Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way"

           With two daughters attending university, a daughter well into her career and supporting herself, and a son in 12th grade filling out university applications, I admit that there are moments that I don’t feel very much like a father of four, that I am “coasting” through fatherhood. After all,  the demands of fatherhood have changed since they were adolescents. However, recently, and all at once, the demands of fatherhood came crashing down upon me. Over the course of 48 hours, I had to spend a few hours helping a daughter with an essay for art history. I had to listen to another daughter share her angst and concern about a relationship and then I had to offer advice. Then later that same night I helped our son with his university application as well as engaged in a heated discussion with him regarding an online class that he was taking for extra credit in which he has procrastinated for months. Then finally, a brief conversation with my eldest daughter about her life. Needless to say, I was emotionally drained. Oh, how I almost yearned for those days when bedtime was early, the homework was simple, and the emotional issues much less fraught.  

           This week’s Parsha is VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son and his concubine), and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac. While the narrative highlights Avraham’s faith in God, and certainly a man worthy of receiving God’s covenant; the Parsha is replete with a parent’s ill-treatment of a child. Avraham was willing to offer his son Yitzchak as a way of indicating his faith in God. He banished his son Ishmael into the wilderness. Certainly, it is possible to evaluate Avraham’s behavior as a father as a bit negligent, to say the least, and perhaps abusive.

        Yet the Torah struggles with portraying Avraham’s sons as just that, sons. When we read the text, we view Yitzchak and Ishmael as little boys, helpless victims in Avraham’s displays of faith. We easily forget that Yitzchak was thirty-seven years old when Avraham was asked to make him an offering to God. Ishmael’s status changes throughout the Parsha. His status changes within one narrative from verse to verse.  VaYeira HaDavar M’Ode B’Einei Avraham Al Odot B’no. VaYomer Elokim El Avraham Al Yeira B’Einecha AL HaNa’Ar v’Al Amatecha – The matter greatly distressed Avraham regarding his son. So God said to Avraham, “be not distressed over the (HaNa’ar) youth or your slave woman. (21:11-12). VaYitein El Hagar Sam Al Shichmah V’Et HaYeled V’Yishalcheha VaTeileich BaTeita B’Midbar B’Eir Shava -  He placed them on her should along with the Yeled (the boy), and sent her off… (Gen. 21:14).  Why does the text easily and seemingly so arbitrarily switch between the use of (Yeled) the boy and the (Na’Ar)  youth? The Chatam Sofer, Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, a late 18th early 19th-century German commentator and Halachist, points out that the term Na’ar (Youth) is used when Ishmael is home living with Avraham, and the term Yeled (boy/child) is used when Ishmael is in the wilderness cut off from his father’s influence.  A Na’Ar (a youth) was held to the same high standards that Avraham held for himself and his household. This means that as a Na’Ar, Ishmael embodied and lived up to the expectations of Avraham’s teachings. As Yeled (a boy), Ishmael was not held to the same high exacting standard of behavior and belief nor was he capable.

           Parenting is no easy task. Quite often it is thankless. As parents, we are constantly forced to make choices. Some of our choices are true tests in our faith in God. Some of our choices leave us feeling that we are stuck between choosing between “bad” and “worse”. Some of our choices mean that we need to know when the child is ready to transition from one stage of life to the next, from “baby” to “toddler”, from “teen” to “adult”. As parents we have a responsibility to our children, to pass along morals, values, and Torah. As parents, we also have the responsibility to determine how much responsibility our kids can handle as they make their way within the developmental process. As a result, we need to see our children as they are and not how we wish them to be. Only then can we help them transition from one stage of life to the next.

 Peace,
Rav Yitz 

You Gave All You Had, Why You Want To Give More? (Robert Hunter & Mickey Hart - "Fire On The Mountain")

One of the experiences that we have had while living in Toronto has been the fact that frequently my children tend to be the “United States Expert” among their friends. Whenever something odd happens in the United States, my kids will generally have to answer for it.  If the President does something, or Congress does something or if the Federal Reserve does something, or if Mylie Cyrus does something; my children will be asked to offer their opinion. Sometimes this happens in formal settings such as a classroom with a teacher present and sometimes it happens informally while they are playing or talking with friends. Recently my children have had to take a crash course on Legislative Procedure and Congressional Party Politics as they have had to explain the United States government shutdown and the impending Debt Ceiling Crisis that could invariably affect the world economy. This can be pretty complex and heady stuff for a fourth grader, a sixth grader and an eighth grader.  I have tried to present a non partisan explanation that is simple enough for my kids to understand and to repeat in a classroom or to their friends without making the United States look ridiculous to Canadians. This by the way is no easy task. During the course of my explanation our sixth grader offered a terrific solution to what appears to be an insurmountable problem in Washington D.C. She very calmly identified the problem. From her perspective, it appears that one side can’t find someone on the other side to talk to, someone who is willing to listen and figure out a compromise. She suggested that the President invites some of the leaders of the other side to have an informal casual dinner where they try to solve the problems instead of blaming each other for why they arrived at the problem. Hachnasat Orchim is a fundamental and one of the most essential values of Jewish Life. We learn from the Talmud in Tractate Shabbat: “To extend hospitality is loftier than to greet the Divine Presence!”

This week’s Parsha is Vayeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in S’dom and Amorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first born son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

Avraham’s formidable spiritual character is evident at the very beginning of the Parsha. At the ripe old age of 99, Avraham just circumcised himself at the ripe old age of 99. The Parsha begins with Avraham’s recuperation from surgery. “V’hu Yoshev Petach Ha’Ohel K’Chom HaYom.- He sat in the tent door in the heat of the day” (18:1). Rashi, the medieval northern French commentator, explains why a 99 year old man would be sitting at the opening of his tent (petach ha’ohel) while still recovering from surgery. Lirot Im Yesh Oveir v’Shav v’Yachnisem b’Veito- Avraham sat in his tent’s opening to see if there were passersby, whom he could take into his home.  Other medieval commentators make it abundantly clear that Avraham was as hospitable as possible. For fear that Avraham could be criticized for not inviting his three guests to stay and spend the evening; we are told that this visit took place at mid day. The only appropriate display of hospitality during the middle of the day was to wash the dust of his guests and prepare a feast. So Avraham did. Yet he did so without any sense of ego. Instead he performed this act of kindness in the most selfless manner. Avraham’s name is not mentioned until the 6^th verse of the Parshah (Gen18:6). The first five verses only refer to Avraham in a pronoun form. 

What do we learn that Avraham fulfills this mitzvah in a nameless fashion? We learn that the highest level of hospitality requires us to forsake our own ego. Extending hospitality is not for our benefit. Hospitality is a selfless act; not a selfish one. Ironically, engaging in this selfless act leads to our enrichment. We are better off having done it. Hachnasat Orchim allows us to express our humanity, and our sense of concern the other, the guest, the newcomer. Hachnasat Orchim, in a sense, is the foundation for a warm caring community. Also for Hachnasat Orchim to truly be expressed it can only be done selflessly without concern for a "thank you’s", or any possible reward. By expecting nothing in return for fulfillment of a Mitzvah, we learn that we are engaged in the mitzvah for the sake of the mitzvah and to take a closer step towards God.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Was Learning To See (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Help on the Way)

Growing up, my Rabbi used to explain the difference between entering a Church and entering a Shul (a Synagogue). The type of church does not matter; neither does the Shul. The differences are quite clear. Forgetting, for a moment, issues of theology, religious symbols, and the prayer service, my Rabbi explained there was an even more significant difference. A visitor or a newcomer enters a Church and sits down in a pew. Not knowing if someone usually sits there or not, he will be greeted with “Welcome, to our Church, brother/sister…The Lord loves you!” A visitor or a new comer enters a Shul and sits down in a seat. Not knowing if someone usually sits there or not, he will be greeted with “Excuse me, but you are in my seat. Get out!” On one hand this is a cute story, on the other hand such behavior is troubling. Failing to welcome guests does not embody the Jewish mitzvah and value of Hachnasat Orchim (welcoming guests-hospitality). We all know that Hachnasat Orchim (hospitality) is a Jewish value. However it is not only a Jewish value, Hachnasat Orchim is one of the essential values of a Jewish life. We learn from the Talmud in Tractate Shabbat: “To extend hospitality is loftier than to greet the Divine Presence!” At the Pesach Seder, we open the door for those who are unable to afford a Seder of their own. We also teach our children to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

This week’s Parshah, Vayera, is the Torah’s reminder of this essential value and Mitzvah. Avraham Avinu just circumcised himself at the ripe old age of 99. Needless to say he needed some time to recuperate. We read: “V’hu Yoshev Petach Ha’Ohel K’Chom HaYom. - He sat in the tent door in the heat of the day” (18:1). Rashi, the medieval northern French commentator, explains why a 99 year old man would be sitting at the opening of his tent (petach ha’ohel) while still recovering from surgery. Lirot Im Yesh Oveir v’Shav v’Yachnisem b’Veito- Avraham sat in his tent’s opening to see if there were passersby, whom he could take into his home. Other medieval commentators make it abundantly clear that Avraham was as hospitable as possible. For fear that Avraham could be criticized for not inviting his three guests to stay and spend the evening; we are told that this visit took place at mid day. The only appropriate display of hospitality during the middle of the day was to wash the dust of his guests and prepare a feast. So Avraham did.

Avraham performs the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim in the most humble manner. Even before he actually engages in the mitzvah the Parsha begins VaYeira Eilav Hashem – Hashem appeared to him (Gen. 18:1). Vayisa Einav Vayar – And his raised his eyes and he saw….V’Hinei Shlosha Anashim Nitzavim Alav Vayar – and Behold three men were standing over him and he perceived… (Gen 18:2)In order for God or these messengers to appear to Avraham, Avraham must be open to the possibility; he must be aware, he must be looking outside himself and his own needs and instead focus upon the world around him. Otherwise Avraham would only be thinking about Avraham, and his own discomfort. The first several verses demonstrate Avraham’s selflessness and his looking out beyond himself and his needs. Avraham’s name is not mentioned until the 6^th verse of the Parshah (Gen18:6). The first five verses only refer Avraham in a pronoun form. What do we learn from Avraham’s fulfillment of this mitzvah in a nameless fashion? We learn that the highest level of hospitality requires us to forsake our own ego. Extending hospitality is not for selfish needs or wants. Hospitality is a selfless deed not a selfish one. Ironically, engaging in this selfless act leads to our enrichment. We are better off having done it. Hachnasat Orchim allows us to express our humanity, and the sense of concern toward, the other, the guest, or the newcomer. Hachanasat Orchim, in a sense, is the foundation for a warm caring community.

We all need to be looking out beyond ourselves and our families. In order to create a warmer community, we look out for others. We invite family and friends to partake of a Shabbat meal. We open our homes to the Shabbat Bride and Shabbat guests. We open our home to God and to Judaism. By welcoming people into our home, we are surrounding ourselves with another aspect of God, the aspect that resides within the soul of our guests and ourselves.