It
isn’t often that I talk about politics in this blog. However, in the land of my
origin, the United States, a President has just been elected. I am not too
terribly concerned about the end result of a campaign that lasted nearly two
years culminating on Election Day Tuesday. What I have found so inspiring was
watching the long lines in Florida, Ohio and numerous other states as citizens
exercise their constitutional right to vote. There is something sacred about
casting a ballot. There is something sacred about going into a voting booth,
reading the ballots and the various motions that require voting. Our eldest
daughter has been working on one of the presidential campaigns. Our younger
children have watched the news with me, they know who the candidates are, they
understand the importance of 270 electoral votes, they understand what happens
if there is a tie. They appreciate that there is a solemn responsibility in
choosing the most powerful person in the free world. They understand that the
entire world watches when America choose a President. China watches, Israel
watches, Iran watches, Europe watches and here in Toronto, Canadians watch as
well. While the world watches who America chooses, what I find so fascinating
is the calculus that people go through when choosing a President. That calculus
may involve issues of taxes, issues of jobs, Israel, choosing a Supreme Court
Justice, or the candidates’ ability to empathize with the plight of the voters,
evaluating their character or trusting
the candidates’ at their word. Some of these criteria and questions may weigh more
or less heavily than others. Some of these criteria can be more accurately gauged
than others. Sometimes, after all the thinking and figuring, we still don’t
really know about their leadership ability in times of crisis until the leader
faces a crises. Yet for a few sacred moments, while inside the booth, we devise
a “test” that allows us to feel as if we are making the best possible choice
for ourselves. Of course the “test” will vary from person to person.
This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with
the recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife,
purchasing the land for Sarah's burial and then burying her. Avraham then tells
his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite
woman. Instead, the servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a
woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. The servant wants to know how to determine
the appropriate girl for his master's son. Avraham answers that the girl that
returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels and
plenty of wealth for a dowry the servant sets off and decides that the best
place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the
"right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water
to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the
servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family, convinces
the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the
servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled
the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at
her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the
servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are
married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father,
and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.
The story of the Yitzchak and
Rebecca's courtship is one of the more unique stories in Torah. Three times we
read of the servant’s test or criteria for determining a wife for his master’s
son. The first mention occurs when the servant prays to God that a girl offers
water to him and his camels. Vayomer
Adonai Elohei Adoni Avraham Hakrei Nah Lfanai Hayom V'Asei Chesed Im Adoni
Avraham - And he said, " Lord,
God of my master Avraham, may you so arrange it for me this day that you do
kindness with my master Abraham, See, I stand here by the spring of water and
the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw. Let it be that the maiden to
whom I shall say 'Please tip over your jug so I may drink', and who replies,
'Drink, and I will even water your camels,'…. (Gen 24:12-14) The second
telling of this story is when it actually occurs. (Gen 24:15-21) The third
telling of the story occurs when the servant tells it for the first time to
Rebecca's family (Gen.24:42-46). These events must be significant if Torah
tells us the events in three different contexts, all of which are in the same
chapter.
The servants criteria are quite eye
opening. A woman that shows a lowly servant kindness, and shows his animals
kindness is the right type of person for his master’s son. The Servant doesn’t
worry about looks, family of origin, success in school or any else. Just one
simple of Gemilut Chasadim, of loving Kindness is the sole criteria for
choosing a mate. Torah is teaching us one vital thing. If the person engages in
Gemilut Chasadim (Acts of Loving
Kindness) to her mate, then that behavior will be taught as the standard behavior
within that house. If Gemilut Chasadim (Acts of Loving
Kindness is the standard behavior within the house then everything that this
house, this family touches will be affected for the good, and the world becomes
just a little better than it was before. We all have standards and requirements
that allow us to make judgments. We should never allow superficiality to be
the basis for those judgments. God does not judge us in such a fashion. Nor
should we judge others in a superficial fashion. Love at first sight does
exist. However it is love at first sight of one's behavior. We judge others on
what they do not what they say. Rebecca's was judged on her actions, not upon
her feelings. When we talk with our children and grandchildren about love and
dating, pass along the standards of Avraham's servant.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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