I Can Hear The Siren's Call It's A Certain Sort Of Sound; And The Rain Falling Down (John Barlow & Bob Weir -"Saint of Circumstance")

           Over the past few weeks, Frances Haugen,  a former data scientist at Facebook, revealed how the company’s algorithm amplifies misinformation, anger, inflammatory divisive speech: all of which ultimately corrodes the foundations of a democratic society. She explained this to newspapers, and with numerous documents that she copied prior to leaving Facebook, she testified to this before a Senate subcommittee. Earlier this week, she appeared before the British Parliament to testify as well. Since she went public with her story and documents, others have and will continue to come forward testifying to the toxic environment that Facebook creates with its algorithm, its disdain for public safety, and its avarice and greed with revenue generation as its only goal. It takes a certain type of person to have the courage, the strength of character, a strong moral code,  to be a whistleblower. I don’t think Ms. Haugen began her career as a data scientist aspiring to become a whistleblower.  Nor do I think that one becomes a whistleblower for selfish reasons. It is a rather selfless and lonely endeavor that illustrates a concern for the greater good and concern for the vulnerable.

        This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife, purchasing the land for Sarah's burial, and then burying her. Avraham then tells his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite woman. Instead, his servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. The servant wants to know how to determine the appropriate girl for his master's son. Avraham answers that the girl that returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels, and plenty of wealth for a dowry, the servant sets off and decides that the best place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the "right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family convinces the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father, and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.

        The story of the Yitzchak and Rebecca's courtship is one of the more unique stories in Torah. Three times we read of the servant’s test or criteria for determining a wife for his master’s son. The first mention occurs when the servant prays to God that a girl offers water to him and his camels. Vayomer Adonai Elohei Adoni Avraham Hakrei Nah Lfanai Hayom V'Asei Chesed Im Adoni Avraham - And he said, " Lord, God of my master Avraham, may you so arrange it for me this day that you do kindness with my master Abraham, See, I stand here by the spring of water and the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw. Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say 'Please tip over your jug so I may drink', and who replies, 'Drink, and I will even water your camels,'…. (Gen 24:12-14) The second telling of this story is when it actually occurs. (Gen 24:15-21) The third telling of the story occurs when the servant tells it for the first time to Rebecca's family (Gen.24:42-46). These events must be significant if Torah tells us the events in three different contexts, all of which are in the same chapter.

        The servants' criteria are quite eye-opening. A woman that shows kindness to the stranger, a lowly servant, the embodiment of the vulnerable. The woman showed kindness to the stranger by offering him water and then providing water to his camels without having to be asked. Neither demonstrating fear of a stranger, concern for her safety, Rebecca's sole focus was upon the well-being of the “other”, in this case, Avraham’s servant. Such a selfless woman, with a genuine concern for the “other”, must be the right person for his master’s son because similar qualities are manifest in his master’s character. The servant doesn’t worry about looks, her family's character, and behavior, success in school, or anything else. Just one simple act of Gemilut Chasadim, of Loving Kindness, is the sole criteria for choosing a mate. Ms. Haugen must have had role models, perhaps her parents, teachers, or mentors with tremendous character, a powerful moral code, and concern for the welfare of others. Clearly, Ms. Haugen learned those lessons, internalized them, made those qualities part of her character, and when confronted with an injustice, she blew a whistle in an attempt to make the world a bit safer and a bit better than it was before. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way"

           With two daughters attending university, a daughter well into her career and supporting herself, and a son in 12th grade filling out university applications, I admit that there are moments that I don’t feel very much like a father of four, that I am “coasting” through fatherhood. After all,  the demands of fatherhood have changed since they were adolescents. However, recently, and all at once, the demands of fatherhood came crashing down upon me. Over the course of 48 hours, I had to spend a few hours helping a daughter with an essay for art history. I had to listen to another daughter share her angst and concern about a relationship and then I had to offer advice. Then later that same night I helped our son with his university application as well as engaged in a heated discussion with him regarding an online class that he was taking for extra credit in which he has procrastinated for months. Then finally, a brief conversation with my eldest daughter about her life. Needless to say, I was emotionally drained. Oh, how I almost yearned for those days when bedtime was early, the homework was simple, and the emotional issues much less fraught.  

           This week’s Parsha is VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son and his concubine), and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac. While the narrative highlights Avraham’s faith in God, and certainly a man worthy of receiving God’s covenant; the Parsha is replete with a parent’s ill-treatment of a child. Avraham was willing to offer his son Yitzchak as a way of indicating his faith in God. He banished his son Ishmael into the wilderness. Certainly, it is possible to evaluate Avraham’s behavior as a father as a bit negligent, to say the least, and perhaps abusive.

        Yet the Torah struggles with portraying Avraham’s sons as just that, sons. When we read the text, we view Yitzchak and Ishmael as little boys, helpless victims in Avraham’s displays of faith. We easily forget that Yitzchak was thirty-seven years old when Avraham was asked to make him an offering to God. Ishmael’s status changes throughout the Parsha. His status changes within one narrative from verse to verse.  VaYeira HaDavar M’Ode B’Einei Avraham Al Odot B’no. VaYomer Elokim El Avraham Al Yeira B’Einecha AL HaNa’Ar v’Al Amatecha – The matter greatly distressed Avraham regarding his son. So God said to Avraham, “be not distressed over the (HaNa’ar) youth or your slave woman. (21:11-12). VaYitein El Hagar Sam Al Shichmah V’Et HaYeled V’Yishalcheha VaTeileich BaTeita B’Midbar B’Eir Shava -  He placed them on her should along with the Yeled (the boy), and sent her off… (Gen. 21:14).  Why does the text easily and seemingly so arbitrarily switch between the use of (Yeled) the boy and the (Na’Ar)  youth? The Chatam Sofer, Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, a late 18th early 19th-century German commentator and Halachist, points out that the term Na’ar (Youth) is used when Ishmael is home living with Avraham, and the term Yeled (boy/child) is used when Ishmael is in the wilderness cut off from his father’s influence.  A Na’Ar (a youth) was held to the same high standards that Avraham held for himself and his household. This means that as a Na’Ar, Ishmael embodied and lived up to the expectations of Avraham’s teachings. As Yeled (a boy), Ishmael was not held to the same high exacting standard of behavior and belief nor was he capable.

           Parenting is no easy task. Quite often it is thankless. As parents, we are constantly forced to make choices. Some of our choices are true tests in our faith in God. Some of our choices leave us feeling that we are stuck between choosing between “bad” and “worse”. Some of our choices mean that we need to know when the child is ready to transition from one stage of life to the next, from “baby” to “toddler”, from “teen” to “adult”. As parents we have a responsibility to our children, to pass along morals, values, and Torah. As parents, we also have the responsibility to determine how much responsibility our kids can handle as they make their way within the developmental process. As a result, we need to see our children as they are and not how we wish them to be. Only then can we help them transition from one stage of life to the next.

 Peace,
Rav Yitz 

Walk Into Splintered Sunlight Inch Your Way Through Dead Dreams To Another Land (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box of Rain")

           Our seventeen-year-old has come down with a sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School. This sickness is extremely prevalent in Canada and The United States. Our son’s U.S.  and Canadian summer camp friends are coming down with this. I remember having an awful case of it when I was 17 and in my last year of high school. The sickness is called “Senior-itis”. Senioritis for students in their final year of high school focuses upon the profound desire to leave home.  In some cases, the desire is so strong that the student will seek a university as far away as possible.  A less severe case might mean that the student only needs to be an hour away. Because the desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful,  life with the 12th grader can be quite strained and tense for the rest of the family. Suddenly rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” While all this is perfectly normal and natural, it does carry one enormous risk. It is much safer to have Senioritis when the senior has already been accepted to University or at least a gap year program. Why? Senioritis also affects the 12th grader’s attitude towards school. Senioritis is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted because there is still the pressure to academically succeed and apply, all the while dealing with the overbearing desire to leave home.  One should keep in mind that depending on the behavior of the 12th grader, the symptoms can spread. Not only to younger siblings but more importantly, it can spread to us parents. The more the 12th grader becomes impossible; the more the parents can’t wait for the child to get accepted, graduate high school, and actually leave. Obviously, some parents may be more affected than others. In our home, for example, I have become quite vulnerable to our 12th grader’s case of senioritis. Like him, I am getting to the point where I cannot wait for him to leave. However, his mother seems completely invulnerable and can’t stand the idea that he wants to leave.

            This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for reassurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

             In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However, even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God reiterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives reassurance for the fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his firstborn son Ishmael.       

           Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to reassure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust, and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds faith and trust breeds trust. Certainly, our 12th-grade son might think that he is ready to begin his own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, he still needs to walk with his parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with his parents. About other things, the frustration and aggravation that he feels towards us is merely an expression of the fact that he wants to walk on ahead of us. In both instances, he is telling us about his level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of the path of his own lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, as parents, we never stop trying to guide and teach him so when he does walk on ahead, he remains grounded in his values and the lessons that she learned. Hopefully, as he grows older and well on his journey, his aggravation with his parents will diminish. Perhaps he will even begin to appreciate the wisdom that we transmitted to him. I hope. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Tonight I Would Be Thankful Lord For Any Dreams At All (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mission In The Rain")

          This is a very unique weekend for North America. Both Canada and the United States celebrate share a common long weekend. In Canada, we celebrate Thanksgiving.  Schools are closed, banks, federal and provincial government buildings are closed. Many stores are closed or have adjusted hours. The summer crops have been harvested, the days are getting shorter, the season has changed and fall is definitely in the air. Thanksgiving in Canada offers a genuine sense of nature, agriculture, the delicate balance of water, light, crop strain, technology, and labour to bring forth a plentiful harvest. Growing up in the U.S., this weekend was known as Columbus Day. Like Canada’s Thanksgiving Day, public schools and private schools were closed. It was a Bank holiday as well as a federal and state government holiday. Unlike Canadian Thanksgiving, every store was open and usually, it was an excuse for a weekend sale of merchandise.  However, one could very well imagine that upon making landfall in the Caribbean, before he realized that he did not find what he originally set out to find, he probably gave thanks for his safe arrival.

          This Shabbat we read from Parshat Noach. Comprised of two distinct narratives; both deal with the theology of chaos and confused boundaries. First, we read the story of  Noach, God’s disenchantment with Creation and mankind’s behavior, the instruction to construct the Teva (the Ark), the Flood as punishment for mankind’s unethical behavior, the covenant made between God and Noach, and the resulting offering to God, and then an odd story about Noach’s drunkenness and one’s sons inappropriate behavior. The second distinct narrative is also about chaos and confused boundaries. This time mankind confuses boundaries and trying to build a tower up to the heavens. The result is that God scatters mankind across the earth by making mankind speak numerous languages and making communication difficult.

          Noach was good at following instructions. He built the Ark-Teva according to God’s specifications. He brought in the animals according to God’s instructions. He and his family boarded the Ark when God told him to. After the flood, after the rains stopped, the water receded and the earth dried, Noach, his family, and the animals disembarked from the Ark only when God told Noach to do so. However, God does not show Noach the rainbow, God does not make any covenant to refrain from bringing another flood, God doesn’t even bless Noach until Noach does something for which he was never commanded. VaYiven Noach Mizbeach L’Adoshem VaYikach Mikol HaBHeima Ha’T’Hora U’Mikol Ha’Of HaTaHor VaYa’Al Olot BaMizbeach - Then Noach built an altar to HaShem and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar (8:20).  Noach built an altar to AdoShem, however, it was Elokim who told him to leave the Ark. Why does the Torah change aspects of God from Elokim to AdoShem? Why do we need to be told that Noach built an Altar and then “offered burnt offerings on the altar”?  How did Noach know to make burnt offerings using only the ritually “clean” beasts and fowl? Chizkuni, the 13th century Rabbi/biblical commentator explains and derives an important lesson from this one verse.  He [Noach] acted similar to the sailors in the story of Jonah, who after having been saved from a great storm and returned to dry land, immediately offered offerings to G-d for their deliverance. (Jonah 2,16). From Chizkuni's comment, we learn that anyone who has been miraculously saved from dangers beyond his control is expected to offer tangible thanksgiving offerings. One offers thanks to the Merciful aspect of God - Adoshem. The expression of gratitude is incredibly personal and only results when one feels the need to express gratitude. Gratitude, real gratitude is expressed wholeheartedly. Using only the “ritually clean beasts and fowl” indicates Noach’s intuitive understanding that his sense of gratitude is pure of heart. The only previous offerings with any detailed narrative are those offered by Cain and Abel. Cain withheld the best of his flock and Abel offered the best of his harvest. God was pleased with Abel’s and less than pleased with Cain’s.  God’s response after Noach makes his pure-hearted, completely voluntary demonstration of gratitude is a covenant, a rainbow, and the 7 Noahide laws.

          There is still a Canadian Thanksgiving, however, in many parts of the United States, Columbus Day has been replaced by Indigenous People’s Day. Despite changing the name of the Federal holiday, it seems that we can understand the importance of offering thanks both for religious purposes and even secular purposes. Perhaps the real lesson is having enough humility and enough perspective to understand that gratitude needs to be expressed. Only by expressing and demonstrating a sense of gratitude does a community and the individual realize greater meaning and purposefulness.

Peace,
Rav Yitz