Without giving away too many trade secrets, there are certain themes that Rabbi’s speak about depending upon the life cycle event. When I attend various life cycle events and I am a guest and not an officiant, I normally would turn to my wife or my children and whisper to them what text, verse, or Talmudic expression the officiant will use in his talk. Weddings usually involve discussing the idea of Beshert (Fate) and how God, as part of his creating and re-creating, has already pre-determined and matched up all the Jewish souls in the world. Another theme is the idea that a wife is like Chava, the first Wife. Like Chava, she will be an Ezer K’Negdo – a compliment and supplement to Adam’s soul. However, if the marriage isn’t based on a respectful relationship then there will be more K’Negdo (against him) than Ezer (help). There are several other texts which I imagine make up nearly every wedding talk I have ever heard. Imagine my surprise when the Rabbi, during a wedding I attended, spoke about life and death? This Rabbi cited the famous verse from Sefer Kohelet (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2): “Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.” When I leaned over to my wife and made a snide comment about how this marriage must be doomed since it is being compared to a "time to die." My wife looked at me and leaned over and commented that I really don’t know everything and that maybe I could learn something.
Well this week’s Parshah, Chayei Sarah. If you think about it, the narrative within the Parsha and the Parsha’s title, embody those Kohelet’s words: “Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. Everything does have its season. In Chayei Sarah, life and death appear almost simultaneously. We read of Sarah’s death in terms of life: “Sarah’s lifetime was…” (Gen23:1). Then Avraham prepares for his wife’s burial. Next Avraham concentrates his focus upon the perpetuation of life. He sends his servant, Eliezer, to find a wife for his son. He sends his servant, Eliezer, to find a matriarch that can fill the void left by Sarah’s death. Rivkah embodied this notion of life and legacy. These qualities are inherent to her character, as is evident in her name as well as in two subtle but strong actions. First, Rivkah offered water, a symbol of both life and Torah, to Eliezer. Then she offered water to Eliezer’s camels thereby demonstrating her menschlekite. Rivkah also possessed the ability to sustain life. She sustained Eliezer’s life by allowing him to accomplish his mission and return to Avraham with a wife for Yitzchak. She sustained her own life by having the wherewithal and the strength to leave her family, a family which our sages suggest were cutthroats and cheats (Genesis Rabbah 63:4), and join a family that made a covenant with God.
After Eliezer receives water from this girl, we are told her name, Rivkah. Her name is indicative of her character. Her name also suggests an inherent ability to join seemingly disparate events or ideas such as life and death and make meaning from it. The Hebrew root of her name (RVK) means “join”, or “yoked together”, e.g. two oxen are joined together to pull a plow. The team must be of equal strength or the plow won’t go straight. Therefore Rivkah must be equally as strong as and independent as Yitzchak. Rivkah must be strong enough to take the memory and legacy of Sarah and make it her own. This requires a very strong sense of self.
Rivkah fills the spiritual vacuum created by Sarah’s death. Rivka will also become Avrahan in the sense that just like God shared with Avraham the prophecy; God will share the prophecy of Rivkah’s two sons with Rivkah (Parsha Toldot). Like Avraham, Rivka is the bridge between ,this family’s current state of affairs and future spiritual holiness. “And Yitzchak brought her into the tent of his mother; he married Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her; and thus was Yitzchak consoled after his mother.” (Gen 24:67) The Rabbis explain that while Sarah lived a cloud of glory hung over her tent, her tent was known for hospitality, and a lamp remained alit from Shabbat to Shabbat. When Sarah died all these qualities died with her. However, when Rivkah was brought into the tent of his mother, all these qualities returned (Genesis Rabbah 60:16). Besides perpetuating life, she perpetuated the spiritual holiness necessary for joining Yitzchak in God’s covenant.
Rivkah’s strong sense of self is expressed in a second rather subtle but strong action. As was the custom of the day, she veiled herself upon seeing Yitzchak (Gen 24:65). Certainly she covered herself in order to be modest. However covering herself also created a distinction from Yitzchak. She was an equal part of a team, and yet she was still her own person. Only Rivkah was able to join herself to Yitzchak without losing her sense of self. Only Rivkah was able to fill the powerful memory of Sarah and still prevent herself from being overwhelmed by such a memory. Only Rivkah was able to join the generation of Avraham and Sarah with the next generation. Fittingly, the Parshah ends as it began, with death. However now we read of Avraham’s death.
Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to bridge the previous generations to the future generations. Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to join with our partners in equal respectful relationships without submerging our own identity. Rivkah’s character offers us a model as in our struggle to incorporate memory without being swallowed up by it. Finally Rivkah offers us a model of menschlekite and consideration. Her small acts of kindness are all the difference between a warm and caring community and a cold uncaring community. Everything does have a season and there is a time for everything under heaven. This is the time we can learn from Rivkah. It is always the season to emulate such qualities.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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