And all the children learning from books - Jerry Garcia "Cryptical Envelopment"

Amy Chua, a Yale University Law School Professor, just wrote a parenting book entitled the "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother". She offers her perspective on parenting based on the Chinese model of parenting. She compares this model to the more genteel and coddling version of parenting that pervades Western Culture. Chua's conclusion is that western parents raise "soft" and delicate children. China raises intellectually strong, tough and disciplined children. Whether you agree with the book or not; the book is a best seller already. Once the book is no longer a "new release" on special display, the book will wind up in the "self-help" section. Recently I had the opportunity to spend some time at the Indigo Books up in Richmond Hill. . It is a bright open space, and even has a coffee/snack bar. Even more interesting than the idea of reading a book and sipping coffee is the store’s layout. I also checked out the Top 20 Best Seller list. Nearly one fifth of the books are categorized as 'self-help'. The largest and most frequented section of the store was the self-help section. Besides occupying the entire wall, most of the tables and chairs were in that section as well. There were a variety of self-help topics such as: divorce, parenting, spirituality, dysfunctional families, and addiction. Why was this the most frequented section of the store? What is so intriguing about the 'self-help' section of a bookstore? Don't we know a doctor, a lawyer, or a therapist that we could just speak to instead of looking in the self help section for the answers for what is lacking in our lives? I think the 'self-help' section's popularity is more than just a place for us to figure out how to solve our problems on our own. Rather the popularity of the 'self-help' section is merely a manifestation of human beings concern and obsession about relationships. Self-help books are all about relationships: relationships with ourselves, our families of origin, our children, our mates, our bosses, and even God. All these books essentially deal with the same two issues: solving problems in relationships or adding meaning to one’s life and one’s relationships.

Parshah Mishpatim is all about relationships, solving relationship problems, and adding meaning to one’s life and to those relationships. Following last week’s revelation, and receiving the Aseret Dibrot (Ten Commandments), Moshe and B’nai Israel receive the original self-help manual. It includes how to behave towards slaves, how to behave towards parents, fellow community members and newcomers, how to resolve conflicts, how to make legal decisions, how to take care of the land, and how to thank God for the harvest of the land. Upon hearing all this self-help advice, Bnai Yisroel responds in unison: Na’Aseh V’Nishmah - we will do and we will obey (Ex. 24:7). This is the perfect response for former slaves. Slaves were trained to obey. Free people however, were not trained to obey. Free people need to think and understand. Perhaps, B’nai Yisroel should have responded differently precisely because they were free. As a free people, perhaps B’nai Yisroel should have answered, “We’ll raise our consciousness about it, and then attempt to integrate it into our lives.”

We can understand B’nai Yisroel’s response in another manner. The issue is the meaning of the word V’Nishmah-(and we will obey). V’Nishmah also means we will listen or we will learn. We will do and we will listen, or we will do and we will learn is not the typical response for recently released slaves. This is a response of free people seeking self-help. To listen or to learn assumes a greater emphasis on the “self” rather than the help. “To obey” assumes greater emphasis upon the “help” rather than the “self”. To obey is an action that slaves or a king’s subjects engage in. Free people listen and free people learn. If we understand Nishmah as “listen” or “learn”, then B’nai Yisroel seems to have accepted God’s laws on their own accord. As a result, B’nai Yisroel accepts its responsibility as “a kingdom of Priests and a holy nation (Ex. 19:6). As a designated nation of priests, as a designated holy nation, B’nai Yisroel would lead by example. B’nai Yisroel would integrate behavior into their daily life. Then they could learn it and teach it. After we begin the action, then we can delve into the deeper philosophical meaning of the action. B’nai Yisroel effectively serves as a living example of self-help.

So what do we learn from B’nai Yisroel’s Na’Aseh V’Nishmah response? First we learn that laws and behavior are concerned with action or inaction. Second we learn that Jewish law, with its concern for our spiritual relationship with G-d as well as our daily relationship with our fellow human beings, is not relegated to the “once in a while” or “the three times a year”. Parshah Mishpatim concentrates on the mundane everyday aspects of human relationships. Halacha, Jewish law, must be viewed as an equal embodiment of ritual behavior and ethical/human behavior. The ritual and the ethical are not mutually exclusive. Quite the contrary, they are inexorably linked as a means of increasing the meaning of our everyday mundane relationships by adding elements of Godliness and holiness. Third, from B’nai Yisroel’s response, we learn how “self-help” is supposed to work. Talking about it or reading about it may satisfy our intellect. Perhaps it may allow us to feel better. However until the new behavior or advice is integrated into our lives, until we Na’Aseh, until we “Do”, the “self-help” never really helps.

B’nai Yisroel teaches us that self-help first begins with action. Certainly it can be a small action but it must be some type of action. However, as is evident from the Parshah, action is not confined to “once in a while”, or “when I feel like it” or a “few times a year”. Na’Aseh, doing or action, truly effective action, is integrated into our daily behavior and our routine. Then that action, which is a daily routine behavior, takes on the element of holiness and sacredness. Only then can we truly learn, investigate, dig for deeper meanings, and obey, Ni’shmah. Perhaps we can all learn a lesson from B’nai Yisroel’s response and integrate one mitzvah into our daily lives, Na’Aseh. Then as we integrate it, make it a part of our daily lives, we learn about it and understand the various levels of meaning, Nishmah. Then, hopefully, we will achieve more meaning in our life, and by extension, our community.

With hope in our hearts, with trust in our eyes - Robert Hunter, Merle Saunders "Resurrection Rag "

Watched the Golden Globes the other night. Incredibly, I saw only one of the movies that were nominated for best picture. That must indicated something. I am not sure what, well I have an idea. My eldest daughter, the college student, watched with us. She had taken a film class at university so she had not only seen most of the movies and even felt qualified and compelled to offer insight about most of the movies. Among the big movie winners in the Golden Globes was The Social Network. The movie was based upon the founding of the FaceBook, the most popular social networking website of all time. How popular is FaceBook? Well it is now not only a website but because of FaceBook the noun "friend" has become a verb as in: "Some high school classmate of mine 'friended' me even though we couldn't stand each other when we were in High School". The premise of the Face Book and its billionaire founder Mark Zuckerberg was to create an on line community, to reconnect with old acquaintances as well as develop new and perhaps 'virtual' friends. The tag line for the movie was "You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies". I am not such a FaceBook person. I rarely go on it. My wife finds it to be an incredibly easy way for her to stay in touch with her friends across North America and Israel. What is so interesting about FaceBook is the facility with which web based communities have been established and flourished. The web based community is fascinatingly simple. People with a common interest in something, in anything join. It doesn't matter if its gardening, cookie baking, parenting, intermarriage, farming or being an alumnus of a particular university. If you have a computer and an interest, you can find like minded people and join a community. Its a perfect scenario. Everyone is on the same page, the same interest, the same passion (otherwise they wouldn't have joined the site FaceBook group), and the same desire to connect with other like minded people. Doesn't that sound so perfect? Doesn't that sound so ideal? Actually, it strikes me as rather limiting. The thing that binds these FaceBook groups together is a rather limited thread of interest (whatever that thread of interest maybe). Not only is it a limited thread of interest, but it strikes me that it requires very little personal investment or commitment on the part of the individual member. Perhaps that is the larger problem with the virtual world. It is virtual! If I don't like it, I don't have to enter into the Face Book group, I don't have to log in, I can easily ignore, or even drop out, and just as easily find another group.

This week we will read of the incredibly powerful, confusing, somber moment when Bnai Yisroel stood at the foot of Har Sinai and experienced revelation. We will read of the moment when this former group of slaves, must now find another way of creating commonality and a shared experience that will allow them to build a community. We will read of the moment when each individual that stood at Sinai now had the opportunity to become part of something much bigger and more holy than him/herself. However, unlike the ease with which we can come and go from a FaceBook group, there was an enormous commitment made by both God and the Jewish People at Sinai, a commitment that was neither flimsy or "fair-weathered". Prior to the revelation at Sinai, Moshe's father in-law, Yitro - a Midianite priest offers wonderful advice and an equally powerful argument for his advice. Im Et Ha'Davar HaZeh Ta'Aseh V'Tzivcha Elokim V'Yachalta Amod V'Gam Kol Ha'Am HaZeh Al Mkomo Yavo V'Shalom If you do this thing and God Shall command you then you will be able to endure, and this entire people, as well, shall arrive at its destination in peace. (Ex. 18:23. ) "The Thing" that Yitro mentions was his advice to re-organize the community to listen and judge people's conflicts. Moshe cannot spend the whole day listening to and adjudicating peoples problems and the people cannot stand in line all day waiting to get their conflicts solved. Yitro explains that some people should be educated and trained to adjudicate simpler and basic conflicts and the really difficult issues would come before Moshe. After Moshe heeded his father in-law’s advice, we read the second half of the Parshah, the Revelation at Sinai. Throughout this narrative, the focus is upon the people, and Moshe’s ascending and descending the mountain. G-d’s instructs the Amcha, “the people” to prepare for Revelation. Three times God tells Moshe to inform B’nai Yisroel of everything that transpired between them. Moshe connects “the people” to G-d. Three days, B’nai Yisroel prepared for their “destination”. The “entire people” was in the camp, and they shuddered. Then Moshe brought the people from the camp toward God. (Ex 19:16-17). When presented with God’s covenant, Va Ya'anu chol Ha'Am Yachdav, VaYomru Kol Asher Diber HaShem Na'Aseh - the entire people responded together and said, ‘everything that God has spoken we will do!”(Ex 19:8) The narrative continually emphasizes that Revelation was not solely between God and Moshe. If it were, then Moshe’s role as teacher, prophet and adjudicator of law would be overwhelming. No, Bnai Yisroel must be involved in the process. B’nai Yisroel must experience some aspect of Revelation. B’nai Yisroel must be active participants in Revelation. They were. They willingly and unanimously responded. B’nai Yisroel’s unanimous response obligates them as responsible participants. Also their participation and unanimous response indicates that they share a common vision and purpose. Perhaps each individual experienced something different, but they all realized that in that individual experience was great commonality with everyone else at Sinai.

Yet the experience wasn't a virtual, it wasn't web based. It wasn't with one person and then reported to a bunch of other people. Neither did it come easy. There was work involved in order to prepare for it (three days), there were rules as to how this moment would be experienced (they could not touch the mountain or go up the mountain) and there was a moment where a comittment needed to be made and verbalized. This wasn't something that was a passing interest so they joined a group. This was a demanding experience which in turn demanded a profound commitment, a commitment that was more than an interest in something or even a common past experience. No, this commitment had to be based on the opportunity to continually renew the commitment everyday as well as to pass it on to the next generation. Being part of such a group might not be so perfect, nor agreeable like a FaceBook group. However because it demands us to be the best we can, to constantly learn and to pass this along to the next generation; it seems that these are the ingredients that are necessary to build a community that transcends time and space more so than a FaceBook Group.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

"Can't you see that you're killing each other's soul "- Cream Puff War by Jerry Garcia

Amid the tragedy that occurred last Shabbat in Tuscon, Arizona, where a lone gunman opened fire on Congresswoman Giffords of Arizona; killing 6 including a 9 year old girl and wounding 14 including the congresswoman; - amid all that chaos and bloodshed, leaders of both the Democrat and Republican parties as well as the conservative and liberal news media began a rather destructive war of words based on little fact, much innuendo and plenty of finger pointing and defensiveness. Out of this ugliness came two models of leadership. One model portrayed a leader who chose to rise above the fray and to appeal the goodness that resides within us. One model portrayed a leader that chose to step into the fray and appeal to the same defensiveness and finger pointing that has plagued the political environment. Included in the comments that leader who chose to step into the fray was a rather unfortunate and poor choice of words. She claimed that the media has committed a greater evil since the media had manufactured "a 'blood libel' that serves to incite the very violence and hatred that it purports to condemn". Truthful or or not, perceived accuracy or not, one thing is for certain; such language and comments do not exactly demonstrated statesmanship, and bridge building.

As an American living in Toronto, as an American Rabbi serving a Toronto congregation; there is no question that I frequently feel compelled to explain, and defend the behavior and actions of various American leaders as well as listen to criticism of these leaders. I always listen; sometimes I respond and sometimes I stay quiet and just smile. It was rather amazing that in the course of the day I went from being embarrassed for my home country, to being incredibly proud of my country and its leadership. After listening to a rather defensive statement in which a leader refused to take any responsibility for the political climate to which she contributed; I listened to a leader focus upon those who had been slain, those who had been wounded and those who acted heroically by preventing even more destruction. Instead of blaming other institutions and opponents as a means of promoting the agenda of a specific constituency, I was reminded that for all of us who survive or witness such tragedy, we have an obligation to learn from the tragedy and use it as a means of improving ourselves, our homes, and our communities. Such a message goes way beyond one's political constituency, such a message transcends self interest, self promotion and self defense by appealing to the very goodness that exists within all our souls.

Every year when I arrive at the narrative of Parshat Beshallach, I begin to experience a certain disappointment with my ancestors. No, I do not want to defend them. I don't think that I have to. However, the fact that this group of slaves, listens to G-d and celebrates the first Pesach in Parshat Bo, and bakes and eats the Matzah (which, according to the Anti-Semitic rhetoric of the Middle Ages, was baked with the blood of a christian child, hence the term 'Blood Libel') explains to their children what they are about to experience and then begins its journey of freedom; well I am often inspired. Yet after experiencing the miracle of that night when the Malach HaMavet passed over their homes, now Bnai Yisroel complains. As we read about each complaint, we read about a people who are learning an important lesson about faith. That lesson culminates, at least in this parsha, in the narrative about Moshe holding up his hands in order to defeat the Amalekites. As long as he can hold up his hands, Bnai Yisroel wins the battle. When Moshe begins to lower his hands, Amalek begins to win the battle. With the help of Aharon and Hur, Moshe keeps his hands elevated long enough for Joshua to lead Bnai Yisroel in battle against Amalek and ultimately defeat them.

It was faith in G-d that would eventually permit these former slaves to learn what it is to be a responsible and free nation. Yes, it takes this former community of slaves numerous fits and starts to acquire a level of faith that allows them to learn from moments of tragedy as opposed to pointing fingers and avoiding responsibility. With the defeat of the Amalekites, comes an important lesson. Bnai Yisroel realizes that they must be active participants in their freedom. Bnai Yisroel has taken the first steps to being responsible enough receive a more formal covenant from G-d (next weeks' Parsha Bnai Yisroel receives the Ten Commandments). For this very brief moment, they set aside their hunger and their thirst. For a moment they stopped lying to themselves that in Egypt they were better off, for this moment, in response to the tragedy of what befell them at the hands of the Amalekites and place their faith in G-d and themselves to be better than they had been.

Yes, I was embarrassed earlier when a national leader refused to take responsibility for contributing to polluted if not poisonous political discourse. Her focus upon herself rather than on the victims, her self-portrayal as a victim rather than focusing upon the both the victims and heroes in Tuscon suggested that there is a certain lack of faith in the public's ability to learn from this tragedy, and make society a little better, a little safer, a little kinder than it had been.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

If we walk together, little children, we don't ever have to worry- "My Sisters and Brothers" by Charles Johnson

My daughter had a difficult time falling asleep. I knew that she would. The last words she said to me after we turned out the lights and said goodnight was, " I am uncomfortable about this test, can I go to school late tomorrow." I told her not to worry, kissed her good night and headed downstairs. But I knew, gosh I knew. For the first hour I was spared. She kept getting out of bed and going to mommy. "I can't sleep, I don't know what's wrong, I just can't sleep." Finally, mommy went to bed. There I was, quietly watching the college football championship game and the stairs began to creak. "Daddy, I don't know what is wrong, but I can't sleep." I looked up before she could get down the last step. "Can't sleep? Of course you can't sleep. Who can sleep when she is out of bed, walking around and telling people she can't sleep? If you want to go to sleep, go back to bed, lie down and don't get up."So she turned around and went back to her bedroom. I had hoped I was done, but I knew, gosh I knew. I knew that she would be back down at least one more time. As the second quarter is ending and now it is 10:30 at night, the stairs begin to creak, the sound of muffled breathing through tears can be heard and my daughter is down stairs in the family room, tears in her eyes. Through her sobs she says, "I can't sleep, I don't know what's wrong with me?" I am not so wise but somethings are so obvious. "You are nervous about your test. Come here, sit by me. You can watch the game with me or close your eyes, but just come here." For the first few minutes I watched her. She refused to watch the game. Instead she lay there thinking about why she can't fall asleep, and how would she function the next day. Finally I told her that the more she thinks about it, the more she worries, the more difficult it will be to fall asleep. "Stop thinking about it and let's watch the halftime ceremonies." She lay and quietly watched. Within the first 3 minutes of the 2nd half, she finally fell asleep. I carried her back up to bed. This morning she asked me how she got to bed since the last thing she remembers was halftime during the national championship game. How she awoke in bed? Is she kidding? She couldn't assume that I carried her back upstairs to bed? That I let her fall asleep on the sofa and calmed her down until she fell asleep? Where's the gratitude? Not even a "daddy, you were right. I was worried about the math test." Nothing, not a word, not a passing thought. Perhaps gratitude is something that needs to be taught and learned. It would be nice if my daughter had enough intellectual and spiritual courage to assume that dear old dad soothed her while she was worried, got her to relax and eventually carried her up to her own bed.

In Parsha Beshallach, Bnai Yisroel begins the journey of freedom. They are thrown out by Pharaoh. Departing with Moshe at their lead, Bnai Yisroel makes its way toward the Yam Suf. There, a week or so after leaving Egypt, Pharaoh has gathered his army, his chariots and horses and begins pursuing Bnai Yisroel. Of course, Bnai Yisroel complain to Moshe. A cloud by day and the fire by night protect them for a short time. On the banks of the Yam Suf, they complain again since they are now being chased into the sea. They scream and complain to Moshe, Moshe prays and God tells him to stop praying and start walking through the Sea. Miraculously the sea opens up and Bnai Yisroel passes through but closes upon the Egyptians. Safely on the other side, Bnai Yisroel acknowledges that they just experienced something miraculous and offer a Song of Praise - Az Yashir Moshe. After rejoicing, the people complain that they are hungry and thirsty. Even worse, they add to the complaint by claiming that they were never hungry or thirsty in Egypt. They complain about their seemingly unquenchable thirst and hunger and God offers them water and Manna. They are attacked by the Amalekites but eventually God causes Bnai Yisroel to defeat the Amalekites.

I am always amazed about the complaining. I suppose we can complain if we want. But it strikes me as incredibly chutzpadik to complain about anything after experiencing the miracle at the Yam Suf. Eventually, and usually when we do "without" do we become more appreciative, more aware that there is a presence in our lives. Incredibly, my daughter went into the car and we headed off to school. As we pulled into the parking lot she commented in an almost off handed manner, "I guess you were right, I shouldn't have worried so much about the test and just tried to relax. I am going to bed early tonight and I will try not to worry about anything." Needless to say, that little bit of gratitude made shlepping her upstairs and dealing with her anxiety worth while.
Peace,
Rav Yitz

One Way or Another, This Darkness has got to Give - (Hunter/Garcia- New Speedway Boogie)

We recently drove to New York City and returned to Toronto for New Years. Thankfully the portable DVD player kept our three children sufficiently entertained during the drive. Needless to say we got on the road a little and departed Toronto around 11am. We crossed the border and stopped for lunch in Rochester, NY. By the time we left; I realized that we would be driving at night. With the temperature dipping below freezing; any melting that occured during the day would now freeze on I81 south and become ice. So I decided to take the NYS Thruway 90 East to 87South - less mountains, more rest stops and better maintained. Somewhere east of Syracuse, around exit 32 it became dark very quickly. There was no moon; neither were there any stars. It was dark. On a stretch of Thruway for maybe about 3 miles, there were no cars or trucks on the road. My headlights were on and I found myself driving through one of those typical lake effect snow squalls. I slowed down. Our daughter looked up from the DVD player and, noticing that we had slowed down, asked why. When I told her to look out the window, she said, " I can't see anything, its too dark." I told her to look out the front window. She said, "Abba, I still can't see anything, its too snowy". A few minutes later, we had passed through the squall and saw some car tail lights. A few moments later the sky had cleared and the moon and the stars lit up the heavens.

This week Parsha is Bo. God will bring the final plagues upon Egypt, finally convincing Pharaoh to let Bnai Yisroel leave Egypt. Among the final plagues that God heaps upon the Egyptians is Choshech- Darkness. Va'Yomer HaShem El Moshe Netai Yadecha Al Ha'Shamayim V'Yehi CHoshech Al Eretz Mitrayim, VaYameish Choshech - And Hashem spoke to Moshe: "Stretch forth your hand to the heavens, and there shall be darkness upon the land of Egypt, and the darkness will be tangible." (Ex. 10:21). When Moshe does as he is told, the Torah describes the darkness as Choshech Afeilah - or "thick darkness" (Ex. 10:22). First the Darkness is "tangible" and then in the next verse the Darkness is described as "thick". What is tangible darkness? What is thick darkness? I have heard of thick fog, that is to say the "fog was as thick as pea soup." I haven't heard of darkness being thick except if the darkness in question was somehow connected to tension. Of course, "tension" is frequently described as thick -"The tension was so thick; you could cut it with a knife". But that moment of tension is not necessarily confined to darkness, there can be equally tense moments when there is light.

Normally, we describe darkness as the absence of light. However this plague of Choshech must be more than just the absence of light. There is a content to this darkness, a mass, a density to this darkness. Moses Maimonides, The Rambam (12th Century Spain) explains that this darkness was indeed an opaque fog like condition that extinguished all flames and blanketed light. Rashi (11th century France) explains that this darkness was so thick that one could not even move. It would seem that this darkness left people sticking their arms out feeling around and each step taken was filled with trepidation as one worried about putting his/her foot down. In order to feel the ground beneath one's feet, people would have dragged their feet because the darkness left one wondering where the ground was.

From a physical perspective, this darkness was not something that was particularly common. However from a spiritual perspective, it would seem to me that this darkness is something that some of us struggle with at one point or another. This is the darkness that envelops our soul. This is the darkness that envelops our minds and blankets our hearts. This is the darkness that leaves us feeling trapped in whatever situation we may find ourselves in. This is the darkness that leads us to think that there is no way out from what plagues us. This type of darkness can lead to depression and even suicide.

While the plague lasted only three days, and served as a pre-cursor to the final plague, Makat Bechorot - the Death of the First Born - this ninth plague of Choshech offered a glimpse as to what living in darkness, or a living with great loss must be like - a thick tangible emptiness that weighs down upon you that makes difficult to even move.

Yet, as one tries to continue to function, to wake up, to get through each minute, hour and day the chance of the darkness lifting increases. While at first it may not be noticeable, eventually the darkness will lift and hopefully one makes it through the other side of that darkness.
Peace,
Rav Yitz