But If You Don't Face Straight Ahead You Could Not Stand The Shock (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Gomorrah")

I felt very blessed this week. Our eldest daughter called. This is an incredibly busy time with about 10 days left before Election Day and early voting has already commenced. She explained that she was in between meetings and had a few minutes now and knew that she would be busy the rest of the day. Usually when she calls me; she needs to vent. Sometimes she calls to ask for advice. There was a calm in this particular call. I asked her how the campaign was going. She said that she felt positive.  I asked why and she gave the oddest most counter-intuitive reply. The opposing campaign just released a series of negative ads. She explained that her opponents have no good ideas for the future, and how to solve problems. Instead, he can only look backward and point to problems with my daughter’s candidate. My daughter’s campaign was to make sure her candidate continues looking forward, inspiring others that together, problems can be solved, lives can be improved and life in the district can be better.  I ask if she doesn’t want to respond to the negative ads with something to disqualifying or diminishing? She laughed and said of course she does, that’s why she calls me. She needed to vent.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son from his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

                During these adventures, during these tests, it is fascinating to watch Avraham deal with each new issue, each new tension and arrive at solutions. Avraham always looks forward. Avraham looked forward towards Sodom and Gomorrah while God talked to Avraham about his intention to destroy those cities. When he is commanded to banish Hagar and Ishmael, Avraham looks forward toward where they will be going and gives them food and water in order to survive the journey. When asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac, Avraham doesn’t look back, he looks forward, towards the mountain where the sacrifice will supposedly occur. Compare this with Lot and his family (Gen 19:12-26).  Three times the angels tell Lot it’s time to leave. The first time,  Lot tells his children to leave, although there is no indication that Lot and his wife intend to go. The second time, the two angels lead Lot, his wife and children out, but Lot still can’t just leave! VaYitmama – still he lingered (Gen 19:16). Even when God’s messengers grab Lot, his wife, and his daughters by the hands and lead them out of the city VaYomer saying to them: Himaleit Al Nafshecha Al Tabit Acharecha v’Al Taamod B’Chol HaKikar Hahara Himaleit Pen Tisafeh- Flee for your life! Do not look behind you nor stop anywhere in all the plain; flee to the mount lest you be swept away (Gen 19:17). Lot can’t just move on. He chooses to remain; he thinks he can reason and negotiate. He assumes, if necessary, that he can flee to a nearby city.  Finally, they begin making their way towards the alternative destination,  VeTabeit Ishto M’Acharav Vathi  Ntziv Melach  But His wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt (Gen. 19:26) Ramban explains that she looked back to make sure her daughters were following. What parent would flee and have the children (little or young adult) behind them? A parent would either have the children in front of them or be holding their hand while fleeing. So what other reason was there to turn around. Like her husband, who had such a difficult time to move forward, Lot’s wife wanted to turn around one last time in order to see the life and the world she was leaving. She was merely emulating Lot. However, she did it “one more time”. From the Angels' perspective, enough was enough

                Sometimes moving forward can be very difficult. It can be especially difficult if there is a lack of commitment to move forward. Sometimes even with a strong commitment to move forward, the obstacles are too overwhelming. Sometimes it can be scary to go forward by oneself even if the person knows that it is the correct path. Sometimes moving forward means sacrificing a job, or power, or popularity. Sometimes moving forward is so emotionally paralyzing because it opens a whole new series of unanticipated consequences or even anticipated consequences with unacceptable solutions. Certainly, it is important to understand the past since it helps to deal with the future. However, one must avoid being enslaved by the past.  For Lot, as well as his wife, their sense of purpose was linked to life in the city: Sodom, or any city, it didn’t matter. Unlike Avraham and Sarai who “didn’t look back” but had enough faith in God and the future to look forward; Lot and his wife lacked that faith and were unable to steadfastly look forward. My daughter thanked me for listening and said that sometimes its hard to keep looking forward; it takes a lot of faith and a sense that tomorrow can really be better than today. I reminded that she needs to keep everybody pointing towards tomorrow and convince all those people who get scared by the negative ads need not be scared of the future.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way")

As the Harvey Weinstein fall out continues, a resulting social media response focused upon giving voice to victims of sexual harassment. The “#Me-Too” campaign on both Facebook and Twitter, has allowed people who have been the victims of sexual harassment or abuse to “raise their hands”, to speak out without feeling alone, isolated or so ashamed. The #MeToo campaign not only gives voice to victims, but its victims transcend race, religion, social class, and economic standing.  As the #MeToo campaign has continued to unfold, and our daughters have become aware of it discussing it in school and at the dinner table; it’s incredible to think of the names of people being mentioned. Editors of magazines, television personalities, politicians, businessmen and university professors; just about anyone who occupies a position of power, and authority deliberately confused borders and boundaries with those who have little authority and little power to protect those borders and boundaries. The #MeToo campaign has empowered those who had, at one point, been un-empowered.  When  my daughters asked me what I thought of all this, I told them that as a father, I want to be sure to raise strong, independent women, who would never tolerate the harassment and raise their voice in support of those who feel so alone and alienated that they can’t raise their own voice and scream “me too.” Over the course of our discussion, our daughters now understand why  I raise them the way that I do, challenge them the way I do, push them in their studies the way I do, push them to be active in their community, to question and to argue is because I want them to have the emotional and spiritual tools to prevent them from becoming victims. I want them to have the tools to become strong independent women.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, (hospitality). He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first born son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

While the focus of the Parsha deals primarily with Abraham, there is a very disturbing narrative about Lot, Abraham’s nephew, Lot’s daughters, and the destruction of Sodom and Gemorrah. As two of the three messengers leave Abraham, they make their way to Sodom and Gomorrah in order to warn Lot and nine other “tzadikim” righteous inhabitants of the impending destruction.  Just as Abraham demonstrated the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim (Hospitality) to these strangers; Lot also welcomes the strangers into his home and feeds them. The townspeople of Sodom see Lot welcome these strangers and want Lot to send the strangers out to them. Lot, aware that sending out the strangers to the townspeople, would mean trouble for guests; comes up with a very troubling solution. VaYeitze Aleihem Lot HaPetcha V’HaDelet Sagar Acharav- Lot went out to them to the entrance, and shut the door behind him. Va’Yomer Al Nah Achai TaRei’U – And he said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act wickedly.  Hinei Na Li Sh’tei Vanot Asher Lo Yadu Ish Otziah Na Ethein Aliechem V’Asu La’Hein Ka’Tov B’Eineichem Rok L’Anashim Ha’Eil Al Ta’Asu Davar Ki Al Kein Ba’u B”Tzeil Korati – See, now, I have two daughters who have never known a man. I shall bring them out to you and do to them as you please; but to these men do nothing inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof (Gen. 19:6-8).  Unbelievable! A father offers his own daughters to a crazed mob in an attempt to placate them. The Midrash Tanchuma expresses a deep disturbance with Lot’s behavior: “Said the Holy One Blessed is He to Lot: ‘By your life! It is for yourself that you keep them’ because the end was that the drunken Lot lived with his daughters and they conceived by him.” The victims, the daughters, are just that, victims. They never had a chance to be anything but victims. For the Talmudic Sages of Midrash Tanchuma, the daughters’ plight goes as far back as Lot’s decision to move to Sodom and to be like the people of Sodom. His values were so misplaced and corrupt that it manifest itself with his daughters. So, because he had managed to damage his daughters by offering them to the mob in Sodom, he would constantly be reminded of his behavior and the damage he wrought by the fact that his daughters would use him in an a corrupt and reprehensible deed that will bring forth children whose names serve as mockery to their father: Moab (From father) and Ben-Ammi (Son of My Father). Lot would be the one to live with the shame the rest of his life.

Harvey Weinstein, Bill O’Reilly, Donald Trump and any other man that has power and authority and deals with women have not made it easy being a father of daughters.  These men and people like them have made my daughters’ world a little darker and a little meaner and a little more threatening.  So when the world is a little darker, we teach our daughters to be strong, resolute and vigilant about shining a light on the darkness. When the world is a little meaner we teach our daughters to retain their dignity, their grace, and their sense of Menschlekeit. When the world is a little more threatening we teach our daughters and our sons how to identify and acknowledge  the threat, avoid the threat, make sure that the threat eventually becomes insignificant and harmless, and always be a well- lit sanctuary from the likes of the Sodom and Gomorrah out there.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Well The First Days Are The Hardest Days, Don't You Worry Anymore (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Uncle John's Band")

Well it was election night in the United States. As I did some work, I left the news of the election results on in the background. I found myself listening for the results of Washington State.  Before the polls opened that day,  I had texted our eldest daughter. She had been working on a ballot initiative in Washington State for several months and moved to Seattle for the last 3 months of the campain. Anyway I texted her wishing her luck, and asking her about the chances of success. I wasn’t just interested politically, I was genuinely nervous for my daughter who has worked so hard on this campaign. Like a typical parent, I was worried about my daughter. I wanted her to be successful in her goal of getting the ballot initiative passed. It was. However as the hours passed and the polls finally closed in Washington State, I realized how much anxiety I had spent worrying about our daughter’s being successful in her job, a job in which success is easily evaluated. Did the candidate win or lose? Did the ballot initiative pass or not? Sure, I understand my worry and anxiety about our 14 year old getting to play in the basketball game, or our daughter successfully completing her gymnastics routine or our son doing well on a test. I understand when our children come home upset from school or a party. They are kids going through the process of growing up. However this a young woman who is almost twenty four years old, who works for a living. This is a young woman who runs political campaigns. Yet, the same anxiety, and concern I had for her when she was her sisters and brother’s age is even worse now. I have much less control, and much less ability to help than I did when she was younger and living at home like her younger siblings.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in S’dom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first born son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

Throughout the Parsha there are several examples of “questionable” parenting moments as well as “childing” moments. These moments include Lot offering his daughters to the mob of Sodom and Gomorrah in order to the save the guests that the mob wanted to harm. The daughters don’t say a word about it. These moments include, Ishmael being sent away along with his mother. As Ishmael lays dying of thirst, Hagar leaves him so that she doesn’t have to hear him whine and walks out of earshot. God hears Ishmael’s prayer and saves him due to his merit. However nowhere do we read that Ishmael tells his mom to stay with him so he shouldn’t be alone. Finally, we read of the Akedat Yitzchak, the offering of Isaac as a test of Avraham’s faith in God. In the text we read that Yitzchak asks Avraham about the offering, Ayeh  HaSeh L’Olah – Where is the lamb for the offering? (Gen 22:7)  From this question The Midrash Tanchuma shows an Avraham that was unsteady, shaky, and nervous about making the offering. The Midrash portrays an Avraham in a much more human and troubled manner. He worried about his son’s welfare, he worried about Yitzchak. Yitzchak offers him support and strength and tries to mitigate his father’s anxiety. Yitzchak tells him not to worry and that Yitzchak will do everything he can to help his father.

When our children are younger and we worry about them, we still have more control to “fix” the problem. Whether we fix it or not, the only thing our children can do is to thank us.  However when our children are older and we have little or no control to “fix” the problem, it is up to our children to ease our anxiety, to tell us that “it will be OK,” “not to worry” or “I can handle it”. Then we realize that all the hard work of raising them, all the worrying as they grew up wasn’t a waste because they really can handle life.  No, I don’t stop worrying about our kids as they grow older. Rather the test is that as they grow up and mature they are able to ease my anxiety and concern by the effort they exert in striving for towards their goals.

Peace,

Rav Yitz