They Love Each Other; Lord, You Can See It's True (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "They Love Each Other")

With three daughters, every so often I get anxious regarding that moment when they discover boys. Our youngest daughter is now twelve and while most boys are still considered “gross” or “immature” like her little brother, a tiny select few have enter the category of “cute”. Our oldest daughter, several years removed from her college graduation is focused entirely upon her career in politics.  Right now she has absolutely no interest in boys and a relationship.  That leaves our fourteen year old. No, she is not boy crazy in the least bit, but it has been fascinating watching her leave the “boys are gross” stage and talking with boys at the Shabbat table, or hanging out with them at the movies. For our fourteen year old, boys are no longer “gross”; some of them are actually “people.” Of course, all this gives me reason to worry, first the boys become “people” and then one or two becomes friends, and then comes “adorable” and then  comes “puppy love”, and then? Then I try to stop thinking about it and try to end my anxiety attack.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the young romantic love between a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. One thing is for sure, because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon. ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism  of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly a older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sederim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, Bnai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that Bnai Yisroel be released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled Bnai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented Bnai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that Bnai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of Bnai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Breishit Rabbah 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited re-union with Hashem.  That re-union will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with their interest in boys!

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Say That The Women Today Are Smarter Than The Men In Every ( Norm Span-"The Women are Smarter")

           As a father of three daughters, I have always been conscious of positive role models for my daughters. Certainly their mom is a positive role model as are the other adult women in our families. Frequently we will watch female athletes on television.  We don’t limit their watching female athletes to the stereotypical female sports such as figure skating and gymnastics. Quite often we will watch the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association), women’s golf, and women’s soccer. If the United States Supreme court happens to be in the news, we make sure that our daughters are aware of the Supreme Court Justices who are women. The fact that women won recent elections in the United States has also demonstrated to our daughters that women are just as capable of governing as men. However the other day, our eldest daughter was on the national news for her work during the recent elections in the United States. Our younger daughters saw this and were awe struck. It might have been one of the most special feelings I have ever had as a father. Our daughter was a positive role model for her younger sisters. Besides being proud, both her mother and I felt as if we had actually done something right in terms of raising h. Our younger daughters could finally appreciate the way that they are being raised because they see the finished product in their oldest sister.

            This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with the recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife, purchasing the land for Sarah's burial and then burying her. Avraham then tells his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite woman. Instead, the servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. Avraham explains that the girl that returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels and plenty of wealth for a dowry the servant sets off and decides that the best place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the "right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family, convinces the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father, and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.

            Rivkah embodied this notion of life and legacy. These qualities are inherent to her character, as is evident in her name as well as in two subtle but strong actions. First, Rivkah offered water, a symbol of both life and Torah, to Eliezer. Then she offered water to Eliezer’s camels thereby demonstrating her menschlekite. Rivkah also possessed the ability to sustain life. She sustained Eliezer’s life by allowing him to accomplish his mission and return to Avraham with a wife for Yitzchak. Second, she sustained her own life by having the wherewithal and the strength to leave her family, a family which our sages suggest were cutthroats and cheats (Genesis Rabbah 63:4), and join a family that had received a covenant from God.

           Rivkah’s name is indicative of her character. She possesses an inherent ability to join seemingly disparate events or ideas such as life and death and make meaning from it. The Hebrew root of her name (RVK) means “join”, or “yoked together”, e.g. two oxen are joined together to pull a plow. The team must be of equal strength or the plow won’t go straight. Therefore Rivkah must be equally as strong and independent as her future husband Yitzchak. Rivkah must be strong enough to take the memory and legacy of Sarah and make it her own. This requires a very strong sense of self.             

            Rivkah also fills the spiritual vacuum, created by Sarah’s death, and this family’s future spiritual holiness. “And Yitzchak brought her into the tent of his mother; he married Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her; and thus was Yitzchak consoled after his mother.” (Gen 24:67)  The Rabbis explain that while Sarah lived a cloud of glory hung over her tent, her tent was known for hospitality, and a lamp remained alit from Shabbat to Shabbat. When Sarah died all these qualities died with her. However, when Rivkah was brought into the tent of his mother, all these qualities returned (Genesis Rabbah 60:16). In a sense, her soul and her mother in law’s soul, Sarah (whom she never met) joined souls and returned Sarah’s tent to the spiritual status it once knew.  Besides perpetuating life, she perpetuated the spiritual holiness necessary for joining Yitzchak in God’s covenant. Only Rivkah was able to fill the powerful memory of Sarah and still prevent herself from being overwhelmed by such a memory. Only Rivkah was able to join the generation of Avraham and Sarah with the next generation.

           Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to bridge the previous generations to the future generations. Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to join with our partners in equal respectful relationships without submerging our own identity. Rivkah’s character offers us a model as in our struggle to incorporate memory without being swallowed up by it. Finally Rivkah offers us a model of menschlekite and consideration. For our daughters, Rivkah offers a role model of a strong, independent woman who can still be part of something bigger than just herself; she can be part of a family and she can be part of a covenant.

Peace,

Rav Yitz