If You Could See In My Heart You Would Know It's True; There Is None, Cérise, Except For You (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Reuben and Cerise")

With three daughters, every so often I get anxious regarding that moment when they begin to seriously date a boy, or have strong feelings for a boy, or begin an exclusive relationship with a boy.  With a daughter in her twenties and two teenage daughters; my wife and I want boys to be interested in our daughters. We want our daughters to go out on dates. However, my desire for them to have the excitement of “puppy love” is quickly tempered by my anxiety of their being in a serious relationship and how that new relationship affects my relationship with my daughters. It is at that point, I try to stop thinking about the fact that my daughters are growing older (as am I), and try to end my anxiety attack.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are a song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the romantic love of a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. Because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon; ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly an older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees, and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sederim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, B'nai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that B'nai Yisroel is released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly, the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled B'nai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented B'nai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that B'nai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of B'nai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabbalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Bereishit Rabba h 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited reunion with Hashem.  That reunion will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with “young romantic” love.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

She Has No Pain Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way")

          Friends of ours celebrated their son’s Bar Mitzvah. We ate, drank, and were subjected to incredibly loud music designed for young people. It always amazes me as a parent, that once you achieve the milestone of your youngest child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, the music at every other Bar/Bat Mitzvah seems so much louder. Yes, I suppose it is an indication of old age. We also sat through several speeches. The Bar Mitzvah boy gave offered interesting words of Torah. The siblings spoke. However, it was listening to both the father and the mother speak that began to understand and thinking about our children’s rights of passage and milestones: Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings, and Bris or graduations. The father spoke and referenced his mother who had passed away several years before. The mother invoked her father who had been unable to attend her older son’s Bar Mitzvah because he, the grandfather of the Bar Mitzvah boy, was in Israel mourning and sitting Shiva for his mother. Through her joy and pride in her son, through her tears and gratitude that her father was able to attend this family event; she demonstrated what every parent understands. At any achievement of a milestone, at every lifecycle event, the parents, we parents understand that the purer the joy, the greater the sense of a desire to invoke and share that moment with a loved one who is unable to be there and, in effect, temper that joy.
          This week’s Torah portion is Parsha Tazria. Parsha Tazria concentrates upon how impurity, a spiritual impurity is passed between people. The majority of the Parsha focuses upon Leprosy as it was considered to be a very physically contagious disease. Parsha Tazria puts the diagnosis, the treatment, and the convalescence in spiritual terms rather than physical terms. We learn that the while this Tumah, this spiritual impurity is present, the stricken individual cannot reside within the camp. After all, God dwells in the camp and we cannot tolerate any impurity near God.
          However, prior to its discussion of Leprosy, Parsha Tazria outlines the somewhat troubling laws concerning impurity in childbirth. Fundamentally, the notion of impurity relates to coming into contact with that which is dead. In Parsha Shemini, Torah outlined impurities that come from dead animals. In this Parsha, we are reminded that a Mother is touched by death during the miracle of childbirth. Isha Ki Tazria V’Yalda Zachar V’Tamah Shivat Yamim Kimei Nitdat Dotah Titmah – When a woman conceives and gives birth to a male, she shall be contaminated for a seven day period as during the days of her separation infirmity shall she be contaminated (Lev. 12:2). Imagine becoming spiritually impure after being blessed by the miracle of childbirth. Yet, this new mother lost blood; she lost some aspect of her life force during the birth process. As a result, while simultaneously being touched by a new life, she is also touched by her own mortality.
          Perhaps there is no more an intense moment than when a new mother, physically exhausted and spent, holds the newborn. The Rabbis of the Talmud teach that surviving childbirth is an equivalent to a near-death experience and saying Birkat HaGomeil is therefore required. (Praised are You, Lord Our God, King of the universe who graciously bestows favor upon the undeserving, even as He has bestowed favor upon me.) Inherent to surviving a near-death experience is the notion that the individual comes precipitously close to death. Even in the miracle of life, we are reminded of its fragility. Even in death, we are reminded that we are forever striving towards elevated levels of holiness. In the most physical moments, and certainly, childbirth is quite a physical endeavor, we are reminded that it is our spiritual task to elevate that physical moment into a spiritually holy moment as well. As parents celebrating our children’s milestones, we are innately aware of the need to acknowledge our sense of loss and elevate it by incorporating it into our celebration.

              Peace

Rav Yitz