Well
Labour Day came and went and with it so did my birthday. Yep another year gone.
More gray hair added. I have never been a big fan of birthdays. I always like
to spend them quietly. While some in my family prefer some extraordinary family
activity or party, I prefer a round of golf, sitting by a swimming pool reading
a book while my kids swim and then grilling some steaks and eating dinner
outside with my wife and children. Usually during golf while I am admiring the
scenic beauty, or while I watch my children playing in the pool, or while I am
grilling dinner; I have an opportunity for a bit of self-reflection. I think
about successes and failures, I think about what my plans were after college
and where I am in terms of those plans. Have I realized any of my goals? Am I on
course, off course? With the right trajectory? Thirty years later, have I
accomplished anything? On one level, the self- reflection exercise can be
pretty brutal. There are times I feel like a complete failure save for my family. There when I seriously wonder if I measure up
to the standards that I set for myself way back when. For a moment this self-
reflection on my Birthday can be really quite depressing. Sometimes there is a
moment of contentment. Not only is this normal, but it is very healthy to
examine the ideal of a person’s life, with the reality of that life.
This week’s Parsha is Shoftim. Moshe has completed his
lecture on the values of monotheism and covenant. Now he begins telling B'nai
Yisroel all the nitty gritty details of living a Jewish life within this
community. What a downer! B’nai Yisroel is inspired and ready to enter into
Eretz Canaan and begin living the life in the land that God had promised their
ancestors. They are now ready to begin fulfilling the dream that allowed them
to survive centuries of slavery. So what does Moshe Rabeinu do? He brings them
crashing back to reality. Now they will listen and understand laws concerning
war, punishments for idolatry, choosing a king, jurisprudence, priestly
entitlements and unsolved murders. Moshe gives B’nai Yisroel a healthy dose of
reality by supplying all the details required to uphold the Covenant.
One of these laws is rather curious yet serves as a
reminder how important it is to maintain a balance between dreams and reality,
between the idealism of our youth and the cynicism of age. V’Hayah Ch’shivto Al Kisei Mamlachto V’Chatav Lo Et Mishnei HaTorah
Hazot – And it shall be when he sits
on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself two copies of this
Torah in a book… V’Haitah Imo V’Kara
Vo Kol Yemei Chayav Lema’an Yilmad L’yirah et Adonai Elohav – It shall be with him and he shall read from
it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to fear the Lord his God,
Lishmor et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot
V’Et HaChukim Ha’Eilah La’Asotam – to
observe all the words of this Torah and these decrees, to perform them, so that
his heart does not become haughty over his brethren and not turn from the
commandment right or left, so that he will prolong years over his kingdom, he
and his sons amid Israel (Deut. 18:18-20). The king must write and maintain
two Sifrei Torah. The “personal” Torah must be carried with him wherever he
goes: meetings, wars, benefit dinners etc. The Torah must always remain
physically near his heart. However the second Sefer Torah sits in the treasure
room as a pristine copy, as a benchmark. This “benchmark” Torah remains
enclosed, protected, and untouched. The king may consult it, but this pristine copy
never leaves the sanctuary. How brilliant! The “personal” Torah that is carried
around eventually becomes worn, the letters fade, and the parchment may even
tear. This would most likely occur unbeknownst to the king. Yearly, the king
must lay his “personal” Torah beside the “benchmark” Torah. There, in the inner
chamber, the two Torahs are checked against each other. Then if there are any
discrepancies in the “Personal” Torah, the king must make the necessary
corrections. The king’s “personal” Torah must reflect the purest and highest
standard. Through daily wear and tear, through the compromises necessary to
manage a kingdom, the king must regularly check to make sure that he has not
gradually drifted away from the “Pristine” or “Benchmark” Torah.
This is the ultimate form of personal “Checks and
Balances”! Instead of waking up one morning twenty or twenty five years later
wondering “What’s become of me”; Judaism understands that we all make
compromises. Sometimes we may even, unfortunately, compromise our integrity our
values and our own sense of propriety. Sometimes our drift from the ideal is
not even that pernicious. Sometimes we just slowdown or get sidetracked.
However Judaism is about behavior that expresses our relationship with each
other and with God. Like a king that needs to periodically check his “personal
Torah” against the “Benchmark Torah”, we also must check our “Personal Torah”
against the “Benchmark Torah”. Certainly the process may be uncomfortable, and
yes, there is the danger of becoming so self-absorbed that we become paralyzed
from action. There is the very real danger that we can be hard on ourselves
that we lose sight of the good. Thankfully, the process occurs on a regular enough
basis that we don’t become too paralyzed
that we can’t enjoy a round of golf, watching the kids swim, eating a steak
dinner with the family and appreciating the quiet blessings of another
birthday.
Peace
Rav Yitz
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