Don't Worry About Tomorrow, Lord, You'll Know It When It Comes - (Bob Weir - "One More Saturday Night")

           Well, it was election night in the United States. As I did some work, the news of the mid-term elections and the future of democracy in the United States provided background noise.  However, as the night wore on, I found myself listening for the results of the candidates that my daughter’s labor union supported.  Before the polls opened I had texted her, wishing her luck, and asking her about her chances of success. I wasn’t just interested politically, nor was I interested in the labor union. However,  I was genuinely nervous for my daughter who has worked so hard on behalf of her constituency. Like a typical parent, I was worried about my daughter. I wanted her to be successful in her goal of getting those candidates that her Union supported, elected to office. However as the hours passed, the polls closed, and the results tabulated late into the night, I realized how much anxiety I had spent worrying about our daughter’s being successful in her job, a job in which success is easily evaluated. Did the candidates win or lose? Sure, I understand worrying about one’s children when they are younger and living at home. The parent perceives a sense of control and perceives the possibility of "fixing" the problem. However, my daughter is a grown woman, in her thirties, an adult. As the night wore on, I realize how little or no control, and much less able to help than I did when she was younger and living at home.

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gemorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first-born son and from his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

          Throughout the Parsha, there are several examples of “questionable” parenting moments as well as “child-ing” moments. These moments include Lot offering his daughters to the mob of Sodom and Gemorrah in order to save the guests that the mob wanted to harm. The daughters don’t say a word about it. These moments include Ishmael, being sent away along with his mother. As Ishmael lies dying of thirst, Hagar leaves him so that she doesn’t have to hear him whine and walks out of earshot. God hears Ishmael’s prayer and saves him due to his merit. However nowhere do we read that Ishmael tells his mom to stay with him so he shouldn’t be alone. Finally, we read of the Akedah Yitzchak, the offering of Isaac as a test of Avraham’s faith in God. In the text, we read that Yitzchak asks Avraham about the offering, Ayeh  HaSeh L’Olah – Where is the lamb for the offering? (Gen 22:7)  From this question the Midrash Tanchuma shows an Avraham that was unsteady, shaky, and nervous about making the offering. The Midrash portrays Avraham in a much more human and troubled manner. He worried about his son’s welfare, he worried about Yitzchak. Yitzchak offers him support and strength and tries to mitigate his father’s anxiety. Yitzchak tells him not to worry and that Yitzchak will do everything he can to help his father.

          When our children are younger and we worry about them, we still have more control to “fix” the problem. Whether we fix it or not, the only thing our children can do is thank us.  However, when our children are older and we have little or no control over “fixing” the problem, it is up to our children to ease our anxiety, to tell us that “it will be OK,” “not to worry” or “I can handle it”. Then we realize that all the hard work of raising them, all the worrying as they grew up wasn’t a waste because they really can handle life.  No, I don’t stop worrying about our kids as they grow older. Rather the test is that as they grow up and mature they are able to ease my anxiety and concern by the effort they exert in striving towards their goals.

Peace,
Rav Yitz 

Call For Me And I WIll Be There (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Lazy River Road")

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          Like everyone, we have remained mostly confined to our home. Our three children who are home go outside and take walks. I go to the office to pick up books. Running “errands” are infrequent and confined to Passover and essentials. Indeed the world has become a frightening place that seems quite arbitrary. Some people get infected some don’t. Some have symptoms and some are asymptomatic. Some will survive and sadly many have passed away. With our daughter in Boston and our older parents “sheltering in place” in San Francisco and Rochester, NY, with our sisters, brothers in law and nieces and nephew in Los Angeles and New York; we are all filled with anxiety We all make a concerted effort to speak to each other, to check-in, to connect. Among the casualties of this “new normal” has been our ability to connect to God. We no longer connect to God a minyan, we daven by ourselves. We no longer connect to God when we see grandparents, extended family or friends gathered together for Shabbat meals, we Facetime, Whatsapp, Skype or Zoom. We no longer sense God amid the joy of dancing at a wedding or consoling each other with a hug during times of sorrow. We make a phone call, we send an email and we watch from afar. So we are left to listen for God, sense God’s presence, and connect to God in different ways.

          This Shabbat, we begin the third book of the Torah with the Parsha of the same name, Vayikra, otherwise known as Leviticus. B’reishit and Shmot are essentially a series of narratives about a family and ultimately an entire people. However, Sefer VaYikra is presented in both a narrative format as well as a user manual for ritual sacrifices - KoRBonot. This “user manual” seems to be designed for the Kohanim since it was their job to make the ritual sacrifice on behalf of the B’nai Yisroel. Since one of the most important issues in making KoRBonot is ritual purity. Ritual purity extends to three aspects of the Korbonot process, the person making the KoRBon -the Kohen; the Korbon itself, and the person bringing the KoRBon-everyone who was not a kohen. The Parsha begins with the general rules for Korbonot, mainly that the animal in question, needs to be pure, that is to say, blemish-free. The Parsha lists the various categories of Korbonot to beginning with the Oleh Offering, an offering completely for God. The offering was completely consumed by God and its purpose was to create a means for a person to connect to God for no reason except out of a desire to do so. Other offerings have distinct purposes such as the Sin-offering (seeking forgiveness), and Peace offering (showing a deep love of God), the Guilt offering (in case one has doubt about doing something wrong). Included in each of the categories of offerings was a list of animals to be offered as well as what was to be cooked completely and left for God, what was cooked and left for the Kohen, and what was cooked and to be shared with the community. Operating beneath the institution of KoRBonot was B’nai Yisroel’s desire to be near God, to connect with God. Even the word KoRBonot - with the three-lettered root Ku-f Resh- Bet means “close in proximity”. These offerings were designed to allow the person to draw closer to God for the myriad of reasons that a person would want to be near God including: thankfulness, forgiveness, joy/happiness, or doubt in the relationship. Following the fiasco of the Golden Calf, B’nai Yisroel required an acceptable format so that they could connect to God, they required a means that when they heard God, they could offer an appropriate response.

          Even before God tells Moshe about all the commandments concerning KoRBonot, God does something very unique, something that God had never done before and could only do because of his relationship to Moshe Rabeinu. Vayikrah El Moshe, VaYidaber Adoshem Eilav M’Ohel Moed Leimor - He called out to Moshe and Hashem spoke to him from the Tent of the Meeting saying (Lev 1:1). God called, God spoke and God said; three very similar verbs yet slightly different when examined through the lens of “proximity” “intimacy” and “formality”. One calls out to a person when there is a physical distance that needs to be overcome, or when trying to get another person’s attention. Rashi, the great 11th-century French commentator, offers several explanations. First, this “calling” is Lashon Chiba - a language of endearment. God called out to Moshe in a loving manner and only to Moshe. No one else heard this particular call. Once called, Moshe knew to approach. After Moshe draws closer, God speaks to him. “Speaking” to someone assumes a relationship, a partnership, and a dialogue. The partnership might not be a 50/50 split and the dialogue might not be an equally two-sided dialogue, but “speaking” suggests that there is a response. However “telling” someone something suggests a clear delineation of authority. The party “telling” has the authority and the person to the listening lacks authority. “Telling” suggests neither partnership nor dialogue but rather the dry transmission of data and information. For the first time and the last time God Vayikra el Moshe - God called out to Moshe. God singled Moshe out for a vital task: to instruct the Kohanim and B’nai Yisroel how to appropriately connect to God. While it was certainly novel that God called, it was equally important that Moshe heard the call. Indeed, Moshe was spiritually sensitive and in tune with his relationship to God that he, and only he, herd the endearing call from God.

          Sometimes we are not able to hear so well. Maybe there is too much noise. Maybe we are so out sorts that we can’t hear past our own fears, our own anxiety, or our own guilt. Sometimes we ignore God’s loud whisper that is meant only for us. So we will listen to God when we take a walk with our children. We sense God when we watch a wedding occur outside on the neighbor’s front lawn. Maybe God calls out to us when we take a moment and reconnect with friends through a Zoom party. Maybe we sense God by being a little more considerate of everyone in the house, by pitching in, by engaging in one more act of Kindness than the day before. Amid all of this we know that God is present, we need to only listen closely to the whisper in order to connect.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Where The Angels Fear To Tread, Till You Are Torn Apart (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Foolish Heart")

Our house is very quiet. My wife and three teenage children are at summer camp. Our eldest daughter continues to reside in Boston, working on a Presidential campaign. As my wife and kids were packing and shopping, packing some more, then finally loading the car and leaving; I became more and more anxious and remained so until they arrived safely at camp. The days of packing and shopping were followed by dinner, packing and cleaning up their respective bedrooms. The nights were filled with my daughters requesting use of the car in order to go out with friends.  The requests for the car began around 930/10pm and continue until 11 pm. The request wasn’t so extraordinary; they wanted to borrow the car in order to “go see friends”. The funny thing about this car borrowing business, my wife tends to be much more amenable about it than me. Our daughters would go out and my wife goes to sleep, however, I stay awake. I wait to hear when they arrive at their destination and I text them to make sure that they are preparing to return home. Not only do I stay awake, but I am truly fearful. So when my teenage daughters would ask me about using the car at ridiculously late hours, just days prior to their scheduled departure for camp; I always hesitated. I shared my fear and anxiety with them. As the departure date grew nearer, I also became concerned that something would happen to the car and then my wife wouldn’t have a car. With each request for the car, there was the standard amount of fear and anxiety roiling through my stomach, increasing tension between my concerns and fears and my daughters’ wants and sense of freedom. I considered it a small blessing if they acquiesced to my anxiety and fear and allowed me to drive. Needless to say, I was thoroughly exhausted leading up to their departure

This week we read from Parsha Chukkat. This Shabbat we read from Parsha Chukkat. Chukkat begins by telling us the Law for the Red Heifer. The Priest who prepares the mixture of water and the Red Heifers burnt ashes will render the entire nation spiritually pure; but the mixture will render him impure. A brief narrative concerning the death of Miriam, the lack of water and B’nai Yisroel’s resulting anxiety and lack of faith leads to the issuance of another test of faith in the Wilderness. Moshe and Aaron don’t know what to do; so God tells them to speak water will spring forth. Instead of following instructions, Moshe succumbed to his anger and hit the rock with his staff. Indeed water came out, the people drank, but Moshe and Aharon were punished. Aharon died and Moshe learned that he would not be able to enter into Eretz Canaan. As B’nai Yisroel resumes its wandering, they are attacked by Amalek. As a result, B’nai Yisroel is forced to go around the heart of Amalek territory. The people complain to Moshe again. They try to seek permission from the Sihon, the King of the Amorites, to pass through Amorite territory. Sihon denies permission and B’nai Yisroel attacks and eventually defeats the Amorites. Og King of Bashan tries to prevent B’nai Yisroel from marching through his land, B’nai Yisroel, with the help of Hashem, defeat King Og and his army.  The Parsha concludes with B’nai Yisroel settling on the Plains of Moab on the eastern side of the Jordan poised to enter into Canaan.

                Towards the end of the Parsha, Moshe and B’nai Yisroel, now consisting mostly of a population that never experienced slavery first hand, fought and battled against several of the indigenous tribes.  By this point, Mosh’s sister had passed away as well as his brother Aharon. Really, the only people that the Torah records as adult slaves in Egypt, who left Egypt, who crossed the Reed Sea, who stood at Sinai, who had been attacked by the Amalekites, who, like Moshe dealt with the negative report from 10 of the 12 spies were the two spies who offered a positive report: Joshua and Caleb.  Moshe is indeed the elder. After defeating the Sihon king of the Amorites Moshe and B’nai Yisroel turn north. Vayifnu V’Yaalu Derech HaBashan And they turned and went up by the way of Bashan Vayeitze Og Melech HaBashan Likratam Hu V’ Chol Amo Lamilchama Edrei And Og the king of Bashan went out against them, he and all his people to the battle at Edrei. Vayomer HaShem El Moshe, Al Tirah Oto  - And God said to Moses “Fear him not”. (Num. 21:33-34). Clearly, if God is telling Moshe to refrain from feeling scared, then obviously God is aware that Moshe is fearful.  Until this moment, at no point have we been told that Moshe is scared or that God instructs him “Not to be scared”. Yes, Moshe has been frustrated, aggravated, angry with his people and even concerned that he won’t be able to do the job. He wasn’t scared of Pharoah when Pharoah grew angry, he wasn’t scared of God when God grew angry. Why now?  Moshe had already been told that he would not be permitted to bring B’nai Yisroel into Canaan. Moshe knows that soon, his mission will conclude. He has just buried his sister and his brother. He must feel incredibly mortal. Sensing his own mortality, he is more anxious and fearful of the risks and challenges that he and his people face. However, Moshe's fear  "of him" might not necessarily be directed at Og of Bashan.  We could understand “Oto” as “it”, fearful of "it"; as in the remainder of the process, the process of entry in Canaan. We could understand the “it”, as the remaining time Moshe has to complete his part of the mission or whatever else that may cause an elderly person anxiety about and fear for his children, grandchildren, and descendants.

                 Now that my wife and kids are in camp, and everyone is where they are supposed to be; at least as far, as I know, I sleep great. I don’t worry about my kids taking the car so late at night. I don’t worry about their running out to visit their friends. They are at camp with their friends.  However, I still find things to worry about, be anxious about, and sometimes fear for my children. Late last there was an earthquake in Southern California and there have been hundreds of aftershocks since then, and one aftershock even registered a 7.1 on the Richter scale. Any guesses regarding where our son has been (along with his unit from camp) this past week? That’s right. He has spent the week in L.A. I spoke to him before he boarded the plane and specifically told him to let me know when he arrives. I’m still waiting anxiously to hear from him even though I know that he and his group are perfectly safe. I guess being a parent means living with a certain amount of fear and anxiety.

Peace,

Rav Yitz