You And Me Bound To Spend Some Time Wondering What To Choose ( Hunter, Garcia - Deal)

There are moments I catch myself as a parent, saying things my parents said or doing things my parents did. Sometimes these moments are a result of an instinctive behavior, expression or gesture that I never gave any thought about. Sometimes these moments are a result of a strategic decision based upon my own personal experience as a child dealing with my parents. Sometimes these moments arise because I am reminded of advice that was offered to me decades ago. A few days ago when speaking to one of my daughters I had that moment. I saw myself as my father. As I responded, I was reminded of a piece of sage advice offered to me. "Let children make decisions, but don’t let a child make a teen-age decision, don’t let a teenager make an adult decision, don’t let young adult make a decision that a 60 year should make." So as my father’s advice streamed across my mind I now had to think of a creative deal for my daughter. I thought of the old television game show “Let’s Make a Deal”. The studio audience would dress up in ridiculous costumes hoping to be a contestant. Then the host, Monty Hall, would make a proposition. The contestant could take the amount of cash in Monty Hall’s pocket or behind door number 1 or 2 or 3. During the course of the conversation he would make the choice more difficult by telling the contestant how much money was in the pocket. Now the contestant would have enough information to know what he/she stood to gain or lose with the ensuing decision. Some took the cash; some took what was behind the door. It was interesting to watch the contestant’s reaction when he/she finds out what was behind the door, what could have been won or what was lost.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Re'eh. Moshe re-iterates numerous commandments both positive and negative. Moshe reminds B'nai Yisroel of the obligation to observe the Shalosh Regalim (the Pilgrimage Festivals: Pesach, Shavuot, Sukkot), the laws concerning Jewish servants/bondsman, providing charity to the less fortunate and the cancellation of loans in the 7^th year of the 7 year business cycle. Moshe reminds us of the foods we can and cannot eat. Moshe also reminds us to be wary of family and friends that try to convince to stray from these obligations, as well as following false prophets, and behaving like the neighboring tribes such as the Canaanites, as well as a myriad of other commandments and warnings.

Certainly Moshe issues many warnings, and lists many mitzvot. However, instead of issuing these commandments “from on High”, Moshe teaches these commandments and offers warnings. Rather than the unilateral legislation of these commandments, Moshe provides this generation with a choice. Moshe wants this generation to make a responsible informed decision for which they will be held responsible. Moshe tells B’nai Yisroel what lies behind doors number one and two. Et HaBracha Asher Tishma’u El Mitzvot Adoshem Elokeichem Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Ha’Yom – The blessing: that you obey the commandments of Hashem, Your God, that I command you today. V’Haklalah Im Lo Tishme’u El Mitzvot Adoshem Elokeichemt V’Sartem Min HaDerech Asher Anochi M’Tzaveh Etchem Ha’Yom LaLechet Acharei Elohim Acheirim Asher Lo Y’Datem –And the curse; if you do not obey the commandments of Hashem, Your God, and you stray from the path that I command you today, to follow gods of other people that you did not know. (Deut. 11:27-28). It is interesting to note that Moshe did not tell us our reward or our blessing. Likewise, Moshe did not tell us the curse. Rather he defined the blessing and the curse. A blessing is tantamount to obeying and observing the Mitzvot, and a curse is tantamount to disregarding the commandments and following other gods instead.

In a sense this is the ultimate game of Lets Make a Deal. Moshe perspective is clear. He doesn’t really need to tell us the specific contents behind door number one neither does he need to tell us the specific contents behind door number two. Intrinsic to obedience and observance is a blessing. Intrinsic to disobedience and going wayward is a curse. Intrinsic to every commandment and every mitzvah is the expression of our relationship with God. Moshe reminds us: “ Ki Am Kadosh – For you are a Holy Nation” (Deut. 14:2). Therefore everything we do should be an expression of our desire to be near God. Observance draws us closer to God. Being close to God is a blessing. Disobedience pushes us away from God. Being far from God is a curse. By presenting the mitzvot in this fashion, Moshe accomplishes several important goals. First, Moshe empowers B’nai Yisroel. They can now make an informed decision regarding obedience or disobedience because they understand the consequences to both. Second Moshe speaks to B’nai Yisroel as if they were a mature nation instead of children. We are offered a choice. We are presented the opportunity to take responsibility for our choices. This is the difference between the slavery and freedom. The generation born in freedom must be able to take responsibility for its choices or it might as well remain enslaved.

So I sat down with my daughter and gave her a choice. I told her what was behind door number one and two. I explained that whatever she decided was her decision and she was responsible for it. I told her I loved her however that has absolutely nothing do with what is behind door number one or two. We all have the opportunity to make decisions about our lives however the key is whether we take responsibility for our lives. We should always be aware of our own blessings and our curses. However if we knew that behind door number one , the door with the blessings, exists holiness and meaning in our lives we would always choose wisely. More than the blessing of holiness and meaning behind door number one, there is more. Behind door number one, behind the blessing is God. We only need the strength and the wisdom to choose the blessing of Torah, to have holiness, meaning, and God in our lives.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Patience Runs Out on the Junkie (Weir, Graham- Victim or the Crime)

Among life’s many ironies, I am always amazed by those artists, athletes, actors, musicians and successful talented young people who, as Frank Sinatra sang, have the World on a String. While we may or may not know these people personally, we certainly know of them. We see them play professional sports. We watch them in the movies. We hear them in concert. So it was no surprise that we heard about the death of British Pop Star Amy Winehouse. A talented and troubled Jewish girl from with a long history of addiction, Amy overdosed and died several weeks ago. Here is a young woman, about 28 years old, considered to be talented singer, songwriter, and entertainer, and Grammy award winner. She seemed to be at the height of her success and popularity. So what went wrong? Why do these artistic celebrities and athletic celebrities succumb to such destructive forces? Why do these artistic celebrities and athletic celebrities seem to have such troubled souls?

This week’s Parsha is Eikev. Here in his second discourse, Moshe explains to the new generation how the second set of tablets that contain the Aseret Dibrot came into being. He explains how God forgave their parents for their idolatrous behavior in regards to the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), Moshe explains that B’nai Yisroel’s essential task is to refrain from Idolatry, serve God, worship God, and the nation will be rewarded with water, grass and quality lives. Moshe also reminds B’nai Yisroel that they have nothing to fear when they enter into Canaan and conquer the land even though they maybe outnumbered. God has already, and will continue to protect his people. He did so during the Yetziat Mitzrayim (Exodus). He did so when Bnai Yisroel defeated Og and Bashan. As long as B’nai Yisroel keeps its side of the B’rit, God will continue to protect his people.

However it is towards the end of the Parsha, that we encounter a possible answer from a passage of Torah that should be familiar to al of us. V’Haya Im Tishma’u El Mitzvotai Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Hayom L’Ahavah – It will be that if you hearken to My commandments that I command you today to love Hashem your God and to serve him with all you heart and with all your soul…(Deut. 11:13). This is the second paragraph of the Shema, a part of the daily prayers we say every Shacharit (morning service) and Ma’Ariv (evening service). In this second paragraph of the Shema, we are told that there is a reward for our obeying God’s commandments and there will be retribution for disobeying God’s commandments. Among the rewards is a phrase that, at first glance, does not seem like such a reward. V’Haya Im Tishma’u El Mitzvotai Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Hayom L’Ahavah Et Adonai Eloheichem Ul’Avdo B’Chol Levavchem Uv’chol Nafshachem. V’Natati M’tar Artzechem B’Ito Yoreh Umalkosh V’Asaftah D’Ganecha V'Tiroshcha v’Yitzharecha – It will be that if you hearken to My commandments that I command you today to love Hashem your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, then I shall provide rain for your Land in its proper time, the early and the late rains, that you may gather in your grain, your wine and your oil. V’Natati Esev B’Sadcha Livhemtecha V’Achalta V’Savata – I shall provide grass in your field for your cattle and you will eat and be satisfied (Deut 11:15). Among the rewards is grass for our cattle and we will eat and be satisfied. What does this mean and how does it relate to the perils of celebrity?

The simple meaning of the verse suggests that we will eat the grass and or the cattle, but whatever we eat, we will be satisfied –v’Savatah. Satisfied implies that we will not be wanting for anything. Satisfied means fulfilled, content. How can the grass that God will make plentiful satisfy us? Have we ever been too busy to eat? Have we ever been in a place or a situation that cause our adrenaline to pump that we didn’t even feel hunger pangs? Most probably yes, we have all been in situations or places where we were too busy, to wound up, too excited to eat. Yet, we were clearly in a place, both physical and spiritual where we were satisfied. Rashi explains the verse as follows: When you are very prosperous, you must be very careful not to rebel against God, because man rejects God only when he is sated.” Experience shows that the temptations of wealth are among the hardest to resist. People who are rich in wealth but poor in sophistication often succumb to temptation. They succumb due to ignorance. They succumb due to arrogance. Mostly however they succumb to boredom.

These celebrities and many of the “rich kids” are bored and de-sensitized to the world around them. Instead of filling up on something that is fulfilling, Torah and Mitzvot, people have been filling themselves with substitutes. They have substituted money for Torah. They have substituted material trappings for Torah, Mtizvot, and Judaism. These people either forgot how to make their lives holy, or they have neglected the spiritual aspect within themselves for so long that sadly, many have forgotten the point of life. They forgot how to make life holy, and sacred.

As parents and grandparents, it becomes our job to infuse their respective souls with a divine purpose. It is our job to infuse within them a much holier purpose than the next trend, the upcoming party, the next example of idolatry. Sadly for Amy Winehouse, her soul apparently lacked the spiritual courage and strength to be satisfied with the simple pleasure in life. Her soul apparently had been numbed by the drugs and desensitized by the excesses of her life choices that she became spiritually bored. We can avoid spiritual boredom by channeling our energies in Torah study, prayer and the selflessness required to make a Jewish community vibrant. Let us increase the Kedusha (holiness) within our souls through the Jewish enrichment of our souls.

Death Don't Have No Mercy (Rev. Gary Davis)

For the past week I have been in San Francisco, my wife’s hometown. No, we haven’t been on a vacation. My wife’s father passed away last Shabbat and we, my wife, my four children and I came to the funeral and stayed for Shiva. Shiva is winding down as my wife and her mother will arise from Shiva on Sunday morning. While my wife and her mother have been mourning, and fulfilling the obligations of mourners, the entire Jewish people spent an intensive day of mourning during Tisha B’Av, the commemoration of the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem as well as the an array of other historical calamities that befell our people. Needless to say there were numerous questions about whether we should take the children to the cemetery. My wife thought it best that they should just stay in the car, her mother agreed, explaining that a cemetery was no place for children and that it would make them very uncomfortable. While we made our way from the funeral home towards the cemetery, I explained that my kids were coming with us to the cemetery, they would stand next to their mother and father as opposed to being alone in a car with a million unanswered questions, an equal number of anxieties floating around their heads, and imagining something far worse than reality. We compromised by not allowing our children to shovel the dirt upon the casket but they stood by us, asked lots of questions, received lots of answers, and were essentially comforted during a rather uncomfortable moment. More importantly, they learned how to behave in such a situation. They became just a little more familiar with death and burial and they learned that death is part of life. I have done lots of funerals; many adults are not mature enough to handle death like these three children handled it.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha V’Etchanan. Because this is the Shabbat immediately after Tisha B’Av, and the Haftarah begins with the word Nachamu (Comfort), this Shabbat is known as Shabbat Nachamu – or the Shabbat of Comfort. Considering, the Jewish people just observed Tisha B’Av, comfort seems to be both a timely and well deserved. In the Parsha, Moshe continues recounting the recent history of Bnai Yisroel and exhorts this generation to follow the commandments. Moshe recounts the revelation at Sinai. He reminds Bnai Yisroel that the generations that come later will fail to fulfill the covenant, they will be exiled but eventually later generations will return. Moshe reiterates the purpose of the Arei Miklachat – the Cities of Refuge. Finally Moshe warns and cajoles Bnai Yisroel of the vital importance of passing this tradition, and these laws to their children. Comfort doesn’t necessarily come from Moshe and Parsha V’Etchanan. Rather Comfort comes from the Prophet, Nachamu Nachamu says Isaiah, proclaiming that the exile has come to an end and Bnai Yisroel can return to the land.

Implicit in the Parsha is a means for all of us to find comfort. However this is not warm fuzzy comfort that makes us feel warm and toasty inside. Nor is the kind of comfort that reassures us that no matter what we will be OK. Moshe does us comfort. However this is the type of comfort that is based upon hard work. This is the typ e of comfort that is based upon taking responsibility for our emotions, our behavior, and our decisions. This is the type of comfort that makes no guarantee as to a specific outcome. Instead this is type of comfort that keeps us connected to God and our children no matter the difficulties and hardships of life. First Moshe states V’Atem Ha’Dveikim B’Adoshem Elokeichem Chayim Kulchem HaYom – You who cling to the Hashem, Your God, You are all alive today. Comfort can be found in a relationship with God. Spiritual life, sustenance and strength can be found in the manner in which we cling to God. Later Moshe will tell Bnai Yisroel V’Shinantam Levanech V’Dibarta Bam – You shall teach them [words of Torah] thoroughly to your children (Deut. 6:7) Comfort is the hard work of passing Torah down to the one’s children. Comfort is knowing that wherever our children are during the course of their lives, whether experiencing sickness, death, sadness, or loss, they are equipped to handle it. Torah and God are vital tools in the toolbox that we offer our children to deal with life.

After we buried my father-in law, we headed back to the cars. My son was upset. We talked. I asked him why he was upset. Then he and I walked back to the grave, we watched the grave diggers finish filling the grave. I explained that because his grandfather had been so sick it was a better that he was now in the ground next to those who loved him so much, his parents and his sister. We thanked the gravediggers and returned to the cars. My son looked up and said that “I guess we will all die some day, so we should make sure that we live good lives.” My jaw dropped as I was shocked by the wisdom of this 7 year old. I asked him what “living a good life” means. “Abba”, he said, “that’s easy you be a dad to your children and teach them Torah.” Sometimes comfort and re-assurance can come from the words of torah, an inspiring scene in nature, and sometimes it can come from a 7 year old boy speaking with no pretense from the heart.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wonder Who Will Water All The Children Of The Garden ( Hunter, Garcia, Lesh - St. Stephen)

This has been quite an eventful week in our home. Our 11 year old daughter just returned from camp. When I met her at the bus the look on her face suggested two over arching ideas. First, “I am very tired because I was up late with my friends crying on the last night of camp”. Second, “While I have physically returned home, I don’t want to be here. I want to be back in camp. I will need some time to adjust to reentry to the home and the family.” So my wife and I have been very respectful of granting our daughter “space for re-entry”. We both acknowledge that we want this and most transitions to go smoothly. We understand that while we want to spend time with her, hug her and do all the things that 11year olds find annoying in their parents; we also realize that we are constantly aware that the way we deal with today can, to some extent, impact upon tomorrow.

Needless to say, as Shabbat approaches I am particularly excited to have our 11 year old home so I give her a bracha without any distance between us. On Erev Shabbat, before we begin Friday night Shabbat dinner, we perform several rituals including blessings over the candles, wine and challah. However the most meaningful and powerful Erev Shabbat ritual occurs when I bless my children. When I bless my four children and look into their eyes, I am overwhelmed with the sense of being a link in the chain of our people. Not only do I bless them by invoking our patriarchs and matriarchs and hope that God’s benevolence shines upon them. I also invoke thousands of years of learning, thousands of years of Halacha, thousands of years of a holy covenant and relationship to God. When I bless I am praying that they will know how precious this moment is, how beautiful Shabbat is, and how meaningful life is when it includes God, Torah and Mitzvot. When I bless my children, I pray that my children will yearn to pass down Mitzvot, learning, a sense of holiness, and the words of Torah to their children. It is at this moment I feel linked to my ancestors; it is at this moment I feel linked to our tradition, and to God, stretching all the way back across the millennia.

This week we begin the final book of the Torah, Sefer Devarim, with Parsha Devarim. Traditionally known as Mishnah Torah – or the repetition of the Torah, Parsha Devarim is the introductory Parsha to Moshe’s formal teaching of the Torah to this new generation. Moshe Rabeinu, now only a few weeks from the moment of his death, imparts his teaching and his wisdom upon B’nai Yisroel like a dying grandparent or parent would to his/her children. Eilah HaDevarim Asher Diber Moshe El Bnai Yisroel B’Eiver Yarden-These are the words that Moshe Spoke to all Israel, on the other side of the Jordan…(Deut. 1:1) Moshe's teaching and Moshe’s repetition of the Torah embodies tradition. Moshe’s teaching and his repetition of the Torah, exemplifies every parent’s responsibility to strengthen the child’s connection to Judaism, to Torah, and to God.

How do we as parents, and grandparents, teachers, and clergy, friends and neighbors, pass this tradition to the next generation? First and foremost we must start with ourselves. We should be grounded in our belief system and understand the role of Judaism in our lives. Judaism must be relevant to our own lives. Torah is not just a book but rather a code that allows us to engage in a meaningful relationship to God. The purpose of observing Torah and Mitzvot is to live a life of greater sanctification, a life based upon adding holiness to the mundane as opposed to diminishing holiness from the mundane. While there have been or will be times when we struggle in our relationship with God; we can find comfort in a tradition that reminds us that we are the great great great great… grandchildren of those men and women who stood at Sinai and saw and heard God speak to them.

Once we have worked on ourselves, once we have struggled with and accepted the primordial, and even primitive importance of maintaining our Jewish identity, of observing and learning we can begin passing this sense of importance to our children. Once we have accepted that in the very core of our souls, the place where we define ourselves as human and humane, that that sense of human-ness, and sense of humanity is Jewish, then we can pass Eilah Hadevarim, these words to our children. Once we have accepted that the only legacy we leave on this earth after we die is our children and our ideas, and then we are ready to pass Eilah Hadevarim, these words to our children, our legacy. Even if we have not accepted any of these things, even if we are still struggling, even if we honestly believe that this is all childish stuff, we must still pass down Eilah Hadevarim at least for one reason. Everything else that we leave for our children, our grandchildren and our community is finite. Money runs out always needing replenishment. Resources are finite and eventually need replenishment. Only Judaism, like God is infinite. The more it is used the more there is. More learning leads to more observance. More observance leads to more Tzeddakah. More tzeddakah improves the lives of those less unfortunate. The better off the unfortunate will lead to a kinder and gentler community. The kinder and gentler the community, the holier the world has become.

We teach and pass down Eilah Hadevarim, these words, by doing these words. We teach by speaking, we teach by doing. We teach by acknowledging that our children will model our behavior. On this Shabbat, the Shabbat before Tisha B’Av, the Shabbat prior to our commemoration of the destruction of the Holy Temple as well as numerous other tragedies, let us re-affirm that our ability to survive is a direct result of our ability to pass Eilah Hadevarim, these words to our children. As I bless my daughter for the first time in five weeks, I am reminded of just how sacred Eilah HaDevarim, These words are. As I bless my daughter for the first time in five weeks I pray she passes These Words to her children when they return home from summer camp.

Peace,

Rav Yitz