One of the most fascinating aspects of the
Pesach Seder is that educationally speaking, it provides a wonderful form of instruction.
It utilizes props, food, stories of real live heroes, song, as well as mythical
paradigms with whom we can all identify. The most famous of these paradigms are
the Arbah Banim, the Four Sons, or
the Four Children, The Chacham – The
wise child, The Rashah, known as the
Rebellious child, the Tam, the
simple child, and Sheino Yodeah Lishol-
the one who does not know how to ask. With four children, each year we can see
how they begin to take on different aspects of each category. A question that
our family has always struggled with is the answer offered to the Rebellious Child
and the answer offered to the Child Who Does Not Know How To Ask.
The Rebellious child (the RaShAh)
asks a question. The Haggadah answers using the same words as its answer to The
One Who Does Not Know How to Ask (Sheino Yodeah Lishol). The Rebellious Child asks Mah HaAVodah HaZot Lachem – What does this service mean to you? The Haggadah’s answer is taken from The Book
of Exodus 13:8: Ba’Avur Zeh Asah Hashem
Li B’tzeiti Mimitzrayim- Because this
is what Hashem did for me when I left Egypt. However prior to the
answer the Haggadah issues the following instruction: V’Af Atah Hakhei et Shinav – We
set his teeth on edge, V’Amor Lo,
then recite to him. The words are not
enough, the answer must be delivered with a certain tone. The tone offers
context and provides a deeper meaning than just the words from Exodus 13:8. The reason is because when he asked
what the service meant to you, he of course excluded himself so the answer we
give to the Rashah should be exclusive. The words appear to exclude the
Rebellious Child, the tone is exceedingly confrontational to the Rebellious
Child. We are to literally “knock his teeth out” with our answer.
Our answer to Sheino Yodeah Lishol is
a citation from the same verse Bavur zeh
Asah Hashem Li B’tzeiti Mimitzrayim – because
of what Hashem did for me. A superficial reading suggests that this answer
alienates this child like the same answer alienates the Rebellious child.
However the two answers of very different because the questions and the
questioner are different. The Child That Doesn’t Know How To Ask, never asked
the question. The Haggadah gave an answer to an inquisitive look. We can understand the Four Children as
symbols four developmental categories leading to adulthood. The Child That
Doesn’t Know How To Ask is the baby. The Rebellious Child is the teenager or
the young adult that is single and not yet settled down. We can also understand
these four Children symbolically representing different types of Jews. In
either case, The Child That Doesn’t Know How to Ask has no obligation, doesn’t
understand the concept of Chiyuv (obligation), nor can be expected to observe
anything since the child does not know what to do nor how to do it. The words
that constitute our answer should be simple, straightforward, but our tone
should be warm, inviting, supportive and demonstrating concern.
Regarding the RaShah, it is important
that we have some perspective about the Rebellious Child. The RaShah does not
embody complete evil. The word for pure un-adulterated Evil is RaH, Reish Ayin. The Shin, the middle letter in RaShah, according
to Kabbala, is a “good” letter. The Shin is a representative of God, for
example one of the names for God is El Shadai. The Shin is the letter that
appears on the Mezuzah and on Tefillin. So, because of the Shin in the word
Rashah, we know that there is some hope for this soul. There is Godliness
within the Rebellious Child. The RaShah should not be infantilized. Intellectually,
The Rebellious Child understands that he is rebelling against something.
Therefore, the teenager, or the educated Jew that rebels against Judaism,
understand the idea of Chiyuv, religious obligation, and the idea of Jewish
peoplehood, of Jewish community and transmitting a tradition. The Haggadah’s
answer is designed to break down the RaShah’s arrogant tone. The same energy used
for disrupting and negatively influencing others to stray can be channeled for
a positive purpose. The Haggadah’s answer is not only for the benefit of RaShah
but for those that the RaShah could influence. Of the four children, the most
impressionable is One Who Does Not Know How to Ask (Sheino Yodeah Lishol). Words don’t necessarily suffice. This child
is influenced by action and by deed. As easily as this child is influence by
the RaShah, he or she will be just as easily influenced by the way in which we
respond to the RaShah. Therefore when the RaShah has his teeth ground by the
answer given, and eventually becomes less rebellious, he becomes a wonderful
example to the one who does not know how to ask.
My wife and I are blessed with four
children. It is remarkable that each Pesach we are able to gauge where they are
developmentally when we discuss Yetziat
Mitzrayim, The Exodus from Egypt.
It amazes us when one listens and nods, another argues but accepts, another
argues and refuses to listen or be bothered and one might not even be engaged
but is just too hungry to be bothered. We understand that our words matter. But
our deeds matter more. In celebrating
freedom we understand that ultimately we are responsible for our deeds. So when
we answer our children’s questions, not only our words matter; and not only our
tone matters. Our answers must be consistent with our deeds, and if they are
not we have to be able to explain and teach our children.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
No comments:
Post a Comment