Wake Up To Find Out That You Are The Eyes Of The World (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Eyes of The World")

There is nothing like teenage girls.  I dreaded the five years between 8^th grade through 12^th grade of our oldest daughter and I am already dreading these tumultuous five years of our soon to be 13 year old daughter.  The best thing about this five year period of emotional ups and downs with our daughter is the knowledge and experience that it will eventually end. One day it will be over. Maybe it will end when she heads off to college so that we don’t have to deal with it. Maybe it will end when she spends a period of time away and gets the antidote to these difficult five year – “perspective”.  Maybe it will end when she finally grows weary of the seemingly unending drama of who is a friend with whom, what is in style, what my friends think, as the most important criteria for making decisions.  For now, we merely take a deep breath. We try to avoid the emotional roller coaster of a teenage girl’s life, sit in awe as she spends hours getting her hair just right, and listen as she tries to struggle with the opinions of her friends and the opinions of her family. Unfortunately, at this point, there is no question she is much more concerned with how her friends perceive her as opposed to how her family perceives her.  My wife and I smile hopefully, aware that someday, God Willing, she will be less concerned about the perception of others and more concerned with her own self-perception and her parents’ perception.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Shelach Lecha. The Torah portion begins with the narrative of Moshe gathering up twelve spies, one corresponding to each of the twelve tribes, and giving them the mission. The spies are told to investigate the quality of the land – fertile or barren, its inhabitants - warlike or peaceful, the nature of cities –fortified or open? The spies go and investigate and return. Ten spies offer a negative report and two, Caleb and Joshua, offer a positive report. Bnai Yisroel listen to the ten spies with the negative report and fell utterly overwhelmed at the prospect of entering into the land that Hashem promised them.  Hysterical, the people beg to return to Egypt. Hashem wants to wipe them all out immediately but Moshe defends the people just like he did after the Golden Calf. So rather than wiping out an entire people Hashem punishes Bnai Yisroel by prohibiting this generation from entering into the land. Eventually, when the slave generation has died out, the generations born in freedom will enter Eretz Canaan.  The people hear the punishment and decide they are ready to enter the land. Moshe explains that it is too late since entry into Canaan is ultimately premised upon faith.  Then Moshe begin teaching Bnai Yisroel laws specific and premised upon settlement in the Canaan.  First Moshe teaches the Libation Offering as well as Challah. Next, Moshe teaches the laws of public atonement of unintentional idolatry, individual unintentional idolatry, intentional idolatry, a reminder about violating Shabbat and finally the laws of Tzitzit.

The ten spies whom Bnai Yisroel chose to believe did not really bring such a negative report. They explained that the land was fruitful and fertile, there were trees and that it was really quite beautiful.  The problem with the report was that it revealed more about the spies and Bnai Yisroel than the land itself. When seeing some of the inhabitants and the physical size of some of those inhabitants.  The Ten spies said Vanhi V’Eineinu Ka’CHaGaVim V’Chain Hayinu B’Eineihem – we were like grasshoppers in our eyes and so we were in their eyes. (Num. 13:33) How do the ten spies know how the Nefilim (the Giants) perceive them? Did they ask the Nefilim? The answer to both questions is “No”. No they don’t know how the Nefilim perceive the Ten Spies and “No”, the Ten Spies did not ask the Nefilim. The spies feel small because from their own perspective and self image, they are small. When they look in a mirror, they see slaves. They don’t see people who stood at Sinai and received the Torah. They don’t see a people who carry a Mishkan with Hashem protecting them and scattering their enemies. They don’t see a people worthy of Hashem’s daily miracles of Manna, and water.  Instead they carry with them the burden of two centuries of slavery and being slightly less than human rather than being slightly less than angels.  Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk (The Kotzker Rebbe) explained that this was the root of the spies as well as Bnai Yisroel’s sin. They had no right to consider how others viewed them, nor should they have been at all concerned.  They should have all been spiritually strong enough to realize and accept that they were “priests to the nations” and “chosen by God”. The fact that such spiritual awareness was still lacking even after all the miracles and promises that God made; meant that problem lay with Bnai Yisroel. These former slaves were not ready for the responsibility of land and people hood.

Yes, the most frequently asked question by our soon to be teenage daughter is, “does this look ok?” “What will they think?” Yes we try to explain that more important than what THEY think is what SHE thinks. The most rewarding moments these days occur after the emotional outbursts, after the tears of frustration, after the fights, when she calmly sits down with us and shares with us her realization how much happier she is  when she worries less about what other think and say. Maybe the next five years won’t be as difficult as we anticipate.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Anything You Want To Be You Can Buy, Even Get It Free (John Barlow & Bob Weir - Heaven Help the Fool)

As an American family living in Toronto, my wife and I have shared a mutual concern for our children’s knowledge of American History, Geography and Civics.  We worry about their ability to find Texas on map of the United States,  the Rocky Mountains stand, or where the Mississippi River flows. We worry that they don’t know the difference between a Congressman (woman) and a Senator. We worry over their learning about the American Revolution, the Civil War, or the Gilded Age. So when our children have the opportunity to read or study about an event specific to American History, such as the Civil Rights Movement, Jackie Robinson, or the New York Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire; we tend to push them a little harder.  Needless to say, when “42” was released, we considered an educational opportunity.  During and after the movie our children asked all kinds of questions.  However when our son asked if I was alive when Jackie Robinson came to Brooklyn, I told him that I wasn’t even alive yet.  To give him some context, I told him that Grandpa was a kid during Jackie’s rookie season, and that Grandma, who grew up in North Carolina, remembers growing up in the Jim Crow South amid racial segregation. Our children realized that “history” wasn’t so long ago. Our daughter asked why did the some of the white players keep talking about “preserving the good old days” and the “way things have always been”? I laughed and was reminded of something my father used to tell me when the topic of the “good old days” came up. He used to tell me and my sister to be careful of listening to the embellished nostalgia for the “good old days.” Quoting the journalist Franklin Adams, our father taught us that “Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.” Bad memory plagues all of us in every generation.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Bahalotcha. For the previous two Parshiot, Bemidbar and Naso, Bnai Yisroel has counted and prepared for their journey from Sinai to Eretz Canaan. This week, the final preparations are ordered and executed and the departure from Sinai begins. Aaron, Moshe’s brother and the Kohen Gadol, lights the lamp for the Mishkan, the entire Levite tribe is purified, offerings made and their service for maintenance of the Mishkan begins. Final instructions for observing Pesach under these new conditions, (they were not leaving Egypt anymore nor had they arrived in the land) were offered, including the case of coming into contact with the deceased and becoming spiritually impure. The narrative tells us the manner in which Bnai Yisroel traveled: sheltered by a cloud during the day, and protected by a pillar of fire at night. Then the complaining begins. They complain about the Mannah. They complain about the food. They complain about Moshe’s leadership. Moshe’s sister complains about his wife.

There is no mystery as to the timing of these complaints. Bnai Israel’s context had changed. For over a year they had been dwelling at the foot of Mt. Sinai. Now they would begin their journey, a journey that was supposed to take a week to ten days, and conclude with their arrival in Eretz Canaan, in Israel. Things are now no longer what they had been. Things are different. V’Hasafuf Asher B’Kirbo Hitavu Gavah VaYashuvu VaYivku Gam Bnai Yisroel VaYomru Mi Yachileinu Basar. The rabble that was among them cultivated a craving, and the Children of Israel also wept once more, and said, “Who will feed us meat?” Zacharnu et HaDagah Asher Nochal B’Mitzrayim Chinam Et Hakishuim v’Eit Ha’Avatichim v’Et HeChatzir V’et Habtzalim v’Et Hashumim. Remember the fish that we ate in Egypt free of charge; and the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic. V’Atah Nafsheinu Yeveisha Ein Kol Bilti El Haman Einenu – But now, our life is parched, there is nothing; we have nothing to anticipate but the Manna!” (Num. 11:4-6). Talk about selective memory! The back breaking labor and the tears they don’t remember but the fish they ate free of charge; that was the essence of their more than two centuries of freedom? Had their memories become so selective and so poor so fast?

Amid the complaint is a clue that suggests that maybe their memory wasn’t as bad as first indicated, and the good old days in Egypt were maybe not so great.  The clue is in the word used to describe the “fish that was eaten free of charge”. The word in Hebrew is Chinam. Literally, Chinam means gratuitously; for no reason.  Ramban, the 13 century Spanish philosopher took the verse literally. Egyptian fisherman gave Bnai Yisroel the plentiful low quality fish that they caught.  Ibn Ezra, the tenth century linguist, philosopher, and astrologer, explained that fish was so plentiful that it was virtually free. However Rashi, the great 11^th century French commentator, suggests that there is an alternative understanding of the word Chinam.  He based his comment upon the Talmudic Sages who taught that indeed, the food was free – it came with no sense of obligation, responsibility or mitzvot.

When the Talmudic sages discuss the reasons for the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash (the Holy Temple), they point to the concept of Sinat Chinam-Senseless or gratuitous hatred. When we apply that nuanced understanding of Chinam (senseless  and gratuitous) back to the all you can eat fish smorgasbord during the period of slavery; our understanding of HaDaga Asher Nochal B’Mitzrayim Chinam can be viewed as the idea that there was so much fish, it wasn’t considered precious or important.  Egyptians would wantonly throw the fish away. This unwanted fish was free of charge. Also the fish was so gratuitous, there was so much of it; it had no value and no one cared about it.  Yes, Bnai Yisroel had fish free of charge. They probably forgot to remind Moshe, that every meal contained the same unwanted fish that the Egyptian threw away. They probably forgot to tell Moshe that there was so much fish that during the heat of the summer, there was a horrible stench of fish rotting in homes and on the streets.  Indeed, the “Good Old Day” always seem better when we look back at them then when we live through them.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Who Will Water All The Children Of The Garden (Robert Hunter, Phil Lesh, & Jerry Garcia - "St. Stephen")

On Erev Shabbat, (Friday Nights) when families gather to mark the arrival of Shabbat, several blessings are made. Among the blessing that occur in many traditional Jewish homes is a blessing for the children.  As a child, I remember dutifully walking towards my father and receiving the blessing for a son, then my sister dutifully walking over towards my father and receiving the blessing for a daughter, and then he would put his arms around us and recite the priestly benediction. When I became a father, I also blessed each of my children.  I remember that when my wife and I were blessed with our children, there was never a discussion about this ritual. There was never a discussion as to who would do it and how it would be done.  In our home each child comes to me and I quietly bless each one individually, almost whispering the words. It is one of those private moments that everyone else who happens to be at the Shabbat dinner table can see. Yet for me, I am invoking a blessing that is as ancient as the Torah but remains relevant to this very day.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Naso. The Parsha’s 176 psukim make it among the longest single parshiot in the entire Torah.  Its length is also reflected in the wide variety of topics covered including:  the census for the tribe of Levi, the Priestly tribe, the responsibilities for the maintenance and operation of the Mishkan, the purification of the camp,  the treatment of the wayward wife (the Sotah), the vow of the Nazir ( a vow that limits the behavior of the individual as a means of elevating oneself to a higher level of holiness for only a limited time),  the identical tribal offerings made by each leader in order on twelve successive days that celebrated the fact that the Mishkan was “open for business”. Inserted in these seemingly disparate rules and narratives is the priestly benediction. A quick glance at the different components of Parsha Naso suggests that each is connected to each other because of the idea of Naso – “lift up”. Indeed each component discussed issues of how we can raise ourselves up in holiness, either through our own actions or the actions of the other.

The Priestly benediction is an example of a third party elevating us, or at least offering a supplication to God on our behalf that we indeed are worthy of blessing.  From that perspective, I can’t imagine a more powerful ritual for parents to do with their children. Yevarechecha Adoshem VaYishmarecha, May Hashem bless you and keep you. Ya' eir Adoshem Panav Eilecha VaYichuneka, May Hashem make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you Yisa Adoshem Panav Eilecha VaYaSem Lecha Shalom May Hashem lift his countenance upon you and give you peace.( Num 6:24-26)  I have been saying this blessing for 23 years. I have received this blessing every Friday night from the time I was 5 until I left for college at 18. When I came home to visit my father would still give me this blessing. What does it mean that God should “keep" our children or “guard” our children? Naturally as parents invoking Hashem to protect our children seems like a great idea given all the tsuris in the world. Yet Rashi, the great 11^th century French commentator explains that this first blessing is not Hashem protecting our children. Rather the “blessing” should be the blessing enumerated in the Torah, that our children should be materially well off and Hashem should “protect” our children and their material blessings from those who might take such blessing. The second blessing which speaks of “shining Hashem’s face upon” our child is our desire for our children to become enlightened by Torah and a meaningful relationship with Hashem. The “gracious” is the subliminal understanding that all we can ask for is that our children have an intellectual and spiritual ability to learn Torah and connect to Hashem; we hope Hashem was gracious in giving our children plenty of ability in order to receive such “light”.  The third blessing is perhaps the most relevant for parents and children. Rashi explains that “lifting His countenance to you” means that Hashem should suppress His anger. Even though our children may do something wrong, Hashem should show special consideration and not punish. Rather present the opportunity for Tshuvah so that our children can once again become Shaleim – whole as well as know Shalom – peace of spirit.

Even now, when we are together and he sees me blessing his grandchildren (my children) he still has the inclination to bless me.  You know something? He is right. The priestly benediction doesn’t grow old. It applies to children of all ages. It especially applies to middle age children raising a family and dealing with all the modern trials and tribulations that can truly diminish their sense of Shaleim, their sense of Shalom, and their striving towards a life of Kedusha.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Seems a Common Way To Go (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Row Jimmy)

Well, it finally looks like spring in Toronto. For the past nine years, springtime in Toronto usually meant that people emerged from hibernation, began yard work projects, and sports fans  followed the Toronto Blue Jays. Well, so far, this spring has been a bit different. For the first time in nine years,  Toronto's secular religion, playoff hockey, has returned to Toronto. As an American,  hockey is not the same type of secular religion as baseball. However, our son has been listening to the kids in school and has actually come home talking about the hockey playoffs. Honestly, I don’t gave know the difference between a blue line and a red line except the color, but I am always intrigued by professional sports teams and playoffs. I like the intensity, I like the buzz that a city has when their team is in the playoffs, and I enjoy watching individuals sacrificing their individual glory for one common objective: winning.  When I watch the Hockey playoffs, or what is more personally more appealing to me, the New York Knicks actually in the Basketball playoffs, I am reminded of the  powerful, age-old, sports adage: “There is no ‘I’ in TEAM”. The adage means that the individual must forsake his/her ego for the good of the team. Everyone on the team has a role. If that role is not executed with efficiency and excellence, then the team’s effectiveness is compromised and the risk of losing games increases.

This week’s Parshah is Bemidbar. Bemidbar marks the start of the fourth Book of the Torah, Sefer Bemidbar (the Book of Numbers).  If the Book of Leviticus focused upon all the ritual and ethical behavior a community must observe in order for “God to dwell among it”, The Book of Numbers focuses upon something quite different. Sefer Bamidbar consists of lists, lists of names, numbers and places. The Book begins and ends with a census. The Book begins with B’nai Yisroel still wandering from place to place as they completed their first year free from captivity. As they begin their second year, there will be more narrative, and more events. The Book of Numbers concludes with B’nai Yisroel’s temporarily dwelling in one spot for the next 38 years, overlooking the Promised Land.

Parshah Bemidbar begins with God commanding Moshe to count the people. Then God commands Moshe to organize the people according to tribal formation around the Mishkan. Three tribes are in each of the four directions: three in the North, three in the South, three in the East and three in the West.  The tribe of Levi, (the priest) was not counted in this census because it occupied the center of the camp. Instead of the first born from other tribes serving in the Mishkan, the Levites became the designated tribe to serve God in the Mishkan. Counting the Levites was the second census. In Parshah Bamidbar, we also read a list of names. These are the designated leaders of each tribe. Every tribe has a place within the camp, every tribe has a flag, and every tribe has a leader. The Parshah concludes with another census, this time it is limited to a particular family within the tribe of Levi.

Every tribe had a role. Every tribe had a place. Every tribe had a function. The Midrash explains that when God suggested the arrangements and roles for the tribes, Moshe questioned the idea. “ Now there will be disputes between the tribes.” Moshe reasoned that by assigning certain tribes to certain places, other tribes would become envious and grow disenchanted with their place within the camp, relative to the Mishkan. God explained that there was no need to worry. Each tribe’s designated spot was based upon Jacob’s sons’ positioning around Jacob’s coffin. Each tribe had a clear and proper place within the greater community. There was neither fighting, bickering, nor disenchantment. VaYa’Asu B’nai Yisroel kChol Asher Tzivah Adonai et Moshe, Kein Asu – “The Children of Israel did everything  that God commanded Moshe, so did they do”  (Num.1:54). Knowing their role or their place had a positive effect. Each tribe had a defined space and specific function that insured the welfare of the community.

            So, what can we learn from Parsha Bemidbar? First we learn that every individual counts, and every individual has value. We only count that which has a perceived value, such as: money, cd’s, cars, and whatever we have collected over the years. God ordered two censuses. B’nai Yisroel mattered to God; each individual must have had value. Otherwise, God would not have counted. From this we learn that a community’s strength is only as great as the individuals that comprise that community. Second, we learn that everyone must have a role, or a function within that community. Each individual must have a means to contribute to the community. By reaching out to the individual, recognizing how each contributes to the whole, and each individual’s contribution, a family can achieve holiness, community can achieve holiness, and a nation can achieve holiness.

Peace,

Rav Yitz