Well our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah
has become the all encompassing agenda item in our home. It dominates the “honey
do- list”; it dominates the quiet moments since a quiet moment is the perfect
time to do seating arrangements, double check the RSVP situation, and double
check as to whether the “to-do” list is slowly shrinking. Unfortunately for our
daughter the Bat Mitzvah, she still has school. While she would prefer to focus
upon the party, the music, the guest list, and a little bit about her D’var
Torah (her speech); she had numerous tests last week and she has numerous tests
this week – the week leading up to her bat mitzvah. Admittedly, I have now
started speaking a little differently to our Bat Mitzvah girl. Admittedly, I
don’t tolerate as many excuses. I have started to force her to become for
self-dependent. So when our daughter asked me to help her study for her social
studies test and later her science test, I dutifully agreed. We sat down, she
asked a question. Knowing that she should already know the answer, I asked her
one simple question. Did you read your notes and read the textbook. With a blank expression and then as if a
light bulb went on, she said, “No, am I supposed to?” Now our daughter does
well in school. So I smiled and I said as sweetly as possible: “Study the
material yourself, re-read your notes, read the chapter in the book. READ!!!!
Read so you understand the material and not just read to find the answer to a
question, otherwise you won’t understand how things are connected. READ!!!” I
concluded my sweetly worded diatribe by reminding her that she is a bat mitzvah
which means that she becomes obligated for mitzvot. I reminded her that in our
home it also means that she is obligated to read and learn. I no longer have to
do this for her. Intellectually and academically, it is time for to venture
forth – at least a little bit.
This Shabbat we read from Parsha
Lech Lecha. Many events occur in Parsha Lech Lecha including: Abram leaving his
birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot (his
brother’s son and last blood relative), fight against the local leaders responsible
for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his
wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males
in his household. As many of these events unwind, there is usually a moment
just before, or immediately after the event, where God re-assures Avram that
everything will be all right, that the covenant, which includes: a great
nation, land, and wealth will eventually occur. Most of these re-assuring
moments are quite explicit. However one such moment of re-assurance speaks to
the notion of what God hopes for as Avram’s descendants take on the covenant. Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Vheyeh
Tamim. I am El Shaddai; walk before
Me and be perfect” (Gen.17:1). In order to achieve spiritual perfection Avram
has to do more than just walk with God. Rather, Avram needs to incorporate what
God wants (in this case Brit Mila –ritual circumcision) into his daily life.
Only when Avram is less spiritually dependent, and more spiritually independent
can the Brit, the covenant between God and Avram, go into effect.
Avram walks ahead of God knowing
that God is always around to re-assure him. Ultimately this type of
relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust and faith in the parent
figure. Yes this is a process; it was a process for Avram in this week’s Parsha
and will continue to be in next week’s Parsha. It is a process for our daughter
as helping her is not necessarily about giving her the answers. She is now
realizing that help means receiving the support, sustenance and direction of
where to find the answers and how to access them. However, she will have to
learn how to learn and walk on ahead in order to make sense of what she reads.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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