Our
daughter's birthday will occur in a couple of weeks. Generally, I do not think about
birthdays until the birthday is a few days away. However our daughter has taken
it upon herself to remind me in the middle as early as the first week of April for her May
birthday. Every quiet moment, when there is a lull in the conversation, she will
tell give us the countdown to her birthday as well as a list of what she hopes
to receive as a gift. Because she is the technologically savvy child, her choice
of gifts tends to be expensive including: an IPhone, IPad, MacBook, or a new
IPod. When I ask her why she wants these things, her first response is because
she has friends that have these things so she wants them. As those words begin
coming out of her mouth, I think about my father’s response to me when I asked
for things because others had them. My daughter will see the look on my face;
know full well that I am thinking about how to respond. She knows that my
response to her requests will usually be based upon similar requests that I
made of my father and knowing her grandfather and me so well, she begins
offering alternate reasons as to why she wants these things for her
birthday. She knows that in our house,
offering the explanation, “Because everyone else has it” will guarantee not
getting the desired gift.
Like
last week, this week’s Torah portion is a double Torah portion. Acharei Mot and
Kodashim are combined and read together on this Shabbat, in this particular
year. Yes, there are discussions about sacrifices. After all, we are still in
the book of Leviticus. Like everything else in Leviticus, the Torah tells us
how to increase holiness in our lives, and how we can atone for that lack of
holiness when we fail to live up to this moral standard. Two weeks ago, we
learned how to make the physical activity of eating a more spiritual and holy
endeavor. Last week, we learned how to make the physical activity of
procreation between a husband and wife a more spiritual and holy act. In Acharei
Mot, we learn that we must not defile ourselves in unholy relationships. In
Kodashim, we are reminded of a series of positive and negative commandments
that emphasize our behavior towards God as well as community members.
Both
Acharei Mot and Kodashim contain a related theme. This theme is made explicit
towards the end of Parsha Acharei Mot. Ushmartem et Mishmorti L’vilti Asot
MeiChukot HaToeivot Asher Na’Asu Lifneichem, V’lo Titamu Bahem, Ani Adonai
Eloheichem- “You shall safeguard My
charge not to do any of the abominable traditions that were done before you and
not contaminate yourselves through them; I am the Lord your God.”
(Lev.18:30). Here is God speaking to B’nai Yisroel just like my parents spoke
to me, and just like I want to speak to my daughter. “I don’t care if all the other kids have
an IPhone or an IPad. There is no reason to have one, it will just be another thing to divert your attention from your school work and being part of this family.” B’nai Yisroel cannot behave as other people. If they do,
they will incur the same punishment as the “other people”, the Canaanites, the
Moabites and all the other “ites” in the land. What was the punishment? If
B’nai Yisroel behaves like all the “ites”, then they too will lose their right
to the land.
In
Parshah Kodashim, we see the flip side of God’s charge not to behave like the
other nations. Instead we must behave like God. We must act holy. We don’t act
holier than thou, just holy. God instructs Moshe to tell B’nai Yisroel: Kodashim Tiheyu Ki Kadosh Ani Adonai
Eloheichem- You shall be holy,
because I am holy, I am the Lord your God.” (Lev 19:2) Throughout the rest
of the parshah, for every reason given, whether a positive or negative
commandment, we hear the mantra “Ani
Adonai Eloheichem”-I am the Lord your
God.” Combining both Parshiot we learn that we don’t defile ourselves like
other people. We don’t behave like other people. Rather we behave in a holy
way. We treat others in an ethical
respectful manner. We treat our relationship with God in a respectful and
ethical manner. We behave in a manner that purifies. We behave like a mentsche.
We draw boundaries and distinctions as to what is appropriate and what is not
appropriate. Just because everybody else behaves inappropriately and
unethically does not mean we behave inappropriately. We “don’t set a stumbling
block before the blind” (Lev.19:14). We don’t take revenge and we shall not
bear a grudge against the members of our people (Lev.19:18). We also don’t
crossbreed animals and we don’t mix plant and animal fibers in our garments,
Shatnes (Lev.19:19). We only engage in appropriate relationships, we don’t
marry our mothers or our sisters. Why?
Because, “I am the Lord your God.” We can hear this mantra in two ways. We can
hear it as the ultimate “Because I am your mother (father) and I said so!”
However, we can also hear it as the ultimate “Because I am your mother and
father, and I don’t behave that way, and neither should you!” If we hear this
mantra with the latter perspective, we know that God, like any good parent,
provides an example of behavior, not by words but by deeds. God’s creative
power is based upon division. So is ours. God creates holiness within the time
space continuum. We create holiness within our physical activities, eating,
praying, relationships with others, and our relationship to God.
When
I explain to my daughter that she cannot have things that other kids have,
there is only one reason. I explain to her and to all of our children that we
raise our children according to our values, our sense of what is appropriate
and what is inappropriate. I remind our birthday girl that she will be treated
her age and not older. She is turning 11, so we will buy her a gift that is
appropriate for an 11 year old and an 11 year old's sense of responsibility. We will
buy her clothes that are for an 11 year old and not 18 year old. I remind her
that she is not like other daughters. She is our daughter, with our name, our
values. She frowns and then I smile and
tell her “Guess what, we are not like everybody else”. Of course this is what the Torah is teaching
us. We are a holy nation. Perhaps, we
should speak to our children like God spoke to B’nai Yisroel.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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