I Have Spent My Life Seeking All That's Still Unsung (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "Attics Of My Life)

           Well, the unofficial end of summer is upon us. It is Labour Day Weekend. Indeed, summer came and went, our children headed off to where they are supposed to be, and I quietly celebrated a birthday.  Yep, another year has gone by. My beard is grayer and while I am thankful for the hair on my head, it is grayer as well. I have never been a big fan of birthdays. I always like to spend them quietly. While some in my family prefer some extraordinary family activity or party, I prefer a round of golf, sitting by a swimming pool, reading a book while my kids swim, and then grilling some steaks and eating dinner outside with my wife and children. Usually during golf, while I am admiring the scenic beauty, while I watch my children playing in the pool, or while I am grilling dinner; I have an opportunity for a bit of self-reflection. This year, I spend my birthday returning home from dropping our daughter off at college in Maryland.  I had lots of time to reflect while my wife slept and I drove through Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, and eventually Ontario.  I thought about successes and failures, I thought about what my plans were after college, and where I am in terms of those plans. Have I realized any of my goals? Am I on course, or off course? If I am off course, am I so far off course that I cannot get back on course? For thirty-two years I have had a child in my house and my children have been at the forefront of every decision I have made. Have I accomplished anything? On one level, the self-reflection exercise can be pretty brutal. There are times I feel like a complete failure except as a father.  I seriously wonder if I measure up to the standards that I set for myself way back when I had first left home and set out on my life’s journey. There are moments when this birthday self-reflection can be really quite depressing. Once in a while, there is a moment of contentment. I am always amazed by the differences between my idealized pristine life and my not-so-pristine life grounded in reality. 

        This week’s Parsha is Shoftim. Moshe has completed his lecture on the values of monotheism and covenant. Now he begins telling B'nai Yisroel all the nitty gritty details of living a Jewish life within this community. What a downer! B’nai Yisroel is inspired and ready to enter Eretz Canaan and begin living life in the land that God had promised their ancestors. They are now ready to begin fulfilling the dream that allowed them to survive centuries of slavery. So what does Moshe Rabeinu do? He brings them crashing back to reality. Now they will listen and understand laws concerning war, punishments for idolatry, choosing a king, jurisprudence, priestly entitlements, and unsolved murders. Moshe gives B’nai Yisroel a healthy dose of reality by supplying all the details required to uphold the Covenant.

        One of these laws is rather curious yet serves as a reminder of how important it is to maintain a balance between dreams and reality, between the idealism of our youth and the cynicism of age. V’Hayah Ch’shivto Al Kisei Mamlachto V’Chatav Lo Et Mishnei HaTorah Hazot – And it shall be when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah in a book… V’Haitah Imo V’Kara Vo Kol Yemei Chayav Lema’an Yilmad L’yirah et Adonai Elohav – It shall be with him and he shall read from it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to fear the Lord his God, Lishmor et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot V’Et HaChukim Ha’Eilah La’Asotam – to observe all the words of this Torah and these decrees, to perform them so that his heart does not become haughty over his brethren and not turn from the commandment right or left so that he will prolong years over his kingdom, he and his sons amid Israel (Deut. 18:18-20). The king must write and maintain two Sifrei Torah. The “personal” Torah must be carried with him wherever he goes: meetings, wars, benefit dinners, etc. The Torah must always remain physically near his heart. However, the second Sefer Torah sits in the treasure room as a pristine copy, as a benchmark. This “benchmark” Torah remains enclosed, protected, and untouched. The king may consult it, but this pristine copy never leaves the sanctuary. How brilliant! The “personal” Torah that is carried around eventually becomes worn, the letters fade, and the parchment may even tear. This would most likely occur unbeknownst to the king. Yearly, the king must lay his “personal” Torah besides the “benchmark” Torah. There, in the inner chamber, the two Torahs are checked against each other. Then if there are any discrepancies in the “Personal” Torah, the king must make the necessary corrections. The king’s “personal” Torah must reflect the purest and highest standard. Through daily wear and tear, through the compromises necessary to manage a kingdom, the king must regularly check to make sure that he has not gradually drifted away from the “Pristine” or “Benchmark” Torah.

        This is the ultimate form of personal “Checks and Balances”! Instead of waking up one morning thirty-two years later with the kids all grown up and moved out of the house wondering “What’s become of me”; Judaism understands that we all make compromises. Sometimes we may even, unfortunately, compromise our integrity our values, and our own sense of propriety. Sometimes our drift from the ideal is not even that pernicious. Sometimes we just slow down or get sidetracked. However, Judaism is about behavior that expresses our relationship with each other and with God. Like a king that needs to periodically check his “personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”, we also must check our “Personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”. Certainly, the process may be uncomfortable, and yes, there is the danger of becoming so self-absorbed that we become so paralyzed that we are unable to move our lives forward. There is a very real danger that we can be hard on ourselves that we lose sight of the good. Thankfully, the process occurs on a regular enough basis that we don’t become so paralyzed that we are unable to enjoy a round of golf, watch the kids swim, enjoy a steak dinner with the family, or appreciate the beautiful scenery while driving from Maryland, through Pennsylvania, New York, and Ontario or even appreciate the quiet blessings of another birthday.

Peace
Rav Yitz

All The Things I Planned To Do, I Only Did Half Way (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mission In The Rain")

          I guess summer vacation is rapidly drawing to a conclusion. Our teenagers have all returned home. One returned from her summer as a camp counselor, one returned from camp as a camper, and one returned from her summer in Israel. Each of them had a terrific time, with meaningful experiences and a powerful desire to return next summer. As we sat down to have our first family dinner together in about 8 weeks; I asked each of them their summer experience met their expectations. I asked them if there was anything they felt that they missed out on. I asked if there was anything they wished they could have done differently in order to achieve a better result. Each wondered aloud what was wrong with me that I was curious about their judgments, their self-evaluation once this reflective process was completed. I looked at each of our teenagers and reminded them that the only way to determine if an experience was good or bad, worth doing or not, is to be a bit self-reflective, wonder if it met expectations. Then I reminded them that most of all it is important to make sure that expectations are realistic, that the pre-conceived pictures are based upon reality or fantasy, achievable or unreachable.

This week’s Parsha is Shoftim. Moshe has completed his lecture on the values of monotheism and covenant. Now he begins telling B'nai Yisroel all the nitty-gritty details of living a Jewish life within this community. What a downer! B’nai Yisroel is inspired and ready to enter into Eretz Canaan and begin living the life in the land that God had promised their ancestors. They are now ready to begin fulfilling the dream that allowed them to survive centuries of slavery. So what does Moshe Rabbeinu do? He brings them crashing back to reality. Now they will listen and understand laws concerning war, punishments for idolatry, choosing a king, jurisprudence, priestly entitlements and unsolved murders. Moshe gives B’nai Yisroel a healthy dose of reality by supplying all the details required to uphold the Covenant.

            One of these laws is rather curious yet serves as a reminder of how important it is to maintain a balance between dreams and reality, between the idealism of our youth and the cynicism of age. V’Hayah Ch’shivto Al Kisei Mamlachto V’Chatav Lo Et Mishnei HaTorah Hazot – And it shall be when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah in a book… V’Haitah Imo V’Kara Vo Kol Yemei Chayav Lema’an Yilmad L’yirah et Adonai Elohav – It shall be with him and he shall read from it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to fear the Lord his God, Lishmor et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot V’Et HaChukim Ha’Eilah La’Asotam – to observe all the words of this Torah and these decrees, to perform them, so that his heart does not become haughty over his brethren and not turn from the commandment right or left, so that he will prolong years over his kingdom, he and his sons amid Israel (Deut. 18:18-20). The king must write and maintain two Sifrei Torah. The “personal” Torah must be carried with him wherever he goes: meetings, wars, benefit dinners etc. The Torah must always remain physically near his heart. However, the second Sefer Torah sits in the treasure room as a pristine copy, as a benchmark. This “benchmark” Torah remains enclosed, protected, and untouched. The king may consult it, but this pristine copy never leaves the sanctuary. How brilliant! The “personal” Torah that is carried around eventually becomes worn, the letters fade, and the parchment may even tear. This would most likely occur unbeknownst to the king. Yearly, the king must lay his “personal” Torah besides the “benchmark” Torah. There, in the inner chamber, the two Torahs are checked against each other. Then if there are any discrepancies in the “Personal” Torah, the king must make the necessary corrections. The king’s “personal” Torah must reflect the purest and highest standard. Through daily wear and tear, through the compromises necessary to manage a kingdom, the king must regularly check to make sure that he has not gradually drifted away from the “Pristine” or “Benchmark” Torah.

            This is the ultimate form of personal “Checks and Balances”! Instead of waking up one morning twenty or twenty-five years later wondering “What’s become of me”; Judaism understands that we all make compromises. Sometimes we may even, unfortunately, compromise our integrity our values and our own sense of propriety. Sometimes our drift from the ideal is not even that pernicious. Sometimes we just slow down or get sidetracked. However, Judaism is about behavior that expresses our relationship with each other and with God. Like a king that needs to periodically check his “personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”, we also must check our “Personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”. Certainly, the process may be uncomfortable, and yes, there is the danger of becoming so self-absorbed that we become paralyzed. The process occurs on a regular enough basis that we don’t become too paralyzed that we can’t function. However, what is so empowering is that this “personal Torah” is not confined to the King. In this regard, we are all kings, we are all royalty. We are all better off making sure that our “personal Torah”, the one we carry with us wherever we go matches up with Torah, the Torah that we learn from, the Torah that we read upon Shabbat and Holidays.  As I remind my teenagers regarding this self- reflective exercise; this is one of the ways that a teenager becomes an adult and one of the ways a parent learns to trust a teenager.

Peace

Rav Yitz