There Are Times When You Can Beckon, There Are Times When You Must Call (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Built To Last"))

Well, our 17 year old daughter passed her driver’s test. Certainly, I am proud of her accomplishment, but I feel compelled to inform everyone that they should just be wary when they take to the roads. Besides driving lessons, I thought it was important for her to learn a few things that the driving instructor would not teach her. Living in Toronto, I thought it was important for her to learn how to handle a car going into a skid on ice and snow. So during the winter, I took her to a parking lot where she did “doughnuts” and handled a skid on snow and ice.  I thought it is important that she can change a tire, so when the weather warms up a bit, I will teach her how to change a flat tire. However the most important thing to teach her about general car maintenance is to putting gas in in the car. When I asked her if she knew how put gas in the car she casually replied, “Yes, I tell you to fill it up the car with gas like mommy tells you”. Needless to say, that wasn’t the answer I was looking for. Like a car, Judaism also has a gas tank, actually Judaism has two gas “tanks”. For Judaism to function, both tanks need to be filled.  For most Jews in the non-orthodox world, the “ethical tank” is the primary tank; but the “ritual” tanks is what needs filling. For most Jews in the Orthodox world, the “ritual tank” is the primary tank; but sometimes it’s the “ethical tank” that needs filling. For many of us, this is an either/or proposition, as if Judaism separated these two tanks. The "ethical" and the "ritual" is not like milk and meat needing separation. To the contrary, for Judaism to work, the "ethical" and the "ritual" need to be integrated. This concept of Judaism is by no means unheard of. In fact, a superficial reading of a Talmudic Midrash from the Tractate Shabbat 31a supports this multi-tank theory. A potential convert asks the great sage Shammai to teach him the entire Torah while standing upon one leg. Shammai abruptly dismisses him. The potential convert then seeks the great sage Hillel and makes the same request. Rather than dismissing him, Hillel responds, “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the entire Torah, all of it; the rest is commentary. Go and study it.” (Shabbat 31a). Certainly we could understand this Midrash as a preference of the ethical to the ritual. However, the brevity of Hillel’s statement implies that ethical and ritual are linked.

This week’s Parsha is VaYikrah, the first Parsha of the Book of Leviticus, -Sefer VaYikrah. Unlike the first book of the Torah, Bereishit (Genesis) and the first part of Shmot (Exodus) which was written in a narrative form, and the second Part of Shmot which listed laws as well as the instructions for building the Mishkan (the Tabernacle); the Book of Leviticus focuses upon the Priestly class and their responsibility within Jewish biblical society. VaYikrah does not focus upon a story, nor laws that are geared towards B’nai Yisroel. Rather the laws are aimed at the Leviim, their responsibilities, the precise manner in which sacrificial offerings are made, the requirements for offerings, the requirements for the Leviim as well as the requirements for B’nai Yisroel in order to bring offerings. From Parsha VaYikrah and for that matter the entire book, we derive numerous ethical teachings all of which is necessary for a people and a society to achieve a sense of holiness. We derive the importance that Judaism cannot be just about the “letter of the law” but there must be some ethical value behind the letters. After God “calls” out to Moshe, we read the list and the details concerning Korbonot-sacrifices. Which animals should be sacrificed, how many, for which reason, who is obligated, and how to do it. Again God reminds of the purpose of “sacrifice”. The word Korbon (sacrifice) connotes “approach”. This is based upon the three-lettered Hebrew root KaReiV, which means approach. We make sacrifices as a means of approaching God.

After reading this litany of detailed minutia, we might lose sight of the purpose of sacrifice. Korbon (sacrifice) is not only a means of approaching God; it is a means of approaching our fellow man.  The end of the Parshah reminds us of this. Nefesh Ki Techeteh U’Ma’Alah M’Al B’Adonai V’Chichesh Ba’Amito “God spoke to Moses saying: If a person will sin and commit treachery against God by lying to his comrade….” (Lev.5:21-25). We draw closer to God via our fellow man. Unethical behavior towards our fellow man affects our relationship to God. Unethical behavior renders us impure and adds a blemish to our character and to our spirit. We know that God only accepts blemish free offerings. If we are spiritually impure, because of unethical behavior, how can we hope to approach God? Like the great sage Hillel implied, the Parshah demonstrates that the Ethical and the Ritual are linked. Both aspects form a symbiotic relationship with each other. Together they form Torah. Separation of the Ethical and the Ritual leaves the individual and Torah incomplete. However, struggling and, hopefully, integrating both allows the individual to approach God as well as others through dignity and respect.

For those only concerned with ritual, at the expense of the ethical, they are only driving around on a half a tank of gas. For those only concerned with the ethical at the expense of ritual, they are also driving around on a half a tank of gas. A half a tank of gas is equivalent to observing only half the Torah and behaving only partly Jewish. The object is to be Shalem, complete or whole. God called out to Moshe, and instructed him to teach B’nai Yisroel that Ethical and Ritual behavior must be integrated in order to form a Holy community. Thousands of years later, Parshah Vayikrah teaches the same lesson. We continue in our struggle to integrate the Ethical and the Ritual. Both are required in order to live life with a full tank, for a warm and meaningful relationship to oneself, to our fellow man, and to God. As our daughter takes to the road, hopefully she is prepared enough and aware enough to make sure that when she drives my car, she won’t wait until the gas tank light calls out to her in order to begin looking for a gas station and then wonder how to fill it up. Hopefully she will be a complete safe driver for the sake of my insurance and all those with whom she shares the road.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Truckin' Like The Doodah Man; Once Told Me "Gotta Play Your Hand (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Bob Weir & Phil Leshe - "Truckin'"

           Chanukah conveniently coincided with the Christmas and New Years holiday this year. Lights were lit both in the Jewish and Christian world at the same time. It also turned out that our children had off for all of Chanukah. We decided to spend it visiting family and friends in the New York Metropolitan area. Normally we drive. Normally we spend the night at the grandparents in Rochester, and then leave first thing the next morning. This time the plans were different. Our son was sick so we delayed our departure by a day. Then on the morning we were going to leave, the roads and iced over and we had to wait for the weather to turn a bit warmer, which it did. The problem was that ice was forecast on the very route that we were taking to New York. However, as the day would progress, the temperatures were supposed to rise. I watched the weather, studied the forecast, loaded the car and family and began our drive. The weather was fine until we arrived at the grandparents. We spend about an hour there, ate a late lunch. I looked at the weather forecast again. One route which was a bit longer, safer, with more rest stops, was expecting cold temperatures and ice. The alternative route which was less lit, through the mountains with fewer stops was expecting warmer temperatures and rain instead of ice.  So as I drove, and heard one last forecast, I opted for the the mountain route through Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The weather was cold, damp, and remained between 33-38 Fahrenheit the whole drive.  As the temperature inched lower and grew more nervous, more concerned about skidding as I crossed mountain over passes, more concerned as trucks were slowing down mountain descents, and more concerned about having to suddenly stop. Needless to say it was far from a relaxing drive.  At one point our daughter who is taking driving lesson, commented that she didn’t recall me ever appearing worried during a drive.  I explained that because I am driving, I always worry since I felt responsible for everyone. I asked her why she noticed my worrying this time. She said that maybe because she is now taking driving lessons, she has started to understand and appreciate the responsibility involved in driving a car.

         This week we read from Parsha Mikeitz. The Parsha always coincides with Shabbat of Chanukah. While there is nothing in the Parsha that explicitly mentions or implicitly suggests Chanukah; we could look at the entire Parsha as embodying miracles. Two years after Joseph correctly interprets the dreams of the Wine Steward and the Baker, the Wine Steward informs Pharaoh of the Hebrew prisoner that interprets dreams. Pharaoh has a dream, and only Joseph is able to interpret it. Pharaoh promotes Joseph from prisoner to Prime Minister. Joseph becomes second in command, devises a plan that saves Egypt from the impending seven-year famine. He is given an Egyptian name, an Egyptian wife, and had two sons: Ephraim and Menashe. After seven plentiful years, the famine begins. The famine is particularly devastating outside Egypt where no preparations occurred. Jacob sends his sons to Egypt for food. However, they have no idea that the person that they meet, the person to whom they make their request for food is their brother Joseph. Joseph recognizes the immediately. Joseph devises a plan to ascertain whether or not the brothers have finally done some type of Teshuva (some type of repentance for what they had done to him years before. For Joseph, he must try to manipulate events in order to get the brothers to bring Benjamin, Jacob’s youngest son born from Rachel, to Egypt as well as convince Jacob to come to Egypt. The Parsha concludes, with Joseph forcing the brothers to leave Benjamin in Egypt and return to Jacob with the news.

          There are two moments when Jacob and family suffer because of the famine. There are two moments when, on two separate occasions, two sons, Reuven and Judah, attempt to convince Jacob to allow the to bring Benjamin to Egypt in return for more food. When Reuven, the first born son, attempts to convince Jacob that he will be responsible for looking after Benjamin, Jacob disapproves of the suggestion. The family continues to suffer from a lack of food. When Judah attempts to convince his father that he will assume responsibility for Benjamin, Jacob accepts and assigns Judah responsibility. Why does Jacob allow the fourth eldest to assume responsibility and not the eldest? Reuven’s idea of responsibility is Et Shnei Vanai Tamit Im Lo Avienu Eilecha T’na Oto  Al Yadi V’Ani Ashivenu Eilecha – You may slay my two sons if I fail to bring him back to you. Put him in my care and I will return him to you (Gen. 42:37). Rashi quoting a midrash that Jacob heard Reuven and thought to himself that his eldest son is a fool. Jacob had already lost a son (Joseph) and one is being held in Egypt.  If Reuven fails and now Jacob would lose two grandsons? Jacob hears Reuven’s offer and realizes that he is shifting the blame. If, God forbid, something was to happen to Benjamin, two other sons would suffer as well as a father and a grandfather. To Jacob, Reuven’s offer hardly sounds like someone assuming responsibility.  Judah’s idea of responsibility is: Anochi E’Ervenu MiYadi T’Vakshenu Im Lo Havi’otiv Eilecha V’Hitzagtiv Lefanecha V’Chatati Lecha Kol Hayamim – I will personally guarantee him; of my own hand you can demand him. If I do not bring him back to you and stand him before you, then I will have sinned to you for all time. ( 43:9). Judah “guarantees” Benjamin’s welfare. Judah explains to his father that he will put his life on the line for his brother.  Judah knows what it is to lose a son. He has lost two sons. He, more than any of the other brothers, including Reuven, understands what is is to have lost a child and to take responsibility for his deeds. (Gen. 39). Judah won’t punish anyone else but himself if he fails to care for Benjamin. Yaakov believes that this is the language of responsibility, so he acquiesces and allows Judah to assume responsibility for Benjamin. Symbolically, Judah has now assumed the mantle of responsibility for the welfare of the whole family and ultimately the nation.  Judah is the ancestor to King David. Judah is blessed by Jacob as being the ancestor to the God’s anointed (Moshiach).

          As I continued the drive, our sixteen-year-old, began to understand what it meant to assume responsibility. She asked if I thought about waiting a day and driving when we knew the weather would have been nicer?  Yes, I thought about it and I told her so. She acknowledged that she would have been disappointed but she added that she now understood my reasoning. Before driving lessons, she thought that if I chose to delay the drive, the weather was merely an excuse; she thought that I just didn’t want to be in New York visiting family and friends. Now that she takes driving lessons, she can “appreciate the fact that assuming responsibility means putting feelings aside and doing the smart thoughtful thing even if means “not doing what you want.” Because of the driving lessons. I realize that she is able to empathize with me.  As a result, she now realizes that my trust and a deep understanding of responsibility for her decisions and judgment  accompanies her drivers license and my car. I guess it was an educational drive after all.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Well My Mama Told Me, My Papa Told Me Too (Noah Lewis - "Big Railroad Blues")

Well, our sixteen year old just received her G1 Driver’s License or in America, she just received her Driver’s Permit. Of course on the day she passed her written test, her mother and I congratulated her. Her mom told her how proud she was of her. However, I was a bit more understated about praising and congratulating her. I knew that I was the one who would take her driving in between driving lessons with a certified driving instructor. As we drove home, I asked if she wanted to drive in a nearby empty parking lot. She enthusiastically said yes. We arrived at the parking lot, switched seats and she sat in the driver’s seat while tightly gripping the wheel. Then I gave her the talk, a talk that I am sure my father gave me. Driving is an enormous responsibility, it is a weapon that can kill people. I piled it on and explained that her behavior would demonstrate if she was ready to handle that kind of responsibility. As a parent, I had tremendous leverage. If she wanted me to take her driving, there wouldn’t be the typical teenage attitude and fresh mouth that drives me and my wife crazy. If she wanted to drive, would have to be more responsible regarding caring for her room, household chores and how she spoke to her parents and sibling. If she wanted me to take her driving, there would be minimal teenage rebelliousness. I am not quite sure my plan is working out the way I anticipated.

This Shabbat, we read Parsha Ki Teitzeh. Moshe teaches us the laws concerning war, creating an environment for soldiers to behave as honorably as possible. We learn that everyone, whether “loved” or “hated” has rights under the law as well as entitlements. We learn that every one of us is responsible for the other. If we see something that has been lost by our neighbor then we pick it up and return it. Moshe re-iterates that human relationships can either be holy, between a husband and wife, and between parents and children or unholy by crossing the boundaries of those relationships. Moshe reminds the people that children will not be punished for the sins of their parents, nor will parents be punished as a result of their children. In such a situation there would be no need to add punishment since the parents of the child or the children of the parent would be punished enough just having been touch by the situation. Essentially this morning’s Parsha is all about human relationships designed to maintain individual holiness as well as communal holiness.

            So it is troubling that we are confronted with one of the most controversial commandments of the Torah. Ki Yiheyeh L’Ish Bein Sorer U’Moreh Einenu Shomeiah B’kol Aviv U’vkol Imo, If a man will have a wayward and rebellious son, who does not hearken to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother V’Yisru Oto v’Lo Yishmah Aleihem and they discipline him, but he does not hearken to them, then his father and mother shall grasp him and take him out to the elders of his city and the gate of his place. They shall say to the elders of the city, B’Neinu zeh Sorer U Moreh “This son of ours is wayward and rebellious, he does not hearken to our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.” All the men of his city shall pelt him with stones and he shall die; U’viarta HaRah Mikirbecha and you shall remove the evil from your midst (Deut. 21:18-21). The literal meaning of the verses suggests that in the extreme case of an evil child who is beyond help, continues to cling to evil the ways while  the rest of the community clings to holiness, such a child must be eliminated. However, we understand that somethings in the Torah are not to be understood literally. For the Talmudic sages, this was one of those cases.

The Talmud makes the point that “there never was nor will there ever be” a child to be put to death based upon this law. Rashi, the 11th century Northern French commentator, explains these verses in two ways. First, Rashi clarifies and quantifies the Zoleil v’Sovei – glutton and guzzler as Yochal Tateimar Basar V’Yishteh Chatzi Log Yayin – as one who eats 8oz. of meat in one or two bites and drinks between 12-21 fluid ounces in a single gulp and Ad Yignov and will steal to support his habit. Second, Rashi explains that this rebellious son must be warned twice that his behavior is in opposition to Halacha (Jewish Law). Otherwise the Rebellious son is not liable for punishment. In his comment, Rashi implicitly suggests what the Talmud explicitly teaches. Neither Moshe, or the Talmudic sages could imagine a child purposefully ignoring his parents and begin thieving, drinking, doing drugs, or demonstrating gluttonous behavior, that is to say, doing too much of whatever they want without regard for anything or anyone. Moshe, in his re-iteration of the Torah, teaches that the parents are the responsible. It is their obligation to bring the child to the Bet Din (the court), and when the parents can no longer live up to that obligation, then society must take over. The question becomes how does a child become a Sorer U’Moreh? Children are not born wayward nor rebellious. Children are not born gluttonous and drunk. There may be a genetic disposition to obsessive compulsive behavior or addiction, but before a child becomes an adult and responsible for him/herself, the parents bear a responsibility for the social and emotional development of that child.

No, none of our children are like Ben Sorer U’Moreh- the gluttonous rebellious son. Although they strike me as a bit gluttonous when it comes to use of their phones and IPods. Yes, sometimes it feels like a never ending fight to make sure that we enforce our household rules, rules which are designed to prevent them from becoming Sorer U’Moreh. As we watch our daughter negotiate the landscape with this added leverage/desire to drive; she has started to see our wisdom and appreciate our methods. She has started to understand that our rules and our talks are a result of our concern with the type of person she might or might not become rather than what she is. As I sit in the passenger seat, and she adjusts the seat and mirrors, presses down on the break and begins to shift gears, she looks over at me and thanks me for all the rules, for the high expectations, for the instilling in her a sense of responsibility as well as consequences for her behavior. Then she turns to look straight ahead and begins to slowly drive as she has a look on her face that recognizes the fact that there is several tons of responsibility in her hands.

Peace,

Rav Yitz