We're Standing On The Beach, The Sea Will Part Before Me (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Estimated Prophet")

           The Seminary where our daughter attends during her gap year in Israel has been closed for Pesach since the second week of March. In fact, most of the Seminaries and Yeshivot in Israel give 3-4 weeks of “vacation” to their students. Rather than leaving the students completely on their own, our daughter’s seminary offered them a variety of “outside” class experiences including backpacking through a region in Israel or taking the Magen David Adom (Israel’s Red Cross) first responder certification program.  Our daughter chose to study for her certification with Magen David Adom (the Red Cross).  When I asked her why she wanted to spend her Pesach vacation taking this incredibly intensive class, she explained that it is important to have life-saving skills because one never knows. She also reminded me of a section of Talmud from the Tractate Kiddushin 29a. The Talmud discusses the four obligations that a father has in terms of raising a son.  One of those obligations is teaching his son to swim (since it might save his life). My daughter reminded me that such an obligation should probably be applied to raising a daughter as well. So my daughter explained that acquiring such skills not only helps her but could potentially help another.  

          This Shabbat is also the Seventh Day of Pesach. As we continue our celebration of Pesach, the Torah reading continues the narrative of the Exodus. We read of the miracle of Kriat Yam Suf (the Crossing of the Reed Sea). Already out of Egypt and now pursued by the Pharaoh's army; B’nai Yisroel finds itself stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. Before them lies the Reed Sea, and behind them, the Egyptian Army continues its pursuit. Panicked, these former slaves believe that they have two choices: death by drowning or death at the hands of the Pharaoh's army. Moshe, too, appears at wit’s end. Unsure of how to proceed,  he begins to pray on both his and the people’s behalf. VaYomer HaShem El Moshe -  God says to Moshe  Mah Titzahk Eilai Dabeir El B’nai Yisroel V’Yisau – speak to the Children of Israel and let them journey forth (Ex. 14:15). Eventually, B’nai Yisroel mustered enough courage and they crossed the sea. Upon their successful arrival onto the other side, Moshe and B’nai Yisroel break out into song praising God’s strength, love, and protection.

          The Talmudic Sages in the Tractate Sotah 36a credits the great- great- grandson of Judah, Nachshon Ben Aminadav, as the first person into the Sea. However, the Sea did not open when Nachshon put his foot into the water. Nor did the sea part when he was knee-deep, thigh-deep, or waist-deep into the water. Undeterred, and apparently full of a profound and simple faith in God, Nachshon continued to wade into the water. The water covered his chest, his shoulders, his neck, chin, face, and soon he was completely submerged. At the moment he was to sink or float, the waters opened up. B’nai Yisroel followed and they made their way across. While the Midrash doesn’t suggest that Nachshon actually swam at all, certainly he was the ultimate first responder, risking his life to save B’nai Yisroel from their own spiritual paralysis.

            Nachshon’s courage in the Midrash teaches a valuable lesson about faith and freedom. No matter the difficulty, no matter the pain, sadness, and grief, there is a path across the Yam Suf. That is not to say that we may not be bruised, scarred, or damaged in some way. It only means that crossing our own sea gives us an opportunity for a future. Staying back, remaining paralyzed, succumbing to our fears, guarantees no future, and remaining enslaved. Indeed, freedom is all about a sense of tomorrow, the future, and possibilities. Yes, our daughter had to get her apartment cleaned for Pesach. However, her Pesach preparations also included first aid, CPR, artificial respiration, treating wounds, broken bones, spinal injuries, and other medical emergencies that might very well save someone’s life. There was classroom instruction, there was experiential learning (practicum),  and there numerous hours of studying every day. After two weeks,  several days before Pesach began, she was supposed to take an exam. A few days before her exam, nervous and anxious she called her mother. She reminded our daughter that she has done all the work, put in an enormous amount of effort, and now needs only to have faith and jump into her exam. Right before Pesach, having passed the exam,  she sent us a picture with her Magen Adom jacket posed in front of a Magen David Adom ambulance. 

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Now Is The Time Of Returning With Our Thought Jewels Polished And Gleaming (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh- "The Eleven")

As a parent, as a father, I have a hard time when I am unable to “make it better for my children”. Certainly, there have been times when I have deliberately chosen NOT “to make it better” because I believed that our son or daughters needed to “make it better” him/herself. However, when I am unable to make it better, I feel as if I am failing my child. Well, while the Jewish people ushered in a new month, and the first vestiges of the moon could be seen;  our 17year-old daughter, spent another night staying up late studying for tests, writing papers, and preparing for the standardized test required for college/university admissions in the U.S.   Usually, I am the last one to go sleep and since it was Rosh Chodesh (the New Moon), I took a moment before heading up to bed to look at the first slivers of the new moon. Our daughter came downstairs, and  I turned around. I took one look at her, and I could see her unhappiness, exhaustion, and anxiousness.  I asked if there was anything I could do.  Frustrated, tired and emotionally drained, she began to weep. She looked up and said that there was something I could do. She asked if I could add more hours to the day so that way she can finish her work. I explained that the ability to add more hours to the day is way above my pay grade. I asked if there was anything else I could do. “No”, she replied, “I just need you to give me more time.” I suggested that we can make"time" more special, we can avoid wasting time or we can fool alter our perceptions of the rate by which time passes.

This week's Parsha is Bo.  The ten plagues culminate with locusts, darkness and finally the killing of the firstborn. On the night of the last plague, God instructs Moshe to tell B'nai Yisroel to recognize and observe Rosh Chodesh, the first day of each month. God instructs Moshe to tell B’nai Yisroel to slaughter a lamb for each family. The blood should be painted onto the doorpost. The sacrificed lamb must be completely eaten that night with no leftovers.  The command continues with God instructing Moshe to reiterate this story to the children of each family. The Parsha concludes with the command to sanctify the firstborn, remember this night, remember what God did for B'nai Yisroel, and how B'nai Yisroel eventually returned to the land.

This is perhaps the first Parsha in which God we read of more than one commandment.  Prior to this Parsha, maybe three of the 613 Mitzvot could be derived from all of B’reishit (The Book of Genesis) and the first two Parshiot of Shmot. Now we read both narratives as well as commandments. While the commandment that focuses specifically upon Pesach, the commandments such as Korbonot Shel Pesach (Passover Sacrifice), eating the Passover Sacrifice, completely finish eating the Passover Sacrifice, eating Matzah, removing the leaven, prohibiting the uncircumcised from eating the Passover Sacrifice, the prohibitions of eating leaven and seeing leaven and owning leaven, sanctifying the firstborn, redeeming the firstborn and recounting Yetziat Mitzrayim, the Exodus from Egypt to name a few. However the first Mitzvah, the first commandment that God tells Moshe, Aharon, and B’nai Yisroel does not explicitly focus upon the Exodus but rather upon time and keeping track of time. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe V’el Aharon B’Eretz Mitzrayim Leimor Hashem said to Moshe and Aharon in the Land of Egypt, saying: HaChodesh HaZeh Lachem Rosh Chodeshim Rishon Hu Lachem L’Chadshei HaShana: This month shall be for you the beginning of the months, it shall be for you the first of the months of the year. (Ex 12:1-2) Certainly, all the Mitzvot that follow this commandment, those that focus specifically upon the Exodus, warrant God’s speaking to Moshe and Aharon.        

From a narrative perspective, it makes sense that the Torah tells us that these commandments were issued while they were still in Egypt; B’nai Yisroel had not yet actually left Egypt but rather making its final preparations. Why is the first commandment issued focused upon counting? This month will be the beginning of months; it will be the first month of the year? How will they know when the next month of begins? Sefer HaChinuch, a 13^th century text written by Pinchas ben Aharon HaLevi of Barcelona clarifies this issue. Sefer HaChinuch (the Book of Education) lists all 613 Mitzvot in order of appearance and corresponding to each Parshah. Also, the author provides a moral and philosophical explanation of each commandment.  Regarding the commandment This month shall be for you the beginning of the months, it shall be for you the first of the months of the year, Sefer HaChinuch says Klomar K’SheTiru CHidosha Shel L’Vana Tikb’u Lachem Rosh Chodesh In other words, when you see the renewal of the moon, you will establish for yourselves the beginning of the month O Afilu Lo Tiruha MiKeivan Shi R’Uyahn L’Heiraot Al Pi HaCHesbon HamKubal – or even if you do not see it, once it is due to be seen according to the accepted reckoning. So the moon’s cycle will serve as the indicator of the beginning and end of a month.  M’SHarshei Mitzvah Zo K’dei Shya’asu Yisroel Moadei HaShem BizMaNaM – At the root of this precept lies the purpose that the Israelites should keep the holy days of the Eternal Lord at their proper times… Before God gives instructions about how to observe the Exodus, these soon to be former slaves must be able to control time, or observe time so that they will know the right time to observe God’s festivals.

            The first step towards freedom is to observe the passage of time, mark the passage of time, and declare the right time to observe time-bound commandments. Until now, the master, Egyptians, told the slaves when to wake up, when to sleep, when to work and when to eat. Now, these former slavers will have to establish their own schedule and keep their own calendar. Of course, this schedule and this calendar must be for a higher purpose. It cannot be a schedule or a calendar in which there is nothing but rather it must be filled with opportunities to engage and celebrate what is to be free; free to serve God.  Yes, my daughter is overtired frustrated, anxious and feels overwhelmed.  In a moment of anxiety, she exclaimed that she didn’t even have time to breathe. In some small way, she understands the most fundamental aspect of slavery. Time belongs to someone else. However, despite the sense that there neither enough time nor that time belongs to another, our 17-year-old daughter appreciates that moment during the week, where time feels as if it belongs to her. Shabbat, with its myriad of restrictions, slows time. As a result, time is recaptured and she can claim her fair share of it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Where Crickets And Cicadas Sing A Rare And Different Tune (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Terrapin Station")

There are numerous potential hazards when it comes to raising teenagers. One hazard in particular tends to rear its ugly head on Saturday nights or on evenings when there is no school the next day and our teen-age daughters want to go out with their friends.  They tell us where they are going and with whom. They may or may not need some money and still the hazard has not arrived. Then I ask two simple questions. What time do you plan on coming home? How are you getting home? The answers tend to be the same as always. Each will give me a time as late as possible with no regard for the next day’s tasks or plans. A negotiation begins and a more reasonable curfew is begrudgingly agreed upon. Then they explain that they have arranged a ride home with a friend’s parent. If negotiations are about leverage, I realize that this answer is about to tip the leverage to our teenagers’ advantage. They understand that even if they wanted to come home early, they wouldn’t be able to since the friend will want to stay later and arranged to be picked up later. I am about to be held hostage by an over indulgent parent who doesn’t care if their child sleeps until noon the next day, does nothing, and only cares that their child is well liked and popular. So I tell our teenagers that I will pick them up from said social function. Later that evening when I pick up our teenage daughters from “the night out”, and they always one of the first to be picked up, one of two fascinating things happens. Rarely do I only pick up our daughter. Usually one or two of their friends have bummed a ride as well. Turns out that the other kids didn’t want to be out so late, they just thought they had to be out late.  After dropping off the friends or if our daughters were alone to begin with, they always comment that they are glad that they left when they did.

This Shabbat we return to the weekly Torah cycle and read Parshat Acharei Mot. After two Parshiot, Tazria and Metzorah, which essentially interrupted the narrative and the laws that had been focused upon the Kohanim, we now return to the Kohen as the central focus in the Parsha. Now that he has become spiritually pure, the Torah is now ready to teach the laws for the spiritual purity of the nation. We have focused upon the impurities of individuals, now we focus upon the community. The Kohen acts on behalf of the nation just like he acts on behalf of the individual. The Torah teaches us the laws for the offerings of Yom Kippur, national atonement, and Azazel otherwise known as the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat is not offered as a sacrifice to God, but rather is sent out from the camp and left to wander in the wilderness eventually succumbing to the elements. The second half of the Parsha focuses upon the holy and holy relationships within the family. However the list of inappropriate behaviors between family members is taught within the context of the other nations. What is particularly troubling is the fact that our interaction with the two nations was a direct function of God’s plan. God invokes Egypt and God invokes Canaan. We went down to Egypt and now we were being brought to Canaan.  K’Maasei Eretz Mitzrayim Asher Y’shavtem Bah Lo Ta’Asu UchMa’Asei Eretz Canaan Asher Ani Meivi Etchem Shamah Lo Ta’Asu UvChukoteihem Lo Teileichu – Do not practice of the land of Egypt in which you dwelled; and do not perform the practice of the land of Canaan to which I bring you, and do not follow their traditions. (Lev. 18:3) For the past two centuries B’nai Yisroel dwelled in Egypt, a morally decadent community. Now B’nai Yisroel is about to head into Eretz Canaan, which was also a morally decadent land inhabited by the Moabites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Jebusites and the Edo mites to name a few. I can justify using Egypt as the example. First our descent into slavery both physical and spiritual was hardly overnight but rather a gradual process. Second, our experience in Egypt serves as the origins of our becoming a nation. Invoking that experience is at the core of our national memory. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim (The Exodus from Egypt) three times a day when we say the Shma. We are reminded of Yetziat Mitzrayim when we make Kiddush on Shabbat and all festivals. We reminded ourselves of Yetziat Mitrayim for eight days last week during the Passover Festival. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim and pass down that collective memory to our children at the Pesach Seder. We spent a lot of time reminding ourselves that we left Egypt, but we spend very little time reminding ourselves about entering Canaan?  Why do we focus so much on leaving Egypt and very little time focusing on entering Canaan? Canaan is God’s covenant with us, originating with Avraham Avinu. So why would God promise us a land that is as morally bankrupt as Egypt? Why would God bring us to a place that is the equivalent to a place where God brought us out? One would have assumed that Canaan was already a wonderful place otherwise God wouldn’t have brought B’nai Yisroel there nor would it have been part of a covenant.

The Be’er Yitzchak, the 19^th Russian Rabbi offers a comment that is relevant to today’s Jewish experience. “The reason for mentioning Egypt and Canaan is simple: if you imitate the Egyptians – then why did I take you out of Egypt? And if you behave like the Canaanites- why should I expel them before you/ it was on condition that you will not do so that I took you out of Egypt and that I shall expel the Canaanites… do not imitate even their innocuous practises, for these lead to total assimilation.” The experience in Egypt was an incubation period to prepare for Torah at Sinai. Our experience in Egypt would constantly serve as a reminder that we ultimately rejected physical slavery and that we ultimately rejected the institutions and behaviors of that master. It is certainly easy to reject all things Egyptian while we are reminded of how damaging the experience was. It is quite another thing to reject the behavior, and culture of a society when one is free, when one is not scarred by such a damaging experience. Yet, the success of our people, the future viability of our relationship with God through Torah could only occur if we are able to reject a dominant culture’s behavior as a free nation and not as an enslaved nation. B’nai Yisroel’s survival ultimately depends upon remaining separate and apart from the cultural majority. B’nai Yisroel’s survival depends upon remaining spiritually distinct from the majority. B’nai Yisroel’s survival depends upon the spiritual strength needed to reject the behaviors of any dominant culture, to refrain from behavior because “everyone else does it”.

It is always nice to feel part of something. It is always nice to feel included. It is always nice to be culturally recognized. From an individual perspective, going along with the crowd means never feeling left out. For our children, there is always the tension of fitting in and still retaining a sense of individuality.  However, as a people, our national sin, our national mistake is our individual yearning, our desire to be like everybody else, to assimilate. So we manage to teach our teenage daughters a most valuable lesson. Just because “everyone is doing it” neither makes it right nor means that it is good for each of them as individuals. Rather our teenage daughters need to make decisions based upon what is best for themselves. For now, as long as they are teenagers living at home; they have figured out a convenient way to avoid feeling left out and simultaneously avoid staying out ridiculously late just because “all of my friends will be staying out late.” Yep, they just blame me, and tell their friends that “since my dad is picking us up, he doesn’t want to be out so late since he has to wake up early the next morning”. If my daughters need me to be their Azazel, their scapegoat, I suppose there are worse things.

Peace

Rav Yitz

Talk About Your Plenty, Talk About Your Ills ( Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia & Phil Lesh - "St. Stephen").

 One of the most fascinating aspects of the Pesach Seder is that educationally speaking, it provides a wonderful form of instruction. It utilizes props, food, stories of real live heroes, song, as well as mythical paradigms with whom we can all identify. The most famous of these paradigms are the Arbah Banim, the Four Sons, or the Four Children, The Chacham – The wise child, The Rashah, known as the Rebellious child, the Tam, the simple child, and Sheino Yodeah Lishol- the one who does not know how to ask. With four children, each year we can see how they begin to take on different aspects of each category. A question that our family has always struggled with is the answer offered to the Rebellious Child and the answer offered to the Child Who Does Not Know How To Ask.

The Rebellious child (the RaShAh) asks a question. The Haggadah answers using the same words as its answer to The One Who Does Not Know How to Ask (Sheino Yodeah Lishol).  The Rebellious Child asks Mah HaAVodah HaZot Lachem – What does this service mean to you?  The Haggadah’s answer is taken from The Book of Exodus 13:8: Ba’Avur Zeh Asah Hashem Li B’tzeiti Mimitzrayim- Because this is what Hashem did for me when I left Egypt. However prior to the answer the Haggadah issues the following instruction: V’Af Atah Hakhei et Shinav – We set his teeth on edge, V’Amor Lo, then recite to him. The words are not enough, the answer must be delivered with a certain tone. The tone offers context and provides a deeper meaning than just the words from Exodus 13:8. The reason is because when he asked what the service meant to you, he of course excluded himself so the answer we give to the Rashah should be exclusive. The words appear to exclude the Rebellious Child, the tone is exceedingly confrontational to the Rebellious Child. We are to literally “knock his teeth out” with our answer.

Our answer to Sheino Yodeah Lishol is a citation from the same verse Bavur zeh Asah Hashem Li B’tzeiti Mimitzrayim – because of what Hashem did for me. A superficial reading suggests that this answer alienates this child like the same answer alienates the Rebellious child. However the two answers of very different because the questions and the questioner are different. The Child That Doesn’t Know How To Ask, never asked the question. The Haggadah gave an answer to an inquisitive look.  We can understand the Four Children as symbols four developmental categories leading to adulthood. The Child That Doesn’t Know How To Ask is the baby. The Rebellious Child is the teenager or the young adult that is single and not yet settled down. We can also understand these four Children symbolically representing different types of Jews. In either case, The Child That Doesn’t Know How to Ask has no obligation, doesn’t understand the concept of Chiyuv (obligation), nor can be expected to observe anything since the child does not know what to do nor how to do it. The words that constitute our answer should be simple, straightforward, but our tone should be warm, inviting, supportive and demonstrating concern.

Regarding the RaShah, it is important that we have some perspective about the Rebellious Child. The RaShah does not embody complete evil. The word for pure un-adulterated Evil is  RaH, Reish Ayin.  The Shin, the middle letter in RaShah, according to Kabbala, is a “good” letter. The Shin is a representative of God, for example one of the names for God is El Shadai. The Shin is the letter that appears on the Mezuzah and on Tefillin. So, because of the Shin in the word Rashah, we know that there is some hope for this soul. There is Godliness within the Rebellious Child. The RaShah should not be infantilized. Intellectually, The Rebellious Child understands that he is rebelling against something. Therefore, the teenager, or the educated Jew that rebels against Judaism, understand the idea of Chiyuv, religious obligation, and the idea of Jewish peoplehood, of Jewish community and transmitting a tradition. The Haggadah’s answer is designed to break down the RaShah’s arrogant tone. The same energy used for disrupting and negatively influencing others to stray can be channeled for a positive purpose. The Haggadah’s answer is not only for the benefit of RaShah but for those that the RaShah could influence. Of the four children, the most impressionable is One Who Does Not Know How to Ask (Sheino Yodeah Lishol). Words don’t necessarily suffice. This child is influenced by action and by deed. As easily as this child is influence by the RaShah, he or she will be just as easily influenced by the way in which we respond to the RaShah. Therefore when the RaShah has his teeth ground by the answer given, and eventually becomes less rebellious, he becomes a wonderful example to the one who does not know how to ask.

My wife and I are blessed with four children. It is remarkable that each Pesach we are able to gauge where they are developmentally when we discuss Yetziat Mitzrayim, The Exodus from Egypt. It amazes us when one listens and nods, another argues but accepts, another argues and refuses to listen or be bothered and one might not even be engaged but is just too hungry to be bothered. We understand that our words matter. But our deeds matter more.  In celebrating freedom we understand that ultimately we are responsible for our deeds. So when we answer our children’s questions, not only our words matter; and not only our tone matters. Our answers must be consistent with our deeds, and if they are not we have to be able to explain and teach our children.

Peace,

Rav Yitz