I Have Spent My Life Seeking All That's Still Unsung (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "Attics Of My Life)

           Well, the unofficial end of summer is upon us. It is Labour Day Weekend. Indeed, summer came and went, our children headed off to where they are supposed to be, and I quietly celebrated a birthday.  Yep, another year has gone by. My beard is grayer and while I am thankful for the hair on my head, it is grayer as well. I have never been a big fan of birthdays. I always like to spend them quietly. While some in my family prefer some extraordinary family activity or party, I prefer a round of golf, sitting by a swimming pool, reading a book while my kids swim, and then grilling some steaks and eating dinner outside with my wife and children. Usually during golf, while I am admiring the scenic beauty, while I watch my children playing in the pool, or while I am grilling dinner; I have an opportunity for a bit of self-reflection. This year, I spend my birthday returning home from dropping our daughter off at college in Maryland.  I had lots of time to reflect while my wife slept and I drove through Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, and eventually Ontario.  I thought about successes and failures, I thought about what my plans were after college, and where I am in terms of those plans. Have I realized any of my goals? Am I on course, or off course? If I am off course, am I so far off course that I cannot get back on course? For thirty-two years I have had a child in my house and my children have been at the forefront of every decision I have made. Have I accomplished anything? On one level, the self-reflection exercise can be pretty brutal. There are times I feel like a complete failure except as a father.  I seriously wonder if I measure up to the standards that I set for myself way back when I had first left home and set out on my life’s journey. There are moments when this birthday self-reflection can be really quite depressing. Once in a while, there is a moment of contentment. I am always amazed by the differences between my idealized pristine life and my not-so-pristine life grounded in reality. 

        This week’s Parsha is Shoftim. Moshe has completed his lecture on the values of monotheism and covenant. Now he begins telling B'nai Yisroel all the nitty gritty details of living a Jewish life within this community. What a downer! B’nai Yisroel is inspired and ready to enter Eretz Canaan and begin living life in the land that God had promised their ancestors. They are now ready to begin fulfilling the dream that allowed them to survive centuries of slavery. So what does Moshe Rabeinu do? He brings them crashing back to reality. Now they will listen and understand laws concerning war, punishments for idolatry, choosing a king, jurisprudence, priestly entitlements, and unsolved murders. Moshe gives B’nai Yisroel a healthy dose of reality by supplying all the details required to uphold the Covenant.

        One of these laws is rather curious yet serves as a reminder of how important it is to maintain a balance between dreams and reality, between the idealism of our youth and the cynicism of age. V’Hayah Ch’shivto Al Kisei Mamlachto V’Chatav Lo Et Mishnei HaTorah Hazot – And it shall be when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah in a book… V’Haitah Imo V’Kara Vo Kol Yemei Chayav Lema’an Yilmad L’yirah et Adonai Elohav – It shall be with him and he shall read from it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to fear the Lord his God, Lishmor et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot V’Et HaChukim Ha’Eilah La’Asotam – to observe all the words of this Torah and these decrees, to perform them so that his heart does not become haughty over his brethren and not turn from the commandment right or left so that he will prolong years over his kingdom, he and his sons amid Israel (Deut. 18:18-20). The king must write and maintain two Sifrei Torah. The “personal” Torah must be carried with him wherever he goes: meetings, wars, benefit dinners, etc. The Torah must always remain physically near his heart. However, the second Sefer Torah sits in the treasure room as a pristine copy, as a benchmark. This “benchmark” Torah remains enclosed, protected, and untouched. The king may consult it, but this pristine copy never leaves the sanctuary. How brilliant! The “personal” Torah that is carried around eventually becomes worn, the letters fade, and the parchment may even tear. This would most likely occur unbeknownst to the king. Yearly, the king must lay his “personal” Torah besides the “benchmark” Torah. There, in the inner chamber, the two Torahs are checked against each other. Then if there are any discrepancies in the “Personal” Torah, the king must make the necessary corrections. The king’s “personal” Torah must reflect the purest and highest standard. Through daily wear and tear, through the compromises necessary to manage a kingdom, the king must regularly check to make sure that he has not gradually drifted away from the “Pristine” or “Benchmark” Torah.

        This is the ultimate form of personal “Checks and Balances”! Instead of waking up one morning thirty-two years later with the kids all grown up and moved out of the house wondering “What’s become of me”; Judaism understands that we all make compromises. Sometimes we may even, unfortunately, compromise our integrity our values, and our own sense of propriety. Sometimes our drift from the ideal is not even that pernicious. Sometimes we just slow down or get sidetracked. However, Judaism is about behavior that expresses our relationship with each other and with God. Like a king that needs to periodically check his “personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”, we also must check our “Personal Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”. Certainly, the process may be uncomfortable, and yes, there is the danger of becoming so self-absorbed that we become so paralyzed that we are unable to move our lives forward. There is a very real danger that we can be hard on ourselves that we lose sight of the good. Thankfully, the process occurs on a regular enough basis that we don’t become so paralyzed that we are unable to enjoy a round of golf, watch the kids swim, enjoy a steak dinner with the family, or appreciate the beautiful scenery while driving from Maryland, through Pennsylvania, New York, and Ontario or even appreciate the quiet blessings of another birthday.

Peace
Rav Yitz

You Ain't Got Half Of What You Thought You Had (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Row Jimmy")

As the traveling carnival known as primaries and caucuses continue to unfold in the United States, as Republican and Democratic candidates crisscross the United States saying incredibly stupid things, insightful things, or far-fetched things; I have started paying a lot of attention to two topics.  One topic is called “delegate math” based upon the number of delegates for the Republican nomination, 1,237, and the Democratic nomination 2,383. When focusing upon these numbers, one can begin to see candidates’ strengths and weakness among different aspects of the electorate. The other mathematical topic to which I have been paying attention, is the amount of money that candidates are able to raise. Obviously the money really is the engine that allows for offices to open and advertisements to air. When the funds run out, even with a path forward, the candidate will have to stop. Sometimes the money runs out first and the candidate must stop. Sometimes the delegate math doesn’t add up to the required number. Then the question becomes whether to continue  campaigning and have fight at the convention (a plan espoused by Republican leadership in order to combat Trump) or cease campaigning and begin the process of reconciling (an idea that many Democratic leaders have call upon Bernie Sanders to begin considering).  In all cases, both in terms of delegates and in terms of campaign dollars, the candidate and his/her brain trust must engage in an accounting. They must look back on where they were, they need to recognize where they are and they need to coldly analyze how far they still need to go. Always they need to be crystal clear with themselves about the financial, political and emotional feasibility of continuing.

            This week's Parsha is Pekudei. It is the last Parsha of Sefer Shmot. The Parsha, in a very matter of fact way, provides us with an accounting of all the material that was used for the Mishkan. The Parsha, in a very matter of fact way, tell us all that Bezazel and Oholiab had done while inspired by God and their art. We derive this idea of "taking stock" from the first Pasuk. Eilah F'kudei Ha'Mishkan Ha'Eidut Asher Pukad Al Pi Moshe Avodat Ha'Leviim - These are the countings of the Tabernacle, the Tabernacle of Testimony, which was reckoned at Moshe's bidding (Ex.38:21). What follows is essentially a ledger of all materials that were used in the Mishkan's construction.  What follows is essentially a ledger of the order in which Bezazel, Oholiab, and B'nai Yisroel used these materials and actually constructed the Mishkan. Why do we need this accounting? We have been reading about the Mishkan for the last four Parshiot. However it was not until now, when Moshe and B'nai Yisroel were able to look back at the process and see exactly how far along they have come. Think about it. For  a lengthy period of time,  B'nai Yisroel, as told to us in the Torah, had experienced an individual, communal and spiritual revolution. They watched Ten Plagues destroy Egypt, fled Egypt, and experienced the miracle of the Crossing of the Yam Suf. They witnessed the revelation at Sinai, received the Ten Commandments, panicked and built the Golden Calf. They began the T'shuvah process by bringing a half Shekel as a means of expressing atonement. They willingly brought their precious jewels and raw materials for the construction of the Mishkan. They came together as a community and they successfully constructed "God's dwelling place."

Certainly there were specific events that we would deem as vitally important, including the actual exodus from Egypt, the Crossing of the Reed Sea, and the Revelation at Sinai. However, in each of these three pivotal moments, B'nai Yisroel behaved as individuals. During each of these three pivotal moments, one could argue that B'nai Yisroel was more reactive than proactive. After the Tenth Plague, following God's direct command, B'nai Yisroel left Egypt. After God opened the Reed Sea, B'nai Yisroel began to cross it. It is the Midrash that explains that B'nai Yisroel took the first steps into the water prior to God's miracle. Even the Revelation at Sinai was a more reactive experience than a pro-active one. Even the Golden Calf fiasco could be argued as B'nai Yisroel's response to the fact that Moshe delayed his descent from the mountain. However Tshuva, and last week's Parsha's explanation that B'nai Yisroel brought its offerings willingly, suggests that B'nai Yisroel took a more pro-active role in the construction of the Mishkan. Constructing and completing the Mishkan, for this generation was perhaps its greatest achievement. They were finally, at least for the time being, pure of soul and pure of heart. They understood what it meant to be a community, a holy community, and the Mishkan was an expression of that. Therefore when B'nai Yisroel completed this transition to “people-hood” culminating in the completion of the Mishkan; it makes sense that an accounting of the Mishkan's construction would occur.

  From Moshe's "accounting", we learn something very important about human nature. As individuals, as part of a team and as part of community;  we need to do Cheshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of our souls. While it is certainly important to do Cheshbon HaNefesh at prescribed times with the community (Yom Kippur for example); it is also vital that we engage in this process when we have survived and successfully or unsuccessfully navigated through transition.  These transitions and changes are not necessarily confined to lifecycle events or the calendar but as a part of life in general.  Certainly we can watch the political carnival going on in the United States, and all the attention to “delegate math” and “campaign finance” and view it through the lens of one enormous transition from one Presidential administration to another. Parsha Pekudei reminds us that we must possess the self-awareness to step back and look back at the process and own it, and if it is appropriate, mourn it, celebrate it, or learn from it. The result is that when the time comes for the next project, (The Holy Temple), the next national endeavor (Bnai Yisroel’s entry in to the land of Israel), the next primary, caucus or the next time that a candidate sits down to determine whether it is time to stop fighting for the nomination or continue fighting for the nomination; a careful and thorough Cheshbon HaNefesh will lead to thoughtful and correct decisions that are to the benefit of the community and even the country.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Truckin' I'm A Going Home (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Bob Weir, Phil Lesh - "Truckin'")

I had a chance to participate in that mid-summer sleep away camp ritual called “Visitor’s Day”. It was not as simple as jumping in the car on a Sunday morning, drive a couple of hours, see the kids and come home. I wish it was that easy. For me nothing could have been further from reality. So late Saturday night at I started driving in pouring rain. I had planned to stop at my parents’ home in Rochester.  I arrived around 1:30 am, and saw father awake, and awaiting my arrival. The good news was that I made great time. The bad news was I felt guilty because I had somehow prevented him from going to bed and an earlier hour. Still, I would be able to get 5-6 hours of sleep and, on Sunday morning I would be ready to drive another three and half hours and be at camp to enjoy a picnic lunch. I was up bright and early the next morning, I saw my mother for a few minutes, said goodbye. I saw that my wife texted me a list of things to pick up for our picnic so I stopped at Wegmans. Well one just doesn’t run into Wegmans and run out. Wegmans is the Supermarket of Supermarkets. One normally walks into Wegmans and is in awe of the numerous products, the colors and the smells. After an hour, I eventually picked up everything on the list and started driving. The highway was familiar, the exits were familiar, the route was the familiar, and the trees were familiar. The landscape was magnificent and familiar. The farms were picturesque and familiar. I must have made this drive hundreds and hundreds of times. With the horizon stretched out before me, I had a sense of constancy and comfort. Nothing had changed. I saw my wife, and my children. I had a few minutes alone with each child and my wife. I even had a moment when I saw my wife and my kids together, helping carry our picnic to the spot and had a “moment”. The “Moment” was a sense that it was worth the drive just to see them helping each other shlep all this stuff. It was a sense that it was worth the drive for me to realize that I am blessed. So we at lunch. I hung around for another couple of hours and began the long drive back to Toronto. I stopped in Rochester for Dinner. Waited for thirty minutes at the border because of traffic and then waited a little over an hour on the QEW Highway because of construction. The final 40 minutes of the drive was a blur of fog and exits and one thought sat in my head. I can’t believe I drove 9 hours on a Sunday in order to spend 2 ½ hours with my family, either I am crazy or really appreciate the fact that I am blessed.    

This Shabbat, we read from Parsha Ma’asei. It is the final Parsha of Sefer BaMidbar. Ma’asei begins with Moshe’s recording of all the places that B’nai Yisroel had traveled during the course of its 40 years of wandering. Moshe makes the final preparations for B’nai Yisroel’s entrance into Eretz Canaan: including the establishment of national and tribal boundaries. Also, Moshe gives his decision to the Daughters of Zelophchad (Parshat Pinchas) who have inherited their father’s tribal holdings. Moshe informs B’nai Yisroel of inter-tribal marriage while simultaneously retaining the integrity of tribal boundaries. Also six cities of refuge are established for those individuals who have committed manslaughter, (and accidental death) and are fleeing the avenging family member.

Whenever an individual, a group, a community or a people stand on the precipice of realizing a stated goal; looking back upon the journey only makes sense. We look back upon the journey for a variety of reasons. First we look back upon the journey in sheer wonderment; we cannot believe we have traveled so far and finally achieved. Second, we look back upon the journey in order to provide context and meaning for all those who joined in the journey towards the middle or the end. Third, we look back upon the journey as a series of opportunities that were necessary in order to realize the stated goal. Eilah Masei V’nai Yisroel Asher Yatzu M’Eretz Mitzrayim L'tzivotam  B’Yad Moshe v’Aharon – These are the journeys of the Children of Israel, who went forth from the Land of Egypt according to the legions under the hand of Moshe and Aharon … V’Eilah Maseihem L’Motzaheihem – And these are the their journeys according to their departures. (Num. 33:1-2) God commanded Moshe to keep a record of their travels according to their Maseihem - destination. This is means of recording based upon positive expectations, when there were no travails, issues or problems. Moshe also kept a record of their travels based upon Motzaheihem their departures, when there were travails, issues and great difficulties, when people murmured against God, against Moshe etc. Now that B’nai Yisroel stands on the brink of entering Eretz Canaan, all the experiences, both positive and negative gave B’nai Yisroel an opportunity to learn Faith.  The journey and all that was experienced during that 40-year journey was necessary in order to arrive at this point in time.

We all have journeys. Some are a lifetime. Some are a few hours. No matter the distance, and no matter the final objective, every once in a while it is important to stop and take stock of how far one has traveled. Every once in a while it is important to check out the surrounding of the journey and not only an eye on the final objective. Sometimes there is value in the journey for the journey’s sake and not just the objective. Mathematically speaking, it was kind of crazy to drive 9 hours in order to spend 2 ½ hours with my family. Except for a few delays that were beyond my control, it was also cleared my head, allowed me to take a look around and see how far I have come in my life and contemplate my future.

Peace

                Rav Yitz