And Forget About The Darkness You Have Seen (Jerry Garcia, Dave Parker & The Grateful Dead- "The Only Time Is Now")

Immediately after the Pesach Festival and Shabbat concluded and after we completed the Havdalah service, my wife saw that there were several WhatsApp messages from our daughter Hannah. Hannah has been studying in Israel during this current school year. She told us that there had been a synagogue shooting at a Shul in Poway, California, a suburb of San Diego. Having lived in San Diego for two years, she was worried.  She was worried for a number of reasons. Did any of us know any of the victims or their families?  Was it the one shul or were other San Diego synagogues targeted?  Then of course there were the larger questions of a genuine concern about a rising tide of anti-Semitic incidents and near incidents throughout the U.S. Two days after the tragedy, my wife and I watched the funeral for the woman who was murdered during that Poway Synagogue terrorist attack. At the cemetery, there was another Hannah, the daughter of the deceased, who knelt by the grave as people performed a final act of kindness and placed dirt upon the casket. Hannah remained knelt as the hole was filled. Hannah remained knelt when they place a marker and she remained knelt and weeping for her mother as they pleaded with her to stand up. Eventually, Hannah was helped to her feet, she returned home and has been sitting Shiva. I spoke to my Hannah, and she explained that she hadn’t slept well as she  feels increased anxiety and concern for the myriad of friends that she has throughout Canada and the United States. As she explained to me, “It seems that we are all targets because we are Jewish”. I wished I could have  disagreed; I couldn’t. Yes, to a degree, we Jews are targets. It seems that we always have been and sadly it appears that we always will be targets, but that doesn’t mean we need to perceive ourselves as victims.  I have thought about my Hannah in Israel who is scheduled to return home and begin University in the fall. I have thought about another Hannah who is only a few years older, a victim of Anti-Semitism, who just buried her mother and will spend this Shabbat in the midst of Shiva. I have thouight about the Jewish people who had just observed Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day.  

Dear Hannah:

Hashem Yikom Damah. I cannot imagine that there are any words that could bring you consolation during this tragic moment in life. Perhaps someday these words may prove to be a source of consolation after the intensity of shiva has concluded, and shloshim has waned, and you, your father, and extended family are left with the task of living. Yes, you will be living a very different type of life than the one that you were familiar with while you sat at your family’s seder celebrating Pesach. What I am saying to you Hannah, are words that I would say to my Hannah. There will be a someday when I won’t be able to say these words to her but they are words that she will need to hear as well. They are words that embody the way we raised our Hannah, and they are words that I know embody the way your mother raised her Hannah, you. While you may not be ready to read these words, I hope they might provide you with a source of strength when you feel darkness and emptiness encroaching upon your soul.  I hope these words will offer you a source of light for your eyes when the darkness of others souls encroach upon you. I hope these words will offer warmth and security when darkness, hatred, and vitriol abound. These words of light are inspired by this week’s Torah portion: Acharei Mot. The Torah portion that resumes Aharon’s HaKohen’s preparations for his role in society immediately following the tragic deaths of his two sons.

The Torah portion discusses the Yom Kippur Avodah Service and the Kohen Gadol’s Vidui (The High Priest’s confession). Instructions are given regarding the drawing of lots and sending one goat into the wilderness and making an offering of the other goat on behalf of the community. The Parsha concludes with a reminder about the prohibition of consuming blood and then a list of forbidden relationships.  Throughout the Parsha, Hashem speaks to Moshe who is supposed to speak to his brother Aaron regarding the Yom Kippur laws. This makes sense since Aaron is the Kohen Gadol and must know every detail concerning the offerings, blood sprinkling and bringing about atonement on his behalf as well as the B’nai Yisroel’s behalf. However, I have always wondered why Acharei Mot continues with a list of human relationships forbidden to B'nai Yisroel. The second half seems to belong to next week’s Torah portion. How is the first half of Acharei Mot connected to the second half Acharei Mot? How are Moshe’s instruction for his brother Aaron connected to his instructions for the rest of B’nai Yisroel?
 I have struggled to find the words of consolation and light for you, Hannah, and for my Hannah. I watched your mother’s funeral and listened to Rabbi Goldstein. I know the community and I know people who knew your mother. I had a moment of clarity and an answer to my question. Indeed, the answer has everything to do with how your mother lived her life, and how my wife and I have raised our Hannah as well as her siblings. Acharei Mot, after death, after the death of a loved one, when we are bereft, inconsolable, feeling empty and perhaps very much alone, when we are left feeling as if there is “no point” to any of this; while our soul and our faith is in turmoil; we are left with Mourner’s Kaddish. We are left with life and all the mundane attributes of living that life. Aaron HaKohen had to continue living life, which is not to say he didn’t mourn every day of his life for his two sons. I am sure he mourned every day. However, he got on with the job of living life. The question is what is the job of living life? Your mother answered that question in the way she lived her life. Rabbi Goldstein answered thata question in his recent letter to the editor. This week was Yom HaShoah, and every Jew who died for Kiddush HaShem, and every kind and decent person who has ever lived, provided an answer to those of us who must continue living and to those of us who try to bring light to the darkest places. It is the answer  as to why the second part of Acharei Mot and its list of forbidden relationships appears in this weeks Parsha and continues into next week’s Torah Portion, Kedoshim. The job of living life is to live it with Kedushah, Holiness. No matter how mundane, no matter how we may feel, if we are indeed, created in God’s image, then we have the capacity to always strive for and achieve a level of holiness that is beyond “human nature”.  The capacity to strive for and achieve holiness is evident in our personal relationships, our relationship to God, our relationship to strangers and our relationship with our communities. Your mother embodied Chesed, kindness, and decency; she was a light of holiness for the community in which she lived and the lives she touched.  As a parent, I hope that my Hannah has been imbued with the propensity to live a life of Kedushah and Chesed, a life of holiness and kindness as your mother and father have taught you.  Because Acharei Mot, after death, those who remain alive have an opportunity to live lives with greater holiness and kindness and in doing so, reflext their loved one’s light  and shine it upon the darkness.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Take Me To The Reaper Man, To Pay Back What Was Loaned ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mason's Children"

     This past Monday, Toronto experienced something that cities like New York, Boston, Paris, London, Jerusalem have all experienced. Toronto experienced a random act of violence that was designed to call to attention the perpetrator’s anger, disillusionment, and alienation. The recent tragic event that occurred on Yonge Street in North York might not considered to be an act of terrorism, that is to say, the politically/religiously motivated terrorism that we have all seen occur in other locales; driving down a side walk in a van and purposefully hitting pedestrians in a wanton act of random violence because the driver was angry, alienated, disillusioned and misguided still caused terror in the all those in the area at that time. His senseless act of violence caused terror in an entire city until he was apprehended.  Like all the other cities that have experienced wanton mass murder, whether by gun, bomb or car; I am always intrigued by how cities and its citizens respond. As a family, we went to the spontaneous memorials that have popped up along Yonge Street between Finch and Sheppard. As a family we have noticed something different after the deaths of these Ten innocent people who were walking along Yonge Street on a beautiful spring day.

      This Shabbat, we read the double portion of Acharei Mot/Kedoshim. The Torah resumes its narrative following the death of Aaron’s two eldest son’s in Shemini (two Shabbatot ago). The narrative appeared interrupted with a presentation of the laws of purity and impurity found in Tazria/Metzorah. The Parsha begins with Moshe telling Aaron about the procedure the Kohen must undergo in preparation for atonement: both personal and communal. Essentially, this is the section of Torah that discusses the details of the Yom Kippur service, the scapegoat offering, the fasting, and sprinkling of blood. The Torah reminds us of the sanctity of blood; blood is life and as a result, we are prohibited from eating the blood of an animal. Following the presentation of of the Yom Kippur offerings and the sanctity of blood, the Torah spends the rest of Acharei Mot reminding us of those relationships that are considered to be sacred and those that are considered to be categorically unholy. Kedoshim which literally means “Holy”, continues the theme that Acharei Mot introduced. There are sacred/holy relationships and unholy relationships. In every instance when the holy and the unholy presents itself, Moshe tells us to choose the holy relationship. Every seemingly mundane activity including: the treatment of employees, the treatment of customers, idolatry, every human relationship is distilled to the most common element. Every mundane act, every mundane human interaction has the potential for achieving a degree of Holiness.

     No commandment within the Torah indicates the tension between base primitive emotions (human instinct) and holiness (Godly instinct) more than the idea of revenge. Lo TiKom V’Lo TiTor et Bnai Amecha – You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against member of your people (Lev. 19:18). V’Ahavta L’Rei’acha K’Mocha Ani Adoshem – you shall love your fellow as yourself – I am Hashem (Lev. 19:18). Revenge is a primary instinct. Someone hurts us or our loved ones, we want to return the hurt. Someone insults us, we want to return the insult. A young man who has been described as socially awkward, who was disillusioned and alienated decides to rent a van and drive it on a sidewalk for the sole purpose of killing as many people as possible. Our children were amazed that the policeman didn’t shoot the man even though he repeatedly made threatening motions with what turned out to be a cell phone. Our son sacastically commented that if we were back in the States, the police officer would have shot him, especially if he was a man of color.  No doubt some would have hailed that policeman as a hero. Even after his arrest and arraignment, we can all appreciate any family member or friend of the ten who were murdered and the fifteen who were injured wanting this murderer to suffer, and eventually die. I have no doubt that in the moment the murderer told the cop to shoot, there were those who felt the policemen should have obliged him, and killed the man on the spot. Revenge probably would have left us with a sense of closure, ‘that he got what he deserved”. Yet the Torah tells us that we are supposed to figure out a means by which we rise above our basest human emotions (even if those emotions are justifiable). The point is that emotions are human.  What makes us holy is our actions and behavior. Acting on our emotions without thought, without concern, with out some type of check or balance makes us comparable to animals. We are supposed to strive to be be better than the animals. Better than the four legged variety or the two legged variety who doesn’t know how to channel or deal with his emotions.

     Our son pointed out the difficulty of Judaism. Judaism recognizes basic human emotions. However, to be Holy to be Kodesh, to be separate and distinct means to separating emotions from deed and action.  Yes, it is easy to separate one day of the week from six days. Yes, for some it is easy to separate milk and meat.  No one would disagree that treating those who are most needy in our community with dignity and respect demonstrates a degree of holiness and decency for that matter. Yet such a person has not caused harm or brought terror to us. So how do we elevated ourselves when dealing with terror, anger, fear, and death? Our children felt something when we went to the memorials. They found a sense of comfort. While nothing brings back the deceased, we found solace on Yonge Street. We discovered that a community and a society has within it, the ability to strive towards holiness Acherei Mot – after death.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Where Crickets And Cicadas Sing A Rare And Different Tune (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Terrapin Station")

There are numerous potential hazards when it comes to raising teenagers. One hazard in particular tends to rear its ugly head on Saturday nights or on evenings when there is no school the next day and our teen-age daughters want to go out with their friends.  They tell us where they are going and with whom. They may or may not need some money and still the hazard has not arrived. Then I ask two simple questions. What time do you plan on coming home? How are you getting home? The answers tend to be the same as always. Each will give me a time as late as possible with no regard for the next day’s tasks or plans. A negotiation begins and a more reasonable curfew is begrudgingly agreed upon. Then they explain that they have arranged a ride home with a friend’s parent. If negotiations are about leverage, I realize that this answer is about to tip the leverage to our teenagers’ advantage. They understand that even if they wanted to come home early, they wouldn’t be able to since the friend will want to stay later and arranged to be picked up later. I am about to be held hostage by an over indulgent parent who doesn’t care if their child sleeps until noon the next day, does nothing, and only cares that their child is well liked and popular. So I tell our teenagers that I will pick them up from said social function. Later that evening when I pick up our teenage daughters from “the night out”, and they always one of the first to be picked up, one of two fascinating things happens. Rarely do I only pick up our daughter. Usually one or two of their friends have bummed a ride as well. Turns out that the other kids didn’t want to be out so late, they just thought they had to be out late.  After dropping off the friends or if our daughters were alone to begin with, they always comment that they are glad that they left when they did.

This Shabbat we return to the weekly Torah cycle and read Parshat Acharei Mot. After two Parshiot, Tazria and Metzorah, which essentially interrupted the narrative and the laws that had been focused upon the Kohanim, we now return to the Kohen as the central focus in the Parsha. Now that he has become spiritually pure, the Torah is now ready to teach the laws for the spiritual purity of the nation. We have focused upon the impurities of individuals, now we focus upon the community. The Kohen acts on behalf of the nation just like he acts on behalf of the individual. The Torah teaches us the laws for the offerings of Yom Kippur, national atonement, and Azazel otherwise known as the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat is not offered as a sacrifice to God, but rather is sent out from the camp and left to wander in the wilderness eventually succumbing to the elements. The second half of the Parsha focuses upon the holy and holy relationships within the family. However the list of inappropriate behaviors between family members is taught within the context of the other nations. What is particularly troubling is the fact that our interaction with the two nations was a direct function of God’s plan. God invokes Egypt and God invokes Canaan. We went down to Egypt and now we were being brought to Canaan.  K’Maasei Eretz Mitzrayim Asher Y’shavtem Bah Lo Ta’Asu UchMa’Asei Eretz Canaan Asher Ani Meivi Etchem Shamah Lo Ta’Asu UvChukoteihem Lo Teileichu – Do not practice of the land of Egypt in which you dwelled; and do not perform the practice of the land of Canaan to which I bring you, and do not follow their traditions. (Lev. 18:3) For the past two centuries B’nai Yisroel dwelled in Egypt, a morally decadent community. Now B’nai Yisroel is about to head into Eretz Canaan, which was also a morally decadent land inhabited by the Moabites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Jebusites and the Edo mites to name a few. I can justify using Egypt as the example. First our descent into slavery both physical and spiritual was hardly overnight but rather a gradual process. Second, our experience in Egypt serves as the origins of our becoming a nation. Invoking that experience is at the core of our national memory. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim (The Exodus from Egypt) three times a day when we say the Shma. We are reminded of Yetziat Mitzrayim when we make Kiddush on Shabbat and all festivals. We reminded ourselves of Yetziat Mitrayim for eight days last week during the Passover Festival. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim and pass down that collective memory to our children at the Pesach Seder. We spent a lot of time reminding ourselves that we left Egypt, but we spend very little time reminding ourselves about entering Canaan?  Why do we focus so much on leaving Egypt and very little time focusing on entering Canaan? Canaan is God’s covenant with us, originating with Avraham Avinu. So why would God promise us a land that is as morally bankrupt as Egypt? Why would God bring us to a place that is the equivalent to a place where God brought us out? One would have assumed that Canaan was already a wonderful place otherwise God wouldn’t have brought B’nai Yisroel there nor would it have been part of a covenant.

The Be’er Yitzchak, the 19^th Russian Rabbi offers a comment that is relevant to today’s Jewish experience. “The reason for mentioning Egypt and Canaan is simple: if you imitate the Egyptians – then why did I take you out of Egypt? And if you behave like the Canaanites- why should I expel them before you/ it was on condition that you will not do so that I took you out of Egypt and that I shall expel the Canaanites… do not imitate even their innocuous practises, for these lead to total assimilation.” The experience in Egypt was an incubation period to prepare for Torah at Sinai. Our experience in Egypt would constantly serve as a reminder that we ultimately rejected physical slavery and that we ultimately rejected the institutions and behaviors of that master. It is certainly easy to reject all things Egyptian while we are reminded of how damaging the experience was. It is quite another thing to reject the behavior, and culture of a society when one is free, when one is not scarred by such a damaging experience. Yet, the success of our people, the future viability of our relationship with God through Torah could only occur if we are able to reject a dominant culture’s behavior as a free nation and not as an enslaved nation. B’nai Yisroel’s survival ultimately depends upon remaining separate and apart from the cultural majority. B’nai Yisroel’s survival depends upon remaining spiritually distinct from the majority. B’nai Yisroel’s survival depends upon the spiritual strength needed to reject the behaviors of any dominant culture, to refrain from behavior because “everyone else does it”.

It is always nice to feel part of something. It is always nice to feel included. It is always nice to be culturally recognized. From an individual perspective, going along with the crowd means never feeling left out. For our children, there is always the tension of fitting in and still retaining a sense of individuality.  However, as a people, our national sin, our national mistake is our individual yearning, our desire to be like everybody else, to assimilate. So we manage to teach our teenage daughters a most valuable lesson. Just because “everyone is doing it” neither makes it right nor means that it is good for each of them as individuals. Rather our teenage daughters need to make decisions based upon what is best for themselves. For now, as long as they are teenagers living at home; they have figured out a convenient way to avoid feeling left out and simultaneously avoid staying out ridiculously late just because “all of my friends will be staying out late.” Yep, they just blame me, and tell their friends that “since my dad is picking us up, he doesn’t want to be out so late since he has to wake up early the next morning”. If my daughters need me to be their Azazel, their scapegoat, I suppose there are worse things.

Peace

Rav Yitz