Now Is The Time Of Returning With Our Thought Jewels Polished And Gleaming (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh- "The Eleven")

As a parent, as a father, I have a hard time when I am unable to “make it better for my children”. Certainly, there have been times when I have deliberately chosen NOT “to make it better” because I believed that our son or daughters needed to “make it better” him/herself. However, when I am unable to make it better, I feel as if I am failing my child. Well, while the Jewish people ushered in a new month, and the first vestiges of the moon could be seen;  our 17year-old daughter, spent another night staying up late studying for tests, writing papers, and preparing for the standardized test required for college/university admissions in the U.S.   Usually, I am the last one to go sleep and since it was Rosh Chodesh (the New Moon), I took a moment before heading up to bed to look at the first slivers of the new moon. Our daughter came downstairs, and  I turned around. I took one look at her, and I could see her unhappiness, exhaustion, and anxiousness.  I asked if there was anything I could do.  Frustrated, tired and emotionally drained, she began to weep. She looked up and said that there was something I could do. She asked if I could add more hours to the day so that way she can finish her work. I explained that the ability to add more hours to the day is way above my pay grade. I asked if there was anything else I could do. “No”, she replied, “I just need you to give me more time.” I suggested that we can make"time" more special, we can avoid wasting time or we can fool alter our perceptions of the rate by which time passes.

This week's Parsha is Bo.  The ten plagues culminate with locusts, darkness and finally the killing of the firstborn. On the night of the last plague, God instructs Moshe to tell B'nai Yisroel to recognize and observe Rosh Chodesh, the first day of each month. God instructs Moshe to tell B’nai Yisroel to slaughter a lamb for each family. The blood should be painted onto the doorpost. The sacrificed lamb must be completely eaten that night with no leftovers.  The command continues with God instructing Moshe to reiterate this story to the children of each family. The Parsha concludes with the command to sanctify the firstborn, remember this night, remember what God did for B'nai Yisroel, and how B'nai Yisroel eventually returned to the land.

This is perhaps the first Parsha in which God we read of more than one commandment.  Prior to this Parsha, maybe three of the 613 Mitzvot could be derived from all of B’reishit (The Book of Genesis) and the first two Parshiot of Shmot. Now we read both narratives as well as commandments. While the commandment that focuses specifically upon Pesach, the commandments such as Korbonot Shel Pesach (Passover Sacrifice), eating the Passover Sacrifice, completely finish eating the Passover Sacrifice, eating Matzah, removing the leaven, prohibiting the uncircumcised from eating the Passover Sacrifice, the prohibitions of eating leaven and seeing leaven and owning leaven, sanctifying the firstborn, redeeming the firstborn and recounting Yetziat Mitzrayim, the Exodus from Egypt to name a few. However the first Mitzvah, the first commandment that God tells Moshe, Aharon, and B’nai Yisroel does not explicitly focus upon the Exodus but rather upon time and keeping track of time. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe V’el Aharon B’Eretz Mitzrayim Leimor Hashem said to Moshe and Aharon in the Land of Egypt, saying: HaChodesh HaZeh Lachem Rosh Chodeshim Rishon Hu Lachem L’Chadshei HaShana: This month shall be for you the beginning of the months, it shall be for you the first of the months of the year. (Ex 12:1-2) Certainly, all the Mitzvot that follow this commandment, those that focus specifically upon the Exodus, warrant God’s speaking to Moshe and Aharon.        

From a narrative perspective, it makes sense that the Torah tells us that these commandments were issued while they were still in Egypt; B’nai Yisroel had not yet actually left Egypt but rather making its final preparations. Why is the first commandment issued focused upon counting? This month will be the beginning of months; it will be the first month of the year? How will they know when the next month of begins? Sefer HaChinuch, a 13^th century text written by Pinchas ben Aharon HaLevi of Barcelona clarifies this issue. Sefer HaChinuch (the Book of Education) lists all 613 Mitzvot in order of appearance and corresponding to each Parshah. Also, the author provides a moral and philosophical explanation of each commandment.  Regarding the commandment This month shall be for you the beginning of the months, it shall be for you the first of the months of the year, Sefer HaChinuch says Klomar K’SheTiru CHidosha Shel L’Vana Tikb’u Lachem Rosh Chodesh In other words, when you see the renewal of the moon, you will establish for yourselves the beginning of the month O Afilu Lo Tiruha MiKeivan Shi R’Uyahn L’Heiraot Al Pi HaCHesbon HamKubal – or even if you do not see it, once it is due to be seen according to the accepted reckoning. So the moon’s cycle will serve as the indicator of the beginning and end of a month.  M’SHarshei Mitzvah Zo K’dei Shya’asu Yisroel Moadei HaShem BizMaNaM – At the root of this precept lies the purpose that the Israelites should keep the holy days of the Eternal Lord at their proper times… Before God gives instructions about how to observe the Exodus, these soon to be former slaves must be able to control time, or observe time so that they will know the right time to observe God’s festivals.

            The first step towards freedom is to observe the passage of time, mark the passage of time, and declare the right time to observe time-bound commandments. Until now, the master, Egyptians, told the slaves when to wake up, when to sleep, when to work and when to eat. Now, these former slavers will have to establish their own schedule and keep their own calendar. Of course, this schedule and this calendar must be for a higher purpose. It cannot be a schedule or a calendar in which there is nothing but rather it must be filled with opportunities to engage and celebrate what is to be free; free to serve God.  Yes, my daughter is overtired frustrated, anxious and feels overwhelmed.  In a moment of anxiety, she exclaimed that she didn’t even have time to breathe. In some small way, she understands the most fundamental aspect of slavery. Time belongs to someone else. However, despite the sense that there neither enough time nor that time belongs to another, our 17-year-old daughter appreciates that moment during the week, where time feels as if it belongs to her. Shabbat, with its myriad of restrictions, slows time. As a result, time is recaptured and she can claim her fair share of it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Learn to Speak, Speak With Wisdom Like a Child, Directly To The Heart ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Foolish Heart")

Martin Luther King’s birthday was commemorated earlier this week. We acknowledge Dr. King’s birthday by listening to his aspirational and inspirational words of his “I Have a Dream” speech and my kids eagerly watched a bit of NBA basketball during their lunch period in school. (The NBA historically commemorates MLK DAY by playing NBA games during the day in its larger U.S. markets.) A variety of cities also conduct commemorative civic celebrations. Usually, it is a day when city officials, politicians, and pundits reflect on Dr. King’s legacy, his struggle against racism and prejudice in the U.S. as well his aspirations for a more racially tolerant society. Some pundits suggest that because of Dr. King’s call for racial tolerance there became heighten sensitivity and tolerance for all who are alienated because of prejudice: prejudice against people of color, sexual orientation, the physically challenged, and Jews. Amid this time of reflection, it was somewhat ironic that the President’s daughter in law during a campaign event for her father in law made insensitive and mocking comments about former Vice President Biden’s well-publicized lifetime of stuttering. “Joe, can you get it out?”, “Let’s get the words out, Joe.” Apparently, the comments were greeted with muffled giggles and the uncomfortable polite silence when someone crosses an obvious boundary of civility. However, the more poignant and inspiring response appeared in the January 18^th NY Times opinion page. Mr. Chesley B. Sullenberger III (aka Sully, the former airline pilot who made a heroic emergency landing in the Hudson River saving the lives of all the passengers) offered his response entitled “Capt. ‘Sully’ Sullenberger: Like Joe Biden, I Once Stuttered, Too. I Dare You to Mock Me.” Sully explains that imperfections do not define individuals.

This week we read from Parsha Va’Eira.

This Shabbat we read Parsha Va’Eira. In this Parshah, God reassures Moshe after Pharaoh and mocked and dismissed both he and Aharon. God explains the plan to Moshe that Pharaoh’s heart will be hardened after each plague but eventually, Pharaoh will capitulate. God explains the various stages of redemption. The plagues begin. We are supposed to understand that each of these first seven plagues is more severe than the previous plague: Blood, Frogs, Lice, Wild Beasts, Animal plague, Boils, Hail. Moshe requests that Pharaoh allows B’nai Yisroel to worship God for three days, Pharaoh sometimes acquiesces sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes he asks Moshe to pray on his behalf and sometimes he doesn’t. One thing is clear, that whenever Pharaoh gets his way (a plague ceases), something that would clearly indicate the power of God, Pharaoh acts almost like a child. He returns to his arrogant self-centered nature. Finally at the very end of the Parsha, after the plague of Hail has devastated the land and killed anything that was outside, Pharaoh expresses the evolution of his belief system.

Moshe’s first meeting with Pharaoh concluded with Pharaoh ordering his slaves to produce more from less raw material. Essentially Pharaoh embittered the lives of the Hebrew slaves even more than current levels. The slaves were not at all happy with Moshe. God now sends Moshe back for a second meeting, a second confrontation. For the second time Moshe feels compelled to remind God that he is  Ani Areil Sfatayim – I have sealed (circumcised) lips (Ex.6:12; a euphemism for a speech impediment, traditionally thought to be a stutter). Why does Moshe feel compelled to remind God what God already knew and didn’t seem bothered by? Moshe already explained that he had a speech impediment (Ex.4: 10-2). The first time Moshe informs God that he has a speech impediment, God re-assures Moshe and informs him that his older brother Aaron will be a spokesman when they meet with B’nai Yisroel. Moshe expected that the Elders of B’nai Yisroel would speak on his behalf during his meetings with Pharaoh. Now, God was changing the expectations by instructing Moshe that must speak to Pharaoh. Again, Moshe fears that he is unqualified and his statement of “Ani Areil Sfatayim- I have circumcised (sealed) lips express that fear and anxiety. The Tifferet Israel, Rabbi Israel Lipschitz (1782-1860) commentary on the Mishna explains that a certain king, having heard of Moshe’s fame, sent a renowned artist to paint Moshe’s features.  The painter returned and the Sages proclaimed his work to be that of a degenerate. The King wanted to see for himself so he headed out to the wilderness where Moshe and B’nai Yisroel were camped. Seeing Moshe, the king realizes that the painting did not lie. Moshe tells the king that the painter was accurate and that he had been born with many physical impediments and infirmities and character shortcomings. Moshe explained that he had spent a lifetime learning how to control and conquer these impediments, infirmities, and shortcomings (comment on Mishnah Tractate Kiddushin).

Of course, Moshe will go on to provide some of the most inspired words ever recorded. Regarding Moshe, we will learn that no one had a closer relationship with God, was as great a prophet or leader. Moshe’s impediments, infirmities and character shortcomings became obstacles for Moshe to overcome. These impediments, infirmities, and shortcomings allowed Moshe to identify with the alienated, the downtrodden and the “other”.  Moshe’s struggle to control and conquer his shortcomings reflected the vast amounts of character and intestinal fortitude. No, Moshe’s deficiencies did not define him, rather his character, his internal strength defined him. When Moshe claims Ani Areil Sfatayim; we bear witness to a man engaged in the hard work of character development, overcoming obstacles and growing into the greatness he would ultimately achieve. This is our hard work as well. Whether it is Moshe, Martin Luther King, or Sully Sullenberger, the message remains the same. It is a messaged that I constantly transmit to our children. An impediment, a flaw, or even a poor grade doesn’t define one’s character. Rather the effort used to control an impediment, conquer a flaw or improve upon a poor grade reflects more upon one’s character.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Would Slave To Learn The Way To Sink Your Ship Of Fools (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Ship Of Fools")

As a father of four, I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about our four kids. I worry about my wife. I worry when they are very busy with work and school. I worry when they feel stress. I worry when I sense that they are not taking care of themselves. For our eldest daughter who works on a presidential campaign, this is one the busiest times of the presidential campaign cycle. She loves this time of year and she thrives during this time of year. Admittedly, as her dad,  I worry about her. I worry that she will forget to take care of herself. During a recent conversation, she reassured me that she was looking after herself and that she even decided to suspend her Facebook account, cut back on her use of social media and diminish the number of people she follows on Twitter, mostly comedians. She explained that the world of Social Media had grown incredibly toxic and she believed that by cutting back; she could reduce her stress and anxiety.  I decided to look into this relationship between social media and anxiety, depression and mental health. My daughter was onto something.  A recent study published in the Journal of Depression last year demonstrated a link between the high usage of social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, to name a few,  and depression.  Of the participants in the study who checked their social media accounts 30 times per week an hour per day; 25% faced a higher risk (2.7 times more risk) for depression. There is greater exposure to cyberbullying, and all the toxicity and hate that is in social media. Also, because people only post the best thing and the most “perfect” moments, others suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Such people are left feeling that they have nothing worthwhile to post, their lives are not as great as those whom they follow.  A recent study at York University found that young women who were asked to interact with a post of someone whom they perceived as more attractive felt worse about themselves afterward. The 120 undergraduate women were either asked to find on Facebook and Instagram a peer who they felt was more attractive, or a family member who they did not feel was more attractive, and leave a comment. They reported that they felt worse about their own appearances only in the first condition, with peers, but not family. It would appear based upon scientific studies and our daughter’s social media experiences, too much Social Media can enslave.

            This week, we begin the Book of Shmot, the Book of Exodus. The first few verses essentially recount the ending of the Book of Genesis. Shmot re-iterates the fact that Yaakov and his sons came to Egypt, Yaakov dies, and the next generation, Yaakov’s sons (including Yosef) pass away. A new king assumes the mantle of power and does not know of Yosef’s great deeds. Instead, the new Pharaoh believed that this foreign population was tantamount to a fifth column. Therefore this tribe must be enslaved in order to prevent their uniting with Egypt’s external enemies. Vayavidu Mitzrayim et B’nai Yisroel B’Farech – The Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel with crushing harshness. Vai’Mareru et Chayeihem Ba’Avodah Kasha B'Chomer Uvilveinim Uvechol Avodah Ba’Sadeh Eit Kol Avodatam Asher Avdu Bahem B’Farech – They embittered their lives with hard work, with mortar, and with bricks, and with every labor of the field, all their labors that they performed with them were with crushing harshness (Ex. 1:13-14). These two verses strike me as problematic. Why does the first verse tell us that enslavement was with “crushing harshness” when the second verse goes into great detail as to what constitutes crushing hardness and then concludes with “the labor that they performed with them with crushing harshness? Either the verse seems redundant, or superfluous. Perhaps the best solution would be to eliminate the word b’Farech in the first verse and keep it in the second verse. So it would read: the Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel. They embittered their lives….  How do we understand the use of the extra B’Farech?

            The second use of B’Farech is defined for us by the verse. Hard work, embittering lives, every labor of the field constitutes crushing harshness. The issue is the use of B’Farech in the previous verse. Perhaps the crushing harshness is not to be taken literally. In Hebrew B’Farech means “in a crushing manner” the slavery ground them into the ground. Farech can be divided into two words Peh and Rech. Peh means mouth and Rech means soft. Figuratively “soft speech” means persuasively or persuading via the “soft sell” as opposed to threats. With this in mind, we can understand that there were to steps to slavery. First, convince B’nai Yisroel that they were part of Egypt. Explain to B’nai Yisroel how much they are needed by Egypt. Incorporate them into the Egyptian workforce. Make it easy to be Egyptian. Encourage assimilation. Once B’nai Yisroel willingly gave up their “separateness”, once they gave up their identity, one piece at a time, they relinquished their freedom one piece at a time. The first verse could, therefore, be understood as Egyptians crushing slavery as the dominant culture and society overwhelming or crushing the minority culture. Once assimilation occurred, once B’nai Yisroel had assumed the bondage of the popular culture; putting them into chains and crushing them with backbreaking work became inevitable.

            To a degree, Social Media has enslaved us.  We are exposed to all the unfiltered thoughts and bilge that a person desires to share. We are exposed to everyone’s attempt to cast themselves in the best possible light, we think that we are the only ones with problems and imperfections. The second we receive a notification, we have programmed ourselves to look and see about what are we being notified, and if we don’t check our notification right away: we will miss out and then feel left out (FOMO). Ironic isn’t it? The one notification for which we ought to be attentive, answer or follow is God, and that is the one relationship that requires no technology, no plugging in, no screen and no cell tower. When I checked in our daughter and asked her how her diminished social media use was going; she explained that besides less stress, she has more time, more focus, less aggravation and a greater sense of calm. Now, I need to convince my three other kids and my wife to liberate themselves from too much social media.

Peace.

Rav Yitz

There is none except for you. Except for you I swear to it on my very soul (Robert Hunter &Jerry Garcia - "Reuben and Cerise")

          Our family spent the past week visiting family on the West Coast. While on vacation, one of the common and frequent morning questions came from my wife. Approximately 20-30 minutes after our son woke up, she would remind him to put on his Tefillin (Phylacteries) and daven Shacharit (recite the morning service). Our son wouldn’t respond. Several minutes would pass and my wife would ask “Have you started to Daven?” Again, she did not hear a response. Several more minutes would pass by and our son would walk by en route to doing whatever he decided was the morning routine while on vacation: eat breakfast, play with his cousin, or whatever fifteen-year-old teenager does in the morning while on vacation. As our son would walk by, or even enter the room where his mother was, she would look up at him and this time, express her frustration with our son because he has not only failed to put his Tefillin and daven but hasn’t acknowledged his mother and her numerous requests to do so. As our son leaves and returns to whatever he was in the midst of doing prior to his mother’s requests; my wife looks at me and says: “you’re his father, aren’t you going to tell him to put on his tefillin and daven? Why do I have to tell him?” I smile and remind her that he is fifteen, he has been putting on tefillin for nearly 2 ½ years. He knows how to put it on, he knows when to put it on, he knows how to daven Shacharit, and most importantly he intellectually understands that he is MeChayeiv (obligated) according to Halacha (Jewish Law) to daven. At some point, we must refrain from reminding and hocking him to fulfill this and any other ritual obligations. Rather, he must learn to come to this moment on his own volition, and not because his mother or father asked, cajoled, complained or yelled at him. In the long run, there is a better chance of observing and fulfilling his obligations because he holds by his halachic obligations rather than his parents holding him to those obligations. Needless to say, my wife isn’t very happy with my apparent laissez-faire attitude.
          This morning we read from Parsha Vayechi. This is the final Parsha in the book of Breishit. The Parsha begins with Yaakov calling Yosef and making him swear an oath that he will not be buried in Egypt. He also blesses his grandson’s Ephraim and Menashe. He gathers his sons together and offers each son a blessing or a prophecy. Yaakov dies and his sons take him out of Egypt and fulfill their vow. They bury their father in Heron alongside Avraham and Yitzchak and Sarah Rebecca and Leah. Afterward, the brothers fear that Yosef will finally take vengeance for their mistreatment of him. Yosef doesn’t, and the brothers and their families continue to grow and prosper in Goshen. As Yosef prepares for his death, he makes his brothers vow to take his bones out of Egypt and bury his bones in Eretz Canaan.
          Yaakov’s final dying wish is to be buried in Canaan, in the Caves of the Machpela with his ancestors, Avraham/Sarah, Yitzchak/Rivka and his wife Leah. Yaakov shares this wish with Yosef. Given his position within Egypt, Yosef would be the most likely of the sons who could arrange to fulfill Yaakov’s wish. After sharing his final wish with his beloved son Yosef; Yaakov asks Yosef to swear to him that he will carry out this final wish. To demonstrate one’s “swearing a vow,” Yaakov tells Yosef: Im Nah Matzati Chein M’Einecha If now I have found grace in your eyes Sim Nah Yadcha Tachat Yereichi put, I pray of you, your hand beneath my thigh v’Asita Imadi Chesed v’Emet –and deal kindly and truthfully with me. However, Yosef does not do as his father asks; Yosef does not put his hand beneath his father’s thigh as an indication of swearing an oath. Rather, Vayomer [Yosef] said, Anochi Eseh Chidvarecha – I personally will do as you said. Yaakov, sensing his son’s hesitation, asks Yosef to swear that he will fulfill the request. Finally, Yosef acquiesces and swears an oath to fulfill his father’s request.
          Why does Yosef hesitate? The text clearly conveys that Yosef did not make a “vow” to Yaakov when first asked. Yosef did not immediately put his hand beneath his father’s thigh as an indication of making a vow. Yosef did not immediately say “I swear to bury you with your ancestors”. Why doesn’t Yaakov’s favorite son swear to his father this last dying favor? What kind of son doesn’t swear an oath if asked by his dying father to do so if it means peace of mind and a soul at peace for his father? Yosef’s first answer indicates that he will look after the request personally. Midrash explains the difference between Avraham’s servant’s behavior and Yosef’s behavior: HaEved Asa K’Avadoto Uven Chorin Asah K’Chiruto – Rabbi Yitzchak said: The servant acted like a servant and the free man acted as a free man, The servant acted like a servant, as it says ‘And the servant put his hand beneath his [Avraham’s] thigh; While the freeman acted as a free person: ‘And he said, I will do as you said’’. As a free individual, Yosef is only bound by his conscience. He is free to question. The servant, on the other hand, has no such ability. He is bound to fulfill his obligations whether forced or unforced. The Malbim, the 17th-century commentator explains that Yosef was acting as a son should. Yosef was trying to act out of filial responsibility, based upon his own free will rather than a servant who is bound by oaths.
          There are moments where one’s own volition is not enough to fulfill a final wish. Yaakov makes Yosef swear the oath because he wants Yosef to acknowledge an authority greater than his own. He also wants Yosef to acknowledge an authority greater than Pharaoh. Yaakov wanted Yosef to be completely powerless and act solely on behalf of his father. Under normal circumstances, according to ChaZaL – our Talmudic sages of Blessed Memory, the acceptance of Torah and its commandments are an acknowledgment and acceptance of an external authority greater than ourselves. Intrinsic to that acceptance is a humbling awareness that we are not all that powerful or in control of every aspect of life. Of course, as our son hears me explain that the less she reminds him, the greater the chance that he will eventually choose and then obligate himself. Of course, by obligating himself he is ultimately establishing a relationship with God and obligating himself to God and not his mother nor me. It is part of the growing up process. For me, watching my son grow up to wholeheartedly accept and fulfill these ritual obligations brings me comfort that his mother and I have done something right. Growing up to be a mentsch, a kind, and decent person is perhaps the greatest kindness that our son and his three sisters could bestow upon their mother and me.

Peace,
Rav Yitz