To Lay Me Down One Last Time - (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "To Lay Me Down")

          Most parents and parenting experts agree that children's bedtime rituals are very important. For some, it may be reading before the lights go out. For some, it means reviewing the next day’s schedule with the child. Some children will pray before they go to bed. The bedtime ritual in Judaism is to recite the Shemah before one goes to sleep at night. When our children were younger; we would read to them and then we would say the Shemah and the first paragraph beginning with the words “V’Ahavtah et Adoshem Elokechah…”By the time our children were saying their first words, they would say this with us. I remember the feeling my wife and I had when we would begin the ritual and they would say the entire paragraph by themselves. Then I would whistle the song that I gave them when they were born, “Summertime,” “Somewhere or the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World”. Then we kiss them goodnight, and we hope that they will sleep through the night and not wake us up.

This morning we read from Parsha V’Etchanan. B’nai Yisroel sits intently and listens to Moshe continues his first discourse on the Law. Moshe re-iterates the covenant, the punishment of exile and the constant possibility of return. Moshe re-iterates the experience of revelation at Sinai as well as a re-statement of the Aseret Dibrot, the Ten Commandments. Moshe teaches this new generation that they heard the revelation, they witnessed the fire. And the fact that they sit on the Eastern Bank of the Jordan River is a testament to that fact. Moshe reminds this new generation that this Torah is perfect, one can interpret but we cannot add or subtract words. Instead we must struggle and make sense of every aspect of Torah. Moshe then introduces the lone piece of dogma in the entire Torah: Shemah Yisroel Adoshem Elokeinu Adoshem Echad Hear O Israel the Lord is God the Lord is One. The Parsha concludes with Moshe strongly reminding B’nai Yisroel that as part of the Covenant it must reclaim the land. Once in the land, B’nai Yisroel is obligated to separate themselves from the other indigenous tribes and uphold the obligations of the covenant that God made with their ancestors.

The Talmud in Tractate Brachot 61b offers the following Aggadah about the final  moments of Rabbi Akiva’s life in order to explain the Pasuk V’Ahavtah et Adoshem Elokechah, B’chol Levavchah U’vechol Nafshechah U’ve’Chol M’odechah – You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your resources (Deut. 6:5). In doing so, ChaZaL –Our Sages of blessed memory, intimated as to why we say the Shemah before we go to sleep. ”When Rabbi Akiva was brought for his execution, it was time to recite the Shemah. As the executioners were combing his flesh with iron combs, he lovingly accepted the yoke of God’s kingship. As he prepared himself to recite the Shemah, his disciples asked: Our teacher, even to such a degree as this you prepare yourself to say the Shemah? Akiva replied: All my days I have been troubled by this verse “With All your soul” (Deut. 6:5), which I interpreted as meaning “Even if he takes your soul.” But I thought to myself: When shall I have an occasion to fulfill this precept? Now that I have the occasion, shall I not fulfill it? So he recited the Shemah and he prolonged the concluding word of the Shemah [the word “Echad”] until he died as he finished saying the word. A divine voice went forth and proclaimed: Happy are you Akiva that your soul has departed with the word “Echad!” With all the possible words and concepts that the Torah teaches, why did Rabbi Akiva view these few Psukim (verses) as the essence of Jewish belief? What are in these particular words that offered Akiva a sense of peace as he made these words his final words? I don’t pretend to go into the psyche of a dying man who is being tortured for teaching torah and being a leader of the Jewish people.

When we read these two Psukim Shemah Yisroel Adoshem Elokeinu Adoshem Echad Hear O Israel the Lord is God the Lord is One: V’Ahavtah et Adoshem Elokechah, B’chol Levavchah U’vechol Nafshechah U’ve’Chol M’odechah – You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your resources, we should be in awe of the raw simplicity of the first statement, and we should feel empowered by words of the second statement. Even as Akiva helplessly lay splayed out on an altar with metal combs ripping his flesh, Akiva possessed enough strength to declare Hear O Israel. Akiva had enough faith to declare The Lord is God. No matter what, no matter the joy or the sadness, God is the ultimate source of energy, the ultimate source of all things. Rabbi Akiva understood that “with all your soul” means in life and in death. R’Akiva understood that in life and even as he lay dying, he was still able to engage in a relationship with God. No matter where we are in life, no matter what is happening in our life, we are all empowered to engage God. We are all capable of having Torah and doing Torah.

Every night our children go to sleep. Every night we go to sleep. Often time, bedtime for children can be fraught with anxiety. Monsters are under the bed, mommy and daddy are not there in the room. For the elderly, night time is also fraught with anxiety, which is why it is quite common for older people to wake up so early in the morning. I remember asking my grandfather why he would wake up so early and he would say that he has plenty of time to sleep when he is dead (God forbid). Yet his response was quite profound. Sleep, in a sense is the closest thing to death, which we all experience. Our heart rate slows, our metabolism slows and we are unconscious. So the final words on our mouths, the final thoughts in our minds should be our relationship with God. That statement is the final spoken thought before I go to bed. Although I always quietly add my own personal addendum that my children should stay in bed and not wake us up in the middle of the night.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

If the Horse Don't Pull, You Got To Carry The Load (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "New Speedway Boogie")

Since my wife and three children returned from their two extra weeks in Israel, I have become keenly aware of decibel difference between living alone and having my family home. Make no mistake; it is wonderful having a full house. I love the laughter, the enthusiasm of four people all talking at me at the same time during dinner. I enjoy the hugs and I enjoy watching my children doing an activity together. One thing that I didn’t miss was their bickering. I admit it. I used to bicker with my little sister and to a certain extent, when we are together for more than a few hours; we revert to bickering all over again. However, my wife and I are employing a new strategy to get them to stop. It is too soon to tell if it is working. However in the few days that they have been home, this strategy does seem to work in the very short run. I use the “Too Old, We Need Your Help” strategy. Essentially, I tell them that I am too old to have to hear the bickering, and that they are too old to be bickering. Then we explain that because mommy and I are tired, don’t feel well, had a hard day, or are going through a tough time and have a lot on our mind, we need your [the children’s] help. Part of that help is to figure out how to get a long and stop the bickering.

This week’s Parshah is Devarim, which is the first Parshah of the Book of Deuteronomy or Sefer Devarim. Moshe recounts in very wide brushstrokes, the experience of the generation that fled Egypt. Very few details are given. In fact Moshe begins the story at the foot of Sinai; however, the name is changed from Sinai to Horev. In his recounting, Moshe speaks as a participant in this national experience not in the third person. This is quite different from the Moshe we have seen. Until now he spoke as a prophet. God told him and he told B'nai Yisroel. Now Moshe displays a certain amount of freedom. When Moshe speaks, he places himself in the center of the story. Moshe speaks using words such as: I, we, and you. Now God has become the third party. Perhaps this is best expressed when Moshe begins his "telling" by gently rebuking B'nai Yisroel. The language is in terms of what B'nai Yisroel did to him as well as God. "V'Omar Aleichem Ba'Eit HaHi Leimor Lo Uchal L'vadi Se'Eit Etchem: "I said to you at the time, saying, 'I cannot carry you alone…How can I carry your contentiousness your burdens and your quarrels" (Deut. 1:9,12). Moshe subtly and gently begins to point out how rebellious their parents behaved during the past forty years. He reminds this generation how the first generation rebelled while God provided, and cared for them. The message to this new generation is clear. Our parents may have made mistakes, but God never abandoned us. This generation learns that they too will make mistakes and will know that God won't abandon them. God will always work with them.

We know that God wanted to destroy and abandon his people on occasion (Ex. 32:10 and Num. 11:1-3), yet he did not. The subtlety and the gentility of Moshe's rebuke lies in the fact that he did not mention this. Neither does Moshe go into any type of detail concerning Bnai Yisroel’s rebellious behavior. Rashi, the 11^th century Northern French commentator, asked the same question that you are asking right now.  What was the nature of "Eilu HaD'varim-These Words"? Why did Moshe purposefully leave out the embarrassing details and instead shade his language so gently? Rashi explains: L'fi sh'hein divrei tochachat umanah kaan kol hamkomot sh'hichisu lifnei hamakom bahen, lefichach satam et ha'dvarim…mipnei chevodecha shel yisroel - Since these are words of reproof, and he enumerates here all the places in which they provoked the Omnipresent, therefore he conceals the matters (in which they sinned) and mentions them by allusion (contained in the names of these places out of respect for Israel."  Rashi is of the opinion that Moshe's intent was as teacher. He wanted to explain to this new generation what had happened. Embarrassment and humiliation would have no purpose. No matter what their parents had done, God maintained his covenant. No matter what their parents had done, God would not visit their sins upon this generation. Besides, B'nai Yisroel was designated in the book of Leviticus as a holy nation, a nation of priests. Therefore Moshe must show this generation the appropriate respect. He cannot be ill tempered and rebuke them for what their parents had done.

Moshe understood that God instills this holiness in all of us. So whether or not our predecessors behaved inappropriately at particular times, whether or not our predecessors behaved wrongly, we are foolish if we don't try to learn from that example. Learning will be effective when we are empowered rather than embarrassed or humiliated. Even if a rebuke is required, it can be done with in a way that neither demeans nor embarrasses the person. For the last couple of days, when there is even the slightest sound of bickering, we keep reminding them that they are older and don’t need to act like babies. The new strategy seems to work. Our children have all responded well and the bickering has diminished noticeably.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

The Prophet That Promises Everything New (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Black Throated Wind"

Recently, our children have started a new form of manipulation with great regularity.  When their respective request for something is denied, they muster as much righteous indignation that they can, and  they say: “But you promised!” Of course they assume that by reminding us that we “promised”, we will honor their request. Interestingly enough, my wife and I always respond the same way, “I never said, ‘I promise.’” They attempt to argue a little more, but with no more righteous indignation, the argument becomes a pout and then the argument concludes.

This Shabbat, we read from the final two Parshiot in Sefer Bemidbar (Book of Numbers): Matot and Masei.  This double parsha begins with the laws of Nedarim (Vows), and then Bnai Yisroel fights against the Midianites. Moshe rebukes his officers for their collective failure to deal with the Midianite woman since they were the cause of Bnai Yisroel’s plague in the first place. Bnai Yisroel then begins the process of dividing the spoils of this battle. Two tribes, Reuben and Gad request to settle in land east of the Jordan River and not the land promised by Hashem. Moshe expresses his anger over the request and the two tribes amend their request. Moshe adds a condition and an agreement is reached. The Torah recounts the various stops that Bnai Yisroel made on their journey to Eretz Canaan, the boundaries of Eretz Canaan are clarified, the new leadership is introduced and the cities of refuge of explained and established. Finally, Sefer Bemidbar concludes with a reminder of the laws for tribal inheritance. With all those loose ends neatly sewn up; Bnai Yisroel now sits on the eastern bank of the Jordan River waiting to enter Eretz Canaan.

The beginning of the Parsha, with its focus upon Nedarim v’Shvuot Vows and Oaths, we are being reminded of two vital concepts. First we are reminded of the Aseret Dibrot, of the Ten Commandments and specifically invoking God’s name in vain.  Ish Ki Yidor Neder L’adoshem When a man takes a vow to Hashem (Num. 30:3). Part of the process by which one makes a vow is to invoke God name. Therefore, a failure to keep the vow or the oath means that one has used God’s name in vain. The repercussions of which are extremely serious.  Second, we learned in Sefer Breishit (Book of Genesis) that speech is holy. Speech is part of the God’s creative process; Vayomer Elokim, Yehi Or, VaYahi Or- And God said: Let there be Light; and there was light. In a sense, speech is perhaps one of the only actions available to us that allows us to emulate God. When we make a vow or an oath, we are acting similar to God. A Neder is a pledge to prohibit oneself from something that that the Torah permits. Or a Neder can be obligating oneself to something that the Torah considers to be optional. Obligating oneself to contribute to a specific charity would be an example of "obligating that which is optional". Refraining from apples would be an example of prohibiting something that is originally acceptable. In either case the individual is truly acting like God. The individual is creating Halacha and making his vow and or oath becomes tantamount to Torah. Clearly this cannot be taken lightly. After all, the severity of the language is a function of the fact that one makes this vow, pledge or oath to God and not to ones self or to another.  Certainly, there needs to be and there are means by which a person can be relinquished from his/her pledge, vow, or oath.

Clearly our children think that when we say yes to their request for some future activity, they equate our affirmative response to a vow or a pledge. I remind them that when I say “yes” to their request, I am really saying that “all things being equal, and if there is time, and if you behave, then ‘yes’". There is no promise, there is no oath and there is no vow.  Sometimes I just simpley respond with a "maybe". My wife and I remind each other that we ought never to promise because a promise to children really is tantamount to invoking God. For children a promise is swearing an oath, or making a vow. It is something that is sacred and holy and ought never to be revoked. As a result  we never promise to do anything our children request. Maybe they will figure it out when they get a little older, maybe.

Peace,

Rav Yitz  

I May Not Have The World To Give To You (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "If I had the World To Give")

While in Israel, our twelve year old daughter, during moments of frustration would state her preference for her friends rather than her parents. “I wish I was with my bunk at camp.” “I want to be at camp with my friends”.  My wife was hurt, here we were in Israel celebrating our twelve year old daughter’s bat mitzvah and she preferred to be with her friends. I could totally appreciate our daughter’s preference.  While going to Israel is a tremendous experience; there is something special about traveling around the country with one’s peers as opposed to one’s parents.  So when I listened to our daughter’s complaint I asked her why she felt this way. Her answer not only indicated that she was maturing, but she hinted at a tension that is deeply profound. She explained that while she prepared for her bat mitzvah and did a Chesed Project (a social action project) for this trip to Israel; she could only share the experience with us however she was the only one having this individual experience. With her friends, she could have a more communal experience. If she travelled to Israel as part of group, she would have a more shared experience and shared perspective than she does while travelling with her parents or her younger siblings.  I was so proud that she could share with me her insight. Our daughter had begun to sense the tension between the importance of the individual and the importance of the community.

            This Shabbat we read from Parshah Pinchas. Pinchas was the grandson of Aharon, the first Kohen Gadol and the son of Elazar, the second Kohen Gadol.  Because of Pinchas’ zealous behavior and his killing a prince from the tribe of Shimon and a Moabite princess thus ending a plague; Pinchas received a “Brit Shalom” as well as Priesthood. Now that this final plague has abated, a second census is taken in order to determine the number of people who would be entering into Eretz Canaan.  After this census is taken, Moshe Rabeinu outlines all the offerings that are to be made: the daily offerings, the Festival offerings, the Shabbat offerings, the Additional offerings, the offerings that occur during the intermediate days of holidays, the offerings that correspond to Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur.

Between the narrative about the census and the re-iteration of the sacrificial offerings that the community would bring in order to celebrate certain days, there is a narrative about the Bnot Tzelophchad, the daughter of Tzelophchad.  The five daughters approached Moshe and explained that when their father died, there was no male heir to inherit their father’s tribal land. The daughter argued that they should inherit their father. Hashem instructs Moshe: Kein Bnot Tzelophchad Dovrot Naton Titen Lahem Achuzat Nachala B’Toch Achei Aviehem v’Ha’Avarta et Nachalat Avihen Lahen – The daughters of Tzelophchad speak properly. You shall surely give them a possession of inheritance among the brothers of their father, and you shall cause the inheritance of their father to pass over to them (27:7). The instruction seems to make sense. The daughters should inherit the father as there are no other rightful heirs.  However, it seems rather odd that the Torah uses the word V’Ha’Avarta- and you shall cause to pass over to them instead of Natan – give. What is the difference between “causing something to pass over” to the daughter and “giving” to the daughter? Rashi, the 11^th century French Rabbi, explains V’Ha’Avarta Al Shem Sh'Habat Ma’Averet Nachala Mishevet l'Shevet Sh'Bnah u’Va’Ala Yorshin Otah – Ha’Avarta is used because the daughter causes an inheritance to pass over from tribe to tribe for her son and husband (who may be from another tribe) inherit from her. Rashi teaches us that two issues are involved. First the daughters, as individuals, should inherit the father when there are no other heirs. However because the inherited land is part of the tribal lands, there needs to be a way to insure that the individual inheritance still remains part of the appropriate tribe.  The word Natan suggests “giving” to the male heir in which case he is already part of the appropriate community or tribe.  The term “HaAvarta” suggests the tension involved when the daughter inherits. She needs to still be part of her father’s tribe. At that time, the daughters remained part of the father’s tribe by marrying within the father’s tribe/community.

Certainly in modernity, much has changed vis a vis the laws of inheritance and the fact there are not the same type of tribal issues as there were in biblical times. However the tension between the individual rights and communal rights, the tension that an individual experiences as he/she tries to find a community and to be part of a community exists to this very day.  When our children are young, their family is their community. As they get older and their world expands to school and friends, their community grows. When our daughter realized that there is something special and significant about sharing powerful moments with her community, and by “her community” she was not talking about her mom and dad, I became incredibly aware that our daughter had just taken another step towards growing up.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

When The Last Bolt Of Sunshine Hits The Mountain ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Black Muddy Water")

For the past week my wife, three children and I have been waking up in Kibbutz Gonen which is located just south east of Kiryat Shmoneh up in Hula Valley of Israel. We drove throughout the Golan Heights and the north shore of the Kinneret. We hiked along the Nahal Senir, a tributary of Jordan River. We rafted along the Dan River, another tributary of the Jordan, and eventually we drifted along the Jordan River itself. We saw Mt. Hermon. We tasted the wine of the Golan.  As we drove along the winding roads up the Golan and saw absolutely magnificent views, our children notice just how neat the fields and kibbutzim looked in the valley. Yet the most emotionally powerful sight was our tour through the kibbutz El Ram, located in the Emek HaBacha, the Valley of Tears. It is the Kibbutz that has the highest elevation, some 1500ft above sea level.  It lies approximately 60 Kilometers from Damascus. It was established in 1971 and with the outbreak of the Yom Kippur war, the women and children on Kibbutz El Ram were among the first to be evacuated. The Kibbutz itself was completely destroyed by the Syrian during the first few hours of Syria’s attack upon Israel. Several hours later and for the next three days, Oz 77, a tank brigade composed of roughly 45 tanks managed to hold off nearly 800 tanks before reinforcements came and an Israeli counter attack brought the Israeli tanks to within nearly 12 Kilometers from Damascus. The Kibbutz has since rebuilt itself. It is known throughout Israel as the leader in Television and movie production specializing in English subtitles, dubbing and film editing. It also bottles and markets its own wine.

            This Shabbat we read from Parsha Balak. Balak was a King of Moab. He heard of Bnai Yisroel’s most recent victory against the Amorites and he understood that fighting Bnai Yisroel would mean certain defeat.  Balak decided that invoking God and cursing Bnai Yisroel would be better way of defeating Bnai Yisroel. So Balak hired a prophet named Balaam to curse Bnai Yisroel. Balak paid a large sum for Balaam’s curse. However try as he might, Balaam was unable to curse Bnai Yisroel. Since Balaam's donkey wouldn't even move, Balaam could not even get close enough to issue a curse. Finally, when Balaam actually drew near enough, made the necessary offerings and then tried to curse Bnai Yisroel, only brachot (blessing) came out of his mouth.  The Parsha concludes with Bnai Yisroel encamped on the Eastern side of the Jordan River on the plains of Moab and Balak thinking of another way to weaken Bnai Yisroel. He had the Moabite women to seduce the men of Bnai Yisroel. Once seduced, the men would start engaging in idolatry and the result was God grew angry with Bnai Yisroel and indeed, they were punished with a horrible plague. Only Pinchas’s (Aharon's grandson) vigilance stopped the plague.

            As Balaam attempts to curse Bnai Yisroel, one imagines that he is on top of hills and small mountains looking down upon the Jews and the way they settled themselves.  Overcome by the sheer beauty of the way they arranged themselves in the valley, Balaam makes the following statement. Mah Tovu Ohalech Yaakov Mishkenotecha Yisroel. How Goodly are your tents O’ Jacob and your dwelling places O’ Israel. Kinchalim Ntayu kGanot Alei Nahar Kahaleim Nata Adoshem KArazim Alei Mayim – stretching out like brooks, like gardens by a river like aloes planted by Hashem, Like cedars by water. The Talmud in tractate Sanhedrin 105b explains that Balaam’s statement regarding brooks and gardens planted by a river is symbolic of the types of leaders that Bnai Yisroel would eventually have. “Brooks” alludes to kings who will “stretch out” meaning they will reign for a long time. The “gardens” refer to the vineyards and olive orchards that embody Israel’s blessing.  

            However, all one has to do is drive throughout the Golan, taste the wine, look out onto the Hula Valley and realize that Balaam was talking about something much simpler than Torah and Jewish leadership. Balaam was talking about how the Jewish people improve the land, how they neatly organize themselves in a manner that allows them to add value, to improve upon the natural beauty.  As  we drove along winding roads that scaled these mountains, our kids realized just how special Israel is and as our son points out, it truly is God’s Miracle. Balaam thought so too.

Peace,

Rav Yitz