If You Could See In My Heart You Would Know It's True; There Is None, Cérise, Except For You (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Reuben and Cerise")

With three daughters, every so often I get anxious regarding that moment when they begin to seriously date a boy, or have strong feelings for a boy, or begin an exclusive relationship with a boy.  With a daughter in her twenties and two teenage daughters; my wife and I want boys to be interested in our daughters. We want our daughters to go out on dates. However, my desire for them to have the excitement of “puppy love” is quickly tempered by my anxiety of their being in a serious relationship and how that new relationship affects my relationship with my daughters. It is at that point, I try to stop thinking about the fact that my daughters are growing older (as am I), and try to end my anxiety attack.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are a song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the romantic love of a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. Because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon; ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly an older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees, and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sederim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, B'nai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that B'nai Yisroel is released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly, the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled B'nai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented B'nai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that B'nai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of B'nai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabbalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Bereishit Rabba h 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited reunion with Hashem.  That reunion will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with “young romantic” love.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Sorry That You Feel That Way; The Only Thing There Is To Say; Every Silver Lining's Got A Touch Of Grey (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Touch of Grey")

Well Passover has passed over.  Of course with the end of the Passover, we try to return our kitchen back to normal. Pesach dishes, pots, pans and utensils are wrapped and boxed and stored away for another year. Hopefully everything will return to normal by the time Shabbat begins. As my wife and I get just a little bit older, and our home is now filled with three teen-agers who quite capable young people, we expect them to help us prepare for Pesach and to clean up after Pesach.  Well our son disappeared into his room, claiming he was tired. What’s so amazing about that idea is that he did not have school the first day after the Pesach holiday. He could have stayed up but he opted for bed. Ironically, he always asks to stay up, but if cleaning up, and schlepping boxes are involved, he discovers fatigue. As for our teen-age daughters, well for about 15 minutes the sixteen year old helped and then she collapsed upon the sofa. The fifteen year old couldn’t find the motivation to help unless she had Chametz…a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, anything really. However it took an hour of complaining about how there was nothing to eat, before she ate. When she was finally ready to help, she provided a whopping ten minutes before she lost interest and grew tired.  I just about lost it. My poor wife and I are wrapping and packing, and cleaning and they were doing next to nothing. I was tired, and aggravated that these capable young people did so little.  I made several hurtful comments concerning their lack of consideration and maturity. Before anything worse came out of my mouth, I stepped outside, calmed down, and collected my thoughts. I thought about what had just transpired. I thought how I should have behaved differently, behaved in a manner that would have de-escalated the tension as opposed to escalate the tension. Then I thought about what I could do to rectify the current situation. When I walked back in, the kids had gone upstairs. My wife said that they were very upset and went upstairs. Although she agreed with me, she thought I had been a bit harsh and clearly they were hurt by what I said. Personally, I don’t like apologizing to my children. However in this particular case, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I went upstairs, and spent some time with each child, explaining that I should have known better. I apologized for failing to act more like an adult and parent. My apology was contrite and heartfelt. They also apologized to me. We talked some more, hugged and then I said good night to each of them. I realized that had I not apologized first, none of them would have apologized to me, and we would have missed an opportunity to discuss the fact that as each of them grow older, we, the parents, expect our children to take on more responsibility in helping around the house. 

This Shabbat, we resume the weekly Torah Readings with Parsha Shemini. Divided into three chapters, Parsha Shemini begins the narrative aspects of the book of Leviticus. Until now, we have read God’s speaking to Moshe about all the various Korbonot (offerings) and Moshe speaking to B’nai Yisroel and the Kohanim about all the Korbonot (offerings). Now, Aaron, the Kohen Gadol, begins his preparations for and then engages in the actual slaughtering of the Ram as part of his own Sin Offering. First the Kohen Gadol must be without blemish, without sin, and ritually pure before he begins serving as the conduit between the individual/community and God. When the Kohen is ritually impure and attempts to approach God inappropriately we learn the results, as does Aaron (Lev. 10:1-2). Finally, we learn how the individual/the community can aspire to be holy without Kohen Gadol’s involvement. We learn this by the Torah’s enumeration of all the animals that are prohibited for consumption.

The Parsha begins with the word VaYehi: It was on the eighth day; Moses summoned Aaron and his sons, and the elders of Israel (Lev. 9:1). In the Talmudic tractate of Megillah (10b) we are taught that the word VaYehi often serves as foreshadow for troubling events. The Midrash teaches that this parsha occurred on the first of Nissan, an incredibly happy time since it serves as an indicator of Zman Cheiruteinu – the Time of our Freedom and the Pesach holiday. However this is a bittersweet moment. The sweetness is the fact that the community is gathering together for the dedication of the Mishkan. The bitterness lay in the fact that a Mishkan is even necessary. Prior to the sin of the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), there was no need for a place for Bnai Yisroel to gather and engage in communal and individual Tshuva. Following the sin of the Eigel Zahav, we as individuals and as a community required a central gathering place to atone for our sins, and engage in Tshuvah.  Next we read Vayomer El Aharon Kach Lecha Eigel ben Bakar L’Chatat – [Moshe] said to Aaron: Take for yourself a young bull for a sin offering…(Lev. 9:3).What sin offering? What did Aaron do wrong that a Sin offering was required? Precisely because of Aaron’s involvement in the Golden Calf debacle, he needs to atone. So Aaron must bring a Chatat offering, a sin offering. Aaron must admit his sin, atone for it, and seek a spiritual return to God (Tshuvah) prior to serving on the behalf of the people. Even more powerful than Aaron’s fulfilling this obligation is the fact that Aaron’s two remaining sons, the Elders, and the entire assembly will bear witness to Aaron’s humbling of himself. Not only will Aaron know that he is worthy to serve on behalf of the people, but the people will know as well.

            Our sages hold Aaron in very high esteem. While the Rabbinic Sages are troubled with the way he handled himself during the incident of the Golden Calf; it is here in Parsha Shemini, when Aaron publicly humbles himself, we understand Aaron’s meritorious conduct.  Aaron’s behavior provides a powerful lesson for any individual in a position of authority or leadership. Our ability to engage in heartfelt Tshuva does not diminish our authority but rather enhances it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

They Love Each Other; Lord, You Can See It's True (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "They Love Each Other")

With three daughters, every so often I get anxious regarding that moment when they discover boys. Our youngest daughter is now twelve and while most boys are still considered “gross” or “immature” like her little brother, a tiny select few have enter the category of “cute”. Our oldest daughter, several years removed from her college graduation is focused entirely upon her career in politics.  Right now she has absolutely no interest in boys and a relationship.  That leaves our fourteen year old. No, she is not boy crazy in the least bit, but it has been fascinating watching her leave the “boys are gross” stage and talking with boys at the Shabbat table, or hanging out with them at the movies. For our fourteen year old, boys are no longer “gross”; some of them are actually “people.” Of course, all this gives me reason to worry, first the boys become “people” and then one or two becomes friends, and then comes “adorable” and then  comes “puppy love”, and then? Then I try to stop thinking about it and try to end my anxiety attack.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the young romantic love between a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. One thing is for sure, because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon. ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism  of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly a older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sederim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, Bnai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that Bnai Yisroel be released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled Bnai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented Bnai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that Bnai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of Bnai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Breishit Rabbah 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited re-union with Hashem.  That re-union will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with their interest in boys!

Peace,

Rav Yitz