On The Dreams You Still Believe; Don't Give It Up; You Got An Empty Cup (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Comes A Time")

           I happened to be at the supermarket this week. My wife needed oil, potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, and something healthy to offset all the starch and oil of latkes and Chanukkah foods. As I left the supermarket, I saw one of my wife’s book group friends.  After the standard chit chat, she asked me which yeshivot and universities our son hopes to attend?  Which Yeshivot and universities did we prefer? For the next ten minutes, we discussed the merits of various yeshivot and universities in Ontario. She spoke about why her son attended a particular Yeshiva and planned upon attending a particular university as opposed to another. Then she made an interesting comment.  When she and her husband first discussed where they thought their son should attend Yeshiva and university,  their sole consideration was to protect and shield their son from all the shmutz of modern society, all the hedonistic behavior, the drugs, and all the difficult things that young vulnerable adults face. Then they realized that if this was the sole criteria for choosing a Yeshiva and university;  then they were going to be greatly disappointed. She explained that no Yeshiva nor university could protect her son from all the negative aspects of secularism. hedonistic culture. So they adopted a new approach and looked at yeshivot and universities that provided the tools to deal with, and not deny the negative aspects of secularism in our everyday culture. Ultimately, her son would have to decide how much he would assimilate into the dominant culture. She hoped that her son would have enough knowledge and character to make a thoughtful and informed decision. 

           This Shabbat we read from Parsha Mikeitz. Mikeitz always coincides with Chanukah.  The Parsha begins two years from when VaYeishev concluded. Pharaoh has a dream. He is unsatisfied with all attempts to interpret it. Pharaoh's wine chamberlain remembers that Yosef accurately interpreted his dream while in prison. Yosef is released from prison and brought before Pharaoh. He interprets that soon will begin seven years of abundance followed by seven years of severe famine. Pharaoh appoints him as viceroy to oversee the project. Egypt becomes the granary of the world. Yaakov sends his sons to Egypt to buy food. The brothers come before Yosef and bow to him. Yosef recognizes them but they do not recognize him. Without disclosing his identity, Yosef sells food to the brothers;  but he keeps Shimon hostage. Shimon will remain a hostage until they bring their brother Binyamin as proof that they are who they say they are. Yaakov refuses to let Binyamin go to Egypt, but when the famine grows unbearable, he accedes. Yehuda guarantees Binyamin's safety, and the brothers go to Egypt. Yosef welcomes the brothers lavishly as honored guests. When he sees Binyamin he rushes from the room and weeps. Yosef instructs his servants to replace the money in the sacks and to put his goblet inside Binyamin's sack. When the goblet is discovered, Yosef demands Binyamin become his slave as punishment. Yehuda interposes and offers himself instead, but Yosef refuses.

             For the first time, beginning in last week’s Torah portion, VaYeishev and again in Mikeitz, we read about an individual encountering a dominant culture while still retaining his sense of code and morality. Avraham left the dominant culture and encountered it periodically but did so accompanied by his wife. Yitzchak encountered a different culture but had never left home in a spiritual nor a physical sense (he always remained in the land). Even when Yaakov encountered Shechem, he did so accompanied by his sons. However, Yosef was in his late teens, early twenties when arrived in Egypt. He worked for Potifar. He had to stave off the sexual harassment of Potifar’s wife and accept the injustice of prison. At the beginning of Mikeitz, we find Yosef in prison, still referred to as Naar Ivri- Hebrew Youth even though he is 30 (Gen. 41:46).  Even after interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, becoming a Viceroy, wearing Egyptian clothes, looking Egyptian, being clean-shaven like an Egyptian, speaking Egyptian, marrying an Egyptian woman (Asnat) and receiving an Egyptian name (Zaphenat Paneah), and essentially living an Egyptian lifestyle; Yosef somehow manages to maintain his tribal loyalty, his Jewishness, his sense of morality and code. When Pharaoh tells Yosef about his dream and is asked to interpret it; VaYa’An Yosef et Paroh Leimor, Biladai Elohim Ya’Eneh et Shlom Paroh – Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, That is beyond me; it is God who will respond with Pharaoh’s welfare.   The Or HaChaim comments that Biladai  “that is beyond me” is not necessarily an expression of humility. Biladai means “this does not depend on me”. Yosef’s response not only gives credit for his “Dream Telling Gift” to God; Yosef subtly indicates that his code and his theology will not waver within this overbearing and all-encompassing culture. Yosef adds the words Shlom Paroh- literally, the peace of Pharaoh. Yosef is merely a vessel. He isn’t so much interpreting a dream, as he is providing prophecy. As a result, Yosef must speak truth to power and cannot bend or interpret the meaning to satisfy some other agenda or plan except God’s plan.

           Yosef, at the relatively young age of 30 has accepted the fact that his path, is part of God’s plan. Yes, some people are lucky to sense that a plan has been revealed to them. Yosef’s spiritual strength, his unwavering sense of belonging to a covenantal relationship means that no matter the name, no matter the clothes, no matter the culture, he is acutely aware that certain constants will keep him grounded in his relationship with God.  No, I don’t know the path our son or any of our children are supposed to take. We can offer them guidance as they make their way along the path of their lives. Eventually, they will need to make those decisions for themselves. While we light the Chanukah candles, we are reminded of Judaism’s survival within a powerful Hellenistic culture, we are reminded of Yosef surviving within a powerful Egyptian culture.  As our children make their way in the world, their mom and I only hope that we have provided them enough tools, enough education, and enough grounding in values that we deem important so that their decisions are an expression of a moral code and covenant to which they belong.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Inside You're Burning, I Can See Clear Through; Your Eyes Tell More Than You Mean Them To (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Feel Like A Stranger")

           On Thursday, the  United States celebrated Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was always a big deal in my family and hundreds of millions of other families in the U.S. There was always an expectation that our family, wherever we were, would come together for this meal. In an observant Jewish home, a family coming together for a meal happens more than once a year. In fact, it happens once if not twice a week on Shabbat. It happens during the Jewish Holidays. As a kid, our family composed of grandparents, aunt, uncle cousin parents, and sister wasn’t such a big deal. As we grew older and our own lives took us on our own path and our own levels of observance, Thanksgiving was the one Holiday that allowed us to come together, and re-connect. Of course, there are also numerous families that grow distant over the course of a year or even longer, and when they gather for Thanksgiving, the day and the meal are filled with tension and dysfunction. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors.  Despised by his brothers,  they sell Yosef to a passing caravan. Yosef winds up in the home of one of the Pharaoh’s courtiers. As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well. Yosef became known for his ability to interpret dreams.

          The dysfunction within Yaakov’s family is palpable. The Torah tells us that because Jacob demonstrably loved Joseph more and perhaps it was at the expense of Jacob’s other sons, the brothers hated Yosef. VaYiru Echav Ki Oto Ahav Avihem Mikol Echav VaYisnu Oto  V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom - His brothers saw that it was he whom their father loved most of all so his brothers hated him, and they could not speak to him peaceably (37:4). The brothers had so much animosity towards Joseph that they couldn’t even be civil to him. Yes, Yosef would tell their father all the bad things that the brothers did (37:2). Certainly, Yosef acted a bit obtuse, lacking self-awareness when he shared the dreams about the sheaves and the constellations. After hearing these dreams the brothers hated Yosef even more, even more than being unable to speak peaceably to him. More than hating Yosef, they were now jealous of Yosef. The next interaction the brothers have with Yosef occurs while tending the flocks. VaYiru Oto M’Rachok U’Vterem Yikra Aleihem Vayitnaklu Oto L’Hamito- They saw him from afar; and when he had not yet approached them, they conspired against him to kill him. (37:18) The Vorker Rebbe (1779-1848) explained that Yosef and the brothers seemed to always keep a distance. The Torah never tells us of any positive interaction between Yosef and his brothers. The brothers never speak to Yosef and Yosef only speaks to them when sharing his dreams of dominion over them. Instead of expressing their pain to their father, and perhaps their anger, they channel it towards Yosef. The distance becomes greater and greater. They never spoke and the brothers’ hatred and jealousy grew by the day. Eventually, they became detached, and Yosef ceased being kin but evolved into “other” instead. “Other” can be dangerous and threatening. So the brothers plotted to kill Yosef.

          It is probably safe to say that Yosef and his brothers did not break bread together. They probably couldn’t remember the last time they shared a meal together where they just talked and laughed. One can imagine a family meal, a Shabbat meal, or a Fesitval meal, fraught with innuendo, harboring the pain of past slights, and finally the meal abruptly concluding with tempers flaring and seething anger. Indeed, the distance that grows among family members is frequently too great to traverse at one meal, even if it is Thanksgiving.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

One Step Done And Another Begun, In I Wonder How Many Miles (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "New Speedway Boogie"

           A few days ago I conducted a funeral. While meeting with the family prior to the Levayah (funeral), I was asked if I believed that people can change. Certainly, Judaism is pretty clear about the possibility of change. Because Judaism is behaviorally based and not dogmatically based, we believe that if the behavior changes, then ultimately the individual will change. Among the most prevalent themes of the Yamim Noraim (High Holidays) is the notion that we are capable of changing our behavior, changing ourselves, improving ourselves, and becoming better versions of ourselves. Certainly, I want to believe that, and as a Rabbi that is my first response. However, I don’t think it is so simple. Changing a personality, changing who we are, changing our core seems a rather daunting task. Several years ago, a book by Stephen Guise entitled Mini Habits: Smaller Habits Bigger Result appeared. Guise’s theory, based upon Lao Tzu’s famous pearl of wisdom “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step”, begins with the brutally realistic view of human nature. Guise explains that change is predicated upon two ingredients: intention and over-estimating competence. Big intentions and big ambitions are worthless if they don’t bring results. The lack of intended result harms and defeats the person and then he/she will eventually stop the process. The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias that people generally overestimate their competencies. For Guise, this means that “self-control” ought to be considered as “competency” and, in general, we think we have much more self-control than we really do. This unrealistic evaluation of our self-control also contributes to our inability to change.

          This week we read from Parsha Vayishlach. We read about Yaakov and Esav’s reunion, Yaakov’s wrestling match, and his name change the night before the reunion. We read about Yaakov’s daughter Dina and her unholy tryst with Shechem a member of the Hivvites. We learn of what many consider to be the fanatical response on behalf of her brother Shimon and Levi. Yaakov returns to Bet El, the place where he dreamt of the ladder many years before, builds an altar, and receives the covenant from God. During that process, God changes his name from Yaakov to Yisroel, even though his name was changed prior to the reunion. Rachel dies as well as a wet nurse named Deborah. Finally, we read a list of Yaakov’s children as well as Esav’s. 

          Yaakov’s trepidation prior to his reunion with his brother stems from the one unanswered question. Has Esav really changed? Yaakov just crossed the Yabok River and is unsure as to what to expect from his brother Esav.  VaYaratz Esav Likrato VaiChabkeihu, VaYipol Al Tzavarav Vayishahkeihu Vayivku – Esav ran toward him, embraced him, fell upon his neck, and kissed him; then they wept (Gen. 33:4). Certainly, at first blush, Esav appears to have forgiven his brother. Certainly, it appears that the decades have washed away Esav’s animosity towards his brother.  It appears that Esav has changed. The plain meaning of the text suggests this. However, in the plain text, the simple meaning is focused upon behavior, upon the margins, and not at the core. Imagine not seeing someone for thirty years for fear of your life. Then as you approach; the person runs towards you. Are they a friend or foe? When you embrace, would it be out of the question to wonder if this hug felt more like an assault instead of a loving embrace? What happens when the person falls upon your neck and kisses you on the neck? Is this a kiss of brotherly love or the proverbial “kiss of death”?  All these questions were cause for Yaakov’s trepidation. One thing is clear, however, the narrative concludes with Esav expressing a desire to escort Yaakov and his family to their destination. When Yaakov politely rebuffs Esav’s offer; Esav suggests that some of his armed men should escort Yaakov and his family. Again, wary of his brother, Yaakov politely responds Lamah Zeh Why this (suggestion), Emtzah Chein B’Einei Adoni Let me just have favor in my Lord’s eyes. VaYashav BaYom HaHu Eisav L’Darko Seirah So Esav started back that day on his way toward Seir. V’Yaakov Nasah Sukkotah - but Yaakov traveled to Sukkot (Gen. 33:15-17). The brothers go their separate ways. They don’t hug and kiss each other goodbye, or at least the Torah text doesn’t tell us that they hugged and kissed each other goodbye. Rather there is an offer by Esav to take Yaakov to Seir. Maybe Esav was attempting to be nice,  or perhaps he was trying to lull Yaakov into a trap and planned to wipe out Yaakov and his family later.  Yaakov understood that while his brother’s outward behavior may have changed, it was more realistic to assume that at Esav’s core, big brother Esav hadn’t changed at all. For the sake of the future safety of his family, Yaakov was best served by staying as far away as possible from his brother. 

            Yes, at first blush it was so easy for Yaakov and Esav to hug and kiss each other, to weep together.  Over the course of twenty years, maybe each had marginally softened, perhaps they had become better versions, more honest versions of themselves. However, at their respective cores, Yaakov, ever the spiritual clinger now grasps firmly to Hashem. This is worthy of a new name or an additional name: Israel.  Esav, ever the hunter, would wait for his prey to grow careless then go in for the kill. There is nothing in the text to suggest that Esav is capable of introspection. He hunts. His viewpoint is always external,  focused upon his prey. At the core, he is who is. So do people change? It seems that change is only possible if they are brutally honest and are inclined to embrace the effort required to engage in mini habits with an eye towards big results.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

I Guess That Can't Revoke Your Soul For Trying; Get Out Of The Door, Light Out, and Look All Around (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Phil Lesh, & Bob Weir- "Truckin'")

           Frequently, our 17-year-old son confides that he can’t wait to finish high school, spend a gap year in Israel and then head off to university preferably out of town. When he tells me this, I smile since I felt the same way many years before. Lately, when we sit down to Shabbat dinner, he will say “this is my last  Shabbat of Parsha such and such before I leave home.” His mother immediately states that she cannot believe it and urges him not to rush away her time with him.  Although he says it in a kind and loving way, he clearly looks forward to moving on to the next chapter of his life. While we would love for our son to remain close by, intellectually we understand the importance of a child leaving home and making his/her way in the world. We find it reassuring that for years now, universities such as Harvard and Yale to name a few, preferred that their incoming freshman take a gap year in order for the student to mature and be more prepared for living away from home.  

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The narrative focuses upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father, Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will contend with being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, eventually, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Through trial and error, Yaakov will figure out to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

          At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan.  VaYifga BaMakom and he experienced and encounter (Gen 28:10-11) If Yaakov’s ultimate destination is Padan Aram and Rebecca’s family of origin, why does the Torah explain that Yaakov stopped at Charan and experienced an encounter? Did Yaakov stop in Charan intentionally in order to have an “encounter”? Or was his stopover in Charan and the ensuing “encounter”  unintentional. Clearly, if the Torah is taking the time to explain Yaakov’s itinerary and the resulting “encounter” during his stopover, then it must be important. Yaakov has never been away from home. He was supposed to head toward his mother’s family, the same family that Rivkah knew enough to leave when she was younger.  Like his mother, Yaakov must leave his family of origin in order to preserve his life.  However, the reason for Rebecca’s departure and the reason  Yaakov’s departure were very different. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man [of faith] who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tent meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no amount of learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly his uncle Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan, becoming independent, and maturing in an unsavory environment.   As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

          For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home for fear of his physical safety. He was heading towards a place that would test his values and test his ethical code.  Certainly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family.  By making a stopover in Haran, by taking time to put into practice the wisdom and the book learning he acquired at home; he had  “an encounter”, that steeled himself for what he would experience with Uncle Lavan.  After the stopover and after the “encounter”, Yaakov took God with him as well as the sense of the land, covenant and a sense of purpose. Certainly, our son has acquired a moral code, a sense of ethics as well as “book learning”. Prior to heading off to four years of university, he understands, appreciates, and looks forward to a gap year, a stopover, to put into practice what he has learned. He looks forward to the “encounter” of studying in Israel, in order to give him a deeper sense of purpose as he continues his intellectual, emotional, and spiritual journey in life. Certainly, our son looks forward to his upcoming departure and I think both my wife and I are comforted knowing that his gap year in Israel will give him the self-confidence and the added focus for dealing with university life.

Peace
Rav Yitz.

Esau Holds A Blessing, Brother Esau Holds A Curse; I Would Say That The Blame Is Mine, I Suspect It's Something Worse (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Brother Esau")

           At age 17, our son is a bit of an idealist. Like so many of his generation, he deals in absolutes. People are good or bad. I try to explain to him that people do good things or bad things.  He also discovered “Classic Rock”. Earlier this week he asked me to listen to a song called “American Pie”. Before he had a chance to play the song for me, I told him who wrote and performed it, the year the song was released, and what the song was about. I also told him that the artist was an abusive husband, and convicted of several misdemeanor domestic abuse charges. My son was shocked. First, he was shocked that his old father actually knew the song. Second, he was now upset to find out that a person who had done some pretty awful things, created such an iconic song. I challenged him by suggesting that perhaps we should not listen to the song anymore. He hesitated because he like the song. I suggested that he read the New York Times Op-Ed by Jennifer Finney Boylan’s “Should Classic Rock Songs Be Toppled Like Confederate Statues” (NY Times Nov 3, 2021). She does what Judaism has always done, acknowledge deeds because people are complex. 

          This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving the covenantal blessing, and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his father’s blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav.  Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.

           The Torah never tells us that Esav is a bad son. Instead, some of his deeds are described in a less than positive light.  Yes, he sells his birthright to his brother because he is “starving to death”.  He marries the wrong girl from the wrong tribe which upsets his parents. However, we should keep in mind he fulfills his father’s request in order to receive his blessing. In fact, the ChaZaL, the Talmudic Sages, ascribe the mitzvah of Kibud Av,  respecting the father, to Esav.  Frequently, Esav would cook and care for his father. Clearly, he was very close to Yitzchak. So when Esav doesn’t receive the blessing: KiShma Esav et Divrei Aviv Yitzchak Tzaaka Gedola U’Mara Ad M’Ode; VaYomer L’Aviv Barcheini Gam Ani Avi When Esav heard his father’s words, he cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me to my Father” (27:34). Four verses later, when it appears that Yitzchak doesn’t have a blessing in reserve for Esav: VaYomer Esav El Aviv HaBracha Achat Hee Lecha Avi, Barcheini Gam Ani Avi VaYisah Esav Kolo VaYeivk – Esav said to his father, “have you but one blessing, my Father? Bless me too my father!” and Esav raised his voice and wept (27:38).  After this big strong strapping sort of man finished crying he then vowed to kill his brother.  For a moment at least, Esav appears sympathetic, his cry is “exceedingly great”; he “raises his voice and weeps”.  What did these cries sound like? After all, not all cries sound the same. Was it the type of cry when one has suffered a sudden loss? Was it the cry of someone who just broke a bone? Was it the cry upon hearing the news of a loved one? Was it the cry of being at the end of one’s emotional rope and feeling helpless in the face of life’s onslaught? The Meforshim (the commentators) are oddly silent about the nature of the “Tzaak Gedola UMara- the great and bitter cry. Perhaps the silence suggests that Esav’s response is legitimately reasonable. Maybe the silence suggests that Esav’s crying is so out of character from the way he has behaved up until this point. Perhaps Esav is changed after the second cry. Regarding the VaYisah Esav Kolo VaYeivk Esav raised his voice and wept;” the Midrash Tanchuma comments that Esav wept only three tears. One from each eye and one that disappeared in the midst of his eye. When God saw that the “wicked one wept over his life only 3 tears”, that small limited moment demonstrated the smallest of regret over the what his life had become and might very well be in the future. For this tiny moment, for this humane cry, God made sure that Esav received a blessing. Maybe not the one that Yaakov received, but this minimal blessing reflects the minimal nature of the crying, weeping.

           Indeed, Esav did some bad things. Time and time again, the Torah records Esav’s deeds. Describing Esav as a hunter doesn’t make him bad. Selling his birthright doesn’t make him bad. Even when distraught over the loss of the blessing, he leaves his parents and goes to his uncle Ishmael and marries the Canaanite woman, the Torah never expresses its disapproval. Only Esav's mother,  Rivkah indicates her disapproval. Only the generations after Yaakov,  the generations living under Roman rule beginning with the Talmudic Sages evaluated Esav’s deeds and categorized him as “bad” as “evil”; all but dismissing his expression of  Kibud Av (respect and reverence for one’s father). Certainly,  Esav is not worthy of receiving the covenantal blessing. Does that mean he is unworthy of receiving a blessing? Is he unworthy of his father’s love even if that love is conditional?. As our son listened to the “American Pie” several more times, he began to understand that the works or the deeds of a person stand alone.  Even more important, he realized the limitations of looking at the world in terms of  “black” and ‘white” and evaluating a  person as either “good” or “bad”. Suddenly, he understood that life has far more gray and people are far more complex. It seems our son is growing up.

Peace,
Rav Yitz