Walk Into Splintered Sunlight Inch Your Way Through Dead Dreams To Another Land (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box of Rain")

           Our seventeen-year-old has come down with a sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School. This sickness is extremely prevalent in Canada and The United States. Our son’s U.S.  and Canadian summer camp friends are coming down with this. I remember having an awful case of it when I was 17 and in my last year of high school. The sickness is called “Senior-itis”. Senioritis for students in their final year of high school focuses upon the profound desire to leave home.  In some cases, the desire is so strong that the student will seek a university as far away as possible.  A less severe case might mean that the student only needs to be an hour away. Because the desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful,  life with the 12th grader can be quite strained and tense for the rest of the family. Suddenly rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” While all this is perfectly normal and natural, it does carry one enormous risk. It is much safer to have Senioritis when the senior has already been accepted to University or at least a gap year program. Why? Senioritis also affects the 12th grader’s attitude towards school. Senioritis is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted because there is still the pressure to academically succeed and apply, all the while dealing with the overbearing desire to leave home.  One should keep in mind that depending on the behavior of the 12th grader, the symptoms can spread. Not only to younger siblings but more importantly, it can spread to us parents. The more the 12th grader becomes impossible; the more the parents can’t wait for the child to get accepted, graduate high school, and actually leave. Obviously, some parents may be more affected than others. In our home, for example, I have become quite vulnerable to our 12th grader’s case of senioritis. Like him, I am getting to the point where I cannot wait for him to leave. However, his mother seems completely invulnerable and can’t stand the idea that he wants to leave.

            This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for reassurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

             In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However, even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God reiterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives reassurance for the fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his firstborn son Ishmael.       

           Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to reassure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust, and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds faith and trust breeds trust. Certainly, our 12th-grade son might think that he is ready to begin his own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, he still needs to walk with his parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with his parents. About other things, the frustration and aggravation that he feels towards us is merely an expression of the fact that he wants to walk on ahead of us. In both instances, he is telling us about his level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of the path of his own lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, as parents, we never stop trying to guide and teach him so when he does walk on ahead, he remains grounded in his values and the lessons that she learned. Hopefully, as he grows older and well on his journey, his aggravation with his parents will diminish. Perhaps he will even begin to appreciate the wisdom that we transmitted to him. I hope. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Walk Out Of Any Doorway; Feel Your Way Like The Day Before (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh "Box of Rain")

            I just spent two weeks in quarantine, after I drove my twenty-year-old daughter to the University of Maryland. While down in my basement, reading books, working out on my elliptical machine, and watching the news as well as assorted Netflix movies, my daughters knew that I was always home and available for them. In the late mornings, our eighteen-year-old daughter would Whatsapp video call me from Israel. She would tell me about her classes her voice filled with excitement her face full of enthusiasm. Later on, in the early part of the afternoon, I would receive a WhatsApp message or video call from our twenty-year-old. If it was a video call, invariably she would be walking across the campus, coming from a class, her physical therapy session, or a store. Always wearing a mask, her voice too was filled with excitement to be on a big-time college campus, excited to be living in an apartment and thankful for schlepping her down to the University of Maryland. Later in the evening, I would send a message to our eldest daughter. I know that she is incredibly busy trying to get her candidate elected to the United States Congress. Usually, she would respond on a video call as well, prefacing our call by informing me that she only has a few minutes to spare because she is so busy. The campaign will be done next week. Although she looks so tired that I worry about her, her voice is also filled with excitement and passion, her face resolute as she guides a campaign to its ultimate goal.  

          This week's Parsha is Lech Lecha. In it, God commands Abram to leave his father, his homeland, and everything he has ever known, and go towards a place that God will show him later. Abram does. He heads down towards Egypt because of a famine. Eventually, Abram leaves Egypt with money, flocks, servants, and wealth. Lot, Abram's nephew, and Abram decide to part ways since each their respective flocks not only become intermingled but their hired hands fight among each other. Abram then fights against several kings in an attempt to protect Lot. Then his wife Sarai, who is barren, tells Abram to make Hagar (the maidservant) the surrogate mother. Abram listens and Hagar has a son named Ishmael. She runs away and then returns. God tells Abram a prophecy. Abram will become the father of a great nation, and that nation will become enslaved for several centuries and then will return to the land that God promised Abram. Then God instructs Abram to circumcise himself, his son Ishmael and all the males of his household. All these events are linked together by the theme of "Lech Lecha" of going, of traveling.

            The Zohar, the rabbinic book of mysticism, comments upon the first verse "Lech Lecha Mei'Artzecha uMimoladtcha, U'mibeit Avicha El Ha'Aretz Acher Areka- Go for yourself from your land, from your relatives, and from your father's house to the land that I will show you (Gen 12:1). Instead of a physical journey, the Zohar explains that Abram was commanded to embark upon a spiritual journey. The soul, while residing in the World to Come, exists in close or proximity to God. Because of the spiritual clarity and intensity revealed there, no free will and no chance for spiritual growth and advancement can occur. Like the angels, the soul in the World to Come is called an Omaid, a standee. In this World, however, we know that a person has Free Will. This means that we all have the opportunity to advance spiritually as long as we remain in this World. The soul in this world is called a Holiach, a walker, someone who goes, much like Abram went.

            Like Abram, we are all commanded to Lech Lecha. Abram walked and traveled, and so did Lot. Yet Abram epitomized the individual who retained his integrity and ideals despite the difficulties of life, and despite the growing cynicism brought on by age. Abram managed to remember that God is the end and everything else is merely a means to that end. However, all the wealth and all the prosperity are not ends in and of itself. Our daughters have left home,  They are making their way. They may have left home but not the value with which they have been raised. They may have left home, but they brought with them the lessons they have learned and applied it to their lives, their studies, and their jobs. They may have left home but wherever they are and whatever they do, they do so with the passion and joy that can only exist when they choose their respective paths. I only hope our son demonstrates the same passion and joy in whatever path he chooses.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

Walk Into Splintered Sunlight; Inch Your Way Through Dead Dreams To Another Land (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box Of Rain")

Our seventeen year old has come down with a sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School and University. It became particularly acute this past week as my daughter and I attended University Night at her high school. About a dozen universities made presentations to parents and students suffering from the disease known as “Senioritis”. Judging from how well attended University Night was; it is apparent that “Senioritis” is quite prevalent in our daughter's class. “Senioritis” tends to strike high school students in their final year, and it is marked by a keen and profound desire to leave home. Whether the desire is to go away for a gap year and return home for university, or to actually leave for a four-year university; there is an expectation of “going away”, or embarking on a journey. In some cases, it means going far away, and in some cases, it may mean being only an hour away. The desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful, that life with the 12^th grader can be quite strained. When suffering from “Senioritis”, long-established family rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12^th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” Senioritis is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted to a college/university or gap year program because of the pressure to academically succeed and apply remains. All the while, the student still struggles with the profound and overbearing desire to finally leave high school. 

This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for re-assurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However, even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God reiterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives re-assurance a fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his firstborn son Ishmael.      

Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to reassure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust, and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds more faith and trust breeds more trust. Certainly, our 12th-grade daughter might think that she is ready to begin her own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, she still needs to walk with her parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with her parents. About other things, her frustration and aggravation with us is merely an expression of the fact that she wants to walk on ahead of us. In those cases, it is quite clear that her “Senioritis” has spread to us because there are moments that we wish she would walk on ahead of us. However, we are acutely aware that in both instances, she is expressing her level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of her own life's path and her lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, we never stop trying to infuse and teach her so that way when she does walk on ahead, she remains grounded in her values and the lessons that we instilled. Hopefully, as she gets older and well on her journey, her aggravation with her parents will diminish and she will appreciate the wisdom her mother and I gave her. However, I won’t hold my breath.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Hey, Now, Bird, Wouldn't You Rather Die Than Walk This World When You're Born To Fly? (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Liberty")

Our seventeen year old has come down with sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School and University. This sickness is extremely prevalent in the United States. All of our daughter’s U.S. summer camp friends are coming down with this. I remember having an awful case of it when I was a high school senior. From what I can tell, it is also quite prevalent here in Toronto. The sickness is called “Senior-itis”. It strikes students who are in their final year and are ready to move onto to the next chapter. “Senior-itis” and it affects high school seniors (students in their final year of high school); and it has one glaring symptomatic difference from the “Senior-itis” that strikes college/university seniors. "Senior-itis" for a college/university senior is more about getting on with the next chapter of life, whether it be graduate school or work.  However "Senior-itis" that strikes the High School student is marked by a keen and profound desire to leave home. A college/university senior has already left home. High School senior can’t stand being home. There is an expectation of “going away” for school. In some cases it means going far away and sometimes it may mean being only an hour away. The desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful, that life with the 12^th grader can be quite strained. Suddenly rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12^th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” While all this is perfectly normal and natural, it does carry one enormous risk. It is much safer to have "Senior-itis" when the senior has already been accepted to University or at least a gap year program. Why? "Senior-itis" also affects the 12^th grader’s attitude towards school. "Senior-itis" is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted because there is still the pressure to academically succeed and apply, all the while dealing with the overbearing desire to leave home.  One should keep in mind that depending on the behavior of the 12^th grader, the symptoms can spread. Not only to younger siblings but more importantly, it can spread to us parents. The more the 12^th grader becomes impossible; the more the parents can’t wait for the child to get accepted, graduate high school and actually leave. Obviously some parents may be more affected than others. In our home for example, I have become quite vulnerable to our 12^th graders’ case of "Senior-itis". Like her, I also can’t wait for her to leave. However, her mother seems completely invulnerable and can’t stand the idea that she wants to leave.

This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for re-assurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God re-iterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives re-assurance for a fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his first born son Ishmael.      

Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to re-assure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds faith and trust breeds trust. Certainly, our 12^th grade daughter might think that she is ready to begin her own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, she still needs to walk with her parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with her parents. About other things, her frustration and aggravation with us is merely an expression of the fact that she wants to walk on ahead of us. In both instances, she is telling us about her level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of her path and her lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, as parents, we never stop trying to infuse and teach her so that way when she does walk on ahead, she remains grounded in her values and the lessons that she learned. Hopefully as she gets older and she is well on her journey her aggravation with her parents will diminish and she will appreciate the wisdom that we have given her.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

And You Know I'm Only In It For The Gold (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Loser")

           During the past week, there has been an incredible amount of excitement in our home. The excitement began late last week and thought that have been several down moments, the excitement has once again peaked early this week. Just how much excited is our home? Well excited enough that even our two teenage daughters are now emotionally involved. At first I thought it was the Canadian election which occurred earlier in the week. Nope, it wasn’t the election. I thought maybe it was the recent Democratic debates knowing that our eldest daughters’ boss, Mrs. Clinton had done so well. I was wrong. The excitement has been a result of the Toronto Blue Jays.  Every day I hear from my kids, who is going to the games. Every day at least one child provides an injury report or some statistic. While Toronto is not our family’s favorite team, we have all been caught up in the excitement. If there is such a thing as Blue Jays fever; we have a mild case of it.  It’s not just the kids who are excited, all of our friends only talk about “last night’s game”, tickets for an upcoming game, “did you see that inning” or “did you see that home run”. However amid all the excitement and hoopla, I was speaking to one friend of mine who watches each pitch and each at bad with such concern and anxiety. Interestingly enough it is the exact same way I watch the Yankees when they are in the playoffs. Admittedly there is something to be said about watching a fun team and not have the anxiety since I don’t live and die with each pitch or at bat. So my friend and I were talking about the Blue Jays. In order to take his mind of off the current pitching match-up, he wanted to discuss the future. He was concerned about those players that are “Free Agents” and might decide to leave for greener pastures, more money, or bigger TV market with more commercial possibilities. I validated his concern and told him, there will be those who leave because they want more money, or longer contracts, and there will be those who decide to stay because the situation in Toronto is a good fit for them.

           This week's Parsha is Lech Lecha. In it, God commands Abram to leave his father, his homeland and everything he has ever known and go to a place where God will show him later. Abram does. He heads down towards Egypt because of a famine. Eventually, Abram leaves Egypt with money, flocks, servants, and wealth. Lot, Abram's nephew, and Abram decide to part ways since each their respective flocks not only become intermingled but their hired hands fight among each other. Abram then fights against several kings in an attempt to protect Lot. Then his wife Sarai, who is barren, tells Abram to make Hagar (the maidservant) the surrogate mother. Abram listens and Hagar has a son named Ishmael. She runs away and then returns. God tells Abram a prophecy. Abram will become the father of a great nation, and that nation will become enslaved for several centuries and then will return to the land that God promised Abram. Then God instructs Abram to circumcise himself, his son Ishmael and all the males of his household.

                The process by which Abram and Lot separate, provides a rather fascinating example of leaving a good situation in pursuit of a better deal. After Abram and Lot’s men quarrel Abram desperately wants to keep the peace. Abram also understands that Lot needs to separate himself from Abram. So he gives Lot a choice: Al Nah T’Hi Mriva Beini UVeinecha U’Ven Ro-ai U’Ven Roecha Ki Anashim Achim Anachnu – Please let there be no strive between me and you, and between my shepherds and your shepherds for we are kinsmen. For Abram, he views Lot as part of the family, part of the team but also understand that Lot must decide if he wants to remain. Abram gives Lot a choice of land. VaYisa Lot et Einav VaYar et Kol Kikar HaYarden Ki Chula Mashkeh- So Lot raised his eyes and saw the entire plain of the Jordan that it was well watered; VaYivchar Lo Lot Eit kol Kikar HaYarden VaYisa Lot MiKedem. -So lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and Lot journeyed from the east; VLot Yashav B’Arei HaKikar BaYe’Ehal Ad S’dom – and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent as far as S’dom. Why did Lot choose the plain of Jordan and the cities in that area including S’dom and Amora? Obviously Lot did not know that these place were going to be destroyed in the future. Rashi, commenting on the word MiKedem, quotes the Midrash Tanchuma and understand the word as Kodem, not east but rather “Earliest One” or “Primordial One” (meaning God). Lot left the morality of Abram and the holiness of God and settled near S’Dom. R’Shimshon Rafael Hirsch comments on Lot’s lifting his eyes  and explains that he was led by his sense of sight rather than his sense of spirituality and God’s presence. As a result, Lot chose a fertile, rich land that had great commercial potential and would yield Lot great wealth.

                So Lot, the free agent, left Abram, left a great situation, and settled for greener pastures, more money and a much worse situation. I reminded my friend that unfortunately, most players are much more like Lot and will take the more money and be put in a worse situation or a losing situation rather than less money to be on in a great situation or a winning team.  Cynically, I think it is human nature to “follow the money”. However this attitude is not only limited to Lot, or free agents in professional sports. This sort of thing happens in business all the time and quite frequently it serves as the deciding factor for many of our own career decisions. However, we should always be reminded that sometimes it is better to be in the right situation, playing for a winning team and earning less, as opposed to trying to reap financial satisfaction in an unhealthy or negative environment.

Peace,

Rav Yitz