He's Come To Take His Children Home (Robert Hunter & Jerrry Garcia - "Uncle John's Band")

Now that our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah has passed, life has almost returned to normal. Yes Hurricane Sandy has affected us as several members of our family several friends from the New York Metropolitan area remain stranded with us for the week. However, despite the continued tumult and chaos that arises in these types of situations, we have adamantly tried to get our children back into the normal groove of their everyday lives and everyday schedules. This has been no easy task. They would prefer to be socializing with family and friends. With the fear of missing out on something, getting them to sit down and do homework has been a little more challenging. With the fear of missing out on something, getting them to bed has been a little more challenging. Because we have guests staying with us, our kids are astute enough to realize that we may be a bit more permissive than we ordinarily are. So, they try to push some of the limits, as well they should.  In these circumstances, I tend to play the Big Meany and enforce bedtime and schedules. Yes, this leads to some conflict between me and my children. However it also leads to conflict within me. Sure, I would love to let them stay up with cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. Absolutely, these are not ordinary circumstances, so what is the big deal if they stay up late, go to school a little late, and miss an extra-curricular activity? The big deal is that I would be selfish to keep them up and not have them on their schedule.   

This week’s Parsha is Vayeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in S’dom and Amorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first born son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.While the narrative highlights Avraham’s faith in God, and certainly a man worthy of receiving God’s covenant; the Parsha is replete with parent’s ill treatment of children. Avraham was willing to offer his son Yitzchak as a way of indicating his faith in God. Lot, (Avraham’s nephew) was willing to give up his daughter to the Sodomite mob in order to protect his two guests: the visiting angels. Avraham and Lot’s behavior, from a parental standpoint, is reprehensible. Certainly Lot’s behavior is more troubling since his misplaced and extreme display of hospitality came at the expense of voluntarily offering his daughters as replacements for the mobs desire for the guests.

However, as troubling as these examples of negligent behavior are, even more troubling is Hagar’s behavior. Upon her and her son’s banishment from Avraham’s camp are the six verses that describe how Hagar and Ishmael are saved.  The water runs out and Hagar places Ishmael in the shade beneath a tree. VaTeilech VaTeishev Lah Mi’Neged Harcheik Kimtachavi Keshet Ki Amrah Al Ereh B’Mot HaYeled Va’Teishev MiNeged VaTisah Et Kolah VaTeivk – She went and sat herself down at a distance, some bowshot away, for she said, “Let me not see the death of the child.” And she sat at a distance, lifted her voice and wept (Gen. 21:16). On the one hand we can understand the mother unable to deal with the pain of watching her son die. Rashi explains that the term Va’Teishev MiNeged is mentioned twice. It suggests Keivan Sh’Karav LaMut Hosifa l’Hitracheik that she moved even further away from her son. As his moaning and sighing and crying intensified, she tried to move further and further out of earshot because she was so uncomfortable. Rather than setting aside her discomfort and caring for her dying son, she all but abandoned him. The text then tells us, Va’Yishmah Elokim et Kol HaNa’ar – and God heard the cry of the youth (Gen. 21:17). God did not respond to Hagar’s outcry and her anguish. God responded to the child. Ishmael’s survival was not due to the merit of his mother, but rather because of the merit of his father.

Parenting is no easy task. Quite often it is thankless. As parents we are constantly forced to make choices. Some of our choices are truly tests in our faith in God. Some of our choices leave us feeling that we are stuck between choosing the between “bad” and “worse”. However by abdicating our responsibility, by walking away from our responsibilities and choices, by walking away from comforting our children, it seems that we are fundamentally neglecting our children. As parents we have a responsibility to our children, to pass along morals, values, and Torah. As parents we have the responsibility of passing along life to our children, both physical as well as spiritual. So, I put our kids to bed, and I see how tired they are. They realize how tired they are. They understand that in my own way, I care very deeply about their health and welfare. While they may be upset with me, I tell them that I love them, and they tell me the same.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Walk Iinto Splintered Sunlight (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh "Box of Rain")

Well our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah has become the all encompassing agenda item in our home. It dominates the “honey do- list”; it dominates the quiet moments since a quiet moment is the perfect time to do seating arrangements, double check the RSVP situation, and double check as to whether the “to-do” list is slowly shrinking. Unfortunately for our daughter the Bat Mitzvah, she still has school. While she would prefer to focus upon the party, the music, the guest list, and a little bit about her D’var Torah (her speech); she had numerous tests last week and she has numerous tests this week – the week leading up to her bat mitzvah. Admittedly, I have now started speaking a little differently to our Bat Mitzvah girl. Admittedly, I don’t tolerate as many excuses. I have started to force her to become for self-dependent. So when our daughter asked me to help her study for her social studies test and later her science test, I dutifully agreed. We sat down, she asked a question. Knowing that she should already know the answer, I asked her one simple question. Did you read your notes and read the textbook.  With a blank expression and then as if a light bulb went on, she said, “No, am I supposed to?” Now our daughter does well in school. So I smiled and I said as sweetly as possible: “Study the material yourself, re-read your notes, read the chapter in the book. READ!!!! Read so you understand the material and not just read to find the answer to a question, otherwise you won’t understand how things are connected. READ!!!” I concluded my sweetly worded diatribe by reminding her that she is a bat mitzvah which means that she becomes obligated for mitzvot. I reminded her that in our home it also means that she is obligated to read and learn. I no longer have to do this for her. Intellectually and academically, it is time for to venture forth – at least a little bit.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Lech Lecha. Many events occur in Parsha Lech Lecha including: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot (his brother’s son and last blood relative), fight against the local leaders responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household. As many of these events unwind, there is usually a moment just before, or immediately after the event, where God re-assures Avram that everything will be all right, that the covenant, which includes: a great nation, land, and wealth will eventually occur. Most of these re-assuring moments are quite explicit. However one such moment of re-assurance speaks to the notion of what God hopes for as Avram’s descendants take on the covenant. Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Vheyeh Tamim. I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect” (Gen.17:1). In order to achieve spiritual perfection Avram has to do more than just walk with God. Rather, Avram needs to incorporate what God wants (in this case Brit Mila –ritual circumcision) into his daily life. Only when Avram is less spiritually dependent, and more spiritually independent can the Brit, the covenant between God and Avram, go into effect.

           

Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to re-assure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust and faith in the parent figure. Yes this is a process; it was a process for Avram in this week’s Parsha and will continue to be in next week’s Parsha. It is a process for our daughter as helping her is not necessarily about giving her the answers. She is now realizing that help means receiving the support, sustenance and direction of where to find the answers and how to access them. However, she will have to learn how to learn and walk on ahead in order to make sense of what she reads.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wake Of The Flood, Laughing Water (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Here Comes Sunshine")

It’s is crunch time in our home. Our twelve year old makes the final preparations for her Bat Mitzvah as well as handling school work and life. Lots of “stuff” seems to be sitting on our daughter’s plate and I know that she has moments of feeling overwhelmed. Just the other night she was studying for 6 tests and worrying about certain parts of her Dvar Torah.  She was exhausted, and looked like she was about to cry. She retained her composure, but we looked at her and suggested that she go to bed. Looking so tire, it was clear that no more information was entering her brain and studying was entering the realm of counterproductive. We finally realized it and went up to bed, knowing that a good night’s sleep and studying some more in the morning would be much more affective. As I watched her trudge up to bed, I realized that part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation is experiencing this sense of adding more to the plate, dealing with a sense of being overwhelmed. We all go through it.  Rabbis might feel that way during the Chagim with all the sermon preparation. An accountant might feel that way during tax season. A Treasurer might feel that way when preparing a company’s quarterly report. A student might feel overwhelmed and drowning during final exams. Others may feel like they are overwhelmed and drowning when he/she suffers a loss of a loved one. We have all experienced the feelings of chaos that are caused by our sense of being flood with too much to handle, and with it perhaps diminished faith.

This Shabbat we read from Parshat Noach. Comprised of two distinct narratives; both deal with the theology of chaos and confused boundaries. First we read the story of Noach, God’s disenchantment with creation and mankind’s behavior, the instruction to build the Teva (the Ark), the Flood as punishment for mankind’s unethical behavior, the covenant made between God and Noach and the resulting offering to God, and then an odd story about Noach’s drunkenness and one’s sons inappropriate behavior. The second distinct narrative is also about chaos and confused boundaries. This time mankind confuses boundaries and trying to build a tower up to the heavens. The result is that God scatters mankind across the earth by making mankind speak numerous languages and making communication difficult.

While both narratives can conceivably stand alone; both narratives are related. As manifested in the previous Parsha, God is a god of creation and order. Therefore, in order for God to destroy, order must be removed or chaos must become firmly entrenched.  Meivi et HaMabul Mayim AL HaAretz L’Shacheit Kol Basar Asher Bo Ruach Chayim Mitachat HaShamayim Kol Asher Ba’Aretz Yigvah – I will bring the flood of waters upon the earth  to destroy all flesh, in which is the breath of life from under heaven, and everything that is on earth shall die. Clearly from the text there must be other kinds of floods besides water, otherwise we do not need to be told that this particular flood is one that involves water. The message is that God will punish creation by instituting chaos for a period of time. Later in Chapter 11 as mankind begins building a tower up to heaven God becomes disappointed again. Vayomer Adoshem  Hain Am Echad V’Safah Achat L’Chulam V’zeh Hachilam La’Asot V’aAtah Lo Yibatzeir Mei’hem Kol Asher Yazmu La’Asot – Behold the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be withheld from them which they have schemed to do. Hava Neirdah V’Navlah Sham Sfatam Sher lo Yishmu Ish  Sfat Rei’eihu – Come let us go down and there confound their language, that they may not understand on another’s speech. Instead of the flood of water, God created the flood of language and confusion the flood of a cacophony.

The flood of chaos and the struggle to handle chaos is part of our human condition. The first narrative, the Noach narrative, teaches that chaos is now part of creation and in a sense a type of punishment. The second narrative, the Tower of Bavel, teaches us that chaos is part of the everyday human life. It is part of our task as human beings as we struggle to elevate ourselves from the animal aspect of our existence to the spiritual aspect of our existence that we create order from chaos. To do so is a Godly endeavor. To do so allows us to transcend the physical world. Hopefully, as our daughter makes more order out of the chaos of her “to do” list; she will begin to feel less overwhelmed and more in control. Hopefully she will begin to feel less like she is drowning and more like she has created some type of order from the chaos. After all, the feeling of accomplishment that she experiences after she gives her Dvar Torah, should teach her that she is capable of handling what is on her plate, rather than drowning in a flood of anxiety.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Lord, I'm Still Only Learning (Bob Weir & John Barlow - "Walk in the Sunshine")

The other day, I had “homework” duty.  I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, and I became the fountain of knowledge as my children did their homework. As I sat there, I quickly ascertained what they were doing in school  and evaluated how best to explain that which needed explaining. Frequently I determined when a child wanted me to do the work for them as opposed to asking legitimate questions in order to discover the answer for themselves. As the homework session unfolded,  I was amazed how three children born to the same parents could be so intellectually different. They all work hard in order to do well and thankfully, they do well in school. However, let’s just say the enthusiasm with which they engage the material is different, the confidence to venture into the intellectual unknown is different, and the fear of making a mistake varies tremendously. Finally, there is no question that where one is a perfectionist another is far from caring to be perfect. So my answers to the perfectionist are to encourage her to venture into the intellectual unknown, to make educated decisions and not worry about being wrong. My answer to the child who tends to be more careless but incredibly inquisitive, is to focus upon details, spelling, punctuation and completing a thought or line of reasoning before moving onto the next thing. Then of course there is the child who has already figured it out. No, not figure IT out, after all not to many children figure IT (the meaning of life) out. However, she figured out exactly how much effort is required to do well, how much attention needed to be paid to detail. In other words, one child figured out how to learn. As a result, very little, on an intellectual basis gets by her. When she doesn’t know, she asks for a point of clarification and then figures it out. There is no wasted time in lamenting the degree of difficulty, or fear of being wrong. When the three of them are watching a movie, and there is a question, the other two ask her since she not only understands, but can logically infer what will happen next.

This week’s Parsha is Breishit. It is the first parsha of the first Book of the Torah. For all intents and purposes, it is the beginning of the Torah. In Breishit, we read the story of Creation, (The Beginning); Adam and Chava’s banishment from Paradise (Gan Eden), and the fratricide of Cain and Abel. We begin however with God. God is the Creator, the ultimate power. If knowledge is power, then God is the ultimate source of knowledge. We accept this as part of our Jewish theology. God is all-knowing and all powerful. We read the words: V’yivrah Elohim et Ha’Adam b’Tzalmo, B’Tzelem Elohim Barah Oto Zachar u’Nekeivah Barah Otam. “And God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them. (1:27). The question therefore is: What is the image of God? Obviously part of that image is the power to create, the power to create life. We surmise this because in the next verse, God commands Adam and Chava to be fruitful and multiply, to create life just like God had created. Another image of God is Power. God’s purpose in creating humanity was that they “should have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the earth…” (1:26) In today’s vernacular “dominion” is Power. However the ability to create, and the ability to exercise power sagaciously, and judiciously, necessitates the attainment of knowledge. Perhaps that is our greatest gift. We have the ability to learn, to reason, to discern between right and wrong. To do so expresses our faith in God, re-affirms that, indeed, we are created in God’s image, and we possess an aspect of Holiness.

            In the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Chagigah (14b), there is an Aggadah, a Rabbinic legend, which illustrates the notion that attaining knowledge and understanding how to attain knowledge is a holy endeavor. Four of the leading sages of their generation entered PaRDes (literally the “orchard” or Paradise). They were Ben Assai, Ben Zoma, Elisha ben Abuyah, and Rabbi Akiva. They entered PaRDeS and came into contact with the pure power, pure knowledge and complete perfection. They came into contact with God. As a result one sage died immediately. One sage went insane, one became a heretic, and was referred to as Acher (the other), by the rest of the Talmudic Sages. Only Rabbi Akiva emerged unscathed. The commentators of this Aggadah explain that PaRDeS is an acronym for four methods of Torah inquiry: P’shat (the simple literal meaning), Remez (understanding the meaning based upon hint and intimation), Drash (derive meaning based upon interpretation), and Sod( deriving meaning based upon uncovering secret meanings). Imagine that? Our tradition explains that Paradise, is achieved through Torah study and deriving meaning in four different ways. Relying on any one way will limit intellectual and spiritual growth. However incorporating each aspect, and understanding when to utilize one more than the other or how much of each aspect to use in order to determine meaning is what allowed Rabbi Akiva to leave PaRDeS unscathed. In a sense our sages are absolutely correct, PaRDeS is studying Torah for the sake of intellectual and spiritual growth and enlightenment.

The attainment of knowledge and Truth is a Godly endeavor. The use of such knowledge judiciously and wisely for creative purposes represents the notion that we are indeed created in God’s image. Not only is knowledge power, but understanding how to attain and use that knowledge is also the key to a spiritually enlightened life. As I continue answering homework questions, I sit spellbound watching each child make their way on their journey to attaining knowledge.

Peace,

Rav Yitz