Gonna Leave This Brokedown Palace; On My Hands And My Knees, I Will Roll, Roll, Roll (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Brokedown Palace")

Now that December Holiday season is upon us, one cannot turn on the television without a Christmas special on this channel or a Christmas movie on that channel. Perhaps the most beloved holiday movie in our home is Frank Capra’s “It’s A Wonderful Life”. In fact, the first time the movie was on this year occurred last Saturday night during the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday. With all of our children, we sat together as a family and watched. We have watched this movie dozens and dozens of times as a family. While we watched, our 17-year-old daughter furiously worked on her university applications as well as her Israel seminary applications. The Seminary applications and one university application were due the following day.   During the scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. There we were, our seventeen-year-old sitting with her father, mother and siblings worry about her future. Our daughter, who just wanted to be finished with the process, declared that perhaps she would just remain at home. As she makes this statement, Jimmy Steward said: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” We all laughed at the contradicting attitudes: one stated by our daughter and one stated by Jimmy Stewart as a 21-year-old son.  When we finished laughing, I suggested that our two children who no longer lived at home ought to provide an answer.  

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan what’s in Charan? Keeping in mind that Yaakov has never been away from home and although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son, and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

As we watched the movie, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has having the courage and humility to return home. Our daughter’s older sisters both explained that leaving home is a vital ingredient in becoming and independent and confident person. Older sisters pointed out that part of becoming independent is knowing what to bring and what to leave, what wisdom is helpful and which superstitions are foolish As our 17-year-old watched the remainder of the movie and listened to her older sisters’ wisdom, hopefully, she will leave with same excitement and enthusiasm as they left with. Admittedly, and selfishly, I also hope that she will return often, having become an independent,  thoughtful, and decent woman like her sisters.

Peace

Rav Yitz.

All I Leave Behind Me Is Only What I Found ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "China Doll")

Now that the December Holiday season is upon us, one cannot turn on the television without a Christmas special on one channel or a Christmas movie on another channel. Perhaps the most beloved holiday movie in our home is Frank Capra’s “It’s A Wonderful Life”. In fact the first time the movie was on this year occurred earlier this week. With our children on the computer, the phone or the IPod, I happened to turn the movie on. I notified my children that “It’s a Wonderful Life” was on. I have never seen them stop doing whatever it is they were doing. Within a few seconds, our kids were on the sofa watching the movie. We have watched this movie dozens and dozens of times as a family. Often times our kids will ask us questions about the movie, it’s setting, and if life was really the way it is portrayed in the movie. For the first time, our kids picked up on something that I never really noticed. Until Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey gets married, his greatest desire is to leave home, go away to school, and make a life for himself in some other place besides Bedford Falls. This unfulfilled desire gnaws away at him and contributes to his sense of failure as an adult, as a husband, and a father.  They wondered aloud why it is so important for George Bailey to have left home, and why is it such a source of frustration in his life? I explained that leaving home is important because it is vital to become an independent and confident person. I explained that we could talk more after the movie.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: from Esav, to his parents, Lavan, his wives, and ultimately God.

At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan what’s in Charan? Keeping in mind that Yaakov has never been away from home and although he is heading toward is mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son, and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s detour, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship to God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

As we watched the movie, I suggested that George’s he wished that he never had been born, symbolized his leaving home and all the lives he touched when he left only to return when he returns to real life. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. I reminded our children that part of becoming independent is knowing what to bring and what to leave, what wisdom is helpful and which superstitions are foolish. For both Yaakov and George Baily, part of the independence that they achieve is deriving their own faith based upon not only what they learn from their families but from their own experiences. Hopefully, our children, as they strive for their own sense of independence will make stops along the way in order to learn, test, and discover faith for themselves. Of course when they are all finished, hopefully they will come home every so often to visit.

Peace

Rav Yitz.

Walk Iinto Splintered Sunlight (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh "Box of Rain")

Well our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah has become the all encompassing agenda item in our home. It dominates the “honey do- list”; it dominates the quiet moments since a quiet moment is the perfect time to do seating arrangements, double check the RSVP situation, and double check as to whether the “to-do” list is slowly shrinking. Unfortunately for our daughter the Bat Mitzvah, she still has school. While she would prefer to focus upon the party, the music, the guest list, and a little bit about her D’var Torah (her speech); she had numerous tests last week and she has numerous tests this week – the week leading up to her bat mitzvah. Admittedly, I have now started speaking a little differently to our Bat Mitzvah girl. Admittedly, I don’t tolerate as many excuses. I have started to force her to become for self-dependent. So when our daughter asked me to help her study for her social studies test and later her science test, I dutifully agreed. We sat down, she asked a question. Knowing that she should already know the answer, I asked her one simple question. Did you read your notes and read the textbook.  With a blank expression and then as if a light bulb went on, she said, “No, am I supposed to?” Now our daughter does well in school. So I smiled and I said as sweetly as possible: “Study the material yourself, re-read your notes, read the chapter in the book. READ!!!! Read so you understand the material and not just read to find the answer to a question, otherwise you won’t understand how things are connected. READ!!!” I concluded my sweetly worded diatribe by reminding her that she is a bat mitzvah which means that she becomes obligated for mitzvot. I reminded her that in our home it also means that she is obligated to read and learn. I no longer have to do this for her. Intellectually and academically, it is time for to venture forth – at least a little bit.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Lech Lecha. Many events occur in Parsha Lech Lecha including: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot (his brother’s son and last blood relative), fight against the local leaders responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household. As many of these events unwind, there is usually a moment just before, or immediately after the event, where God re-assures Avram that everything will be all right, that the covenant, which includes: a great nation, land, and wealth will eventually occur. Most of these re-assuring moments are quite explicit. However one such moment of re-assurance speaks to the notion of what God hopes for as Avram’s descendants take on the covenant. Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Vheyeh Tamim. I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect” (Gen.17:1). In order to achieve spiritual perfection Avram has to do more than just walk with God. Rather, Avram needs to incorporate what God wants (in this case Brit Mila –ritual circumcision) into his daily life. Only when Avram is less spiritually dependent, and more spiritually independent can the Brit, the covenant between God and Avram, go into effect.

           

Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to re-assure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust and faith in the parent figure. Yes this is a process; it was a process for Avram in this week’s Parsha and will continue to be in next week’s Parsha. It is a process for our daughter as helping her is not necessarily about giving her the answers. She is now realizing that help means receiving the support, sustenance and direction of where to find the answers and how to access them. However, she will have to learn how to learn and walk on ahead in order to make sense of what she reads.

Peace,

Rav Yitz