A few days ago, when there was a lull in the evening, the homework was done, the showers were taken, the teeth were brushed, the pajamas were on, and the piano had been practiced, my seven year old son and I were about to read together. I asked him how school was and he started to get upset when he described his day. He didn’t tell me anything about school per se, but rather focused upon the social life of recess and the laws of the playground. “Abba, they teased me because I am short”. I asked him if that upset him, even though I could see it on his face. He said he wanted to cry but didn’t. He asked how much longer will he be short. He mentioned that he didn’t want to be out there with his other friends for recess anymore. “Abba, they were so mean, I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow.” I smiled and hugged him. I remember this conversation. This conversation occurred numerous times when I was a child. “You're going to school otherwise you will feel even shorter.”
This week we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative shifts from Yaakov to the adventures or rather the misadventures of Yaakov’s beloved son Yosef. We are all familiar with Yosef. Evidence of Yaakov’s love and favoritism is manifest in the second pasuk (verse) of the Parsha: Eileh Toldot Yaakov, Yosef Ben Shva Esrei Shanah Hayah Roeh et Echav B’Tzon. These are the generations of Yaakov – Yosef was 17 years old and was a shepherd with his brothers (Gen 37:2) Even before we meet the brothers in the narrative from Yaakov’s only concern was Yosef. Normally when we have read the phrase Eileh Toldot – These are the generations, we read about the generations of the ancestor, whether it was Adam, Noach or Esav we read about all the offspring and generations leading to the next main character. While the Torah tells us that Yaakov favored Yosef, it doesn’t become explicitly evident until we read that Yosef tells his father about his brother’s bad behavior and is rewarded with the Coat of Many Colors.
The Torah tells us that the brothers hated him and that Yosef was acutely aware of this. V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom – They (the brothers) could not speak peaceably towards him. Rashi explains that they expressed their hatred right to Yosef’s face. They didn’t try to conceal at all but let him know in no uncertain terms how they felt about him. Knowing how his brother’s felt about him, Yosef shares not one dream but two dreams. Not only does he tell them e that someday in the future they will bow down to him, but he reminds them again. First he tells them through the illusion of the corn sheaves bowing towards his corn sheave. Next he shares the dream of the heavenly constellations bowing to him as well: eleven stars, the sun and the moon all bowed down to him. Not only does he share this with brothers who hate him and obviously hate him even more, but he shared this with his father. The brothers’ response is obvious. VaYeKanu Vo Echav – So his brothers were jealous of him.
Yaakov’s response is far more mysterious and perhaps troubling. V’Aviv Shamar et HaDavar- But his father kept the matter in mind. “Keeping the matter in mind” could mean several very different things. Rashi explains that Yaakov waited to see when Yosef’s dream would come to fruition and so he guarded it faithfully. For Yaakov, Yosef’s dream was inevitability, a Navuah – a prophecy like the one his mother received while pregnant with him and his brother Esav. Rashi’s comment never suggests that Yaakov was upset at Yosef for sharing the dream with him or the eleven brothers. R’ Ovadia Sforno – the great 16th century Italian Rabbi, speaking five centuries after Rashi interprets Yaakov’s actions in an even stronger tone that Rashi: He was convinced that it was a true dream and he looked forward to its realization as our sages tell us ‘ One is jealous of all except his son and his student’ (Sanhedrin 105b).
While most, if not all the classical Meforshim (commentators) interpret Yaakov’s response in a similar vein: that Yaakov faithfully waited to see and perhaps even hoped for the day when Yosef’s dream would become reality; that interpretation doesn’t make sense when we evaluate Yaakov’s actions in the psukim immediately following “his keeping the matter in mind”. We are told that the brothers have the herd in Shechem and VaYomeir Yisroel el Yosef Halo Achecha Ro’im BiShchem L’Cha V’Eshlacha Aleihem – And Israel (Yaakov) said to Joseph, ‘Your brothers are pasturing in Shechem, are they not? Come, I will send you to them… Lech Nah R’eh et Shalom Achecha v’Et Shalom HaTzon, V’Hashiveinu Davar – Go now, look into the welfare of your brothers and the welfare of the flock and bring me back word” (Gen. 13-15). Didn’t Yaakov know how his 11 sons felt about Yosef? If so, how could he have knowingly sent him to see them and, even worse, for the express purpose of reporting back to Yaakov? Does Yaakov want to put Yosef into a very bad situation where he could be hurt? We say that Yaakov was not very aware how his 11 sons felt towards Yosef, and then we have a real problem with Yaakov as a parent. Even so, Yosef knew how the brothers felt towards him.
A more modern interpretation, and perhaps a more personal interpretation suggests that while Yaakov favored Yosef to a fault and Yaakov held the matter of the dreams close to himself in the hopes that someday Yosef’s dream would become a reality, Israel is a different type of aspect within Yaakov. The Israel aspect of Yaakov understood what Yaakov did not. Yosef also understood what Yaakov failed to understand. Yes, the brothers hated Yosef. Yes Yosef’s dream was unpleasant for the brothers to hear and certainly let to increased jealousy and animosity. Like Israel was so named because he wrestled with and was victorious in overcoming his conflict with Esav, Yosef needs have the confrontation with his brothers. So when Israel calls to Yosef and tells him that he has to go to the brothers, Yosef responds Hinneni –“ Here I am” meaning that he is present and ready for duty with no questions and no hesitation. Yosef’s father kept the matter in mind because he understood that just like he had to deal with his brother, better that Yosef should deal with his brothers, and all the teasing and all the anger sooner rather than allowing two decades to pass before you deal with it. In a sense Yaakov kept the original matter in mind to be used when Yosef had the opportunity to grow up a little and develop a better sense of humility.
I told my son that they used to tease me because I was so short. I told him that I felt crummy. I told him that I remember distinctly coming home one Sunday afternoon after playing football with the guys. They kept teasing me and I became angry. I remember weeping to my father telling him how I hated being the shortest kid out there. He asked me one question, and I asked my son. “Do you feel short? I remember answering “no”, and happily my son answered “no” as well. I then gave my son the same advice as he gave me. Then you march yourself back there and play big, you outwork, outhustle and outthink the other guy, and if they tease you just do your best. You can’t control when you grow taller, but you will. So become better than those kids who tease you. Sometimes Shaleim – becoming complete means getting right back in there to taking your lumps and confronting whatever needs to be confronted. Only then can one achieve Shalom – peace.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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