You May Be The Fate Of Ophelia, Sleeping And Perchance To Dream (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Althea")

I have always enjoyed it when Chanukah and Christmas overlap. On a very basic level, everyone is in the supermarket or the mall for the same reasons. They are buying food for the Holiday parties and feasts. So I happened to be at the supermarket this week and I bumped into a friend who, like us, has a daughter preparing to study in Israel next year. We discussed where our daughters applied, their first choice and what we hope they learn while learning for the year in Israel. The friend explained why he wanted his daughter to study at a particular seminary.  One of their considerations for applying to a Seminary was the institution’s ability to protect and shield their daughter from all the shmutz of modern society, all the hedonistic behavior, the drugs, and all the difficult things that teenagers have to deal with. The father continued and explained that he quietly hoped that she would spend not one but two years learning, meet a boy, return from her two years as very religious and very observant and gets married. I smiled and I pointed that it seemed like my friend was hoping that a year or two at Seminary would allow her to retreat from and provide a sanctuary and protection for his daughter from all the negative aspects of secularism, of hedonistic western culture. After he finished, I was prepared to depart and continue with my shopping. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of asking me my opinion.  So I offered my opinion. I explained that I had great difficulty in ascribing such power to an institution to protect my children from modern secular culture.  I explained that I was far more concerned that the institutions, like our home, offer our daughter the tools to deal with, and not deny the negative aspects of secularism in our everyday culture. The question, I said to my friend, is how assimilated will our children become, how assimilated with they be in their home, in their daily behavior, in attitude, and in the acknowledgment of the world around them. We wished each other good luck and continued with my Chanukah food shopping.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Mikeitz. Mikeitz always coincides with Chanukah.  The Parsha begins two years from when VaYeishev concluded. Pharaoh has a dream. He is unsatisfied with all attempts to interpret it. Pharaoh's wine chamberlain remembers that Yosef accurately interpreted his dream while in prison. Yosef is released from prison and brought before Pharaoh. He interprets that soon will begin seven years of abundance followed by seven years of severe famine. Pharaoh appoints him as viceroy to oversee the project. Egypt becomes the granary of the world. Yaakov sends his sons to Egypt to buy food. The brothers come before Yosef and bow to him. Yosef recognizes them but they do not recognize him. Without disclosing his identity, Yosef sells the brothers' food but keeps Shimon hostage until they bring their brother Binyamin to him as proof that they are who they say they are. Yaakov refuses to let Binyamin go to Egypt, but when the famine grows unbearable, he accedes. Yehuda guarantees Binyamin's safety, and the brothers go to Egypt. Yosef welcomes the brothers lavishly as honored guests. When he sees Binyamin he rushes from the room and weeps. Yosef instructs his servants to replace the money in the sacks and to put his goblet inside Binyamin's sack. When the goblet is discovered, Yosef demands Binyamin become his slave as punishment. Yehuda interposes and offers himself instead, but Yosef refuses.

For the first time, beginning in last week’s Torah portion, VaYeishev and again in Mikeitz, we read about an individual encounter a dominant culture while still retaining his sense of code and morality. Avraham left the dominant culture and encountered it periodically but did so accompanied by his wife. Yitzchak encountered a different culture but had never left home in a spiritual nor a physical sense (he always remained in the land). Even Yaakov never had to confront a dominant culture. Yes, his uncle Lavan was an idol worshipper, but it was family and besides Uncle Lavan’s was a tribal culture. When Yaakov encountered Shechem, he did so accompanied by his sons. However, Yosef was in his late teens, early twenties when arrived in Egypt. He worked for Potifar. He had to stave off the sexual harassment of Potifar’s wife and accept the injustice of prison. At the beginning of Mikeitz, we find Yosef in prison, still referred to as Naar Ivri- Hebrew Youth even though he is 30 (Gen. 41:46).  Even after interpreting Pharaohs’ dreams, becoming a Viceroy, wearing Egyptian clothes, looking Egyptian, being clean-shaven like an Egyptian, speaking Egyptian, marrying an Egyptian woman (Asnat) and receiving an Egyptian name (Zaphenat Paneah), and essentially living an Egyptian lifestyle; Yosef somehow manages to maintain his tribal loyalty, his Jewishness, his sense of morality and code. When Pharaoh tells Yosef about his dream and is asked to interpret it; VaYa’An Yosef et Paroh Leimor, Biladai Elohim Ya’Eneh et Shlom Paroh – Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, That is beyond me; it is God who will respond with Pharaoh’s welfare.   The Or HaChaim comments that Biladai is not only a humble expression “that is beyond me”. Biladai means “this does not depend on me”. This is not only an indication of Yosef giving credit for his “Dream Telling Gift” to God. Yosef subtly indicates that his code and his theology will not waver within this overbearing and all-encompassing culture. Yosef adds the words Shlom Paroh- literally, the peace of Pharaoh. Yosef is merely a vessel, and he isn’t so much interpreting a dream, instead, he is providing a prophecy. As a result, Yosef must speak truth to power and cannot bend or interpret the meaning to satisfy some other agenda or plan except God’s plan.

Yosef, at the relatively young age of 30 has accepted the fact that his path, although his choosing, is part of God’s plan. Yes, some people are lucky to sense that a plan has been revealed to them. Yosef’s spiritual strength, his unwavering sense of belonging to a covenantal relationship means that no matter the name, no matter the clothes, no matter the culture, he is acutely aware that certain constants will keep him grounded in his relationship with God.  As parents, we don’t really know the paths any of our children are supposed to take. We can hope, and we can offer them guidance as they make their way along the path most suited to them, a path that fits their values and for which they are passionate. Eventually, they will need to make those decisions for themselves. While we light the Chanukah candles, we are reminded of Judaism’s survival within a powerful Hellenistic culture, we are reminded of Yosef surviving within a powerful Egyptian culture. We only hope that we have provided them enough tools, enough education and enough grounding in values that we deem important so that their decisions are an expression of a moral code and covenant to which they belong.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

And So I Wrestle With The Angel To See Who'll Reap The Seeds I Sow (Gerrit Graham & Bob Weir - "Victim Or The Crime")

Like so many American families, we celebrated Thanksgiving. We packed up and drove to my parents’ home. Our eldest daughter who had been working in Florida until the recent midterm elections came, my sister brother in law and niece came.  Our daughter studying in Israel made Thanksgiving and we all had the chance to video chat with her. The last time that I saw our eldest daughter was in June when she came for her sister and brother’s graduation. Certainly, we had video chatted. Let’s just say a video chat doesn’t exactly offer a complete picture. So when she took one look at my completely gray beard, my salt and pepper head of hair, she hugged and kissed me and said. “You are so old! What happened to you?” Like the crows feet around my eyes, I attributed all the gray hair and white beard to the existential angst of fatherhood. For me, existential angst usually occurs in the middle of the night. It wakes me up, I go downstairs, I look outside at the night sky full of stars I think and worry. I worry about life, death, the quality of life and the quality of death, what am I doing with my life, how am I going to pay for Jewish day school, college, and weddings. I worry about my aging parents, my aging mother in law. I worry about my wife worrying about her aging mother. I explain to my eldest daughter that I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about all the stuff that a middle-aged person wrestles with.” While I normally sleep quite soundlessly, every so often I am wake up to wrestle with all my existential angst and worries.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Vayishlach. Yaakov and his family prepare to return to Yaakov’s home. However, they will first need to deal with an almost twenty-year grudge held by Esav. Yaakov will hope for the best and prepare for the worst as he prepares to meet his brother.  After their short reunion, Yaakov makes his way back to his ancestral lands. His mother passes away. He is blessed with another son, Benjamin, born to his wife Rachel. However, she dies in childbirth. His daughter, Dinah, has an illicit relationship with a prince of Shechem. According to the text, she is rendered “impure” and her brothers wipe out the prince and his village. Yaakov’s name is changed to Yisroel. God blessed Yaakov within the context of the covenant made with Avraham and Yitzchok. Yaakov’s blessing includes children, land and wealth, all of the things that God promised to Yaakov’s grandfather – Avraham. The Parsha concludes Yaakov and Esav seeing each other one last time in order to bury their father Yitzchok, and then we read the final psukim: a list of Esav’s descendants down to grandchildren.

The parsha is replete with dramatic moments. However, the brief narrative (Gen. 32:25-29) about Yaakov’s night prior to his first meeting with Esav, offers us a life-changing moment in Yaakov’s life. The narrative of the wrestling match begins in a very peculiar manner. VaYivater Yaakov L’Vado, VaYei’avek Ish Imo Ad Alot HaShachar – Jacob was left alone and a many wrestled with him until the break of dawn.  So if Yaakov was left alone, with whom did he wrestle?  The Torah tells us he wrestled with a man, however by the end of this brief narrative, Yaakov is asking the man(?) to bless him. During the wrestling match, and to add to the confusion the word for “man” is not used neither is Yaakov’s name. Rather the third person masculine singular pronoun “Hu” is used.  The M’forshim also struggle with this brief narrative.  Rashi reminds us of how our sages explain Sh’Hu Saro Shel Eisav – that it was the guardian angel of Esav.  Chizkuni – the 13th-century French commentator succinctly states Malach B’Damut Ish – an angel in the form of a man. Radak, Rabbi David Kimchi – a late 12/early 13th-century French commentator is even more explicit. He offers a single word of explanation as to the “man’s” identity – Melach – an angel. Some say it was the guardian angel of Esav and some say it was an Angel sent to restate God’s promise to Yaakov. However, a more modern and psychologically aware understanding seems that the “man” is Yaakov. Yaakov is struggling with himself. The language of the wrestling match only uses the Hebrew word “Hu” – in English "he". He said, he held on, he didn’t let go, he blessed him, he wrestled with him. Yaakov’s name is only mentioned when his hip is pulled out of joint, when he states his name and when the other being renames Yaakov. Yaakov’s whole life has been a struggle… first with Esav, God, and then Lavan. Before his impending struggle with Esav, Yaakov needs to know who exactly Yaakov is and who he clings to – which aspect of himself does he cling to? The godly aspect within him? The Esav within him? The reality is, Yaakov must decide who He is and what that means as he returns to his ancestral home and receives the covenant.  It will leave a mark for sure, however during his sleepless night, during his “mid-life crisis” and his “moment of clarity”; Yaakov will finally be a complete spiritual person with a full acceptance of his relationship to God and a sense of purpose in his life. This does not mean his life will be easier. It just means that Yaakov, with this renewed sense of purpose and identity, will be able to deal with all the troubles and heartache that is involved in living life as he continues to grow old.

             Of course, I have gray hair. Yes, my beard is turning white. There are more worries, there are more things that feel beyond my control.  There are more times that I worry about the direction of my life and my children's lives. There are more times when I worry about my parent’s health. No, I don’t necessarily have my hip pulled out of joint when we wake up in the middle of the night with this existential angst. Although due to an old back injury; I sometimes wake up with my back pain more acute than at other times.  We do have the emotional scars of such moments. Our souls struggle and sometimes our souls receive scars because of those moments when we question our purpose in life. It probably causes wrinkles and definitely causes gray hair. However those struggles are necessary because it leads us to moments of clarity, and we understand that our lives do have a purpose, and our families will be ok and everything will be all right.

Peace,

Rav Yitz