She Has No Pain Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way")

          Friends of ours celebrated their son’s Bar Mitzvah. We ate, drank, and were subjected to incredibly loud music designed for young people. It always amazes me as a parent, that once you achieve the milestone of your youngest child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, the music at every other Bar/Bat Mitzvah seems so much louder. Yes, I suppose it is an indication of old age. We also sat through several speeches. The Bar Mitzvah boy gave offered interesting words of Torah. The siblings spoke. However, it was listening to both the father and the mother speak that began to understand and thinking about our children’s rights of passage and milestones: Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings, and Bris or graduations. The father spoke and referenced his mother who had passed away several years before. The mother invoked her father who had been unable to attend her older son’s Bar Mitzvah because he, the grandfather of the Bar Mitzvah boy, was in Israel mourning and sitting Shiva for his mother. Through her joy and pride in her son, through her tears and gratitude that her father was able to attend this family event; she demonstrated what every parent understands. At any achievement of a milestone, at every lifecycle event, the parents, we parents understand that the purer the joy, the greater the sense of a desire to invoke and share that moment with a loved one who is unable to be there and, in effect, temper that joy.
          This week’s Torah portion is Parsha Tazria. Parsha Tazria concentrates upon how impurity, a spiritual impurity is passed between people. The majority of the Parsha focuses upon Leprosy as it was considered to be a very physically contagious disease. Parsha Tazria puts the diagnosis, the treatment, and the convalescence in spiritual terms rather than physical terms. We learn that the while this Tumah, this spiritual impurity is present, the stricken individual cannot reside within the camp. After all, God dwells in the camp and we cannot tolerate any impurity near God.
          However, prior to its discussion of Leprosy, Parsha Tazria outlines the somewhat troubling laws concerning impurity in childbirth. Fundamentally, the notion of impurity relates to coming into contact with that which is dead. In Parsha Shemini, Torah outlined impurities that come from dead animals. In this Parsha, we are reminded that a Mother is touched by death during the miracle of childbirth. Isha Ki Tazria V’Yalda Zachar V’Tamah Shivat Yamim Kimei Nitdat Dotah Titmah – When a woman conceives and gives birth to a male, she shall be contaminated for a seven day period as during the days of her separation infirmity shall she be contaminated (Lev. 12:2). Imagine becoming spiritually impure after being blessed by the miracle of childbirth. Yet, this new mother lost blood; she lost some aspect of her life force during the birth process. As a result, while simultaneously being touched by a new life, she is also touched by her own mortality.
          Perhaps there is no more an intense moment than when a new mother, physically exhausted and spent, holds the newborn. The Rabbis of the Talmud teach that surviving childbirth is an equivalent to a near-death experience and saying Birkat HaGomeil is therefore required. (Praised are You, Lord Our God, King of the universe who graciously bestows favor upon the undeserving, even as He has bestowed favor upon me.) Inherent to surviving a near-death experience is the notion that the individual comes precipitously close to death. Even in the miracle of life, we are reminded of its fragility. Even in death, we are reminded that we are forever striving towards elevated levels of holiness. In the most physical moments, and certainly, childbirth is quite a physical endeavor, we are reminded that it is our spiritual task to elevate that physical moment into a spiritually holy moment as well. As parents celebrating our children’s milestones, we are innately aware of the need to acknowledge our sense of loss and elevate it by incorporating it into our celebration.

              Peace

Rav Yitz

Steal Your Face Right Off Your Head (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "He's Gone"

          My wife and I are very different. She gets very emotional about every milestone our children reach. Normally with the arrival at a milestone, my wife will think that our child in question has grown older which of course means that she has grown older. I don’t necessarily see our children’s’ milestones as a reflection of my aging. I’m older and I feel that way. No, I can’t believe that we at the milestone, I can’t believe that the child in question is really old enough to achieve this milestone, and I wonder if reaching the milestone will give them a sense of maturity and becoming a person. Three of our four children reached milestones this week. Our 12^th grader had to make a decision about college/university. So she will spend a year in Israel and with the intention of going university in the U.S. Our 10^th grader just turned 16 and she will be taking her G1 test (permit test in America) before the end of the May. Since we had already sent a daughter to college and we have had two daughters turn 16; I wasn’t too emotional about either milestone. However, I was happy for both daughters who reached their respective milestone. However, it was the milestone of our son, our youngest child, which I found most meaningful. Since the second night of Pesach, as is the custom associated with Sefirat Ha’Omer (The Counting of the Omer); I haven’t shaved until this week which was the 33 day of the Omer (L’AG B’Omer). So I prepared to shave. However for 13 years 8 months and 23 days, our son has never shaved. So on L’AG B’Omer, he and I bonded in a way that he could never bond with his mother. I gave him his first shaving lesson. He shaved his upper lip. I shaved my face.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Emor. In the four chapters that comprise Emor, the first deals with the Kohanim and their very different way of striving for holiness as compared to the rest of the nation. For example, because of the Kohen’s function within society, he must remain in a perpetual state of purity. He is restricted in terms of who he can marry. He is restricted in terms of for whom he mourns. He cannot go to a cemetery. He cannot make sacrificial offerings if he has physical abnormalities. The second chapter reminds B’nai Yisroel that all animal offerings must be blemish free. These offerings must come directly from the individual making them and not from “the hand of a stranger” (Lev.22:25). Both chapters deal with the holiness of certain people, the Kohen and his family, and certain animals, those designated for sacrificial offering. The third chapter of the Parsha deals with the designation of holiness in regards to seasons and the calendar including Shabbat, Pesach, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The fourth chapter offers a narrative in which the son of an Israelite woman and Egyptian man, and another Israelite man get into a fight. The son pronounced the forbidden name of God and was charged with blasphemy. The Torah tells us the punishment for blasphemy is death. This is the same punishment for an individual who commits murder. 

As the Torah upon Holiness and perhaps even Perfection, we learn that striving for Holiness and striving for Perfection requires creating a distinct separation from the mundane, the ordinary, and the less than perfect. The Torah reminds the Kohen, “Lo Yikrechu Korcha B’Rosham U’Fa’at Z’Kanam Lo Y’Galeichu UVivsaram Lo Yisr’tu Saratet- They shall not make a bald spot on their heads, and they shall not shave an edge of their beard; and in their flesh, they shall not cut a gash (Lev21:5). Rashi, the great 11th-century French commentator, explains that certain tribes that lived in Biblical Canaan, as well as Ancient Egyptians, would engage in these types of behaviors while mourning the death of a loved one. Literally, the Torah reminds the Priestly class to be sure and NOT behave like other people, don’t mourn like other people, don’t worship like other people, don’t behave like these ancient tribes of idolaters. The Chatam Sofer, one of the great 19^th century Central European Rabbis, explained that the verse has a homiletical meaning as well. The Torah reminds us not to create a bald spot upon our head, we don’t create an emptiness on our head. The Chatam Sofer understands the emptiness as ignorance, a lack of learning. The head should be filled with Torah, with mitzvoth, with doing good things in the world, and making sound, thoughtful, and intelligent choices. Sometimes that requires the person to be just a bit separate, distinct and apart from those who create an emptiness in their own respective heads. We strive to fill our heads knowledge, with Torah. We avoid creating “empty spaces”, bald spot, in our heads, knowing that what our heads are filled with or not, will be expressed in our behavior, our attitudes our relationship with our loved ones and with God.

So there we stood in front of the mirror. As I looked into the mirror, for a brief moment through the steam of the hot water, and as the mirror began to fog over I saw my father standing with me all those years ago showing me to shave. I saw my grandfather telling me to grow a mustache like he has in order to avoid shaving. My son wiped the mirror clear in order to see and the images of my father much younger than I am now and the images of my grandfather healthy, vibrant, smiling at me was wiped away. As my son and I stood there, I thought about what I had learned from these two men and wondered I would transmit all that I learned from them to my son. One thing is for sure, I won’t wait until our son has to shave his upper lip for the next time to offer them the wisdom of his grandfather and great-grandfather.

Peace,

              Rav Yitz

That Path is forYour Steps Alone (Robert Hunter&Jerry Garcia - "Ripple")

When I reached certain milestones in my own life, I never thought much of it. Yes these milestones such as: Bar Mitzvah, graduation, or marriage were sources of joy, pride, and accomplishment. However these milestones never gave me pause to look back out over my life with a sense mortality, or existential angst. However when my children started having their own milestones, such as being born, their first day of school or their Bar/Mitzvah or their graduation; these milestones gave me moments for pause. These milestones reminded me of my own mortality. These milestones forced me to wonder how will I afford a Bat Mitzvah, college tuition let alone weddings. These milestones invariably force me to look back over the course of my life and realize that, in some respects, vast spiritual, emotional and physical distances have been traveled and, Im Yirtzeh Hashem (With God’s help) there is more distance left to travel. Just recently, my wife and I have begun on the second Bat Mitzvah Party circuit. Having safely negotiated this with our eldest daughter, we now begin negotiating this phase with our 2^nd eldest daughter. Because we have maintained close friendships in both New Jersey and San Diego, our daughter has a wonderful opportunity to acquire frequent flier miles. At least, she hopes that she can acquire frequent flier miles. Her first opportunity came last weekend when she was supposed to go to New Jersey for her first Bat Mitzvah party. Admittedly, I was having a hard time accepting the fact that my wife and I had now entered this stage of parenting. Admittedly I was having a hard time accepting both the cost in dollars and time that this phase of parenting could potentially become. However something happened as she was about to go to New Jersey. The weather failed to cooperate. A freakish snow storm hit South Eastern New York, North Eastern Pennsylvania, and North New Jersey (the exact route we were to take to the Bat Mitzvah). We couldn’t go.

This week's Parsha is Lech Lecha. In it, God commands Abram to leave his father, his homeland and everything he has ever known and go to a place where God will show him later. Abram does. He heads down towards Egypt because of a famine. Eventually, Abram leaves Egypt with money, flocks, servants, and wealth. Lot, Abram's nephew, and Abram decide to part ways since each their respective flocks not only become intermingled but their hired hands fight among each other. Abram then fights against several kings in an attempt to protect Lot. Then his wife Sarai, who is barren, tells Abram to make Hagar (the maidservant) the surrogate mother. Abram listens and Hagar has a son named Ishmael. She runs away and then returns. God tells Abram a prophecy. Abram will become the father of a great nation, and that nation will become enslaved for several centuries and then will return to the land that God promised Abram. Then God instructs Abram to circumcise himself, his son Ishmael and all the males of his household. All these events are linked together by the theme of "Lech Lecha" of going, of travelling.

The Zohar, the rabbinic book of mysticism, comments upon the first verse "Lech Lecha Mei'Artzecha uMimoladtcha, U'mibeit Avicha El Ha'Aretz Acher Areka- Go for yourself from your land, from your relatives, and from your father's house to the land that I will show you (Gen 12:1). Instead of a physical journey, the Zohar explains that Abram was commanded to embark upon a spiritual journey. The soul, while residing in the World to Come, exists in close proximity to God. Because of the spiritual clarity and intensity revealed there, no free will and no chance for spiritual growth and advancement can occur. Like the angels, the soul in the World to Come is called an Omaid, a standee. In this World however, we know that a person has Free Will. This means that we all have the opportunity to advance spiritually as long as we remain in this World. The soul in this world is call a Holiach, a walker, someone who goes, much like Abram went.

Like Abram, we are all commanded to Lech Lecha. We are all commanded to leave our homes, our birthplaces and face the world. We are all commanded to face the challenges of this World and retain our integrity, our ideals and our sense of purpose. The challenge is to enter the physical and material world and retain the priorities consistent with the world from where our Neshama, our soul came, the spiritual world. Abram walked and traveled, and so did Lot. Yet Abram epitomized the individual who retained his integrity and ideals despite the difficulties of life, and despite the growing cynicism brought on by age. Abram managed to remember that God is the end and everything else is merely a means to that end. However all the wealth and all the prosperity are not ends in and of itself.

In verse Gen 12:8 we read Va'Yeit Ahalo - "and he [Abram] pitched his tent". Rashi points out that we read "his tent", but it is written as "her tent". This means that he pitched his wife's tent first and only then did he pitch other tents. Also the word tent is written in the singular. For Abram, his travels through life were about first doing for others then for himself. Abram's wealth was only a means of satisfying the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. Otherwise wealth was to be use for the betterment of his camp, of his family and his tribe. About Lot we are told in Gen. 13:5 that "Lot, who went forth with Abram, had flocks, cattle and tents." Lot had accumulated wealth. He had not used his wealth for any significant or fundamental purpose. Each had to make his way in the world and each had dealt with hardship and each had accumulated wealth. However one remained with God and one chose the fertile valley near Sodom and Gomorrah in order to increase wealth. One handled hardship with grace and dignity never losing faith in God. One drifted so far from God that he eventually chose to live in an utterly amoral community who cared more for his own guests than his own daughters (Gen. 19:6-8).

The realization that I just reached a milestone occurred that evening when we tucked our daughter in to bed. She was a little bit teary eyed and saddened by the fact that we couldn’t bring her to her friend’s party. However our daughter grew up in front of us. She handled the disappointing news with grace and maturity. When I told her how proud I was of her for the way she handled the disappointing news, I realized that this little girl was growing up preparing for her own journey.

Peace,

Rav Yitz