Our house is very quiet. My wife and three teenage children are at summer camp. Our eldest daughter continues to reside in Boston, working on a Presidential campaign. As my wife and kids were packing and shopping, packing some more, then finally loading the car and leaving; I became more and more anxious and remained so until they arrived safely at camp. The days of packing and shopping were followed by dinner, packing and cleaning up their respective bedrooms. The nights were filled with my daughters requesting use of the car in order to go out with friends. The requests for the car began around 930/10pm and continue until 11 pm. The request wasn’t so extraordinary; they wanted to borrow the car in order to “go see friends”. The funny thing about this car borrowing business, my wife tends to be much more amenable about it than me. Our daughters would go out and my wife goes to sleep, however, I stay awake. I wait to hear when they arrive at their destination and I text them to make sure that they are preparing to return home. Not only do I stay awake, but I am truly fearful. So when my teenage daughters would ask me about using the car at ridiculously late hours, just days prior to their scheduled departure for camp; I always hesitated. I shared my fear and anxiety with them. As the departure date grew nearer, I also became concerned that something would happen to the car and then my wife wouldn’t have a car. With each request for the car, there was the standard amount of fear and anxiety roiling through my stomach, increasing tension between my concerns and fears and my daughters’ wants and sense of freedom. I considered it a small blessing if they acquiesced to my anxiety and fear and allowed me to drive. Needless to say, I was thoroughly exhausted leading up to their departure
This week we read from Parsha Chukkat. This Shabbat we read from Parsha Chukkat. Chukkat begins by telling us the Law for the Red Heifer. The Priest who prepares the mixture of water and the Red Heifers burnt ashes will render the entire nation spiritually pure; but the mixture will render him impure. A brief narrative concerning the death of Miriam, the lack of water and B’nai Yisroel’s resulting anxiety and lack of faith leads to the issuance of another test of faith in the Wilderness. Moshe and Aaron don’t know what to do; so God tells them to speak water will spring forth. Instead of following instructions, Moshe succumbed to his anger and hit the rock with his staff. Indeed water came out, the people drank, but Moshe and Aharon were punished. Aharon died and Moshe learned that he would not be able to enter into Eretz Canaan. As B’nai Yisroel resumes its wandering, they are attacked by Amalek. As a result, B’nai Yisroel is forced to go around the heart of Amalek territory. The people complain to Moshe again. They try to seek permission from the Sihon, the King of the Amorites, to pass through Amorite territory. Sihon denies permission and B’nai Yisroel attacks and eventually defeats the Amorites. Og King of Bashan tries to prevent B’nai Yisroel from marching through his land, B’nai Yisroel, with the help of Hashem, defeat King Og and his army. The Parsha concludes with B’nai Yisroel settling on the Plains of Moab on the eastern side of the Jordan poised to enter into Canaan.
Towards the end of the Parsha, Moshe and B’nai Yisroel, now consisting mostly of a population that never experienced slavery first hand, fought and battled against several of the indigenous tribes. By this point, Mosh’s sister had passed away as well as his brother Aharon. Really, the only people that the Torah records as adult slaves in Egypt, who left Egypt, who crossed the Reed Sea, who stood at Sinai, who had been attacked by the Amalekites, who, like Moshe dealt with the negative report from 10 of the 12 spies were the two spies who offered a positive report: Joshua and Caleb. Moshe is indeed the elder. After defeating the Sihon king of the Amorites Moshe and B’nai Yisroel turn north. Vayifnu V’Yaalu Derech HaBashan And they turned and went up by the way of Bashan Vayeitze Og Melech HaBashan Likratam Hu V’ Chol Amo Lamilchama Edrei And Og the king of Bashan went out against them, he and all his people to the battle at Edrei. Vayomer HaShem El Moshe, Al Tirah Oto - And God said to Moses “Fear him not”. (Num. 21:33-34). Clearly, if God is telling Moshe to refrain from feeling scared, then obviously God is aware that Moshe is fearful. Until this moment, at no point have we been told that Moshe is scared or that God instructs him “Not to be scared”. Yes, Moshe has been frustrated, aggravated, angry with his people and even concerned that he won’t be able to do the job. He wasn’t scared of Pharoah when Pharoah grew angry, he wasn’t scared of God when God grew angry. Why now? Moshe had already been told that he would not be permitted to bring B’nai Yisroel into Canaan. Moshe knows that soon, his mission will conclude. He has just buried his sister and his brother. He must feel incredibly mortal. Sensing his own mortality, he is more anxious and fearful of the risks and challenges that he and his people face. However, Moshe's fear "of him" might not necessarily be directed at Og of Bashan. We could understand “Oto” as “it”, fearful of "it"; as in the remainder of the process, the process of entry in Canaan. We could understand the “it”, as the remaining time Moshe has to complete his part of the mission or whatever else that may cause an elderly person anxiety about and fear for his children, grandchildren, and descendants.
Now that my wife and kids are in camp, and everyone is where they are supposed to be; at least as far, as I know, I sleep great. I don’t worry about my kids taking the car so late at night. I don’t worry about their running out to visit their friends. They are at camp with their friends. However, I still find things to worry about, be anxious about, and sometimes fear for my children. Late last there was an earthquake in Southern California and there have been hundreds of aftershocks since then, and one aftershock even registered a 7.1 on the Richter scale. Any guesses regarding where our son has been (along with his unit from camp) this past week? That’s right. He has spent the week in L.A. I spoke to him before he boarded the plane and specifically told him to let me know when he arrives. I’m still waiting anxiously to hear from him even though I know that he and his group are perfectly safe. I guess being a parent means living with a certain amount of fear and anxiety.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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