Wonder Who Will Water All The Children Of The Garden (Robert Hunter, Phil Lesh & Jerry Garcia "St. Stephen -William Tell Bridge")

          Our family gathered together to celebrate American Thanksgiving and our eldest daughter’s birthday. Seeing my parents and all of our children celebrating a birthday and Thanksgiving, I couldn’t help but have a sense of Thankfulness. I also sensed the inevitable squeeze of being the middle generation. My parents are still healthy, still independent but aging with all the inconveniences of aging. Our children are healthy, engaged in their age-appropriate endeavors: high school studies and activities, university studies and activities and moving along a career path in her chosen field. As a result, I worry about their continued education, their life choices, and helping them when necessary. I watch my parents and my children interact, and I am deeply appreciative that our children are blessed with three grandparents with whom they enjoy an incredibly close and meaningful relationship. As our children listen to stories told to them by their grandparents, our children notice my father’s mannerisms and his expressions. My children comment on how similar I am to their grandfather. My father and I laugh invoking the words of Mel Brooks’ Two Thousand Year Old Man: “We mock the things we are to be.” Apparently, on their grandfather, these mannerisms and use of language, and philosophy on life are appealing, cute and endearing. On their father, these mannerisms, use of language, and philosophy of life are unappealing and annoying.
          This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his fathers’ blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav. Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.
          The Parsha begins with a common sort of phrase but contains within it a rather unexpected twist. The common phrase is Eila Toldot so and so. Whenever the Torah wants to begin presenting a genealogy; it begins with Eilah Toldot (These are the generations). We expect to see a list of children. However, this week’s Parsha begins, Eilah Toldot Yitzchak ben Avraham, Avraham Holid Yitzchak – These are the generations of Isaac son of Avraham; Avraham sired Isaac Gen 25:19). Given the end of the verse, the beginning of the verse should have said These are the generations of Avraham, Avraham sired Isaac. Why does the Torah remind us that Avraham is Yitzchak’s father? The Midrash Tanchuma is compelled to respond to the rumors questioning Isaac’s origins. Recalling that Sarah had been taken by Abimelech (Gen. 20:1-17), questions about Isaac’s origins persisted. Naysayers and conspiracy theorists cite Avraham’s behavior regarding the Akeidah as evidence supporting the rumor and conspiracy. Avraham needed to be told which son was to be offered. The Midrash Tanchuma explains that Isaac’s features were identical to Avraham’s features. Even in the previous Parsha, Chayei Sarah, Avraham was described as “old” immediately prior to his death. The Midrash explains that until Avraham, there was no such thing as old age. However, Avraham asked that he have the z'chut (the merit) of showing his age because he and Isaac looked so similar and their mannerisms were so similar. The Chatam Sofer (18th century Bratslav) offers an alternative understanding to that of Midrash Tanchuma. In his comment about the phrase: “Avraham sired Yitzchak”, The ChatamSofer suggests that the phrase alludes to the profound sense of fulfillment that Avraham derived from his son. Eventually, Avraham no longer desired to be known as Avraham. Instead, he received Nachas, (a mixture of pride and joy) being known as Yitzchak’s father and Jacob and Esau’s grandfather.
          Avraham had reached a point in his life where his focus was all about his legacy, his son and grandchildren. For Yitzchak, who looked so similar to his father, and whose mannerisms were so similar to his father, people couldn’t help but think that Yitzchak embodied so much of his father’s values and personal philosophy. Yitzchak must be the rightful inheritor of Avraham’s covenant with God. What follows from this opening verse focuses our attention as to who from the next generation will inherit this covenant. The answer is Avraham. Whichever of Yitzchak’s children embody Avraham, he will be the recipient of the covenant. No, I don’t look upon my children and think that only one is worthy of a covenant. Rather, as my children roll their eyes because they see and hear my father in me, indeed, I have been the beneficiary of my father’s Torah. As they continued to comment and lovingly tease me, I smile to my father and remind my children the words of Mel Brook’s “We mock the things we are to be”. I only hope that the “to be” that they mock are the good qualities that I received from my parents, and the good qualities my wife received from her parents.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Speak With Wisdom Like A Child, Directly To The Heart (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Foolish Heart")

My parents came to visit us for the first days Chag HaSukkot, the Sukkot Festival.  During their visit, our children were sitting on the sofa cuddling when my father began talking to our 17-year-old. During their conversation about plans for the future, a gap year, and university, my father began to offer his advice. As I listened, I knew what was coming next. He began to explain the importance of just walking around on a university campus, get of sense of it, and determine if it elicits a feeling. He quickly explained that the eyes through which she sees a campus now won’t be the “same eyes” through which she sees the campus upon her return from a gap year, let alone in the spring. As he explained to her that her perspective will evolve because she will have matured as she approaches high school graduation, and as she makes her plans for a gap year.  I smiled to myself because I remember my father saying the same thing to our 28-year-old daughter, our 19-year-old daughter, and I remember him saying the same thing to my sister and to me.  As his lecture continued, our 17- year-old-daughter looked and me and rolled her eyes. I gave her a look indicating that she should listen.

This Shabbat is known as Shabbat Chol HaMoed Sukkot. It is the Shabbat that falls during the 7 day Festival of Sukkot. As a result, we do not read the regular Torah Reading. Instead, we read of the narrative when Moshe re-ascended the mountain a second time in order to receive the second set of Tablets. As part of the Festival, we recite Hallel which is a series of psalms praising God and state our joy in being part of the Brit, part of the covenant with God. Also, because it is a festival, we read one of Five Megillot taken from the Ketuvim – the Book of Writings. On Shabbat Chol Ha Moed Sukkot, we read Kohelet, the Book of Ecclesiastes.  Jewish tradition ascribes the twelve chapters scroll to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  This wisdom literature is written from the perspective of an elderly man who has seen it all and experienced it all. – Ein Kol Chadash Tachat HaShemesh – There is nothing new under the sun! Kohelet – The Preacher speaks with brutal and harsh honesty. In what is perhaps the most famous few verses, the Preacher tells us that life is full of ups and downs, good times and difficult times. L’Kol Zman V’Eit L’Chol Chafetz Tachat HaShamayim – Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die…..That may not sound so inspiring.  Yet our job is to live our lives according to a set of rules. The result may be good or it may be bad, but God will be the judge of that. All we can do is play according to the rules as we make our way through life and contend with the obstacles. As we grow older and our perspective changes, so will obstacles, the perceived severity of those obstacles, and, perhaps, the way we manage those obstacles.

             As my father lectured, our 19-year-old daughter began nodding in agreement with her grandfather.  Our 15-year-old son listened as well. The 19-year-old understood that her grandfather was remarkably consistent because she heard the lecture a few years ago. Our 15-year-old son paid attention because he understood that he was next to hear this lecture and wanted a head start. I watched my children, each listened from their own perspective. They were listening, they were thinking and I am sure they were trying to make sense of what their grandfather was talking about. I looked over at my dad, he gave me a wink  that asked, “How am I doing son?” I don’t think that there were too many more things in the world that gave my father pleasure than that moment. Like Kohelet concluded by reminding the younger generation that after all is said and done, Sof Davar HaKol Nishmah et HaElohim Yrah  v’Et Mitzvotav SHmor ki Zeh Kol HaAdam- Fear God and keep His Commandments, for that is man’s whole duty, Ki  et Kol Maaseh Ha’Elohim Yavoh V'Mishpat – For God will judge every deed…; my father looked at his grandchildren and reminded them that a good life means sitting with grandchildren and passing along wisdom to them.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

No Matter What Comes Down, The Mission Always Looks The Same (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia -"Mission In The Rain")

Our 15 year old daughter will be going to New Jersey to spend the conclusion of the Sukkot Festival: Shemini Atseret and Simchat  Torah with her “camp friends”. For the past couple of weeks we have been searching for a way to get her to New Jersey: plane, train, bus, a car ride with friends who are heading to New York. We couldn’t find anything then satisfied our concern for time, cost, or safety. Then we found out that the grandparents are heading to New York.  Well actually Grandpa is driving down to New York City. Grandma is already there but she will drive back with grandpa. In any case, we hit the transportation jackpot. Our fifteen year old had a ride! I just had to get her to Rochester and then Grandpa would do the rest of the driving. Mom and Dad were happy because it’s cheaper, it’s safer, and the schedule is more convenient. Grandpa is happy because he has a captive audience for six hours so he can transmit knowledge, share his wisdom and ruminate on human nature, and his granddaughter’s future. Grandma was happy because she would have time with her granddaughter on the return ride from New York City/New Jersey. The only one with any concern and trepidation was our fifteen year old. She would be locked in a car for six hours with my father (Grandpa), forced to listen to the same lectures that I had to listen to when I was about her age, with no choice but to listen.

This Shabbat is known as Shabbat Chol HaMoed Sukkot. It is the Shabbat that falls during the 7 day Festival of Sukkot. As a result we do not read the regular Torah Reading. Instead, we read of the narrative when Moshe re- ascended the mountain a second time in order to receive the second set of Tablets. As part of the Festival, we recite Hallel which is a series of psalms praising God and state our joy in being part of the Brit, part of the covenant with God. Also, because it is a festival, we read one of Five Megillot taken from the Ketuvim – the Book of Writings. On Shabbat Chol Ha Moed Sukkot, we read Kohelet, the Book of Ecclesiastes.  Jewish tradition ascribes the twelve chapter scroll to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  This wisdom literature is written from the perspective of an elderly man who has seen it all, and experienced it all. – Ein Kol Chadash Tachat HaShemesh – There is nothing new under the sun! Kohelet – The Preacher speaks with brutal and harsh honesty.. In what is perhaps the most famous few verses, the Preacher tells us that life is full of ups and downs, good times and difficult times. L’Kol Zman V’Eit L’Chol Chafetz Tachat HaShamayim – Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die…..That may not sound so inspiring.  Yet our job is to live our lives according to a set of rules. The result may be good or it may be bad, but God will be the judge of that. All we can do is play according to the rules as we make our way through life and contend with the obstacles presented.

          Somewhere on the New York State Thruway or on I81 South, my father will give her the Kohelet lecture. After all it’s a seasonal thing for him. Our daughter will look around, wondering if she should put her earbuds in and listen to her music or pay attention.  Her grandfather will look in the rearview mirror and make a comment and his granddaughter will smile and the lecture will resume. He will talk, she will listen. She will ask questions, and he will give answers. I can all but guarantee he will have flashbacks to having these conversations about life, relationships and responsibility with his eldest granddaughter, with his daughter, and with me. He will probably even wistfully smile, thankful, that as he approaches another birthday, he has had this opportunity to bond with this granddaughter. While he is talking I am sure he will also try to figure out he will have a similar opportunity with our 13 year daughter and our 11 year old son. Like Kohelet concluded by reminding the younger generation that after all is said and done, Sof Davar HaKol Nishmah et HaElohim Yrah v’Et Mitzvotav SHmor ki Zeh Kol HaAdam- Fear God and keep his Commandments, for that is man’s whole duty, Ki et Kol Maaseh Ha’Elohim Yavoh V'Mishpat – For God will judge every deed…; my father will remind his granddaughter that if she follows his advice, she will be able to handle life’s obstacles and remain positive and happy.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

And The Old Man Never Was The Same Again ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Brown Eyed Women")

As we are on holiday, driving from Toronto to the New York metropolitan area, we always make a series of stops. We stop in Rochester to visit grandparents and a 96 year old great grandfather. We stop in New Jersey in order to visit friends. We go into the New York to visit with a sister her husband and their daughter, back to New Jersey for to visit other friends and finally a back to Rochester and then onto Toronto.  While we have just arrived in New Jersey during a snow storm, we just experienced a rather difficult moment with my 96 year old grandfather who is suffering from dementia. We arrived at the Jewish Home and went to his room. I gently woke him and I identified myself using my name and how I was related to him. Then once he was awake and lucid I brought my wife and three children into his room. He looked at my wife, he looked at me straining to recognize us; trying to figure out we were and how we are connected to him. Then he looked at our children and said “tell me who you are and how you are related to me”.  Each child dutifully stated their name and then told him that “I am your great grandchild”. My wife introduced herself and then I told him who I was and then added that “I have been your grandson for nearly 50 years.” For the next 20 minutes, we made some chit chat with my grandfather and continued re-introducing ourselves to him. No there was no light switch that went on; no clear connection was ever made

This week we read from Parsha VaYechi.  Yaakov Avinu feels that death is imminent. He feels compelled to bless Yosef’s sons. Then he asks Yosef to promise him that he, Yaakov will be buried back in Hevron with his mother, father, grandfather and grandmother. Then Yaakov calls in his son’s and begins blessing each son. He tells them what he had been told by Hashem. He shares with them the impending slavery, the ultimate redemption and the return to their covenantal land. Yaakov passed away. True to his word, Yosef arranged to have his father buried in Hebron. With help from his brothers, Yosef and his brothers brought Yaakov back to Hevron, bury him and return to Egypt. The Parsha concludes with the brothers and Yosef dying but not until we are told that Yosef managed to see his great grandchildren.

Certainly the passing of generations can certainly be construed as a sad, and in this Parsha there is not only the death of Yaakov but also the passing of the next generation, Yosef and his son’s. However there is something quite comforting in the fact that in this final parsha of Breishit, we see the first interaction between grandparents and grandchildren. It is the first time that we read about a great grandfather look out onto his great grandchildren and enjoying the satisfaction that comes with knowing that they have created and left a legacy. So when Yaakov tells Yosef: V’Atah Shnei Vanecha HaNoladim Lecha B’Aretz Mitzrayim Ad Bo’I Eilecha Mitzraymah Li Heim Efrayim U’Menashe K’Reuvein V’Shimon Yeheyu Li – And now your two sons, who were born to you in the land of Egypt before I came to you to Egypt, are mine. Efrayim and Menashe like Reuven, and Shimon shall be mine (Gen. 48:5). Clearly Yaakov knows who Yosef’s sons are. Not only that, but Yaakov readily acknowledges that he will now consider these grandchildren as his sons.  Three psukim later we learn VaYar Yisroel et Bnai Yosef Va’Yoemer Mi Eilah- Israel saw Yosef’s sons, and said ‘who are these’?  (Gen. 48-8) So what happened? Yaakov knew who Yosef’s sons were but the same man; three verses later forgot who Yosef’s sons were? Is this the first case of dementia or Alzheimer’s in the Torah? Why does Yaakov know who Yosef’s sons are but the Israel version of Yaakov doesn’t know who Yosef’s sons are? The Midrash explains that when the boys approached their dying grandfather, he wasn’t looking only at them but looking past them. He was looking into the future, past slavery in Egypt, past the return to Eretz Canaan, and to the era of Kings. Israel saw the kings of the future that came from Efrayim and Menashe and the continued deterioration of the covenant that God made with Yaakov.

Yaakov spent his life always clinging, clinging to Esav, clinging to Lavan, clinging to an angel/man during a wrestling match, cling to God, and now in his final moments, Yaakov views thinks that his life will live on in his son’s and his grandsons. Yaakov sees in his grandsons and opportunity for a brief second chance as a father. Israel doesn’t cling and grasp onto things. Israel wrestles with God and was victorious. Israel is decisive, Israel has a singular objective: insure the future of the covenant. With his grandchildren and great children about to begin their descent into slavery and his knowledge that there will be numerous times when later generations will violate the covenant, Israel hesitates to give his blessing. Israel switches his hands; Israel shows favoritism towards the grandsons. However this is not favoritism based on loving one more than the other. This is a favoritism based upon the cold stark truth of which child is best suited for insuring the survival of Israel’s values and ethical code.

When it was time to leave my grandfather, he looked at me and said “you have a beautiful family.” I leaned over to him and said “they are your family”. There was another blank look and then said, “well, if you say so.”  We said good bye and I told him “I say so.” That was probably the closest thing to a blessing that I will ever hear from him again.

Peace,

Rav Yitz