assumption, finding a spouse for his child is, in a sense, quite simple. Since the father knows what makes his child happy; he merely needs to dictate to the future daughter/son-in-law the type of job, lifestyle and life choices to be decided. However, there are some fathers who are less consumed with their own definition of happiness and more concerned about the the child's happiness. Such a father won't dictate anything to the daughter/son in law. Instead, the father will be sure to empower future in-law children and permitting them to determine happiness for themselves. This week, father’s in-law took on prominent roles in our home. Two fathers in-law appeared on the Israeli television show Shtizel that streams on Netflix. Shulem Shtizel, the 60 something Rosh Yeshiva is a widower, a father of three, grandfather, and a father in-law. Shulem certainly did not approve of his daughter's choice for a spouse, a man named Lipa. When Lipa violates the marriage, Shulem could have tried to break up a dysfunctional marriage. He doesn’t seek to break up the marriage and he doesn’t focus upon his feelings. Rather he focuses upon his grandchildrens' welfare and happiness and his daughter and son in laws' welfare and happiness. Shulem also has a younger brother, Nachum. Nachum has one daughter who is engaged. Nachum’s betrothed son in law is Shulem Shtizel’s youngest son Kiva. (Yes, the first cousins are betrothed). When Nachum’s daughter states that she wants to marry her cousin, Shulem youngest son, her father Nachum thinks that his daughter’s happiness is her father’s version of happiness. So Nachum confronts the 28-year-old never married artist and tells him no painting, no art career, praying with a quorum only in a synagogue, no hanging around his friends, work in a 9-5 job and remain in Jerusalem. Needless to say, because Shulem didn’t throw his weight around; Shulem’s son-in-law, Lipa has gotten his life in order, saved his marriage and avoided potential estrangement from his 15-year-old daughter. Because Nachum chose to throw his weight around, he practically destroyed the spirit of his son in law whose only response was to break off the engagement.
In this week’s Parsha, Yitro, we read two distinct narratives. In the first half of the Parsha, Moshe brings B’nai Yisroel to Midian. While there, Moshe spends a little time with his wife, his two sons and his father-in-law Yitro. Yitro acknowledges that G-d has been protective of B’nai Yisroel and that the Lord is greater than all other gods. The next day, Yitro sees Moshe sitting from morning to night mediating all problems that arise between individuals within the community. Yitro sees that his son-in-law is overextended and the current method of governing is neither good for him or Amchah. Being both a Priest of Midian as well as his father-in-law, Yitro offers advice as a father as well as a community leader. The second part of the Parshah, from chapter 19 through 20, tells of B’nai Yisroel’s revelation at Sinai. The Parshah concludes with God’s declaration of the Aseret Dibrot, the Ten Commandments. The second part of the Parshah is very well known, incredibly unclear, and lends itself to numerous interpretations, commentaries, and Midrashim. However, the two stories seem so disparate; it seems odd that both appear together in the same Parshah. So, what is the connection between Yitro’s advice and Revelation at Sinai?
First, we must understand Yitro’s advice. Yitro suggests to Moshe “You be a representative of God, and you convey the matters to God…you shall make known to them the path in which they should go and deeds they should do. You shall discern from among the entire people, men of accomplishment, men of truth, men who despise money. You shall appoint them as leaders of thousands…they shall judge the people at all times, and they shall bring every major matter to you, and every minor matter they shall judge, and it will be eased for you, and they shall bear with you. If you do this thing and God shall command you, then you will be able to endure, and this entire people, as well, should arrive at its destination in peace.” (Ex. 18:19-23) Yitro explains to Moshe that a community must have a shared vision. To some degree, people need to know how to seek G-d on their own, and how to behave within a community. Others need to know G-d’s ways in order to inform those who need advice and adjudication. Everyone must have access to G-d and G-d’s teaching. Only then will Moshe’s load be lightened enough to bear. Then B'nai Yisroel will have a stake in the relationship with G-d. Only then will Moshe and B’nai Yisroel arrive at its destination, in peace. Only then will Moshe and B’nai Yisroel become willing participants in their covenant with G-d. Only then will the community be able to attempt to uphold their role as a “priest to the nations”.
After Moshe heeded his father in-law’s advice, we read the second half of the Parshah, the Revelation at Sinai. Throughout this narrative, the focus is on the people, and Moshe’s ascending and descending the mountain. G-d’s instructs the Amcha, “the people” to prepare for Revelation. Three times God tells Moshe to inform B’nai Yisroel of everything that transpired between them. Moshe connects “the people” to G-d. Three days, B’nai Yisroel prepared for their “destination”. The “entire people” was in the camp, and they shuddered. Then Moshe brought the people from the camp toward God. (Ex 19:16-17). When presented with God’s covenant, “the entire people responded together and said, ‘everything that God has spoken we will do!’”(Ex 19:8) The narrative continually emphasizes that Revelation was not solely between God and Moshe. If it were, then Moshe’s role as teacher, prophet, and adjudicator of law would be overwhelming. No, Bnai Yisroel must be involved in the process. B’nai Yisroel must experience some aspect of Revelation. B’nai Yisroel must be active participants in Revelation. They were. The same for the sons in law: Kiva, Lipa and Moshe. They must be involved in the process rather than be dictated to and emasculated by the father in law. Yitro understood this and Shulem Shtizel understood it as well. I hope that someday, if and when I become a father in law, I understand it as well.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
No comments:
Post a Comment