As we are on holiday, driving from Toronto to the New York
metropolitan area, we always make a series of stops. We stop in Rochester to
visit grandparents and a 96 year old great grandfather. We stop in New Jersey
in order to visit friends. We go into the New York to visit with a sister her
husband and their daughter, back to New Jersey for to visit other friends and
finally a back to Rochester and then onto Toronto. While we have just arrived in New Jersey during
a snow storm, we just experienced a rather difficult moment with my 96 year old
grandfather who is suffering from dementia. We arrived at the Jewish Home and
went to his room. I gently woke him and I identified myself using my name and
how I was related to him. Then once he was awake and lucid I brought my wife
and three children into his room. He looked at my wife, he looked at me
straining to recognize us; trying to figure out we were and how we are
connected to him. Then he looked at our children and said “tell me who you are
and how you are related to me”. Each
child dutifully stated their name and then told him that “I am your great grandchild”.
My wife introduced herself and then I told him who I was and then added that “I
have been your grandson for nearly 50 years.” For the next 20 minutes, we made
some chit chat with my grandfather and continued re-introducing ourselves to
him. No there was no light switch that went on; no clear connection was ever
made
This week we read from Parsha VaYechi. Yaakov Avinu feels that death is imminent. He
feels compelled to bless Yosef’s sons. Then he asks Yosef to promise him that
he, Yaakov will be buried back in Hevron with his mother, father, grandfather
and grandmother. Then Yaakov calls in his son’s and begins blessing each son. He
tells them what he had been told by Hashem. He shares with them the impending
slavery, the ultimate redemption and the return to their covenantal land.
Yaakov passed away. True to his word, Yosef arranged to have his father buried
in Hebron. With help from his brothers, Yosef and his brothers brought Yaakov
back to Hevron, bury him and return to Egypt. The Parsha concludes with the
brothers and Yosef dying but not until we are told that Yosef managed to see
his great grandchildren.
Certainly the passing of generations can certainly be
construed as a sad, and in this Parsha there is not only the death of Yaakov
but also the passing of the next generation, Yosef and his son’s. However there
is something quite comforting in the fact that in this final parsha of
Breishit, we see the first interaction between grandparents and grandchildren.
It is the first time that we read about a great grandfather look out onto his
great grandchildren and enjoying the satisfaction that comes with knowing that
they have created and left a legacy. So when Yaakov tells Yosef: V’Atah
Shnei Vanecha HaNoladim Lecha B’Aretz Mitzrayim Ad Bo’I Eilecha Mitzraymah Li
Heim Efrayim U’Menashe K’Reuvein V’Shimon Yeheyu Li – And now your two
sons, who were born to you in the land of Egypt before I came to you to Egypt,
are mine. Efrayim and Menashe like Reuven, and Shimon shall be mine (Gen.
48:5). Clearly Yaakov knows who Yosef’s sons are. Not only that, but Yaakov
readily acknowledges that he will now consider these grandchildren as his sons.
Three psukim later we learn VaYar
Yisroel et Bnai Yosef Va’Yoemer Mi Eilah- Israel saw Yosef’s sons, and
said ‘who are these’? (Gen. 48-8) So
what happened? Yaakov knew who Yosef’s sons were but the same man; three verses
later forgot who Yosef’s sons were? Is this the first case of dementia or Alzheimer’s
in the Torah? Why does Yaakov know who Yosef’s sons are but the Israel version
of Yaakov doesn’t know who Yosef’s sons are? The Midrash explains that when the
boys approached their dying grandfather, he wasn’t looking only at them but
looking past them. He was looking into the future, past slavery in Egypt, past
the return to Eretz Canaan, and to the era of Kings. Israel saw the kings of
the future that came from Efrayim and Menashe and the continued deterioration
of the covenant that God made with Yaakov.
Yaakov spent his life always clinging, clinging to Esav,
clinging to Lavan, clinging to an angel/man during a wrestling match, cling to
God, and now in his final moments, Yaakov views thinks that his life will live
on in his son’s and his grandsons. Yaakov sees in his grandsons and opportunity
for a brief second chance as a father. Israel doesn’t cling and grasp onto
things. Israel wrestles with God and was victorious. Israel is decisive, Israel
has a singular objective: insure the future of the covenant. With his
grandchildren and great children about to begin their descent into slavery and
his knowledge that there will be numerous times when later generations will
violate the covenant, Israel hesitates to give his blessing. Israel switches
his hands; Israel shows favoritism towards the grandsons. However this is not favoritism
based on loving one more than the other. This is a favoritism based upon the
cold stark truth of which child is best suited for insuring the survival of
Israel’s values and ethical code.
When it was time to leave my grandfather, he looked at me and
said “you have a beautiful family.” I leaned over to him and said “they are
your family”. There was another blank look and then said, “well, if you say so.” We said good bye and I told him “I say so.”
That was probably the closest thing to a blessing that I will ever hear from
him again.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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