Our nineteen-year-old daughter was confronted with a conflict while working as a camp counselor. Camp is scheduled to end two days before she needs to be at her university dormitory in New York City. She needed a week at home in Toronto before heading down to University. So she arranged with the camp to that she would leave four or five days prior to the official conclusion of camp. She and the camp agreed and signed a contract. When I went to visit her, my wife and our two other children last week, she and I spoke about her early departure. She explained that she felt conflicted because originally she wanted to leave a week before the official conclusion of camp and the camp ‘s original position was that leaving early was unnecessary. Both sides compromised on four days. As we spoke and she shared with me her frustration, I suggested that she speak to her boss, request an earlier departure date and simultaneously offer to forego being paid the last week. I thought my suggestion was completely reasonable. She gave me a look of shock and incredulity. Then she stated, “I have a contract, I gave my word”.
This Shabbat, we read from the final two Parshiot in Sefer Bemidbar (Book of Numbers): Matot and Masei. This double Parsha begins with the laws of Nedarim (Vows), and then Bnai Yisroel fights against the Midianites. Moshe rebukes his officers for their collective failure to deal with the Midianite woman since they were the cause of Bnai Yisroel’s plague in the first place. Bnai Yisroel then begins the process of dividing the spoils of this battle. Two tribes, Reuben and Gad request to settle in the land east of the Jordan River and not the land promised by Hashem. Moshe expresses his anger over the request and the two tribes amend their request. Moshe adds a condition and an agreement is reached. The Torah recounts the various stops that Bnai Yisroel made on their journey to Eretz Canaan, the boundaries of Eretz Canaan are clarified, the new leadership is introduced and the cities of refuge of explained and established. Finally, Sefer Bemidbar concludes with a reminder of the laws for tribal inheritance. With all those loose ends neatly sewn up; Bnai Yisroel now sits on the eastern bank of the Jordan River waiting to enter Eretz Canaan. As we conclude the reading, we say Chazak Chazak v’ NitChazeik – From strength to strength we shall go forward in strength.
The beginning of the Parsha, with its focus upon Nedarim v’Shvuot Vows and Oaths, we are being reminded of two vital concepts. First, we are reminded of the Aseret Dibrot, of the Ten Commandments and specifically invoking God’s name in vain. Ish Ki Yidor Neder L’adoshem When a man takes a vow to Hashem (Num. 30:3). Part of the process by which one makes a vow is to invoke God name. Therefore, a failure to keep the vow or the oath means that one has used God’s name in vain. The repercussions of which are extremely serious. Second, we learned in Sefer Breishit (Book of Genesis) that speech is holy. Speech is part of the God’s creative process; Vayomer Elokim, Yehi Or, VaYahi Or- And God said: Let there be Light, and there was light. In a sense, speech is perhaps one of the only actions available to us that allow us to emulate God. When we make a vow or an oath, we are acting similar to God. A Neder is a pledge to prohibit oneself from something that that the Torah permits. Or a Neder can be obligating oneself to something that the Torah considers to be optional. Obligating one’s self to contribute to a specific charity would be an example of "obligating that which is optional". Refraining from apples would be an example of prohibiting something that is originally acceptable. In either case, the individual is truly acting like God. The individual is creating Halacha and making his vow and or oath becomes tantamount to Torah. Clearly, this cannot be taken lightly. After all, the severity of the language is a function of the fact that one makes this vow, pledge or oath to God and not to oneself or to another. Fundamental to our vows with God is a trust in the relationship, trust that it exists, trust that it is desired by both and trust that is must be treated as sacred.
Indeed, my daughter made gave her word regarding her early departure from camp. Yes, she complained. Yes, she shared her anxiety as she wondered how everything would get done before her leaving for university. Yes, she was certainly shocked when I suggested that she calmly and reasonably offer to give up a week of pay in order to leave earlier than the time that had been agreed upon. All that time, as I listened to her, and made suggestions, I thought I was listening to my little girl. After she incredulously told me that she gave me her word and signed a contract’ my little girl reminded me that her mother and I spent the last nineteen years raising her to be a woman that kept her word. I guess she is our little girl isn’t so little anymore. Indeed, she is a woman of her word.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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