You May Be The Fate Of Ophelia, Sleeping And Perchance To Dream (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Althea")

I have always enjoyed it when Chanukah and Christmas overlap. On a very basic level, everyone is in the supermarket or the mall for the same reasons. They are buying food for the Holiday parties and feasts. So I happened to be at the supermarket this week and I bumped into a friend who, like us, has a daughter preparing to study in Israel next year. We discussed where our daughters applied, their first choice and what we hope they learn while learning for the year in Israel. The friend explained why he wanted his daughter to study at a particular seminary.  One of their considerations for applying to a Seminary was the institution’s ability to protect and shield their daughter from all the shmutz of modern society, all the hedonistic behavior, the drugs, and all the difficult things that teenagers have to deal with. The father continued and explained that he quietly hoped that she would spend not one but two years learning, meet a boy, return from her two years as very religious and very observant and gets married. I smiled and I pointed that it seemed like my friend was hoping that a year or two at Seminary would allow her to retreat from and provide a sanctuary and protection for his daughter from all the negative aspects of secularism, of hedonistic western culture. After he finished, I was prepared to depart and continue with my shopping. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of asking me my opinion.  So I offered my opinion. I explained that I had great difficulty in ascribing such power to an institution to protect my children from modern secular culture.  I explained that I was far more concerned that the institutions, like our home, offer our daughter the tools to deal with, and not deny the negative aspects of secularism in our everyday culture. The question, I said to my friend, is how assimilated will our children become, how assimilated with they be in their home, in their daily behavior, in attitude, and in the acknowledgment of the world around them. We wished each other good luck and continued with my Chanukah food shopping.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Mikeitz. Mikeitz always coincides with Chanukah.  The Parsha begins two years from when VaYeishev concluded. Pharaoh has a dream. He is unsatisfied with all attempts to interpret it. Pharaoh's wine chamberlain remembers that Yosef accurately interpreted his dream while in prison. Yosef is released from prison and brought before Pharaoh. He interprets that soon will begin seven years of abundance followed by seven years of severe famine. Pharaoh appoints him as viceroy to oversee the project. Egypt becomes the granary of the world. Yaakov sends his sons to Egypt to buy food. The brothers come before Yosef and bow to him. Yosef recognizes them but they do not recognize him. Without disclosing his identity, Yosef sells the brothers' food but keeps Shimon hostage until they bring their brother Binyamin to him as proof that they are who they say they are. Yaakov refuses to let Binyamin go to Egypt, but when the famine grows unbearable, he accedes. Yehuda guarantees Binyamin's safety, and the brothers go to Egypt. Yosef welcomes the brothers lavishly as honored guests. When he sees Binyamin he rushes from the room and weeps. Yosef instructs his servants to replace the money in the sacks and to put his goblet inside Binyamin's sack. When the goblet is discovered, Yosef demands Binyamin become his slave as punishment. Yehuda interposes and offers himself instead, but Yosef refuses.

For the first time, beginning in last week’s Torah portion, VaYeishev and again in Mikeitz, we read about an individual encounter a dominant culture while still retaining his sense of code and morality. Avraham left the dominant culture and encountered it periodically but did so accompanied by his wife. Yitzchak encountered a different culture but had never left home in a spiritual nor a physical sense (he always remained in the land). Even Yaakov never had to confront a dominant culture. Yes, his uncle Lavan was an idol worshipper, but it was family and besides Uncle Lavan’s was a tribal culture. When Yaakov encountered Shechem, he did so accompanied by his sons. However, Yosef was in his late teens, early twenties when arrived in Egypt. He worked for Potifar. He had to stave off the sexual harassment of Potifar’s wife and accept the injustice of prison. At the beginning of Mikeitz, we find Yosef in prison, still referred to as Naar Ivri- Hebrew Youth even though he is 30 (Gen. 41:46).  Even after interpreting Pharaohs’ dreams, becoming a Viceroy, wearing Egyptian clothes, looking Egyptian, being clean-shaven like an Egyptian, speaking Egyptian, marrying an Egyptian woman (Asnat) and receiving an Egyptian name (Zaphenat Paneah), and essentially living an Egyptian lifestyle; Yosef somehow manages to maintain his tribal loyalty, his Jewishness, his sense of morality and code. When Pharaoh tells Yosef about his dream and is asked to interpret it; VaYa’An Yosef et Paroh Leimor, Biladai Elohim Ya’Eneh et Shlom Paroh – Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, That is beyond me; it is God who will respond with Pharaoh’s welfare.   The Or HaChaim comments that Biladai is not only a humble expression “that is beyond me”. Biladai means “this does not depend on me”. This is not only an indication of Yosef giving credit for his “Dream Telling Gift” to God. Yosef subtly indicates that his code and his theology will not waver within this overbearing and all-encompassing culture. Yosef adds the words Shlom Paroh- literally, the peace of Pharaoh. Yosef is merely a vessel, and he isn’t so much interpreting a dream, instead, he is providing a prophecy. As a result, Yosef must speak truth to power and cannot bend or interpret the meaning to satisfy some other agenda or plan except God’s plan.

Yosef, at the relatively young age of 30 has accepted the fact that his path, although his choosing, is part of God’s plan. Yes, some people are lucky to sense that a plan has been revealed to them. Yosef’s spiritual strength, his unwavering sense of belonging to a covenantal relationship means that no matter the name, no matter the clothes, no matter the culture, he is acutely aware that certain constants will keep him grounded in his relationship with God.  As parents, we don’t really know the paths any of our children are supposed to take. We can hope, and we can offer them guidance as they make their way along the path most suited to them, a path that fits their values and for which they are passionate. Eventually, they will need to make those decisions for themselves. While we light the Chanukah candles, we are reminded of Judaism’s survival within a powerful Hellenistic culture, we are reminded of Yosef surviving within a powerful Egyptian culture. We only hope that we have provided them enough tools, enough education and enough grounding in values that we deem important so that their decisions are an expression of a moral code and covenant to which they belong.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

All The Years Combine, They Melt Into A Dream, A Broken Angel Sings (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Stella Blue")

Well Labour Day came and went and with it so did my birthday. Yep another year gone. More gray hair added. I have never been a big fan of birthdays. I always like to spend them quietly. While some in my family prefer some extraordinary family activity or party, I prefer a round of golf, sitting by a swimming pool reading a book while my kids swim and then grilling some steaks and eating dinner outside with my wife and children. Usually during golf while I am admiring the scenic beauty, or while I watch my children playing in the pool, or while I am grilling dinner; I have an opportunity for a bit of self-reflection. I think about successes and failures, I think about what my plans were after college and where I am in terms of those plans. Have I realized any of my goals? Am I on course, off course? With the right trajectory? Thirty years later, have I accomplished anything? On one level, the self- reflection exercise can be pretty brutal. There are times I feel like a complete failure save for my family.  There when I seriously wonder if I measure up to the standards that I set for myself way back when. For a moment this self- reflection on my Birthday can be really quite depressing. Sometimes there is a moment of contentment. Not only is this normal, but it is very healthy to examine the ideal of a person’s life, with the reality of that life.

            This week’s Parsha is Shoftim. Moshe has completed his lecture on the values of monotheism and covenant. Now he begins telling B'nai Yisroel all the nitty gritty details of living a Jewish life within this community. What a downer! B’nai Yisroel is inspired and ready to enter into Eretz Canaan and begin living the life in the land that God had promised their ancestors. They are now ready to begin fulfilling the dream that allowed them to survive centuries of slavery. So what does Moshe Rabeinu do? He brings them crashing back to reality. Now they will listen and understand laws concerning war, punishments for idolatry, choosing a king, jurisprudence, priestly entitlements and unsolved murders. Moshe gives B’nai Yisroel a healthy dose of reality by supplying all the details required to uphold the Covenant.

            One of these laws is rather curious yet serves as a reminder how important it is to maintain a balance between dreams and reality, between the idealism of our youth and the cynicism of age. V’Hayah Ch’shivto Al Kisei Mamlachto V’Chatav Lo Et Mishnei HaTorah Hazot – And it shall be when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah in a book… V’Haitah Imo V’Kara Vo Kol Yemei Chayav Lema’an Yilmad L’yirah et Adonai Elohav – It shall be with him and he shall read from it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to fear the Lord his God, Lishmor et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot V’Et HaChukim Ha’Eilah La’Asotam – to observe all the words of this Torah and these decrees, to perform them, so that his heart does not become haughty over his brethren and not turn from the commandment right or left, so that he will prolong years over his kingdom, he and his sons amid Israel (Deut. 18:18-20). The king must write and maintain two Sifrei Torah. The “personal” Torah must be carried with him wherever he goes: meetings, wars, benefit dinners etc. The Torah must always remain physically near his heart. However the second Sefer Torah sits in the treasure room as a pristine copy, as a benchmark. This “benchmark” Torah remains enclosed, protected, and untouched. The king may consult it, but this pristine copy never leaves the sanctuary. How brilliant! The “personal” Torah that is carried around eventually becomes worn, the letters fade, and the parchment may even tear. This would most likely occur unbeknownst to the king. Yearly, the king must lay his “personal” Torah beside the “benchmark” Torah. There, in the inner chamber, the two Torahs are checked against each other. Then if there are any discrepancies in the “Personal” Torah, the king must make the necessary corrections. The king’s “personal” Torah must reflect the purest and highest standard. Through daily wear and tear, through the compromises necessary to manage a kingdom, the king must regularly check to make sure that he has not gradually drifted away from the “Pristine” or “Benchmark” Torah.

            This is the ultimate form of personal “Checks and Balances”! Instead of waking up one morning twenty or twenty five years later wondering “What’s become of me”; Judaism understands that we all make compromises. Sometimes we may even, unfortunately, compromise our integrity our values and our own sense of propriety. Sometimes our drift from the ideal is not even that pernicious. Sometimes we just slowdown or get sidetracked. However Judaism is about behavior that expresses our relationship with each other and with God. Like a king that needs to periodically check his “personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”, we also must check our “Personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”. Certainly the process may be uncomfortable, and yes, there is the danger of becoming so self-absorbed that we become paralyzed from action. There is the very real danger that we can be hard on ourselves that we lose sight of the good. Thankfully, the process occurs on a regular enough basis that we don’t become too  paralyzed that we can’t enjoy a round of golf, watching the kids swim, eating a steak dinner with the family and appreciating the quiet blessings of another birthday.

Peace

Rav Yitz

A Young Man's Dream of Growing Up (Merle Haggard - "Mama Tried")

A few days ago, when there was a lull in the evening, the homework was done, the showers were taken, the teeth were brushed, the pajamas were on, and the piano had been practiced, my seven year old son and I were about to read together. I asked him how school was and he started to get upset when he described his day. He didn’t tell me anything about school per se, but rather focused upon the social life of recess and the laws of the playground. “Abba, they teased me because I am short”. I asked him if that upset him, even though I could see it on his face. He said he wanted to cry but didn’t. He asked how much longer will he be short. He mentioned that he didn’t want to be out there with his other friends for recess anymore. “Abba, they were so mean, I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow.” I smiled and hugged him. I remember this conversation. This conversation occurred numerous times when I was a child. “You're going to school otherwise you will feel even shorter.”

This week we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative shifts from Yaakov to the adventures or rather the misadventures of Yaakov’s beloved son Yosef. We are all familiar with Yosef. Evidence of Yaakov’s love and favoritism is manifest in the second pasuk (verse) of the Parsha: Eileh Toldot Yaakov, Yosef Ben Shva Esrei Shanah Hayah Roeh et Echav B’Tzon. These are the generations of Yaakov – Yosef was 17 years old and was a shepherd with his brothers (Gen 37:2) Even before we meet the brothers in the narrative from Yaakov’s only concern was Yosef. Normally when we have read the phrase Eileh Toldot – These are the generations, we read about the generations of the ancestor, whether it was Adam, Noach or Esav we read about all the offspring and generations leading to the next main character. While the Torah tells us that Yaakov favored Yosef, it doesn’t become explicitly evident until we read that Yosef tells his father about his brother’s bad behavior and is rewarded with the Coat of Many Colors.

The Torah tells us that the brothers hated him and that Yosef was acutely aware of this. V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom – They (the brothers) could not speak peaceably towards him. Rashi explains that they expressed their hatred right to Yosef’s face. They didn’t try to conceal at all but let him know in no uncertain terms how they felt about him. Knowing how his brother’s felt about him, Yosef shares not one dream but two dreams. Not only does he tell them e that someday in the future they will bow down to him, but he reminds them again. First he tells them through the illusion of the corn sheaves bowing towards his corn sheave. Next he shares the dream of the heavenly constellations bowing to him as well: eleven stars, the sun and the moon all bowed down to him. Not only does he share this with brothers who hate him and obviously hate him even more, but he shared this with his father. The brothers’ response is obvious. VaYeKanu Vo Echav – So his brothers were jealous of him.

Yaakov’s response is far more mysterious and perhaps troubling. V’Aviv Shamar et HaDavar- But his father kept the matter in mind. “Keeping the matter in mind” could mean several very different things. Rashi explains that Yaakov waited to see when Yosef’s dream would come to fruition and so he guarded it faithfully. For Yaakov, Yosef’s dream was inevitability, a Navuah – a prophecy like the one his mother received while pregnant with him and his brother Esav. Rashi’s comment never suggests that Yaakov was upset at Yosef for sharing the dream with him or the eleven brothers. R’ Ovadia Sforno – the great 16^th century Italian Rabbi, speaking five centuries after Rashi interprets Yaakov’s actions in an even stronger tone that Rashi: He was convinced that it was a true dream and he looked forward to its realization as our sages tell us ‘ One is jealous of all except his son and his student’ (Sanhedrin 105b).

While most, if not all the classical Meforshim (commentators) interpret Yaakov’s response in a similar vein: that Yaakov faithfully waited to see and perhaps even hoped for the day when Yosef’s dream would become reality; that interpretation doesn’t make sense when we evaluate Yaakov’s actions in the psukim immediately following “his keeping the matter in mind”. We are told that the brothers have the herd in Shechem and VaYomeir Yisroel el Yosef Halo Achecha Ro’im BiShchem L’Cha V’Eshlacha Aleihem – And Israel (Yaakov) said to Joseph, ‘Your brothers are pasturing in Shechem, are they not? Come, I will send you to them… Lech Nah R’eh et Shalom Achecha v’Et Shalom HaTzon, V’Hashiveinu Davar – Go now, look into the welfare of your brothers and the welfare of the flock and bring me back word” (Gen. 13-15). Didn’t Yaakov know how his 11 sons felt about Yosef? If so, how could he have knowingly sent him to see them and, even worse, for the express purpose of reporting back to Yaakov? Does Yaakov want to put Yosef into a very bad situation where he could be hurt? We say that Yaakov was not very aware how his 11 sons felt towards Yosef, and then we have a real problem with Yaakov as a parent. Even so, Yosef knew how the brothers felt towards him.

A more modern interpretation, and perhaps a more personal interpretation suggests that while Yaakov favored Yosef to a fault and Yaakov held the matter of the dreams close to himself in the hopes that someday Yosef’s dream would become a reality, Israel is a different type of aspect within Yaakov. The Israel aspect of Yaakov understood what Yaakov did not. Yosef also understood what Yaakov failed to understand. Yes, the brothers hated Yosef. Yes Yosef’s dream was unpleasant for the brothers to hear and certainly let to increased jealousy and animosity. Like Israel was so named because he wrestled with and was victorious in overcoming his conflict with Esav, Yosef needs have the confrontation with his brothers. So when Israel calls to Yosef and tells him that he has to go to the brothers, Yosef responds Hinneni –“ Here I am” meaning that he is present and ready for duty with no questions and no hesitation. Yosef’s father kept the matter in mind because he understood that just like he had to deal with his brother, better that Yosef should deal with his brothers, and all the teasing and all the anger sooner rather than allowing two decades to pass before you deal with it. In a sense Yaakov kept the original matter in mind to be used when Yosef had the opportunity to grow up a little and develop a better sense of humility.

I told my son that they used to tease me because I was so short. I told him that I felt crummy. I told him that I remember distinctly coming home one Sunday afternoon after playing football with the guys. They kept teasing me and I became angry. I remember weeping to my father telling him how I hated being the shortest kid out there. He asked me one question, and I asked my son. “Do you feel short? I remember answering “no”, and happily my son answered “no” as well. I then gave my son the same advice as he gave me. Then you march yourself back there and play big, you outwork, outhustle and outthink the other guy, and if they tease you just do your best. You can’t control when you grow taller, but you will. So become better than those kids who tease you. Sometimes Shaleim – becoming complete means getting right back in there to taking your lumps and confronting whatever needs to be confronted. Only then can one achieve Shalom – peace.

Peace,

Rav Yitz